Friday, February 26, 2010

Imagine the Dismay of ME!

Sandy Rios:
There’s hardly an evangelical who doesn’t know about Wheaton College. Alma Mater of the Reverend Billy Graham, Wheaton boasts a student body of superior intellect and an education rivaling much of the Ivy League. Wheaton College graduates can boast of presidential speech writers and Speakers of the United States House of Representatives along with doctors and executives and professors and missionaries and pastors across the globe.

But Wheaton is different. Founded by an anti-slavery father and son, Jonathan and Charles Blanchard, Wheaton was established as a chain in the Underground Railroad to help runaway slaves. Wheaton’s distinctive* has always been to educate students not only with knowledge but with wisdom. All truth is God’s truth. The knowledge of God brings greater understanding, not less … the acknowledgement of Him brings order from chaos in science, mathematics and economic systems. To be a Christ follower can bring the highest of intellectual pursuits, not the Bible thumping ignorance Hollywood would portray.

So imagine the dismay of many to learn that, in an effort to educate its students, Wheaton has moved to the left, so much so that in a survey by the Wheaton Record, 60 percent of its faculty voted for President Barack Obama, the most pro-abortion, pro-homosexual agenda, spiritually confused president the nation has ever elected.
OH MY GOD! That is over seven percentage points above the proportion of votes that real actual Americans across the entire country cast for Obama! I am FREAKING OUT! This non-conformity with fantasy America in which 100% of Christians are Republican can only be explained by CREEPING LEFTISM. See illustration below:

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Definitive proof. Never has Socialist Chicago crept so close to purity.

*There appears to be a word missing from the text. "Ass banditry" perhaps?

20 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Clearly, Wheaton Collage used to be located in the middle of Lake Michigan.

There appears to be a word missing from the text. "Ass banditry" perhaps?

There's a lot of grammarizin' missing from the text.

To be a Christ follower can bring the highest of intellectual pursuits, not the Bible thumping ignorance Hollywood would portray.


In hockey, that's an 'own goal'.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

This is a great graphic. Gonna have to mess with it at some point.

Substance McGravitas said...

Via a Sandy Rios site of course...

J— said...

Wes Craven, Class of 1963!

Substance McGravitas said...

So imagine the dismay of many to learn that, in an effort to educate its students,

Whoa WHOA ma'am, stop right there and I'll get the pitchforks and phone the yokels!

tigris said...

So imagine the dismay of many to learn that, in an effort to educate its students, Wheaton has moved to the left, so much so that in a survey by the Wheaton Record, 60 percent of its faculty voted for President Barack Obama, the most pro-abortion, pro-homosexual agenda, spiritually confused president the nation has ever elected.

Maybe hard-core Christers like Wheaton professors voting for Obama proves he's the guy Jesus wanted to win, and also that she has "the distinctive" of being the most spiritually full-of-crap writer TownHall has ever published since the last thing they published.

Another Kiwi said...

I think it is the big Orange balloons that have done the leftyising. They can't be healthy.

Another Kiwi said...

In the graphic it seems that only 3 people went to see the gender-ambiguous people kissing each other.
Did the average christian turn up late or somethin'

Srlsy capcha is packwoo. Couldn't be more homersectional

Substance McGravitas said...

In the graphic it seems that only 3 people went to see the gender-ambiguous people kissing each other.

Well, the seats are empty. The implication is that it could be him. And what should we, looking out for his morals think? Of course, we think NO, CHRISTIANS SHOULD NOT BE ENTERTAINED.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick- everyone knows that Wheaton College was founded by Wil Wheaton.
.

mikey said...

Further research has turned up some interesting, and frankly, mildly disturbing information. From our friends at Wiki:

An early pamphlet described the new building and listed some of the rules for its use, such as No Rook Playing and No Playing of Boogie-Woogie, Jazz, or Otherwise Abusing the Piano

It appears that the leadership of Wheaton College is involved in, among other nefarious activities, altering the long-standing rules of chess and protecting the virtue and integrity of large musical instruments.

While the one is singularly subversive, and somewhat frightening in it's implications, the other, and abiding concern for the well being of pianos, and yet making not a single mention of organs, strikes this researcher as vaguely communist, and deeply unamerican...

Another Kiwi said...

While I, too, sympathise with the removal of the Rook from the chess board, it really is a singularly dull piece, I cannot see why piano abuse was a menace. Did Wheaton have a trebuchet department??

mikey said...

Look, I am not unwilling to accept changes to the game of chess in the name of modernization or commercial broadcast. If they can make a living on poker, fer gawds sake, chess should be a no brainer.

Modifications such as speed chess, three move and underwater gangster pursuit chess are all perfectly fine. But the eliminate the use of a specific piece is to call into question everything, from the board to the routine nut-kicking the chess club receives from the lacrosse team.

I once rose to the top of a league playing what we called "Dillinger Chess" where the Queen had a Thompson Submachine gun *but* only thirty rounds. I never lost. The key is to play white...

M. Bouffant said...

Downer's Grove. There's the problem.

M. Bouffant said...

You might want to look into chessboxing.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Rooks are instrumental if one wants to spring something like the ol' Benko gambit on some unsuspecting piker.
~

Smut Clyde said...

This is a great graphic. Gonna have to mess with it at some point.

WTF is the Average Christian sucking on?

You might want to look into chessboxing.

Do not make me scan in the relevant scenes from Bilal's 'Cold Equator' strip, for I would feel guilty afterwards about breaching copyright.

Smut Clyde said...

I hope that your posts will help the Wheaton Collage students with their essays.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Perhaps feesh and S_McG could have a contest.

Who provides the most help for Nonny on his/her/its/meese's essay?
~

fish said...

Of course there is the Wheaton College for crazy religious types, and there is the Wheaton College for smart people. I am sure that Sandy didn't conflate the two when looking for prestigious graduates.