Saturday, February 20, 2010

Nest of Pedophiles and Ghouls Celebrates

Hooray!
Pope Benedict XVI has approved Brother André, the founding cleric of St. Joseph's Oratory in Montreal, for sainthood.

[..]

Brother André was laid to rest there when he died in 1937 at the age of 91. His heart is stored in a reliquary inside the Oratory and is an object of contemplation for pilgrims.
It's neato and worth seeing if you're in Montreal.

28 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Are we to take it that you've contemplated the heart relic yourself?
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Yeah. It's in a jar and it is his heart. Holy!

The building's nice too, and has a fine gift shop with lots of 3D images.

J— said...

His heart is stored in a reliquary inside the Oratory

First thing I thought when I read this: "I wonder if someone has tried to steal it." Wikipedia says yes!

mikey said...

There was a fine lady called Mary
Who visited said Reliquary
She'd traveled quite far
To see the heart in a jar
But sadly, it was quite scary

While standing inside the Oratory
I saw a heart in a jar, it was gory
I thought "now that's really weird"
'Cause it seemed quite revered
There must be some more to the story

Rusty Shackleford said...

First thing I thought when I read this: "I wonder if someone has tried to steal it."

First thing I thought was "does that mean his heart is literally in his mouth?"

Another Kiwi said...

As I remember the heart was replaced with a salted pineapple, which, it turns out, had even more miraculous powers and remains in place. The real heart was gifted to the Zombie community who take turns in wearing it on a sleeve. Their little joke.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And that's why zombeez worship Jay Leno.

They can't actually shamble forward enough to perform humor, but they appreciate the efforts.
~

M. Bouffant said...

Jar: Mason (clear) or clay (opaque)?

J— said...

Formaldehyde? How do they keep his love/heart from rotting to the core?

Substance McGravitas said...

The jar wasn't that impressive in itself. It was like the jar they kept Frankenstein's monster's brain in. Or rather some other guy's brain until Frankenstein's hunchback stole the brain to put into Frankenstein's monster.

Frankenstein had a monster AND a hunchback and I am jealous.

Captcha says grave.

Smut Clyde said...

So was the jar labelled "Abnormal Heart -- Do Not Use"?

Smut Clyde said...

"I wonder if someone has tried to steal it."

Presumably in order to consume it, in the tradition of Rev. Buckland and the heart of Louis XIV.

Because it is bitten, and because it is my heart.

Substance McGravitas said...

So now I've got this idea for Frankensaint, a monster composed of anatomical relics, who, when raised, DOES GOD'S WILL AND CAN'T BE STOPPED.

Substance McGravitas said...

End is pitchforks and torches as well.

mikey said...

Of course.

God is the ultimate evil super-villain.

Kind of a cross between jabba the hutt, doctor evil and osama bin laden.

Fucking small pox? Christ...

MagicBee said...

This cannot be true. Instead it is true. Where do I go with this shit. Godamnit. The Olympics are on! How often do you get to give a shit about curling and biathlon? Gold medals are an aphrodisiac for the non-engaged.Every four years?; they do this shit around the clock. and we don't give a fuck.Having said that, they know this is the big time . confused

MagicBee said...

foundling..fondling?..there's a letter difference.ju saying

tigris said...

So now I've got this idea for Frankensaint, a monster composed of anatomical relics, who, when raised, DOES GOD'S WILL AND CAN'T BE STOPPED.

Somebody needs to pay you money so some GOOD movies finally get made.

Smut Clyde said...

A kind of zombie / religious cross-over. Well, to the extent that the central Jesus story isn't a zombie / religious cross-over.

Another Kiwi said...

Subby, the Breitbart studios would surely chuck dome cash at that

Smut Clyde said...

There is the downside that this BEING could have at least 17 prepuces, so getting into serious teratological territory.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

His heart is stored in a reliquary inside the Oratory and is an object of contemplation for pilgrims.

They had a priest of Huitzilopochtli do the heart-removal.

I saw the tongue of St. Anthony on display in the Cathedral of Padua- gives new meaning to kissing a relic. It's probable that the Holy Prepuce has gone "missing" (a foreskin holocaust!) because kissing the foreskin led to some... uh... doctrinal controversies.

Of course, contemplating the leathery tongue of St. Anthony in the Cathedral, one is stuck by the fact that someone had to make the decision to cut it out.

"Brother Theodosius, take him to the lopitorium, he's going to be a heavy hagiographical hitter!"

Smut Clyde said...

BBBB's link is hilarious.
"Most of the Holy Prepuces were lost or destroyed during the iconoclasm of the Reformation and the French Revolution. In Calcata, the reliquary containing the Holy Foreskin was paraded through the streets of this Italian village as recently as 1983 on the Feast of the Circumcision. The practice ended, however, when thieves stole the jewel-encrusted case, contents and all."

Lost... or destroyed... or OBTAINED BY THE DOCTOR'S AGENTS.

"Brother Theodosius, take him to the lopitorium, he's going to be a heavy hagiographical hitter!"

In the case of Saint Livinus, they fed the tongue to dogs, showing a lack of forethought and reducing the amount of salvageable material.

Substance McGravitas said...

It appears that one lab is moving towards the Divinyl Solution! Conveniently located in Thundra's environs.

Substance McGravitas said...

Seems the Americans excel at Frankensaint development...

Smut Clyde said...

The Reliquary Tourism guide in Substance's last link explains the Anthony-Tongue business. Seems it was self-selecting:

Where: Basilica of St. Anthony, Padua, Italy. When St. Anthony's coffin was opened 30 years after his disposition, most of his body was found to have returned to dust but for his tongue, which remained fresh as a sign of his gift of preaching. It is this that is kept at the Basilica.

Substance McGravitas said...

Sad that the penis has atrophied. No gift there.

mikey said...

I guess the whole "Rest In Peace" concept doesn't apply to saints, huh?

Here lies Saint Radziwell, may he rest, well, not exactly in peace, since every couple of decades we're gonna open this sucker up and poke at the poor bastard, taking parts and describing the corrupted remains in great detail.

Hey, it's their goddam cult, if they wanna fuck around with the dead as part of the whole worship thing, I got nothing to say one way or another. But it does strike one as, well, INTERESTING how many of the practices of catholics closely parallel behaviors we tend to think of as perverse...