Sunday, February 7, 2010

Fuck The Olympics

Have I mentioned that I live in lovely Vancouver, host city of a forthcoming sporting event? I haven't because I'm a big fucking paranoid about anonymity and being social and so forth, but let's let that drop to say

FUCK THE OLYMPICS.



This probably means I owe Men D a drink or something.

64 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

You saw this story?

mikey said...

C'mon, Subs, it'll be FUN! Lots of people from all sorts of places, lots of opportunities to see interesting things and eat exotic food.

And who knows, you just might meet a nubile young tipsy Ukrainian Curler for a night of sweeping the stone, know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink...

ckc (not kc) said...

..."Hurry!..Haarrd!"...

tigris said...

Yeah, OK, tooootally understandable, but could you get me a cowbell? XC or biathlon pins? Not that I'm a pitiful fangirl or anything, but I'm a pitiful fangirl.

Another Kiwi said...

Good lord, I had always assumed that Subby lived in Waipukurau (Why-pook a-row for the uninitiated)
Never mind Subby think of the dollars flowing from the pockets of the ungrateful furryners into all of youses pockets. No doubt business persons have told you how much money it's going to bring to each and every one of you?

Substance McGravitas said...

Lots of people from all sorts of places, lots of opportunities to see interesting things and eat exotic food.

We have all that stuff, but before we could say FUCK THE OLYMPICS and not have the police knock on our doors.

Substance McGravitas said...

But for Tigris, I will hunt around for some dumbass trinket.

tigris said...

You're just like Jesus! ONLY BETTER.

mikey said...

I dunno, Sub-ject. I'm thinking it's about time the police decided to knock on somebody elses door, all other things being equal. I'm pretty sure I've done my share of getting thrown to my own living room floor, kneeled on and handcuffed, eating the nasty bits out of the carpet that I MYSELF was responsible for not vacuuming diligently.

But then again, I never pissed all over the OLYMPICS like some lame olyimpics pisser.

And by the by, I always thought of Substance as a Chicago suburbs kinda guy. Never occurred to me he might be a cannuck...

Substance McGravitas said...

But then again, I never pissed all over the OLYMPICS like some lame olyimpics pisser.

And I'll do it again! BECAUSE I AM A BADASS!

Smut Clyde said...

Certainly Jesus never bought me any dumbass trinks.
I have no idea what a trink is, but it must be larger than a trinket.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

mikey, I always had some inkling that Substance M was a Heartlander too.

Maybe I have him confused with that Bubba fellow.

In any case, I confess I feel more comfortable this way. Substance KNOWS THINGS.

Substance McGravitas said...

I have lived in Iowa City, so that's probably the deal right there.

J— said...

Ah, but once those Short Track speed skaters take the ice and start slipping and sliding and cutting each other off and yelling at the judges, all the animosity will just drift away, because God, like everyone in this good earth, loves Short Track, for it is one of life's miracles.

ckc (not kc) said...

...I have lived in Iowa City...

this is, of course, an intimation of the bonds which tie even the least of us to the heartland (Iowa City, e.g.). Nevertheless, imagine the winter olympics, travesty that they are, in Iowa City.

ckc (not kc) said...

...I have lived in Iowa City...

this is, of course, an intimation of the bonds which tie even the least of us to the heartland (Iowa City, e.g.). Nevertheless, imagine the winter olympics, travesty that they are, in Iowa City.

ckc (not kc) said...

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly

...BAD DOG!!

mikey said...

Oooh. Short track.

Is that something I can bet on? Read the injury reports and maybe kornheiser and wilbon will argue about in the afternoon?

'Cause now football's over, and baseball's seventy three goddam days away, and no, I do NOT do fucking college basketball, and hockey doesn't look so much like a sport as a hybrid riot/ice dancing competition, so I'm really open to this whole short track thing.

And curling. Oh yeah, mama, bring on the curling...

Substance McGravitas said...

This is one of the better Olympic moments.

Substance McGravitas said...

Nevertheless, imagine the winter olympics, travesty that they are, in Iowa City.

You mean with snow, right?

ckc (not kc) said...

You mean with snow, right?

..or straw..

J— said...

I enjoy short track because it is ridiculous and unfair.

I remember that 2006 moment. I laughed out loud.

ckc (not kc) said...

short track = roller derby

..not that there's anything wrong with that

fish said...

I could totally tell by his accent.

M. Bouffant said...

Glad I kept my mouth shut.

Substance McGravitas said...

I remember that 2006 moment. I laughed out loud.

Search terms: olympic snowboard fail.

tigris said...

I have no idea what a trink is, but it must be larger than a trinket.

It's from the communion liturgy: "And Jesus said, 'this is my blood which was shed for you; do this as often as you trinket in remembrance of me.'"

And America has a contender in biathlon for the first time in forever, but even if they didn't, SKIING WITH GUNS!!! Only ski jump-skeet shoot could be better.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am worried about how SKIING with GUNS intersects with the Olympics of Fucking.


On a related note, an old MST3K episode had a newsreel short from teh early 60s on Winter Sports, where the announcing insisted on pronouncing it as "Shee-ing" I now use that pronunciation every chance I get.

J— said...

Search terms: olympic snowboard fail.

Internet traditions are aware of all their manifestations, past and present.

If I remember right, that snowboarding competition came early in the 2006 Games, and I remember being all purist and grumpy old man, complaining about the recently added medal sports. I thought it was perfectly fitting when she pulled that hotdog move and blew the gold. And then by the time short track came up with Apollo Ohno in his big on-ice war with the entire South Korean team, I had learned to stop complaining and love the absurdity.

And America has a contender in biathlon for the first time in forever, but even if they didn't, SKIING WITH GUNS!!! Only ski jump-skeet shoot could be better.

Biathletes are impressive. They used to do military patrol at the Olympics but I don't know when they stopped. Like biathlon but it also involveS climbing mountains and carrying big backpacks.

Rusty Shackleford said...

Wait a sec... Vancouver? Then who's the one who lives in Montana?

jim said...

I'm right "next door" in New Westminster, as if anyone cares - & yeah, FTO ... the whole freak-show hasn't even begun yet & my commute is already 300% more turd-enriched by all the reroutings & road-closures. Next week is going to be a real pip.

Just what BC needed - a $6 billion footbullet for two weeks of jock-versus-jock.

Substance McGravitas said...

Tigrismus may wish to look here.

Substance McGravitas said...

Just what BC needed - a $6 billion footbullet for two weeks of jock-versus-jock.

I'm really choked at the fancy new train. You gotta pay for the upkeep on that once you order it. Thanks Olympic guys.

Mendacious D said...

Several drinks will do nicely.

Also, I submit the greatest Winter Games moment ever.

Is McG going to be in town? This will require some preparations.

Another Kiwi said...

The Australian dominance of short course is legendary.
Bet on the Aussies, Mikey

tigris said...

Meh, the only XC and biathlon pins I saw had the stupid mascots on them, and the cowbells are wicked expensive. I thought they hucked those things at people like candy at Carnivale and you'd only have to show them your boobs.

Mendacious D said...

In other Australia-related Olympic news...

Tigris: everything comes at a price for these games. They're selling commemorative torch relay candles for two bucks a piece so you can light them as the torch goes by and relive the memories for the ensuing twelve seconds before burning your hands.

It's all very patriotic.

And those mascots look like they came out of a bad acid trip. Behold the introductory video, and weep.

Smut Clyde said...

but even if they didn't, SKIING WITH GUNS!!!

Finns have an unfair advantage.

Substance McGravitas said...

Meh, the only XC and biathlon pins I saw had the stupid mascots on them, and the cowbells are wicked expensive.

I'll take a peek there as I'd bet not everything is online, but that's the official merch.

Substance McGravitas said...

Is McG going to be in town?

Yup, burning some vacation time as the commute will really fuck things up.

mikey said...

Now lookit. You all are down in the mouth about this, and hey, I UNDERSTAND, I really do, we had the freakin world cup here about ten years ago and that sucked rocks, but I really do think you're looking at this with an overly jaundiced eye (Smut? Can you help us cure a little eye jaundice? ThankYEW).

First of all, last night was the superbowl. So now we're stuck in the BLACK hole of winter when there's no sports on TV but college basketball and NBA and NHL, and really, I'd rather watch Antique Road Show or something fer crissakes. So THIS year the Olympics swings to the rescue, giving us weird and glorious sporting events, the inevitable controversies and your occasional bobsled or luge disaster for comic relief.

Also, CURLING BITCHEZ!!

J— said...

mikey is making sense.

I had forgotten about that curling streaker. He was advertising some online gambling site.

Substance McGravitas said...

The sports themselves I don't have an issue with - EXCEPT FOR JUDGED SHIT LIKE FIGURE SKATING - it's the massive misuse of public funds, even when I as a big pinko just love public spending.

When the Gay Olympics were here a co-worker's mission was to bang as many countries as he possibly could and I think he got 26. Busy, and good for him! But those guys didn't demand a pink rail line or pink convention centre.

Mendacious D said...

Us Canucks are a bit wary of judged sports.

Another Kiwi said...

"Skategate!"
Oh lord

Substance McGravitas said...

That's a big WHO CARES. Everybody in skating knew the game was rigged, then they compete anyway and boohoo the game is rigged.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'd always suspected that Messer McGravitas was a "left-coaster", but I'd always thought he was from Ahnoldland.

And who knows, you just might meet a nubile young tipsy Ukrainian Curler for a night of sweeping the stone, know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink...

I think I may have to fly to Vancouver...

Substance McGravitas said...

We got lotsa Ukrainians already. There's a church near me that does a tasty perogy and sausage and cabbage roll meal every month. Men D or jim can correct, but I believe over 50% of the population here have a first language other than English.

The food here is wonderful.

Mendacious D said...

I'm not certain of the census data, but I can anecdotally vouch for the perogies. And pretty much everything else.

Jennifer said...

You're probably fortunate in that your infrastructure is pristine. I would have gladly put up with Chicago Olympic chaos had it meant improved infrastructure. Yes, I'd fuck the Olympics for better infrastructure...

Substance McGravitas said...

Depends on what you mean. For instance, we have a train. The fabulous new train we have - which I ride because it's close to my place - precluded the building of the important route and costs way more than it should have. Now the local transit authority has to keep Super Expensive Train running instead of what would make sense, so my fares'll rise and the important routes will suffer.

It's infrastructure that sabotages other projects.

Haven't taken the new highway to Whistler though. My suspicion is that it would have been built because, Olympics or no, lots of people drive from Vancouver to Whistler.

Substance McGravitas said...

To make it clear, the linked train is the old one. The new one is underground from 33rd and doesn't have the pretty view.

A fairly mainstream columnist.

Mendacious D said...

The new one (The Canada Line) goes underground at about 73rd Ave. This is a perfectly appropriate view of the city.

Also, while fares surprisingly aren't being jacked up, those of us with passes (ie. anyone who commutes without their own vehicle or carpool) will be paying more for their passes as of April.

The train is actually quite nice, and can get me to my Yaletown watering holes in 20 minutes. Although I wish they hadn't taken down the ads for "The Taking of Pelham 123."

Substance McGravitas said...

Geography fail. I take that fuckin' thing to Oakridge Mall for fuck's sake.

Smut Clyde said...

Can you help us cure a little eye jaundice?
You know, some people would have read that as a request to hunt around and link to disturbing images of eyeball surgery. But fortunately not me.
Oh look!

Mendacious D said...

I take that fuckin' thing to Oakridge Mall for fuck's sake.

Why? There are no bars there at all. It's distressing.

There is, however, the giant-ass liquor store across the street. They have a Kenyan stout you may be interested in acquiring.

Mendacious D said...

Eye surgery? True story:

A number of years ago my father had cataract surgery. In the waiting room they were showing a video of the procedure, which I had (in a previous job) personally duplicated and labeled.

Dad got a kick out of that. Or that may have been the sedatives.

mikey said...

Ok, wow. We have to co incidental crossings of life essences, or some kind of horseshit like that.

First, there's an Oak Ridge Mall in south san jose, and yes, you take the light rail to get there, if you don't, you know, DRIVE.

And lookey here. Mend D has a history of duplcating videos. I have to honestly admit that I have never met ANYONE in the whole world who shared my stupid little media duplication business. Hell, babe, it's not like there's a significant number of us, although I suppose if you count vinyl LPs and audio cassests you might get some larger numbers...

Substance McGravitas said...

Copycats.

Mendacious D said...

I have to honestly admit that I have never met ANYONE in the whole world who shared my stupid little media duplication business.

AV nerds unite! You have nothing to lose but your sync errors!

Copycats.

Sponge cats!

On a related tangent, I have been obliged to learn the mysteries of spreadsheets in the current incarnation of my job. I have composed several macros to make some of these tasks much easier, involving some basic UNIX commands.

It only occurred to me after a few weeks that I had written a literal CAT macro. Sad geek is sad.

Smut Clyde said...

Hang about. Who is the original duplicator here, and who is the duplicate duplicator?
Will there be copying of comments?

Smut Clyde said...

I owe Men D a drink or something.

Sailor Hagar's was my favourite brewpub there, FWIW.

tigris said...

Hang about. Who is the original duplicator here, and who is the duplicate duplicator?
Will there be copying of comments?


No.

Mendacious D said...

I keep forgetting about Hagar's.

Although it will be impossible to get a good beer anywhere interesting for the next few weeks.