Tuesday, February 16, 2010

For the Mikeys Among Us

News of the dirtier kind:
"Isn't it true that you had relations, sexual relations, in your dental office with [Lincoln] on November 3, 2009?" Berg asked Taitz at one point. Taitz didn't answer; Snow — for neither the first nor the last time — told Berg that the question wasn't relevant.

Taitz and Lincoln do have a history. "It was a professional relationship to start out with," Lincoln said on the witness stand. "But frankly, I fell in love with her, and we did have a romance."

That revelation shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who's been paying close attention to Taitz's travails. In October, Lucas Smith — a felon who had supplied Taitz with what was purported to be Obama's Kenyan birth certificate and who later had a falling-out with Taitz — published an "affidavit" that, among other things, quoted Lincoln as confiding that Taitz was "hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter, more of a nympho than I've ever met." In December 2009, Lincoln himself posted on his blog a letter he had sent to Taitz in which he said Taitz, who is married, had wanted Lincoln to live in San Clemente as her "boy toy."

"I'll bet you didn't tell [your husband] what we did on your dentists' chairs, or if you did, I'll bet you didn't describe it in much detail," the letter read.
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34 comments:

mikey said...

Heh heh.

She's the dentist.

But I'LL do the drilling...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Is this really news?

I thought J— had been all over that like white on rice...
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Is this really news?

No, it's pornography. I should really add some moustaches.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

A dancing spider would be nice, also.
~

mikey said...

But no grannies, ok?

'Cause that would sort of, er, deflate my interest...

J— said...

Smith's affidavit is from November. I focused on the cryptozoology angle and just barely hinted at the other stuff by calling him moralizing. According to the affidavit, he got all holier than thou when he went out to California to hand with Taitz and Lincoln, throwing his arms up and saying he couldn't trust or work with a woman with such loose morals.

The details about the chair is news to me.

J— said...

hang with

details are

I blame the dental pourne.

tigris said...

saying he couldn't trust or work with a woman with such loose morals

While maintaining Lincoln was a paragon, if I recall correctly.

And is it just me or does Orly look like one of those Margaret Keane-style paintings all grown up?

Another Kiwi said...

Looks like an inflatable doll all blown up, from here

Substance McGravitas said...

Dan Lacey, Painter of Pancakes, has done a bunch of Orlys with pancakes.

mikey said...

Painter of PANCAKES?

No Shit?

And people cross the street when I come into town?

The world is not a reasonable place to try to live, sez I.

Whiskey may help.

I'll letcha know...

M. Bouffant said...

After that description of Mme. Dr. Taitz' attributes ("Agghh, urp, &tc.") I think it's safe to say that all male heterosexuals are mikeys now.

My only reservation? No mention of getting that tank of nitrous out & really going to town.

cognitive dissident said...

(pukes on keyboard)

I was going to express my hope that these stomach-churning escapades not lead to reproduction, but Wikipedia says it's already happened.

(pukes again)

Smut Clyde said...

Dan Lacey, Painter of Pancakes, has done a bunch of Orlys with pancakes.

This must be the 'pancake make-up' of which people speak.

Smut Clyde said...

No, it's pornography. I should really add some moustaches.

We the people demand animated eyelashes that we can drag-&-drop into other posts.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

She looks like a skinnier, but no less "plastic" Tammy Faye Baker.

mikey said...

Oh, dude, I had a night with Tammy Faye back in south ohio in '78. I was funding a lab cooking crank and damn, hooda thunk, but all of a sudden TFB comes thru the door wanting, seriously dood, to BLESS the lab. Well, the cooker had just got outta prison a week before and to be honest I wasn't sure of his bona fides, so I was MORE than happy to see Tammy Faye.

At the time I was carrying a Steyer AUG, probably the 'sexiest' assault rifle ever built, and I'm standing in the back of the trailer and the fumes are collecting at the ceiling and I'm seriously thinking that I need to get the frack outta dodge and Tammy Faye comes up and purrs "Ooooh, can I see your rifle?" and I say fine, whatever, and I drop the mag and clear the chamber and hand over the AUG and she barely looks at it and looks up and says "that's not the gun I'M looking for" and I said "huh?" (I'm noted for being a little slow on the uptake.

Next thing I know, we're in the back bedroom going to TOWN and I've got four colors of mascara on my chest and she's speaking in tounges, only one of 'em mine.

Damn, man. As soon as I could, I got back out, got four pounds of still-damp fresh brown crank and jumped on my scoot and just pointed towards the sunset...

Substance McGravitas said...

Gee, the Phil Spector wig fits. Shoulda made that in blazing colour.

Substance McGravitas said...

Okay, that last story was a classic of a kind I never want to see, said the Orlyporn poster.

Substance McGravitas said...

Makes me think of Bernie X from the National Lampoon.

Smut Clyde said...

I am not sure which disturbs me more: the Tombs-of-Yoh-Vombis wigs (one on her head, the other keeping her hands warm as a muff), or Mikey's anecdote.

Another Kiwi said...

With the non-dancing Spectoristic wig and a twitching Mo' She is Hawt.

cognitive dissident said...

So...how's that scary, mascara-y stuff workin' out for ya?

I wouldn't fill her cavity with a ten-foot forged Kenyan birth certificate...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

she's got loose molars.

tigris said...

With the non-dancing Spectoristic wig and a twitching Mo' She is Hawt.

Hot like Gene Shalit

J— said...

So what happened? Did Tammy Faye get to inspect the firearm she was interested in? I want to know!

[For some reason, while I was reading mikey's story, I kept thinking, "What would Brother Dortch think?"]

fish said...

I used to feel an exhilarating thrill when I hung out with mikey. Recently though, that good time has taken an ugly turn and I have realized how black his soul truly is.

Kathleen said...

so she paid for the filling with spider money?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter,

Isn't this the motto for the Sexual Olympics?

Jennifer said...

Dan Lacey, Painter of Pancakes

Will he be selling on QVC??

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Recently though, that good time has taken an ugly turn and I have realized how black his soul truly is.

his branes, however, are filled with interesting things.

tigris said...

What, besides your teeth, would you find interesting in someone's brains?

Substance McGravitas said...

When you have this thing you think that just won't go away eventually the other things you think polish the first thing you think until you get a lovely pearl. This can be removed with a hammer.

J Neo Marvin said...

I have a friend I've never seen,
He hides his head inside a dream,
Yes, Orly love can break your heart,
Yes, Orly love can break your heart.