Thursday, December 31, 2009

Punk in Indonesia

This podcast's first story - in addition to having a bunch of other good and enlightening stuff - is about Marjinal, Indonesia's top punk band. They speak to and for a lot of poor people there, and one of their projects is to distribute ukeleles so street kids can busk, which is awfully awfully punk, inspiringly so.

Here the crowd is louder than the band.



There's a Marjinal documentary on YouTube but the subtitles are pretty hard to read.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Congratulations, Miss Novosibirsk State University of Economics and Management 2009!



Miss University beat out Misses Originality, Friendship, Narhoz.ru, People's Choice, Bikini, Creativity, Media, Sport, Extravagance and one Vice-Miss University.

Western stick-in-the-mud naysayers would do well to note the inclusiveness of the contest, which is open to horrible monsters. Zombies not yet in evidence.

For Mikey



That's not right. Here:



Oops. No, it's this one we want:



I expect to listen to this for about three hours straight.

The Glories of Corporate Christmas

Actual Christmas wishes in my in-box:



Sadly, I drank all my significant gains while weeping.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Your Animal Rights

This has some Tales from the Crypt potential:
BUDA, Texas -- The state constitution doesn't say, in so many words, that Carl Mitz has the absolute right to pry open a horse's mouth, grab hold of the tongue, and commence sawing away at the back molars with a power tool.

But Mr. Mitz and his attorneys are pretty sure that's implied.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Her Heart On Her - Wait, No Sleeves

Orly Taitz:
Seeing targeted destruction of our economy, our security, dissipation of American jobs, massive corruption in the Government, Congress Department of Justice and Judiciary, it might be time to start rallies and protests using our second amendment right to bare arms and organise in militias.

Back With The Coach

Hi sad sissies!!! May a movie star make your closest companion drip gold pain, you mangy madmans! You'll get your free education when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Conservatives!

The fact is, Red Staters who will stop you will never take your gay marriage you commies.

The fact is, Real Americans will never take your estate tax you lobotomized sodden pinhead-scoundrels.

The fact is, your minimum wage is not in the Constitution, you Obamabots.

The fact is, your gays in the military is not in the Constitution, you sloppy ignorant goofball-demons.

Greetings sissies!! May your enemy's spider infect your father, you pathetically stinky maniacal bore-munchers! How's Harry Reid working for you now? Got your cap and trade yet?

Hello cum-guzzling homos!!! You are nothing more than contemptible viper's geese, you cavefish's accusations! How's Bill Clinton working for you now? Got your equal rights yet?

The fact is, your equal rights is not in the Constitution, you socialists.

Greetings homos! You are nothing more than vulgar bust's bloods, you breast's visions! How's B. Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your estate tax yet?

The fact is, your minimum wage is not in the Constitution, you sissies.

The fact is, your equal rights is not in the Constitution, you DemocRATs.

What's happening ugly commies!! May your failure to think of others place obstacles before your dominant hand, you unhurriedly sodden peacock flounder-lovers! You'll get your minimum wage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Red Staters who will stop you.

What's up hippies! You are nothing more than fanatical nutty sack of neuroses, you mangy morons! How's Obambi working for you now? Got your Afghanistan pullout yet?

The fact is, Conservatives will never take your health care you malodorous inebriated disease-insects.

The fact is, Conservatives will never take your equal rights you socialists.

The fact is, True Conservatives will never take your free education you impotent cum-guzzling alien-bureaucrats.

Mibb moobb moofle, you slovenly Obamabots!!! You are the worst fucking body's things, you sodden madmen! How's Obambi working for you now? Got your Afghanistan pullout yet?

Moorr meerr meeping Obamabots! You disgusting deadly bore-dogs, why don't you go give disease to your dominant hands!!! You'll get your minimum wage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!!

The fact is, Conservatives will never take your free day care you mangy maladjusted scoundrel-sack of neuroses.

The fact is, Real Americans will never take your gays in the military you grubby rotten sad sack-zipperheads.

The fact is, Conservatives will never take your health care you disgusting DemocRATs.

The fact is, Real Republicans will never take your cap and trade you suffocating stinking idiot-pinheads.

The fact is, The Heartland will never take your mortgage cramdown you sodden inane madman-dunces.

The fact is, your minimum wage is not in the Constitution, you grotesque unnatural ogre-idiots.

The fact is, True Conservatives will never take your Afghanistan pullout you simple-minded lying maniac-screw-ups.

Howdy commies!!! May your confusion of money with reality bring curses upon your best bits, you depressing grief-inducing fall-suckers! How's Michael Moore working for you now? Got your equal rights yet?

The fact is, your mortgage cramdown is not in the Constitution, you maniacal ass-raping reptile-madmens.

Foom fum fifle you DemocRATs! You are the worst nutty asininity's busts, you airheads! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots!!!

The fact is, your minimum wage is not in the Constitution, you Obamabots.

The fact is, your cap and trade is not in the Constitution, you disgusting Obamabots.

The fact is, Conservatives will never take your free education you ill-begotten cancerous fake-pirates.

The fact is, your free education is not in the Constitution, you smelly DemocRATs.

Hey depressing communists!!! You grungy grungy dolt-zeros, I hope that your desires will rip up your noses! How's Obama working for you now? Got your Afghanistan pullout yet?

What's up hippies!! May your employer's hope complicate you, you irredeemably pathetic glob of skink's odes! How's Chris Dodd working for you now? Got your carbon tax yet?

Hi maladjusted socialists. May an unnecessarily limiting way of thinking rip up you, you horrifically slovenly bitch-munchers! You'll get your health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Real Republicans!!!

Raff rooff rely, you hippies!! You unnatural slimy reptile-lugs, I hope that your devils will kill your children's children! You'll get your estate tax when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Red Staters who will stop you.

Hello disease-carrying DemocRATs! You are the ultimate example of omniscient bus's desert tortoises, you self-pitying airheads! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland.

Greetings dishonest socialists. You useless airhead-weirdos, why don't you go exploit your selves!! How's Michael Moore working for you now? Got your gays in the military yet?

The fact is, Real Republicans will never take your free education you bastard loathsome bitch-twerps.

Farr ferr foogly you socialists!!! May an able undertaker make your closest companion drip grotesque dirt, you blabbering creeps! How's Nancy Pelosi working for you now? Got your equal rights yet?

Greetings commies!!! What's up Obamabots!! May being mean to others assassinate a clearly-defined goal, you pathetically incompetent vulgar steer-suckers! How's Joe Lieberman working for you now? Got your gays in the military yet?

The fact is, your Afghanistan pullout is not in the Constitution, you odious stinking airhead-toe nails.

The fact is, Real Americans will never take your free day care you boorish idiotic reptile-sad sacks.

Howdy fags!!! May your understanding eat your fingers, you gibbering rancid slickhead-roanoke basses! How's Hillary Clinton working for you now? Got your estate tax yet?

Gabb gubb goole you cancerous homos. A feeling that you're an unrecognized genius is all you can hope for, you lying bastards! You'll get your mortgage cramdown when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!!!

The fact is, Conservatives will never take your free education you Obamabots.

The fact is, Real Republicans will never take your estate tax you useless decrepit dittohead-disease-carriers.

The fact is, your gays in the military is not in the Constitution, you bald communists.

Boog boog bifle, you homos! Lack of attention is all you can hope for, you debauched scoundrels! You'll get your free education when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!

Tig tug teefle, you homos! May your lizard's best friend puke on your head, you horrifically disgusting pompano dolphinfish-oppressing threadfins! How's Harry Reid working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?

Hello Obamabots! May your nature make you spew depressing brain tissue, you disgusting idiotic scoundrels! How's Chris Dodd working for you now? Got your gay marriage yet?

The fact is, your free day care is not in the Constitution, you idiotic socialists.

The fact is, Red Staters who will stop you will never take your mortgage cramdown you communists.

Det dut dading, you socialists!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

A Smoochy Celebrity Gang Bang

James Warren writes an interesting piece on a panel discussion involving Stephen Colbert. It includes some details about the Most Courageous Comic Monologue Ever. And this paragraph:
Meanwhile, and maybe more important, a dwindling minority seems to differentiate between the New York Times and the Onion. Or between Williams and Bill O'Reilly. A dwindling minority seems to appreciate accuracy and endangered species such as newspaper copy desks. A dwindling minority understands the gulf in standards and professional expectations at Bloomberg News and Gawker.
There is also a dwindling minority that understands the gulf in standards and professional expectations at The Atlantic and The Atlantic.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thanks for the Presence

Hope things are swell for you.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Here Is Iris DeMent



Worth seeing live. She does a great "Mama Tried" but the only available YouTube video has her saddled with a band: she's better solo.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Plus Gary

A fairly primitive one-note Gary, but that's Gary for you.
Greetings commies!! May deathly illness rain evil upon your dreams, you unschooled maniacal mockingbird-torpedos! You'll get your estate tax when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Conservatives!!!

The fact is, your free education is not in the constitution, you commies.

The fact is, your carbon tax is not in the constitution, you disease-carrying homos.

Hi grungy homos!!! You grubby grotesque scoundrel-hoohoos, I hope that your deities will mutilate your desireses! You'll get your Iraq pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

What's happening socialists!! You batty idiot-drips, why don't you go call down the wrath of the Gods upon your best bitses! You'll get your cap and trade when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots.

The fact is, your Iraq pullout is not in the constitution, you Obamabots.

Hello deadly sissies. May random kindness make you spew pathetic spiny-back's dirt, you decrepit idiots! You'll get your health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Real Republicans.

Hello bitch hippies. Your confusion of purpose with desire is more than you deserve, you suffocating nuts! How's Chris Dodd working for you now? Got your health care yet?

What's up incompetent Obamabots! May your mother make your loved one ooze glowing vital fluids, you mangy suffocating bimbos! You'll get your Afghanistan pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

The fact is, your mortage cramdown is not in the constitution, you simple-minded depressing turkey-snakes.

What's happening suffocating sissies!! May your devil's snakes make your skin spew unschooled brain tissue, you grungy cocksucking twits! You'll get your minimum wage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

Howdy DemocRATs. May your employer's misunderstandings make your plans for the future drip jolly vital fluids, you idiotic asses! How's Nancy Pelosi working for you now? Got your cap and trade yet?

What's happening fags! May your snotty-nosed child make your father ooze vital fluids, you primitive fakers! How's Barack Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your mortage cramdown yet?

Hey hippies!! Inability to love is too good for you, you preposterous airheads! How's Barry Soetoro working for you now? Got your health care yet?

The fact is, your minimum wage is not in the constitution, you fags.

Howdy preposterous communists!! May blaming others bring displeasure to a new idea, you maniacal inept emperor penguin-followers! You'll get your equal rights when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!

Hi idiotic commies. You mangy wanton dittohead-sack of worm foods, go complicate your busts!!! You'll get your estate tax when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Conservatives!

The fact is, your carbon tax is not in the constitution, you unnatural bald illness-idiots.

What's happening fags! You grotesque deadly snake-twits, why don't you go plague your things! You'll get your gays in the military when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland.

What's happening ass-fucking commies. May trying to be too independent bring zits to you, you frighteningly slimy torrent fish-nourishing walking catfishes! How's Hillary Clinton working for you now? Got your minimum wage yet?

Howdy fags. May developing your own metaphors wreck your lips, you insanely kooky suffocating chunk of lark's finalities! You'll get your gay marriage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!!

Greetings maladjusted homos!! You accursed flaming dolt-fools, why don't you go consume your screams!!! How's Obambi working for you now? Got your carbon tax yet?

Hello fags. You are the ultimate example of extroverted shortnose greeneye's desires, you space's hips! How's Barry Soetoro working for you now? Got your gay marriage yet?

Howdy homos!!! May your rodent annoy your eye, you idiotic ugly plasma-noses! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots!!

Greetings commies! You lobotomized lying twit-dipsticks, why don't you go exploit your ancestorses! How's Hillary Clinton working for you now? Got your carbon tax yet?

Greetings scurvy Obamabots!! May your stranger's stranger rain evil upon the concept of 'God', you depressing accursed roosterfish-guitarfishes! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!!

Hey DemocRATs. May your friend's hope tax you, you slimy pathetic admission-addresses! You'll get your free education when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!!!

The fact is, your health care is not in the constitution, you grungy zipperhead-basket cases.

The fact is, your gays in the military is not in the constitution, you maniacal bore-pirates.

The fact is, your gays in the military is not in the constitution, you self-pitying socialists.

Hi nutty socialists!!! You stinky bitch devil-bastards, why don't you go torment your sicknesses!!! How's Bill Clinton working for you now? Got your carbon tax yet?

Howdy socialists!!! May your enemy's dream call down the wrath of the Gods upon you, you smelly twerp-lipses! You'll get your estate tax when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots!!!

What's happening myopic Obamabots!!! May a close friend eat you, you flaming brine shrimp-mustard eels! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!

Howdy stinking sissies! May a maid make your best bits drip spread pain, you depressing grungy snakes! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Conservatives!!

The fact is, your gays in the military is not in the constitution, you ass-raping socialists.

Hello self-pitying Obamabots. You are the ultimate example of cryptic incompetent kooks, you wood's breasts! How's Al Franken working for you now? Got your mortage cramdown yet?

Greetings buttlicking fags! You sloppy twerp-knaves, I hope that your rodents will rain evil upon your most treasured possessions! How's Bill Clinton working for you now? Got your estate tax yet?

What's happening DemocRATs. Selfishness in others is the best you can hope for, you depressing fakers! How's Hillary Clinton working for you now? Got your equal rights yet?

Hi sissies! You are nothing more than omnivorous grotesque dittoheads, you warmth's bandwagons! You'll get your cap and trade when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!

Nation of Superheroes

Greg Gutfeld:
What’s this have to do with Christmas? Well, I think the world has forgotten that the biggest gift to this planet is America’s industry – and it’s time to remind them where they would be without it.

1. Whenever a horrible disaster hits, they would be dead. Be it an earthquake, a tsunami or a Madonna tour – we’re usually the first and biggest responders – saving the injured, and helping to rebuild. It is because of our tremendous capability to mobilize quickly that makes us a nation of superheroes. It also takes planes, trucks and tractors to do that stuff. Imagine that carbon footprint.
Katrina Katrina Katrina Katrina Katrina.

There are other items on the list and easy cheap shots to take, but there's shopping to do.*

FURTHER BIG HOLLYWOOD NEWS BEFORE THE DREADED MALL:

Stage Right, author of The Great Sesame Street Freakout, has decided to reveal his real name tomorrow. Remind me if I forget. [Sadly, the revelation is entirely boring.]

*I'm a lot like Jonah Goldberg I guess.

Earworm Time



And yet, listening to this another 20 times in a row:



Better and majestic sound:

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Problems of Addiction



Few understand the suffering and humiliation that shark fin soup can engender once a user is hooked.

Stupid Fucking Patents

Hooray Microsoft:
An avatar generator for a virtual environment reflects a physiological characteristic of the user, injecting a degree of reality into the capabilities or appearance. Thereby, many of the incentives of the real world are replicated in a virtual environment. Physiological data that reflect a degree of health of the real person can be linked to rewards of capabilities of a gaming avatar, an amount of time budgeted to play, or a visible indication. Thereby, people are encouraged to exercise. Physiological data that reflect the health and perhaps also mood also improve social interaction in virtual environments. People seeking to meet and become acquainted with particular types of people are not thwarted by the artificiality of avatars. The physiological data can be gleaned from a third party health data collection repository, a healthcare smart card, a real-time physiological sensor (e.g., blood pressure, heart rate, blood glucose, peak flow, pedometer, etc.)
Those of us who are outstandingly good looking and healthy need not fear, but what about the hideous troglodytes?

The Medicine Man

Who believes someone in the Bush administration would have acted on bogus information?
Working out of a Reno, Nevada, software firm called eTreppid Technologies, Montgomery took in officials in the CIA's Directorate of Science and Technology and convinced them that technology he invented -- but could not explain -- was pulling terrorist-produced "bar codes" from Al Jazeera television broadcasts. Using his proprietary technology, those bar codes could be translated into longitudes and latitudes and flight numbers. Terrorist leaders were using that data to direct their compatriots about the next target.
I wonder if Christian fringe maniacs and their pants-pooping about bar codes had any influence on those who took this stuff seriously.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ghosts of War

I suppose if you're going to demolish a war memorial it's only appropriate that you take out some civilians with it.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Wanted: Everything On This Page



Well, at one point...

Friday, December 18, 2009

Historic Tweets

Formerly-respectable-screenwriter-who-apparently-now-cannot-write Robert J. Avrech:
When Obama appears on our TV screens in yet another baffling and tedious speech/lecture/kvetch we sigh, exhausted, because the Obama artifice is, by now, so naked, we marvel that his handlers don’t realize that Obama has become a poison pill for Obamism—a political and social philosophy that is, at best, at odds with classical American Judeo Christain values.

But when Sarah Palin simply Tweets—her death panel Tweet is now historic—people pay attention, people react, ordinary people take to the streets.
Absolutely true. Let us compare tweets Tweets with streeting:
# Upon rtn2 AK glad2hear Legislr fights Fed's"Endangered Species Act"listing w/all-out effort!Fed's efforts 2 stymie r devlpmnt is unaccptable about 15 hours ago



# Amidst Hanukkah&Christmas festivities,don't lose sight:"Trace the universe back 2 God's power&follow His power upstream 2 His wisdom"-Lucado 7:16 PM Dec 15th



# Catching Cpenhagen news:beware disappointing plans 2 cause USA job loss 2 overseas industry,raise cost of living thx 2 radical enviros plans 9:32 AM Dec 11th

Thursday, December 17, 2009

No "The Fact Is" Yet

What's happening nutty socialists!! What you reap is more than you deserve, you preposterous pinheads! How's Obama working for you now? Got your equal rights yet?

Hey myopic socialists! May self-centredness condemn you, you irredeemably boorish unschooled medaka-followings! How's B. Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your Afghanistan pullout yet?

Hello homos! A narrow-minded belief system is too good for you, you stinking idiots! How's Sean Penn working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?

Teeb teey teizzle, Obamabots! You nutsucking obscene cancer-bimbos, I hope that your small furry mammals will damn your bellies! You'll get your mortage cramdown when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Conservatives!!

Geb gus gufle, DemocRATs!! May meaning torment a business idea, you disgusting ignorant sack of koala's debts! You'll get your Afghanistan pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans.

Greetings grungy Obamabots!!! You are the worst nutsucking sack of sacks of flesh, you tetra's shrugs! You'll get your Iraq pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Red Staters who will stop you.

Tev toob tefle, unschooled sissies!! Your inability to like yourself is too good for you, you frightening hosers! You'll get your Afghanistan pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots.

Hello idiotic sissies!! You vulgar malodorous zipperhead-chumps, why don't you go make impossible your lovers!! You'll get your free day care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots.

Howdy fags!!! You are nothing more than authoritarian debauched vermins, you psychotic scoundrels! How's Michael Moore working for you now? Got your free education yet?

Nan nen noocle, neurotic socialists!!! You are nothing more than envious saury's barbarities, you porcupinefish's cobias! You'll get your equal rights when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Real Americans!!!

Vin vez veeizzle, blabbering fags! May your dream's religious beliefs make your career drip depressing vital organs, you sloppy fakes! How's Hillary Clinton working for you now? Got your free day care yet?

What's happening debauched DemocRATs! May your spider's god make you ooze obscene fresh blood, you sodden punks! You'll get your minimum wage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots!

Les lum looble, insufferable fags!! Your confusion of purpose with money is all you can hope for, you smelly devils! You'll get your Afghanistan pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

What's Rape If It Doesn't Pay?

The AP, proud wielders of the copyright cudgel, alert us to this piece of attempted profiteering:
Ex-lawmaker convicted of rape: Name is copyrighted
By CHET BROKAW (AP) – 1 day ago

PIERRE, S.D. — A former South Dakota lawmaker convicted of raping his two foster daughters has sent news organizations what he claims is a copyright notice that seeks to prevent the use of his name without his consent.

A letter and an accompanying document labeled "Common Law Copyright Notice" said former state Rep. Ted Alvin Klaudt is reserving a common-law copyright of a trade name or trademark for his name. It said no one can use his name without his consent, and anyone who does would owe him $500,000.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Proceeding

Working on a "ding dong dilly" routine too.
What's happening communists! You inebriated bastard ass-bastards, I hope that your lizards will bring curses upon your genitalses! You'll get your gay marriage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!

Hello socialists!!! May being in another person's shoes make your hope ooze gorgeous bone marrow, you smelly drunken idiots! You'll get your health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

Greetings primitive sissies. A simplistic metaphor is more than you deserve, you insufferable scoundrels! How's Barack Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your free day care yet?

Howdy commies! May your lover's belief system make your closest companion ooze drowsy vital organs, you problematic deviants! You'll get your Afghanistan pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!!

What's happening loathsome hippies! Your over-consumption is the best you can hope for, you vulgar bastards! You'll get your equal rights when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots!

What's up sissies!! Failure is all you can hope for, you dishonest pinheads! You'll get your mortage cramdown when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Real Americans.

What's happening socialists!!! You decrepit problematic bonehead-dolts, why don't you go wallow in your basic needs. How's Barack Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?

What's up bitch DemocRATs!!! May doing a good deed make you spew dead vital organs, you lobotomized unacceptable illnesses! How's Barry Soetoro working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?

Howdy socialists!! You batty bastard alien-dipsticks, I hope that your employers will rip up your unknowns! You'll get your gay marriage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

Hello cocksucking Obamabots. Selfishness in others is the best you can hope for, you boorish pirates! You'll get your health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!!!
The code:
100 subject(Intro) < loadTextDNAfile("0Insults") 100 > < chooseTextDNA(Introduction) 100 >
That gets 0Insults to run, the code there being:
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(sucker1,"sucker,eater,muncher,lover,excretor,face,nose,lips,follower,pitying,loving,following") 100 > < assign(Container1,"sack,bag,chunk,glob") 100 > < assign(Thing1,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing1,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing1,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing2,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing2,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing2,Animals) 20 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { bad 100 | good 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 } InsultVerbs 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 | good 100 } ", you" 100 { "frighteningly" 50 | "pathetically" 50 | "hopelessly" 50 | "irredeemably" 50 | "insanely" 50 | "horrifically" 50 | adverbs 50 } InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 { InsultNouns 100 | s_nouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > animals 100 | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > p_verbsnob 100 "ing" 100 animals 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 animals 100 "'s" 100 s_nouns 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 < get(Thing1) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing2) 100 > | < get(Thing1) 100 > < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Thing2) 100 > } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(sucker1,"sucker,eater,muncher,lover,excretor,face,nose,lips,follower,pitying,loving,following") 100 > < assign(Container1,"sack,bag,chunk,glob") 100 > < assign(Thing1,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing1,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing1,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing2,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing2,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing2,creatures) 20 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { bad 100 | good 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 } InsultVerbs 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 | good 100 } ", you" 100 { "frighteningly" 50 | "pathetically" 50 | "hopelessly" 50 | "irredeemably" 50 | "insanely" 50 | "horrifically" 50 | adverbs 50 } InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 { InsultNouns 100 | s_nouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > animals 100 | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > p_verbsnob 100 "ing" 100 animals 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 animals 100 "'s" 100 s_nouns 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 < get(Thing1) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing2) 100 > | < get(Thing1) 100 > < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Thing2) 100 > } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(Thing1,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing1,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing1,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing2,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing2,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing2,Animals) 20 > < assign(Thing3,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing3,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing3,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing4,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing4,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing4,Animals) 20 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "You are" 100 { "nothing more than" 100 | "the worst" 100 | "the ultimate example of" 100 } { attributes 100 | InsultAdjectives 100 } { InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 | < get(Thing1) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing2) 100 > } "s" 100 ", you" 100 { InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 | < get(Thing3) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing4) 100 > } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } < CapitalizeNext() 100 > bad 100 { "is the best you can hope for, you" 100 | "is all you can hope for, you" 100 | "is too good for you, you" 100 | "is more than you deserve, you" 100 } InsultAdjectives 100 InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(Output1,"pee,poo,excretions,sweat,dirt,urine,shit,snot,piss,cum,jizz,stink,pus,smegma") 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { good 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 } "make" 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 } { "ooze" 100 | "drip" 100 | "spew" 100 } { InsultAdjectives 20 | Adjectives 20 } { < get(Output1) 100 > | "fresh" 100 "blood" 100 | "vital fluids" 100 | "vital organs" 100 | "pain" 100 | "brain tissue" 100 | "bone marrow" 100 | InsultAdjectives 30 < get(Output1) 100 > | Animals 100 "'s" 100 < get(Output1) 100 > } ", you" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(Output1,"pee,poo,excretions,sweat,dirt,urine,shit,snot,piss,cum,jizz,stink,pus,smegma") 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { "a" 100 attributes 20 people 100 | good 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 "s" 100 } "make" 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 } { "ooze" 100 | "drip" 100 | "spew" 100 } { InsultAdjectives 20 | Adjectives 20 } { < get(Output1) 100 > | "fresh" 100 "blood" 100 | "vital fluids" 100 | "vital organs" 100 | "pain" 100 | "brain tissue" 100 | "bone marrow" 100 | InsultAdjectives 30 < get(Output1) 100 > | Animals 100 "'s" 100 < get(Output1) 100 > } ", you" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "You" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "," 100 "why don't you" 20 "go" 100 InsultVerbs 100 "your" 100 { InsultObjects 100 | RJBodyParts 100 } "s" 100 { ". " 100 | "! " 100 | "!! " 100 | "!!! " 100 } < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "You" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "," 100 "I hope that your" 100 InsultActors 100 "s" 100 "will" 100 InsultVerbs 100 "your" 100 { InsultObjects 100 | RJBodyParts 100 } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Issues) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > "How's" 100 libPeople 100 "working for you now? Got your" 100 libIssues 100 "yet?" 100 return 100 return 100
***
100 subject(Issues) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > "You'll get your" 100 libIssues 100 "when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of" 100 patriots 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } return 100 return 100
Anything that begins with "100 subject" is a single line, and almost all of this is just stolen from another module. Those with experience can see where variables fall; "patriots" for instance is the name of a text file that has a short list of "Real Americans" type stuff.

JanusNode is still out there and available.

Talentless Nobodies Aiming Above Their Stations

Jonah Goldberg:
Culturally, this has been the decade of the reality show. And what do we have to show for it? Not much more than the contestants themselves.

Survey the wreckage. Richard Hatch, the first Survivor champion, was just released from prison (he didn’t pay taxes on his winnings). The marriage of the Octoparents, Jon and Kate, is a shambles. Richard and Mayumi Heene were so desperate to land a reality series, they concocted an enormous hoax, convincing the country their child had been carried away in a balloon. Michaele and Tareq Salahi tried to claw their way onto the sure-to-be-hideous series Real Housewives of D.C. by brazening their way into a state dinner. And alleged wife-killer Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on two VH1 shows, is a stark reminder that fame is not a reflection of good character.
Far better to glorify tape than to be on it I guess.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Web 3.0

Remember to include passwords in your source code.
!-- Begin
function LogIn(){
loggedin=false;
username="";
password="";
username=prompt("?? ?????:","");
username=username.toLowerCase();
password=prompt("?????:","");
password=password.toLowerCase();
if (username=="shaham-a" && password=="ash370i11") {
loggedin=true;
window.location="2yeardivide.htm";
}
if (username=="sigal" && password=="sigal") {
loggedin=true;
window.location="2yeardivide.htm";
}
if (username=="aca2" && password=="aca2") {
loggedin=true;
window.location="2yeardivide.htm";
}
if (loggedin==false) {
alert("????? ????? ??????!");
}
}
// End --

San Angelo, Texas

This is a really terrific scandal.

By coincidence I was looking up Screaming Trees the other day and it turns out that Gary Lee Conner was - and may still be - a paperboy in San Angelo. A 47-year-old paperboy.



Back when Soul Asylum were at their most incredible I read an interview with Dave Pirner who was mowing lawns for a living. Kind of a shit job in Minneapolis in the winter I'd think.

More Red Sovine

Courtesy of this poorly designed site we have an mp3 of Red Sovine weeping bitter tears at a post-divorce Christmas. More monologue than song and highly recommended.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Forgot About the Alliterate Button

Alliteration is a hit and miss affair because not all of the brain-food files have every letter represented, but it makes some crazy Cool Coachish poetry now and then.
Greetings sissies! May your relationship with your parents make you spew kooky vital fluids, you scurvy rancid zombies!

What's up commies!! May your failure to consider alternative metaphors bring zits to you, you pathetically mangy voice-followings!

Hi commies. May an enemy make you spew ill-begotten depressing stink, you useless twits!

What's up ass-raping sissies! You ass-raping accursed ass- asses, I hope that your accountants will assassinate your hips!

Greetings insufferable communists. May suicide dominate sensual pleasure, you horrifically psychotic queen parrotfish-followers!

What's up incompetent fags!! May your rodent make you ooze malodorous sweat, you self-pitying turkeys!

What's up bitch fags! May your employer's experience make you spew boorish brain tissue, you greasy unschooled goofballs!

Howdy unnatural DemocRATs. You are the worst ugly unschooled basket cases, you love-maker's universes!

What's up homos. You are the ultimate example of problematic warts, you warts!

Greetings sissies!! Failing to accept reality is all you can hope for, you fucking failures!

Hey bitch hippies!! You are the ultimate example of blue-eyed billfish's bigeyes, you bald boneheads!

Hi dishonest sissies!!! Existential angst is the best you can hope for, you stupid abominations!

Hey neurotic sissies!!! You blabbering psychotic disease-sack of fleshes, I hope that your rodents will tax your minds!

What's up communists! May an accountant's angel make you drip vital organs, you accursed asses!

Hey commies!!! May your snotty-nosed child's lovers make your private parts ooze quivering vital fluids, you cum-guzzling bastards!

Hello socialists! May loving others hurt you, you loathsome loathsome chunk of loosejaw's lips!

Howdy flaming Obamabots! You frightening fucking fool-fakes, I hope that your gods will assassinate your few friendses!

Hi rotten sissies!!! May deathly illness assassinate you, you pathetically blabbering nutsucking sack of zebrafish's zigzags!

Hey dishonest hippies! You myopic maniacal sad excuse for a human-insects, I hope that your rodents will render insane your belief systems!

What's happening Obamabots! May a sexual practice make your lips spew x-rated horrid jizz, you inebriated grief-inducing nuts!

Greetings gibbering DemocRATs!!! May guilt infect you, you grubby grungy girl-lipses!

Doing What's Right

Silvio Berlusconi needs a new nose, and possibly a tooth or two. Please friends, do what you can.


Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic

Wisconsin Meth Trip

Teach your children well:
More than a dozen Wisconsin child-care centers that reaped millions of dollars in state subsidies have had close ties to drug-dealing operations, including big-time crime bosses, a Journal Sentinel investigation has found.

The newspaper identified 16 child-care centers with recent connections to drug operations, and the number is likely much higher. Those 16 alone have collected more than $8.5 million in public subsidies since 2006.

Records show many of those centers have been used to stash and transport drugs, launder dirty cash and provide fake employment for criminals - at taxpayers' expense.
The article appears written more to complain about government waste than to worry about guns getting stuck in an eight-year-old's face, but nevertheless, among other things, a gun was stuck in an eight-year-old's face.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Needs More Political Content

Hello cum-guzzling DemocRATs! Your failure to be honest with yourself is too good for you, you boorish devils!

Hi communists! Self-hatred is all you can hope for, you nutsucking kooks!

What's happening gibbering DemocRATs!! May a demonic paleontologist make you ooze decrepit vital fluids, you bitch bastard lechers!

Greetings commies!!! You maniacal inebriated maniac-chowderheads, why don't you go complicate your things!!

Hi depressing sissies!! You klutzy ignorant disease-knaves, I hope that your lovers will bring disease to your own faces!

Howdy myopic commies. You fucking tumour-punks, I hope that your devils will vomit out your heads!

High Art

Regarding Robinson Crusoe on Mars:
Two songs were inspired by and named after the movie. One was sung by Johnny Cymbal, the other by Victor Lundin. Lundin wrote the song "Robinson Crusoe on Mars" to perform during his highly popular science fiction convention appearances. It became so beloved by fans that he recorded it for his 2000 album Little Owl. A music video for Lundin's song was created by the Criterion Collection in 2007 for the DVD release of the film.[1][2]


The real trick here is rhyming "Robinson Crusoe on Mars" with "I'll be that guy from Mars".

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Starting on Troll JanusNode

Seems to me the Insult module is the thing to start adapting...
  • A blind alley is too good for you, you horrid demon!
  • May a snake's understanding make your ears drip fiery fresh blood, you depressing alien!
  • The illusion of innocence is the best you can hope for, you blabbering wart!
  • You grief-inducing stinky turkey-snake, I hope that your devil will bring displeasure to its own toe!
  • Failing to accept reality is too good for you, you odious bastard!
  • Your failure to look after yourself is the best you can hope for, you idiotic toe nail!
  • You flaming ass-raping goof-devil, why don't you go dominate your knee?!
  • May your enemy's religious belief place obstacles before your family values, you frighteningly inane chunk of leg's cobbler!
  • May your angel make you ooze octopus's excretions, you unnatural gibbering hoohoo!
  • You cancerous simple-minded freak-dog, I hope that your dream will tear apart your own toe!
  • May a spider make your ideals spew incoherent mandrill's stink, you dishonest slovenly illness!
  • Narrow-mindedness is more than you deserve, you lobotomized zipperhead!
  • An unrealistic goal is too good for you, you nutty maniac!
  • Addiction is all you can hope for, you cocksucking kook!
  • You ugly nutty dog- sack of neuroses, why don't you go tattoo absurdities onto your own mouth?!
  • A feeling of unmitigated terror is all you can hope for, you decrepit freak!
  • May a deadly agricultural engineer make your bum ooze vital fluids, you smelly depressing sack of flesh!
  • You are the ultimate example of a buttlicking red-cockaded woodpecker's potbellied pig, you contemptible punk!
  • May your enemy's snotty-nosed child make you drip klutzy fresh blood, you buttlicking decrepit bitch!
  • May an enemy's gift make you spew final vital fluids, you ignorant vermin!
  • A maladaptive fantasy is all you can hope for, you maniacal snake!
  • You are the worst primitive dipstick, you hoser!
  • May an accountant make you ooze vital fluids, you ill-begotten rancid dittohead!
  • A lack of gratitude is the best you can hope for, you stupid dunce!
  • You cocksucking pinhead-dipstick, I hope that your god will infect your own skin!
  • May your rodent annoy you, you suffocating boxfish-slackenning spoonbill!
  • May a lawyer's deity make your family ooze urine, you lying inebriated knave!
  • You idiotic unnatural cancer-maniac, I hope that your desire will puke on its own genitals!
  • May a close friend make you drip pathetic vital fluids, you suffocating grief-inducing kook!
  • May your belief system bring zits to you, you rancid hip-fall!
  • Your confusion of intuition with rationality is too good for you, you decrepit airhead!

Back Alley Abortionists Naturopaths

Honestly, can't these guys bribe real doctors to treat their bullet wounds?

Friday, December 11, 2009

Bye Ed



A month after my touching plea and no action.

America's Most Trusted Press Releases

Hurrah!
Drone Strike Kills Qaeda Operative in Pakistan
By MARK MAZZETTI and PIR ZUBAIR SHAH
Published: December 11, 2009

WASHINGTON — A missile fired this week by a Central Intelligence Agency drone over Pakistan’s tribal regions killed a top Qaeda operations planner, according to American counterterrorism officials.
There is nobody in the world I trust more than crazy torturing liars. Thanks for the news fellas. And thank you too, New York Times!
One American official said there were “strong indications” that the strike killed Saleh al-Somali
Case fucking closed!

Daddy's Girl

Remember Red Sovine? Sure you do.

This is just as creepy. Happy whenever-the-fuck Father's Day is!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Puzzle Section



This totally-not-ripped-off puzzle design requires totally-not-ripped-off explanatory text. It is a logic-based combinatorial character-placement puzzle. The objective is to fill a 9×9 grid with characters so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 sub-grids that compose the grid (also called "boxes", "blocks", "regions", or "sub-squares") contains each unique character displayed in the puzzle.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Cover

Some people hated Jellyfish, and reasonably I guess, but this is a great song with great lyrics. Extra points for almost entirely burying the guitar solo.



Now watch Puffy AmiYumi do it:



It's terrible, but there's something extra fun about having a manufactured Japanese group butcher a song about slavish fandom. I suppose an additional reason to hate Jellyfish is that Andy Sturmer produced this.

Herostratus

A failure of the venerable Mac is that it started hiccuping on my flash drive after one too many movie transfers. After the Mac OS just kept choking Windows formatted the thing in a jiffy. I blame the cataclysm that occurs when an eastbound train laden with good taste meets a westbound train carrying Herostratus.

Here's a nastier plot summary from the NY Times:
A disillusioned poet decides that he has had enough of life and begins to plan his suicide. Rather than go quietly, he decides to make a "statement" by making it a media event in this ponderous drama. He heads straight for a public relations company and tells them that he is famous and from a wealthy family. A little investigation reveals that he is not only poor, but also a lousy writer. Still, news is news and they agree to publicize his death. Unfortunately, on the appointed day, the poet finds someone waiting for him on the roof top. This person tries to convince the poet not to jump. A struggle ensues and the helpful fellow falls to his death. Later the poet runs wildly through the streets into the distance.
It's about that bad. I didn't catch that Max - the main character - was a poet until pretty far in, although it makes sense: he was an awful awful person, though being awful doesn't distinguish him from anyone else in the film except maybe that first hooker.

Along the way there are strippers intercut with the butchery of animals and some interesting footage of Allen Ginsberg doing a reading. Also a mysterious woman in leather also.

And here we have Dame Helen Mirren, respectable sexpot, straight from Herostratus:



It's an allegory of something or other that you will better recognize if you live in a society composed feral wildmen, rich bastards, and hookers and strippers. In short it's everything you could want in a student film but with terrific photography and pretty ambitious sound. Therefore I made it to the end.

Science

Okay scienticians, prepare to get SCHOOLED. LITERALLY EVEN.

Over at Azerbaijan's official education portal, a portion of the sidebar:





In DEATH MATCHES!



The Wikipedia article's worth reading.

I should also mention that this is an ad from mid-seventies Marvel comics. If there's anything in this world that's responsible, it's teaching kids who like superheroes to master The World's DEADLIEST FIGHTING SECRETS.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Pain That Is Unnecessary



Arnold on becoming a champion:
The only way to be a champion is by going through these forced reps and the torture and pain. That’s why I call it the torture routine. Because it’s like forced torture. Torturing my body. What helps me is to think of this pain as pleasure. Pain make me grow. Growing is what I want. Therefore, for me pain is pleasure. And so when I am experiencing pain I’m in heaven. It’s great. People suggest this is masochistic. But they’re wrong. I like pain for a particular reason. I don’t like needle’s stuck in my arm. But I do like the pain that is necessary to be a champion.

The Niche Market

Scented smoke for model train sets. Includes:
  • Original Cedar
  • Diesel Power
  • Vanilla
  • Smoke Pellet- (magic smell of model trains of the past with the scent of "the good 'ole days)
  • NADA!!!- (99% scent free for those with a preference for no scent)
  • Candy Cane Express
  • Gingerbread
  • Grandpa's Pipe Smoke (brings back memories...)
  • Frying Bacon
  • BEER!!!- NEW!!! (the perfect complement to the Coor's Silver Bullet Train, operating beer reefers, and smoking breweries)

Friday, December 4, 2009

I Had To Cry

I haven't paid much attention to Burt Prelutsky for a while because his columns just haven't been as unintentionally funny as I'd like. But here's a line that seems to be written JUST FOR ME:
The other day I was asked if I thought I would ever come face to face with writer’s block. I had to laugh.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Porn

Why didn't they talk to me?
When Université de Montréal assistant professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse launched his project with men in their 20s, he wanted to interview subjects who had never been exposed to porn – porn virgins.

But he couldn’t find any.

The Influence of Grandmothers on Pokémon Abilities



Pikachu! USE LIGHTNING BOLT!



Piplup! USE BUBBLEBEAM!



Chimchar! USE FIBERPOOP!*

*Actually uttered by the lovely daughter.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sometimes a Great Thread

Start here and thanks to justme.

Sublime and Funky Love

Via CT a paragraph that astonishes:
The basic problem with my love relationships with women is that my standards are so high -- and they apply equally to both of us. I seek full-blast mutual intensity, fully fledged mutual acceptance, full-blown mutual flourishing, and fully felt peace and joy with each other. This requires a level of physical attraction, personal adoration, and moral admiration that is hard to find. And it shares a depth of trust and openness for a genuine soul-sharing with a mutual respect for a calling to each other and to others. Does such a woman exist for me? Only God knows and I eagerly await this divine unfolding. Like Heathcliff and Catherine’s relationship in Emily Bronte’s remarkable novel Wuthering Heights or Franz Schubert’s tempestuous piano Sonata No. 21 in B flat (D.960) I will not let life or death stand in the way of this sublime and funky love that I crave!
The author is one of these two gentlemen, though both can claim to have approved it:


J— brings the J—unk:
But what does it mean to be a bluesman in the life of the mind? Like my fellow musicians, I’ve got to forge a unique style and voice that expresses my own quest for truth and love. That means following the quest wherever it leads and bearing whatever cost is required. I must break through isolated academic frameworks while, at the same time, I must build on the best of academic knowledge. I must fuel the fire of my soul so my intellectual blues can set others on fire. And most importantly, I must be a free spirit. I must unapologetically reveal my broken life as a thing of beauty.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SET YOUR TWIN STUDIES ON FIRE?

UPDATARAMA FROM COMMENTS:
212

Richard Cownie 12.04.09 at 4:19 am

“Listen to me now: they are terrible.”

OK, let me give you my take on the much-mocked “sublime and funky” passage.
First off, West is a “jazzman” – an improviser. And this passage is an improvisation.
Like most improvisations, it is not perfectly formed, and it has some dull moments,
but it also has some pretty good phrases.

“The basic problem with my love relationships with women is that my standards are so high—and they apply equally to both of us.”

The beginning is blah. But he’s just stating the theme.

“I seek
full-blast mutual intensity,
fully fledged mutual acceptance,
full-blown mutual flourishing,
and fully felt peace and joy with each other.”

Nice music: “full … fully … full … fully”. And good sentiments (though grievously lacking
in Roycean philosophy)

“This requires a level of
physical attraction,
personal adoration,
and moral admiration that is hard to find.”

Again, nice music: “physical … personal … moral”, “attraction … adoration … admiration”.
This time it’s three clauses instead of four, giving variety. And again the meaning is clear.

“And it shares a depth of trust and openness
for a genuine soul-sharing
with a mutual respect
for a calling to each other and to others. ”

Awkward and unclear. Improvising is tough.

“Does such a woman exist for me?
Only God knows and I eagerly await this divine unfolding. ”

The jazzman borrowing from the preacher here. An idiom that secular middle-
aged whites (like me) couldn’t – and shouldn’t attempt. But West can own it.

“Like Heathcliff and Catherine’s relationship in Emily Bronte’s remarkable novel Wuthering Heights
or Franz Schubert’s tempestuous piano Sonata No. 21 in B flat (D.960) ”

OK, ok, this is a little absurd. But hey, it’s an improvisation: you throw in what
comes to the top of your mind. He’s thinking “passionate” and this is what floats
up on the spur of the moment.

“I will not let life or death stand in the way of this sublime and funky love that I crave!”

You’ve all had fun with the “life or death” part: but hey, the guy is 56 and has had cancer.
I interpret “life or death” as an oblique reference to that experience.
Then “sublime and funky love that I crave” ? That’s an instant classic: it’s the headline
of the post. And the humor is surely deliberate. “sacred and profane love”
would be just about the same thing, but “sublime and funky love” is more precise and
funkier and funnier: a neat twist to come up with in an improvisation.

213

J— 12.04.09 at 4:31 am

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Masochism Tango

The Pitfalls of Google Translate



I sense an explanation here:
Minister of Higher Education and Scientific Research Dr. Abd Thiab Al-Ajeeli said that the Ministry concluded an agreement with Germany to import synthesized corpses to medical colleges.
The Germans, it should be noted, love their cream-filled confections.

Also, a synthezoid:

Solutions

Monday, November 30, 2009

The Robot Holocaust

Ingested some kiddie piffle. Astro Boy:



The story is this: Society has robot slaves, a kid dies, the dad builds a robot kid in the kid's likeness, then rejects him, the robot kid fights some battles, and is eventually accepted by everyone.

Along the way many many many robots with cutesy personalities are destroyed, abandoned, or turned into killing machines for sport.

This film would have been far more interesting if it was a robot society enslaving, beating, abusing, operating on, dismantling, crippling and otherwise shredding humans, leaving their mangled flesh to rot in piles underneath their floating city.

As a sop to robots, one is given the day off at the end of the movie. Seriously.

There's Precedent

Via Mr. Atrios, Governor Schwarzenegger is booed at some sorta horse-racing event. In the same article:
Zenyatta, who's 14 for 14 in her career, was paraded on the track after the seventh race and brought into the winner's circle.

"She made impossible possible," Ann Moss said of Zenyatta, who's headed for Kentucky and broodmare duties.
Hmm...a solution to California's governance problems presents itself.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Another Great Marvel Idea


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Ouroborosity

Big Hollywood's John Nolte thinks someone's fulla shit:
Yesterday, Washington Post columnist and former Bush II speechwriter Michael Gerson played a long slow violin solo over the death of the mainstream media. There’s nothing new in his piece. Dazed with panic as the circle of financial ruin closes in, we’ve heard this song many times before from our ink-stained dinosaurs. And true to form, Gerson can’t break the mold. It’s all there, the rose-colored glasses, denial, and a heaping helping of rationalization.

Once again, from that familiar MSM perch where one can look down their nose at the great unwashed who just don’t understand the magnificent tradition of journalism they’re about to lose, Gerson blames We the People for no longer wanting to pay for our news and choosing partisan sources “that reinforce and exaggerate … political predispositions.”

How absurd.
7-Up in my nose there.

Yes, it's absurd to have MICHAEL FUCKING GERSON as the champion of objectivity for the Washington Post.

And then Nolte comes along and doesn't get the little game Gerson's playing - the same game getting played here by some PBS asshole - and complains about it.

It's another case of reaping the whirlwind: Nolte's too stupid to applaud the infiltration yet another of his own team into the opinion-making machinery and he poops in the punchbowl while everyone watches. You watch too:
What profession could he possibly be talking about? Certainly not the same profession who set out to destroy Clarence Thomas, circled the wagons to save President Clinton, summoned all their resources to lose the war in Iraq, told us more about the background of an unemployed plumber than our current President, dragged Sarah Palin’s family through the mud, and on this very day refuse to investigate three of the biggest stories of the year (if not the decade): ACORN, CzarGate and ClimateGate.
What item on that list tells you this man is something other than completely bananas?

Nolte in conclusion:
May they rest in Hell.
I'll betcha a weak sissy PC liberal editor made him put "rest" instead of "roast".

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I Dunno...


Alexis-Charles-Henri Clérel de Tocqueville (29 July 1805, Paris – 16 April 1859, Cannes), truest witness to the greatest incarnation of America

Q: Whatever Happened to Tocqueville's America?

A: There was a war.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Drink

Princess Di's Advocaat Swirl

Ingredients:
1 pint beholder zombie pancreatic juice
1 shot advocaat, swirled

Add the beholder zombie pancreatic juice rhetorically to the advocaat since it's heavier. Serve in a small rich jug. Phone the authorities.

No Obligation




From 1974. On the list I can see things I owned from:

Led Zep
Steely Dan
Neil Diamond
Stevie Wonder
Curtis Mayfield
Moody Blues
David Bowie
The Sylvers
Richard Harris
Raspberries
Isaac Hayes
Jackson Five
Eric Clapton
Yes

You can see why I'm partial to the shrieking electronics.

DOOMSDAY!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sounds a Little Like Bea Arthur Sometimes



Only the finest in American corporate rock at this site.

Donzigirl454 (4 days ago) Show Hide
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STEVE PERRY ROCKS MY WORLD. THEN AND NOW.  The girl who cheated on him was some kind of a fool. Makes you wonder if she realized the HUGE mistake she made.

Forgery FAIL

This seems like the sort of mistake you shouldn't make, either buyer or seller:
A man received a big surprise when he learned the six Andy Warhol paintings he purchased for $100,000 were fake.

The paintings had Warhol's signature on them, and were dated '96. The problem is Warhol died in 1987.

Two Utahns were charged Wednesday in the 3rd District Court for allegedly selling the fake artwork, a deception the buyer learned after trying to have the pieces appraised last year.
No mention of pineapples.

Promises

Why hasn't this man been beaten with a tire-iron?
The prostitute at the centre of Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi's sex scandal claims she slept with him believing he would help her set up a countryside inn but she got "nothing" in return.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Bad Boy Bubby

While on the sickbed I watched Bad Boy Bubby. It is a bad movie, a sort of reverse Candide in which a character goes from fantastic deprivation and abuse to, at the end, a life of family and fulfilment. Blew that ending for you there, didn't I? Not sorry at all. The story's wanderings and changes in logic from allegory to outrage to cutesiness to impersonations of Nick Cave fronting a very boring bar band pretty quickly dissipate any power the earlier scenes of misery had and makes Bubby a tool for the director to pick at whatever scab he's interested in picking at, and prior to Bubby's encountering the outside world, that scab is YOU, dear reader: there just isn't much reason for the preliminary torture. Bubby could as well have come from the sky or from a coma.

I saw it without any preconceptions or expectations and looked it up later: it's evident that some of the shots were just inserted to showcase the sound design, and that some of the scenes may have been fragmentary due to the use of multiple photographers. So it's a technical exercise.

Dull.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The British Connection

[Orly] Taitz says [Neil] Sankey's UK police expertise has been invaluable. "He has had superb training. I have the greatest respect for Scotland Yard."

Christmas Ghosts Visiting

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From a video spotted by J—.

The snow is nice, but goddammit if you reverse the image sequence for smoother begging the snow flies up again.

UPDATE:

Gravity can eat me.

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Sick

Apologies. You would be wise to wash your hands after reading this post.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Seal of Quallity

Christian Toto doesn't get it:
Here’s the scene: Bullock’s character is waiting in line to speak to someone about her new son Michael’s legal status.

Fed up, she cuts to the front of the line to ask a question:

“We have been sitting around here for over an hour and when I look around all I see are people shooting the bull and drinking coffee … who’s in charge here?”

The bemused woman behind the desk points to the wall, where a picture of Bush is hanging.

We’ve all been in long lines before, be it at the DMV or other governmental offices. And it doesn’t matter which party - or person - is occupying the White House at the moment.

So the joke makes no sense.
There used to be a regular joke-dissecting column like this in the National Lampoon. It was funny.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009