Via Boing Boing

Bitches! (Stupid Comic Book Edition)

Circa 1987. It's true that the Avengers did not work so well under women: they lost to the bad guys and were killed in each and every issue.

Imagine the Dismay of ME!

Sandy Rios:

There’s hardly an evangelical who doesn’t know about Wheaton College. Alma Mater of the Reverend Billy Graham, Wheaton boasts a student body of superior intellect and an education rivaling much of the Ivy League. Wheaton College graduates can boast of presidential speech writers and Speakers of the United States House of Representatives along with doctors and executives and professors and missionaries and pastors across the globe.

But Wheaton is different. Founded by an anti-slavery father and son, Jonathan and Charles Blanchard, Wheaton was established as a chain in the Underground Railroad to help runaway slaves. Wheaton’s distinctive* has always been to educate students not only with knowledge but with wisdom. All truth is God’s truth. The knowledge of God brings greater understanding, not less … the acknowledgement of Him brings order from chaos in science, mathematics and economic systems. To be a Christ follower can bring the highest of intellectual pursuits, not the Bible thumping ignorance Hollywood would portray.

So imagine the dismay of many to learn that, in an effort to educate its students, Wheaton has moved to the left, so much so that in a survey by the Wheaton Record, 60 percent of its faculty voted for President Barack Obama, the most pro-abortion, pro-homosexual agenda, spiritually confused president the nation has ever elected.

OH MY GOD! That is over seven percentage points above the proportion of votes that real actual Americans across the entire country cast for Obama! I am FREAKING OUT! This non-conformity with fantasy America in which 100% of Christians are Republican can only be explained by CREEPING LEFTISM. See illustration below:



Definitive proof. Never has Socialist Chicago crept so close to purity.

*There appears to be a word missing from the text. "Ass banditry" perhaps?

Hangin' Out

Burt Prelutsky Writes A Book!

No really! And Big Bad Bold Ben Shapiro reviews it:

One book I received recently was Burt Prelutsky’s hilarious take-no-prisoners compilation with intro by Bernard Goldberg, Liberals: America’s Termites or It’s a Shame That Liberals, Unlike Hamsters, Never Eat Their Young. The title pretty much says it all – Prelutsky isn’t afraid to say what he thinks, and his short book is chock full of hysterical one-liners and RPG attacks on the left. I don’t agree with all of it, but it sure makes for fun reading.

A Bernard Goldberg foreword should be something of a score for Burt I guess. Let's look at excerpts Ben finds noteworthy:

On the education system: “How is it that Americans who lived hard scrabble lives 150 years ago could read, write, do math problems and quote at length from Shakespeare and the Bible, while today, in spite of ‘Sesame Street,’ pre-school, Operation Head Start, computers and mind-numbing hours of homework, millions of youngsters entering college can do none of those things? And four years later, may of them still can’t! Really, what is there about being a grade school teacher, a social worker or a professor of English Literature, for that matter, that requires a major expenditure of time or money?”

Well, the US illiteracy rate in 1870 was 20% and now it's around 1% so fuck you bonehead. DON'T MAKE ME SIC THE CORRECTION GRANNIES ON YOU.*

On liberals: “The thing I find hard to deal with is the remarkably high opinion of themselves that all liberals seem to have. I mean, almost without exception, they regard themselves as civil, sophisticated, and open-minded; in short, all the things that right-wingers aren’t and can never hope to be … It’s the same folks who … give standing ovations to the likes of those blithering nincompoops, Barbara Boxer and Robert Byrd, people whose every utterance sounds like the incoherent ramblings of a drunken lunatic.”

One thing about drunken lunatics is that their incoherent ramblings usually hit a larger target than the set of those who give standing ovations to Barbara Boxer or Robert Byrd. Let me demonstrate: ASSHOLES!

Ben sees further wisdom:

There’s another issue that gets very little press coverage but deserves scrutiny: age discrimination in Hollywood. Once you hit 50, you’re out of the business. Prelutsky sums it up: “Some people might find it ironic that Hollywood’s liberals, who are still inflamed over a blacklist that took place 60 years ago, not only condone it in their hometown, but practice it every single day of their lives.”

I cannot imagine why people don't hire Burt Prelutsky. Must be his age.

*I am off by ten years here, so I imagine that Burt can blame the Civil War for killing off scads of scholar gentlemen prior to the census of 1870.

Actual unretouched screenshot below:

A World of Pure Imagination

Huh? Whuzzat?



Oh. Sorry.



So close.

Serial Killers on Display

You'd figger a whale involved in two prior deaths might not be a good display animal:

Whale kills animal trainer at SeaWorld
Witnesses at the Orlando, Fla., theme park say the whale, which had been involved in two previous deaths, dragged the veteran trainer underwater until she drowned.

Still, gotta keep the kids entertained.

Dammit, forgot this:

We call out to the beasts of the sea to come forth and join us, this night is yours
Because, one day we will all be with you in the black and deep
One day we will all go into the water

Go into the water
Live there die there
Live there die

I Make Love To Mountain Lions

Apparently you can't say "kiss the whip" or "eat the gun" but you can say right out that you regularly have sex with animals.

Nostalgia

Shorter K-Lo

Kathryn Jean Lopez:

Women don't belong on submarines. I am reminded of the time some dingbat wrote about this in the National Review, and she pointed out that women are stupid. Ain't it the truth.

Via Mr. Edroso

Orly!

Having had no luck in U.S. courts getting President Obama thrown out of office because he was born outside the United States, alpha birther Orly Taitz is applying to the United Nations for "urgent action under the mandate for human rights defenders."

The Freedom to Tinker

One of the things about having a lot of options is that you never actually get anything done, you just keep adjusting it, and then you forget what you were doing in the first place. The audio track below is an example of that, and the picture below demonstrates irrefutably that more controls are cooler.

Experiment Over: Party Time

Experiments on Babies

Military Fetishism

Gary Graham falls for a con-man's story. To his credit, he's retracted it, but look at how the interview starts:

Gary Graham – Scott, tell me about your background and how it lead to your group, Dark Horse.

Scott Witt – Well, to tell you of my background is to tell you what Dark Horse is. Dark Horse was a call sign – it was my personal call sign, back in the day of my special forces [work].

GG – When was that, when did you serve?

SW – Everything I did in special forces was ‘black ops’. I first joined the Rangers back in 1987 and I was only with the Rangers for a year when I decided to join what was called ‘the Cherokee’ at that time. They were a mixture of special forces. It was not just Rangers, it was Navy SEALs, it was Marines, it was everyone. And they’d take the best of the best…and create one unit. And that unit answered only to the Pentagon. And from that point forward, all we did was black ops. Nothing we ever did could be talked about from that point forward.

GG – Okay.

SW – So, anyway, the members of these types of groups…as we all kinda got shot up, and retired, and came home…and a lot of us now are heads of corporations…and serve as vice presidents of major banks…things like that all over the country. But we wanted to kinda stay together as a group and we wanted to make sure we always did something for the good. We got in to doing personal protection, as a group. And I formed Dark Horse Tactical. We did several things – for example, police officers, they get very little training when they come out of the academy. Even SWAT officers have training that’s very minimal, compared to what they could get. And the only reason teir training is so minimal is because the cities or the counties they work for won’t pay for [the advanced training].

Yes, a lot of heads of corporations and bankers who have previously been in "The Cherokee" - a super-special mix of forces nobody ever heard of - want to train the officers of the Tuscaloosa police force in their spare time.

DID THE CORRECTION ALPACA HEAR OF THIS?

Also:

Nest of Pedophiles and Ghouls Celebrates

Hooray!

Pope Benedict XVI has approved Brother André, the founding cleric of St. Joseph's Oratory in Montreal, for sainthood.

[..]

Brother André was laid to rest there when he died in 1937 at the age of 91. His heart is stored in a reliquary inside the Oratory and is an object of contemplation for pilgrims.

It's neato and worth seeing if you're in Montreal.

Later...

Credit Where Credit Is Due

Sadly, Mitt Romney's attacker was not some toothless hockey goon:

But the man accused of taking a swing at former Massachusetts Governor and GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney this week turns out already to have some small claim to fame: He is Sky Blu of the Grammy-nominated dance music combo LMFAO, now touring with the Black Eyed Peas.

[...]

"The irony in all this," says Best Week Ever, "is that LMFAO's hit 'Shots' is the campaign theme for Romney's 2016 White House run. Boy is his face going to be freakishly tan when he learns this."

7,936 to Zero

Tiger Woods has a boner that is exactly infinity more important than mine.

The Race Card

Via Boing Boing, this is pretty great:

Every once in a while some fooligan will roll to you talkin’ some trash about how you discussing your racial background in a broader social context is a “back-handed maneuver.” They may even accuse you of “playing the Race Card” because you mention that life is different for you because you are…well…different.

Next time that shit goes down, be prepared.

Break out your RACE card™. Slam it down. BOOYAKACHA! Silence them and as their brains reel because you are so fucking awesome, you can gently school them in the fine art of removing their damn foot from their pie-hole and maybe get it through their skulls that you won’t be silenced by fauxtastic bogus arguments designed to undermine your experience.

The RACE card™ also comes in handy if you need to:

• Cut in line at banks.
• Remind underlings that, yes, you actually ARE “The Man.”
• Impress those with racial fetishes.
• Levy silent accusations at the staff in fine dining establishments.
• Have an “Oppression-Off” with other beleaguered “People Of Color”

Orbs

Mr. Thunder posts a seemingly innocent picture. ORB ENTHUSIASTS KNOW BETTER.



Enhancement by Substance Labs:

Heartland!

Not enough gambling and hookers at the first event:

Second Tea Party Convention Planned for Vegas in July
By Kimberly Schwandt

Fresh off a convention just a few weeks ago, Tea Party organizers on Wednesday announced another national convention, and this time they're going to invade Las Vegas from July 15-17 with their message of lower taxes and smaller government.

I'm Reposting This Just Because.

Oh heck, these two as well. POOP FOR ALL is my motto.

For the Mikeys Among Us

News of the dirtier kind:

"Isn't it true that you had relations, sexual relations, in your dental office with [Lincoln] on November 3, 2009?" Berg asked Taitz at one point. Taitz didn't answer; Snow — for neither the first nor the last time — told Berg that the question wasn't relevant.

Taitz and Lincoln do have a history. "It was a professional relationship to start out with," Lincoln said on the witness stand. "But frankly, I fell in love with her, and we did have a romance."

That revelation shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who's been paying close attention to Taitz's travails. In October, Lucas Smith — a felon who had supplied Taitz with what was purported to be Obama's Kenyan birth certificate and who later had a falling-out with Taitz — published an "affidavit" that, among other things, quoted Lincoln as confiding that Taitz was "hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter, more of a nympho than I've ever met." In December 2009, Lincoln himself posted on his blog a letter he had sent to Taitz in which he said Taitz, who is married, had wanted Lincoln to live in San Clemente as her "boy toy."

"I'll bet you didn't tell [your husband] what we did on your dentists' chairs, or if you did, I'll bet you didn't describe it in much detail," the letter read.

Power and Influence

The mighty voice of me gets resultishness:

Mayor Gregor Robertson has joined the chorus of voices asking VANOC to free the flame.

At a press conference Tuesday, Robertson said the city has taken a number of calls from residents who are disappointed the Olympic flame is blocked behind fences in Coal Harbour.

He says he has called VANOC CEO John Furlong to “express concerns.”

Olympic Fever

It is winter, as shown below:



Every four years the bright flame of amateur sport, loved by the people, burns brightly:



Oops, let's try again:



There we go, the Olympic flame properly protected from the gibbering idiots who would use it to burn witches upon. Said raving maniacs below:



A more disturbing Olympic tradition is to have giants leave turds floating in your harbour. Who knew?



ALSO

WTF?

I slid my hand around her waist. It was smooth, not a ripple, not a bump. She slid her hand around my waist. And all I could think about was whether she could feel the muffin top squeezing out from my jeans.

Muffin top? Thanks Olympics.

Dear Valentine's Day Saps

Listen.

Theme and Variation

Ladies and gentlemen:

gpod talk

Also, a good line:

When [Joe] Hipp Fought Tommy Morrison in a Major Heavyweight Fight in Reno on June 27, 1992, Morrison, a "White Hope," Was on Steroids. They Didn't Start Testing for Steroids Until a Few Years Later. Hipp Would Have Tested Positive for Gravy.

Gadgetry

The real problem with the iPad for me is I want it to run this whole Mac OS thingie that Apple seems so proud of. It doesn't. Here are some tablets - vaporware included - that possibly can.

Crazy Bitches

Leo Grin loves Grizzly Man because it's a conservative movie. After all, some stupid hippie environmentalist gets eaten by a bear. But here's something ridiculous:

Women — a gender known for, among other peculiarities, lavishing marriage proposals on serial killers — fell all over Treadwell, frequently buying his bear-expert shtick hook, line, and sinker. The lucky ones got to travel up to Alaska with him to ooh and ahh at the cute little bears up close. His last girlfriend, Amie Huguenard, met him at a lecture in Colorado, and being a highly educated liberal (master’s degree in molecular biology) made her perfectly suited to fall for lies and nonsense. For the folly of believing in his expertise she would die alongside him, her final screams captured on a video camera which she turned on just as the fatal attack commenced.

Lissen up ladies: when you clean your own house - that is, give up falling in love with serial killers and delusional nitwits - THEN AND ONLY THEN can you complain about us men being serial killers and delusional nitwits.

CASE CLOSED.

Adventures in Sex City

THE GAME.

Just a quiz, sadly, but some designer's a fan of Edward Penishands.

Great Questions in the Arts

Michael Moriarty, lunatic:

As a graduate of Dartmouth myself, I learned that in Soviet Russia the Politburo is actually a modern version of an old-fashioned oligarchy.

Since then, and because of performing repeatedly in the creations of Bertolt Brecht, I’ve discovered that a Politburo is the traditionally Soviet word for a Communist Cosa Nostra.

However, the American Politburo, that ruling elite which is now led by Godfather Obama, instead of admiring Stalin, as you would expect?

They all look up to Mao Zedong.

Mao has ultimately become the greatest inspiration for the American Progressive Movement.

Mao is The Godfather of all Godfathers!

Surely Hollywood and its tortured geniuses would have eventually cast Marlon Brando as Mao, don’t you think?

Don Surber Is Wrong

Do click through.

Really, you should show that to Orly Taitz.

Comment #1:

When information is purposely hidden, as has been the case with ‘our dear leader,’ Orly Taitz is not crazy. She is Israeli. And, she’s producing just the tip of the iceberg. Some day, ahead?

I really do wish that sign wasn't



but it did give me an excuse to make a



GIF.

That's right, bullshit.

Fuck The Olympics

Holy cow!

Police investigate suspicious object in North Vancouver!!!

My guess:

With or without a moustache?





URPDATE:

Part of the game of the cranky logo is seeing if I can get it into Google's Image Search - so FUCK THE OLYMPICS - but look who's, like, a billion ahead of me:


WITH MY GODDAMNED STORY!