Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sexy Librarian Alert!

Christian Schneider:
Yesterday, public-library officials in New York City made official what we all knew what was coming: They declared watching pornography on public-library computers to be permissible, protected by the First Amendment.
There follows the usual pearl-necklace clutching that befits ninnies who pretend to morality. I feel somewhat bad for patrons and employees that have to be near the inevitably weird scenes such boldness will entail, but oh well, people will get their porn one way or another, whacking off in public remains illegal, and I haven't found the general-purpose library yet without a stock of filthy novels.
Libraries are now equipped with full multimedia capabilities and serve less as educational opportunities and more as neighborhood entertainment centers. Library patrons have expanded from those who need no-cost materials to free-riding wealthy people looking for some free entertainment. Get a library card and you now have full access to a wide variety of music CDs, DVD movies, and video games, all for free — which is to say all at taxpayer expense.
GOD SAVE US FROM THE FREE-RIDING WEALTHY PEOPLE! Yes, yacht-racing jet-setters are taking advantage of libraries everywhere. What is comes down to for Schneider is this:
When we consider the proper scope of government, do we really think of free entertainment as a basic public service?
Er, um, ah, yes we do, but I suppose a law could be passed so that on the evening of July 4th everyone must wear blindfolds unless a ten dollar fee is paid.

Here, though, is the creepy-guy tell:
With local and state governments facing significant budget challenges, it might be time to take a closer look at the non-essential services they are providing. Nobody is facing imminent death because they haven’t seen season one of Who’s the Boss? on DVD. Yet local libraries might be soaking the taxpayers to make watching Alyssa Milano’s pre-teen years a reality for all.
That's Derbyshire territory right there, but I take solace in the idea that Schneider is a sucker enough to pay for his perversions.

12 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

pearl-necklace clutching

Tee hee.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Something wicked is coming all over the place!
~

Smut Clyde said...

You could pay someone to spend their time deciding which DVDs and websites were acceptable library services and which weren't, but that would cost an extra salary and lead to outcries about the frivolous waste of public moneys.

Not to be confused with a frivolous waste of public monkeys.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

hmf. Where are the sexy librarians?

Substance McGravitas said...

Calling security I guess.

Willy said...

"I'll let you touch the first editions if you promise me your hands are clean."

Do they include facial tissues at each computer terminal?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Library patrons have expanded from those who need no-cost materials to free-riding wealthy people looking for some free entertainment.

I look forward to his column calling for tax increases on those making more than $250K

mikey said...

...whacking off in public remains illegal...

All of which creates an impossible-to-rectify tension between the porn-viewing library patron and the inevitable outcum of porn viewing.

I would think, in light of this policy, that some public access terminals be moved to privacy cubes, or perhaps, in the name of efficiency and hygiene, to the men's room.

I wonder if the reference desk will help the patrons find the best sites for their preferred pornstyle, fetish, equipment and clothing.

"Umm, hi. I'd like to view a video of lesbian hard-hat foot-licking, preferably set in a dude ranch."

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Calling security I guess.

SEXY security?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

hmf. Where are the sexy librarians?

Would you settle for a sexy robot?

Smut Clyde said...

SEXY security?
Tight leather uniforms...
No, no taser fetish here, no sirree.

Substance McGravitas said...

I wonder if the reference desk will help the patrons find the best sites for their preferred pornstyle, fetish, equipment and clothing.

When I was BUT A LAD and not allowed in the "adult" section - where you could find the Ayn Rand books - the 0-100 section contained some weird stuff including books with lots of colour paintings of naked witches being witchy with goat-headed men.

And here I am.