Friday, April 1, 2011

IMPORTANT NEWS FROM CANADA!*

OMG PASS THE SYRUP!
Maple syrup may have potential health benefits, say scientists checking out its antioxidants.
Also it may make your penis just slightly bigger than an American penis (the ONLY measure that counts).
Preliminary laboratory findings from Quebec suggest maple syrup may help the body regulate blood glucose levels.
Up up UP, my lazy and malingering glucose levels! Thank you for this valuable information, um, who are you people bringing me this delicious and nutritious information?
The research was funded by the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers and Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada.
YETH I WOULD LIKE THOME MORE THYRUP!




*You are banned for thinking what you are thinking.

17 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

Improbable-seeming glucose-regulating syrup and relatively large-penised men? My god, it's like Canada is begging me to visit.

I totally want to write slogans for your tourism bureau now.

"Stay for the syrup and come for the..." well, you know.

I'll keep working on it.

Brendan said...

Sorry to have to pour ice-cold water on your earnestly straining member, but all this news means is that Vermont now rules your world. Even. More.

USA! USA! USA!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The House of Substantial PENIS! and Pancakes.

TruculentandUnreliable said...

Yeah, well, we have comparatively larger BOOBIES.

I attribute it to the HFCS.

vacuumslayer said...

Full disclosure: I do not have big American breasts.

Anyway, I came up with a slogan for your tourism people. It's "Our Sweet Cocks Cure Diabetes" Nobody seemed impressed with that, so I very helpfully showed them my visual aids, which consisted of a very pretty, full-lipped American woman sensuously licking maple syrup off a Canadian man's earnestly straining erection.

I am now banned from Canada.

It's like people don't *get* my art at all!

Substance McGravitas said...

I do not have big American breasts.

You're American...BUY SOME.

Smut Clyde said...

Diabetes is Serious Business.

Smut Clyde said...

A number of countries on the map appear to have no penes. These are not countries where the disappearing-penis disease is reported so I incline to blame witchcraft.

vacuumslayer said...

I incline to blame witchcraft.

I swear I've never even BEEN to those countries!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Ooo Ooo Witchy Woman

She's got rabbit ears on her heaaaaaaaaaaad...
~

ckc (not kc) said...

...licking maple syrup off a Canadian man's earnestly straining erection

HEY! Some of us are trying to watch the hockey, eh?

Jennifer said...

Perhaps they should now call it MayPole syrup... and don't even get me started on what the Maypole is doing with the Mulberry bush...

Substance McGravitas said...

A number of countries on the map appear to have no penes.

And has conflict ended? NO.

mikey said...

I personally support eliminating pennies in the US.

They serve no good porpoise, and frankly present a whale of a problem due to their shrimpy purchasing power.

Smut Clyde said...

Even worse than a 50-ft Hitler made of little hitlers.

tigris said...

Yeah, well, we have comparatively larger BOOBIES.

I attribute it to the HFCS.


So I should be slathering them with corn syrup instead of maple syrup? Great, NOW she tell me.

M. Bouffant said...

*You are banned for thinking what
you are thinking.


Election news?

Ha ha, wv be "spermi." Now you is banned.