Monday, April 25, 2011

The Religion Section

Brent Bozell:
For the Christian faithful, the week between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday is sacred. It’s a time of reflection and prayer and fasting. It is Holy Week. It deserves the strongest respect.
You guessed it, that means STRONG RESPECTFUL RAGING. Targets please.
[Lady Gaga] is spitting in Christ’s face and pounding the crown of thorns into his head.
So...Christ's back?
The spirit of Lady Gaga also came alive in April in "The Borgias," the new Showtime miniseries that dwells playfully on an adulterous, murderous pope – a Spanish mobster in papal vestments. (It’s what Showtime considers “religious” programming.) There’s no historical doubt that Rodrigo Borgia (who became Pope Alexander VI) was flagrantly immoral, with seven illegitimate children, one of whom he named a cardinal. He was a terrible pope and a medieval Judas – and the perfect vehicle to sully today’s Catholic Church.
Boy, if there was a perfect vehicle to sully today's Catholic Church it would have to be a show about a guy five centuries dead. Also the Democrats are the party of slavery! Sure hope Brent didn't learn the many things he seems to know about the Borgias during Holy Week. Mind you, Popes is Popes I guess.

Italian Nanni Moretti dared to make a comedy about said world-spanning child-buggery operation:
Some felt this movie was mocking Pope Benedict, who recently recounted to German journalist Peter Seewald that his election was “a real shock.” Franco Zeffirelli, the director of the TV miniseries “Jesus of Nazareth,” agreed Moretti's film was an insult to the Pope and the faith. "It's a horrible cheap shot," Mr Zeffirelli said. "I feel especially sorry for this pontiff, who may not be a crowd-pleaser, but who is very civilized and reasonable."
I feel especially sorry for him too! The austere life of a servant of God precludes a lot of life's pleasures. Oiled-up acrobats are okay though.



So the Catholic Church, during Holy Week, has been sullied by a song, a TV series, and a movie. It is a very good thing that the Church, during the Oh So Sacred Whatsit, was not sullied by this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this or this. To be fair, it's unkind to think that news items are objects of interest to the good folks at Newsbusters.

26 comments:

guitarist manqué said...

Having been accused of predatory buggery himself one would imagine that Zeffirelli would be sympathetic to the pope. One wonders what "civilized and reasonable" means in his world.

vacuumslayer said...

The power of Christ compells...your penis to respond to oiled up acrobats.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

[Lady Gaga] is spitting in Christ’s face and pounding the crown of thorns into his head.

Whoa, Lady Gaga is a time-traveler?

He was a terrible pope and a medieval Judas – and the perfect vehicle to sully today’s Catholic Church.

Yeah, the show is primarily meant to discredit the Church, it has nothing to do with the current popularity of historical costume dramas and the recent popularity of crime family dramas.

Also, mention of the Borgias warrants linking to my favorite religious order.

Smut Clyde said...

You would have thought that being a mediaeval Judas would involve something like, I don't know, betraying one's closest friend to the authorities.

Another Kiwi said...

Oh well, I guess Hunky Jesus is out of the question

Substance McGravitas said...

Hunky Jesus is an ABOMINATION. Priests putting their wangs into very young Hunky Jesuses is no big deal.

Brando said...

[Lady Gaga] is spitting in Christ’s face and pounding the crown of thorns into his head.

She's just copying Mel Gibson.

You would think the Vatican's PR department would do a better screening of the Pope's entertainment.

vacuumslayer said...

How do you all feel about Sexy Jesus?

vacuumslayer said...

Oh my! It's wrong to covet Jesus' flat, muscled stomach and cut arms and chest, right?

Substance McGravitas said...

I'd say go get yourself a Fleshlight but HA HA THEY DON'T MAKE THOSE FOR LADEEZ.

vacuumslayer said...

That is what the body brush attachment is for.

Substance McGravitas said...

Death Grip Masturbation: You Only Come Once.

vacuumslayer said...

WTH? I had NEVER heard of that. And...not to to get too...blue on your blog or anything, but how could that possibly compare to the, um, environment of ladyparts?

tigris said...

[Lady Gaga] is spitting in Christ’s face and pounding the crown of thorns into his head.

Wow, that's like SO TOTALLY disrespectful of the Bible story.

M. Bouffant said...

The power of Christ compells...your penis to respond to oiled up acrobats.

As someone w/ a penis attached, I can assure you that the power of Christ compels my attachment to attempt to return to its original state as a well-hidden clitoris.

Smut Clyde said...

body brush attachment

It turns out that you should not use actual curry powder with a curry comb.
Chili powder is not well-received either.

Oh my!
Orb sighting!!

vacuumslayer said...

PENISorb--Porb!

"As someone w/ a penis attached, I can assure you that the power of Christ compels my attachment to attempt to return to its original state as a well-hidden clitoris."

Yes, but in your defense you are not a pope or a priest.

Substance McGravitas said...

WTH? I had NEVER heard of that.

I hadn't heard of it either and I was really searching for just-so stories of guys sticking their dicks into whatever was handy WHICH IS TOTALLY NOTHING LIKE ANYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE.

The death grip, though, is pretty funny. I recommend the podcasts as they often start with amusing questions like that read out with dull sincerity by volunteers.

Smut Clyde said...

just-so stories... whatever was handy
Why we really evolved opposable thumbs.

PENISorb--Porb!
Could also be a threaded socket for a removable shipping rod.

Smut Clyde said...

It’s a time of reflection and prayer and fasting. It is Holy Week. It deserves the strongest respect.
[Lady Gaga] is spitting in Christ’s face and pounding the crown of thorns into his head.


I'm just gonna hazard a wild guess here that Bozell regards certain Muslims as a mob of superstitious sand-monkeys because they get all dandered up about their holy book.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Oiled-up stripping acrobats set a very high bar*, but this thread delivers.

*Also stiff enough to suppport the weight of a full-sized adult without bending.

vacuumslayer said...

guys sticking their dicks into whatever was handy

I hear hands are handy.

smut...that picture...so...many...questions...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Lettuce prey.
~

fish said...

but how could that possibly compare to the, um, environment of ladyparts?

I read about this in one of the Dune books. (not the good one)

Substance McGravitas said...

Note the minor alteration to the legless orangs.

mikey said...

Wow. A Jesus/Masturbation thread. Makes a fellow think.

Did the nail holes make Jesus use a different grip? I mean, after he was dead of course. Sometimes dead people (typically men) have an erection. But very few try to get a death grip on it.

Hey! Did you hear about the masturbating sysadmin? He liked to use a "death grep".

So anyway, back to Jesus. Do you think the whole thorns on the head thing was an autoerotic fetish? You'd think you could find other people doing it on the internet. Maybe it's the exception to Rule 34?

Do you suppose that Jesus looks at those holes in his hands when no one's around and thinks "hmmm"? Hoo Nose? Maybe Jesus liked to put his wang into all sorts of weird stuff - "The fishes are fine but the loaves are a little sticky"!!

You know.

Stuff like that.

W/V agrees, wants to get a little nockert