Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Doing It Well

I don't really have much to add to this column by Ben Shapiro except that I wish all right-wing writing could be so clearly spiteful. It'd save a lot of time. Excerpts:
While Christians across the world marked Easter and Jews marked Passover, liberals marked their annual ode to neo-paganism with hippy-dippy exercises in green self-righteousness. Of course, they neglected to mention that Gaia herself was a Greek hussy who mythologically created the oceans and the depths by an incestuous relationship with her son, Uranus. They also neglected to mention that one original co-founder of Earth Day was a murderer, that its first backers were tie-dyed socialists who hated capitalism, and that Earth Day itself was timed to coincide with the 100th anniversary of the birth of Vladimir Lenin.
That is an action-packed paragraph. There's more!
The dirtiest secret of all with regard to Earth Day is that one of its co-founders, Ira Einhorn, would go on to murder his girlfriend and stuff her in a closet beneath environmentally-unfriendly Styrofoam. After fleeing the United States and spending 23 years abroad, France finally extradited Einhorn. Upon his return, Einhorn explained that the CIA had framed him after discovering that Einhorn had uncovered their paranormal military weaponry plans. Einhorn is currently sitting in prison.

The biggest problem with Earth Day was not Earth Day itself, which was little more than a showcase for the smelliest, highest, dirtiest group of college students ever to live off the parental dime.
Okay, I snipped some boring stuff about regulations off that last part. But there's more!
Earth Day, Newsweek magazine reported in 1970, was a "bizarre nationwide rain dance." Today, it is a government-sponsored rain dance that's devoted to the promotion of secularism and the worship of a pagan ethos that values dirt and trees rather than people -- or at least pretends to in order to achieve redistributionist ends. If we're going to start cutting the deficit, the first place we should look to cut is Earth Day nonsense designed to indoctrinate children with the watermelon value system: green on the outside, red on the inside.
Have we reached peak Shapiro?

24 comments:

mikey said...

the promotion of secularism and the worship of a pagan ethos that values dirt and trees rather than people -- or at least pretends to in order to achieve redistributionist ends.

Um, ok, sure, but why would we seek redistributionist ends if we don't value people, but rather dirt and trees. Is he suggesting we're trying to give taxpayer money to dirt? Are we seeking a socialist political system where trees represent the political leadership?

These guys are just foaming at the mouth, spewing hatred in every direction without any overarching sensibility or rationale, and the crazy just keeps getting uglier.

ckc (not kc) said...

I always say, if you're going to murder someone, go with the burlap.

Smut Clyde said...

a government-sponsored rain dance

This is different from the Governor of Texas declaring a state-wide prayer for rain because SUTY.

Substance McGravitas said...

Use of Greek gods as metaphors means you own their mythical crimes, HIPPIES!

guitarist manqué said...

I remember the first Earth Day, when I was just a little scout manqué picking up litter, how vital Vladimir Illyich was to the whole project. That so many guys my age wear those dumb little Lenin beards is central to his point.

wv: prosse me: nol

Another Kiwi said...

How does Shapiro feel about earth-raper murderers? I guess that he is OK with that since they made no secret of their murderous inclinations. Mr Einhorn, who seems to be a thoroughly bad lot, killed his girlfriend because she done him wrong with a friend. I imagine that this is a story completely unheard of in the high flying corporate world that Shapiro licks the arse of.

Smut Clyde said...

Moral: Don't trust unicorns.

Willy said...

His style of finding conspiracy in everything is like practicing numerology without the numbers.

WV=froir, Spanish for 'to grow an afro'.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Dirty smelly dope-smoking hippy-dippy college students!!!11111!!!!
~

fish said...

Mr Einhorn, who seems to be a thoroughly bad lot, killed his girlfriend because she done him wrong with a friend.

Duh, his crime wasn't killing his girlfriend, it was the HYPOCRISY of putting her body in STYROFOAM!!!

Substance McGravitas said...

If he'd made a bowl from her skull presumably Shapiro would be less outraged.

vacuumslayer said...

I sat down with Zeus once, tried to have an adult conversation with him about his wanton ways. He looked me square in the eye and said "Don't hate the playa, hate the game." I have no idea what that means.

vacuumslayer said...

Moral: Don't trust unicorns.

WTF?

tigris said...

Duh, his crime wasn't killing his girlfriend, it was the HYPOCRISY of putting her body in STYROFOAM!!!

HELLO, he was RECYCLING it as a COMPOSTER.

Substance McGravitas said...

The fuck.

tigris said...

VS, Einhorn ist Cherman for Unicorn.

tigris said...

FUCK YOU SUBSTANCE.

Substance McGravitas said...

Best fuck ever recorded.

vacuumslayer said...

Sorry. I am...sensitive...when it comes to unicorns.

J Neo Marvin said...

I see they are still trying to equate the ecology movement with those scary, scary Commies. Never mind that the old Communist nations had an appalling record on the environment. My friends in Germany used to point out that, pre-Perestroika, the horribly polluted Elbe river would flow from East to West Germany, and there was nothing the West Germans could do about it.

J Neo Marvin said...

If he'd made a bowl from her skull presumably Shapiro would be less outraged.

What? Recycling? Damn hippie.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Damn, Shapiro sure is outraged about shit that happened decades before his birth. Let it go, little sprout!

Substance McGravitas said...

At the same time, if it was Slayer singing it I'd probably enjoy it.

mikey said...

the horribly polluted Elbe river would flow from East to West Germany, and there was nothing the West Germans could do about it.

What, with all that vaunted German engineering expertise it never occurred to them to just build a damn dam?