Monday, June 14, 2010

You're the Top

I've been listening to an Ethel Merman version of this. Never really paid attention to the lyrics before, but apparently if you are the top you are cellophane. The lyrics were put together by survey.

What's below needs correction, but am I correcting it? NO.

At words poetic, I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best
Instead of getting them off my chest
To let 'em rest unexpressed

I hate parading my serenading
As I probably miss the bar
But if this ditty is not so pretty
At least it'll tell you how great you are

You're the top, you're the Coliseum
You're the top, you're the Louvre Museum
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss
You're a Bendel bonnet, a Shakespeare's sonnet
You're Mickey Mouse

You're the Nile, you're the Tower of Pisa
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop
But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top

You're the top, you're Mahatma Gandhi
You're the top, you're Napoleon Brandy
You're the purple light of a summer night in Spain
You're the National Gallery, you're Garbo's salary
You're cellophane

You're sublime, you're the turkey dinner
You're the time of the Derby winner
I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop
But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top

You're the top, you're an arrow collar
You're the top, you're a Coolidge dollar
You're the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire
You're an O'Neill drama, you're Whistler's mama
You're Camembert

You're [Incomprehensible], you're Inferno's Dante
You're the nose on the great Durante
I'm just in the way as the French would say, "De trop"
But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top

You're the top, you're the Waldorf salad
You're the top, you're a Berlin ballad
You're the basic grand of a lady and the gents
You're an old Dutch master, you're Mrs. Astor
You're Pepsodent

You're romance, you're the steps of Russia
You're the pants on a Roxy usher
I'm a lazy lout with just about to stop
But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top


Look at the fuckers from try to make their lyrics safe from dastardly cut-and-pasters:


mikey said...

Hey, I remember Ritchie Petrie singing that song to Laura Petrie on the old origingal "Dick van Dyke Show". Only he said "You're the top, you're the Mommy Lisa". It kicked ASS!

If it was me, I'd have to come up with a way to beat it that lame HTML bullshit. If I was a smart guy, I'd just write a perl script that would take the characters as input and output their ASCII equivalents. I'm not a smart guy. I think I'd take a screen shot, crop it down to just the lyrics, and see if I could OCR it....

Substance McGravitas said...

I don't run NoScript at work, but that beats it on the main page, the STOOPID ASSHOLES.

mikey said...

That's hilariously incompetent. These are the overlords? Christ, all we have to do is wait until they get confused and put itching powder instead of talcum powder in their underpants. It's only a matter of time...

Andrew said...

Python okay?

a='["As ... m"]'

Here goes:

c=[i for i in c if i>31 and i<128]
lyrics=[d[i] for i in n]

for i in lyrics: print i

Substance McGravitas said...

Gnoetry is a python project. Been meaning to look at that to see if I can manipulate it.

Andrew said...

Bah, Blogger garbled some of it. I'll try again:

p='["&#65;&#115; ...]'
q=[5,42,2,45, ...]

That's the ASCII, followed by the list of line numbers which comes after. Here's the decoder:

def answers(s,n):
c=[i for i in c if i>31 and i<128]
return [d[i] for i in n]

And then:

lyrics = answers(p,q)
for i in lyrics: print i

tigris said...

Or you could Google the lyrics from someplace that doesn't try to thwart C&P...

Andrew said...

In a minute you'll be telling us that zorbs are not a practical mode of environmentally-friendly transportation.