Thursday, September 17, 2009


Townhall has canned Burt Prelutsky:
Now, understand, I am not the sort of person who readily subscribes to conspiracies.* If anything, I tend to pooh-pooh them because I don’t believe two people can keep a secret, and I’m dead certain that three or more can’t. However, something about the timing couldn’t fail to grab my attention in much the same way that a mackerel lying under your pillow will certainly grab yours.

The piece that Townhall had posted on Monday of that week was an attack on our sworn enemies, which I had titled “The Straight Poop on Islam,” but which Townhall, in a fit of political correctness verging on insanity, had re-named “The Straight Talk on Islam.”

Perhaps it was sheer coincidence that the very next day, I was let go.
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*Ah ha ha. Ha ha hee hee hee. Oh ho hoho ho. Hehehehehe.


mikey said...

Well, then. There you have it.

Fucker said "Poop".

What ELSE could it be?

herr doktor bimler said...

According to my in-depth textual analysis, Burt Prelutsky's books were ghostwritten by Dragon-King Wangchuck.
I bet he says PENIS too.

Another Kiwi said...

No No he says
That said, I fear that there are dark forces at play.

It must be teh mooselums.

Or strings of dark matter and such. Because ole Burt is kinda stringy.

Or is it Dan Banner, banning Burt???

mikey said...

Seems to me this just frees up our friend Stubby McClavacle to assume ol' Burt's visage across the broad expanse of the intert00bz.

And don't be surprised if he brings his bitions....

Substance McGravitas said...

Y'know, I'd do a better job with Sam there, except that I probably won't.

M. Bouffant said...

Consarn it!!

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

herr doktor,

You flatter me. I just drew the pictures.

Also, you said "in-depth sexual anal". Heh-heh. Wait, you didn't?

J— said...

This one is pretty tightly written for a Prelutsky essay. Maybe he should do more along these lines.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Poop there it is.

Substance McGravitas said...

I'm somewhat impressed that his articles were $20 a crack.


tigris said...

Flying drag-and-drop mustachios should net you WAY more than 20$ per offering. O, the injustices of this world.

Another Kiwi said...

"And how is the Greenback doing against the Sorus? We cross to Fox News Money Guy, Chuck Plenty, Chuck?"
CP; "Fuck the Chicken, fuck the chicken.
Anchor:"Well at least he didn't say,Poop"

Rusty Shackleblart said...

Canned Prelofski is no substitute for fresh

herr doktor bimler said...

Have you considered passing the hat around to pay Burt to publish a few columns here? They would lend a certain cachet to the House of Substance. I would happily chip in a few of the shiny bottle-tops we use in NZ rather than money.

Substance McGravitas said...

Have you considered passing the hat around to pay Burt to publish a few columns here?

I do not have a hat gigantic enough to contain the inevitable torrent of contributions, nor would I want to clean it up afterwards.

Another Kiwi said...

I, myself, will put in several beads and a blanket to hear straight from the horse's pooper.

mikey said...

Besides, if both Burts were suddenly writing on the same blog, wouldn't that cause a singularity that would cause Steven Hawking to blow up the Large Hadron Collider...

Substance McGravitas said...

cause Steven Hawking to blow up the Large Hadron Collider...

That guy's always fucking with something and then you come in to the room and he's all






mikey said...


herr doktor bimler said...

That, sir, is the Pauli Effect -- a sufficiently advanced theoretical physicist will break practical equipment merely by being in the same room at the time.

Another Kiwi said...

He is not, I have heard of theoretical physicists whose time of arrival in a town could be ascertained by the simultaneous failure of every bit of previously functioning physics equipment.

Another Kiwi said...

A Hadron collider called Burt
Was asked to put on a spurt,
He charged up his loop.
But misfired on poop.
Which was the fault of some darkies.

herr doktor bimler said...

I went for a ride on a luge;
The staff were all wearing rouge.
This aroused a suspicion
and caused a condition:

herr doktor bimler said...

In a garden of paths that are forking
Lives a physicist called Steven Hawking.
His views on Time's Arrow
Are not straight or narrow
And gear always breaks when he's talking.

Lawnguylander said...

Goodness but Chris Elliott has not aged gracefully.

mikey said...

I drank from the bucket of Pauli
Went to flip the main switch and thought "Golly"
The system's not working
In fact it seems to be smirking
We should have built this collider in Bali

herr doktor bimler said...

My poem was working so well;
I thought of the volumes I'd sell.
I didn't expect
The Trilling Effect
That destroyed the metre and the rhyme scheme, the moment I opened a book of literary theory.

Another Awful Kiwi said...

A biochemist called Pauli
Said "My gear will break down"
When I'm out on the town
Askin' "Do ya want my collider insideya.