Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Here Come Cowboys

Hi Deanna Murray!
Ed. Note: Please make Deanna feel welcome here at Big Hollywood. Hopefully, this is just the beginning of a beautiful relationship. –JN
Well okay then. Whaddaya got?
When you discover you just spent more than $10 to see pretty much the worst movie EVER made, can anything give you comfort?

I didn’t think so ... especially when my mind started wandering about 15 minutes into ‘Cowboys and Aliens’ and the thrill of seeing Daniel Craig in chaps had worn off...
Frankly I welcome masturbation endorsement as the Surgeon General says it's cool. Anything else? There are a lot of pixels to use up.
This ridiculously asinine excuse for a movie (thank you, Stephan Spielberg) about aliens stealing town folk from an old west mining town to ‘see how they tick’ so they could annihilate the human race, started to become a perfectly normal paradigm of how the left is infiltrating every aspect of our lives. And in case you hadn’t figured it out yet ... the left are the aliens and us red-blooded conservatives are the cowboys.
My god! That is so much like ME I can't believe it! I mean, look:
Basically, in the sandstone hills and mountains of what looks like Texas or New Mexico, the aliens have imbedded this colossally large space ship underground and it sticks up out of the ground like a tower (and totally doesn’t blend in, btw).

The aliens, on occasion, swoop into town in their metal spaceships and throw out these rope lassos from the sky and round up people, pulling them bungee cord style behind their spaceships.

Once aboard the mothership, the townspeople are forced to stare into the light for some sort of brainwashing before being dissected by the brutally disgusting aliens whose hands come out of their chests in this terriblby grotesque manner.
This describes last the last Tuesday of the month, affectionately known here as Terriblby Tuesday. You'd think the dissection would be the fun part, but that light is SO COOL.

10 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

the brutally disgusting aliens

If you're gonna disgust people, you might as well combine it with some brutality.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

and yet you hate zombies.

Hypocrite.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wow that song takes me back.
~

vacuumslayer said...

My god! That is so much like ME I can't believe it!

LOL.

Substance, are you ever going to tell us which SATC character you are?!


So LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD made this movie all about good Murkan cowboys defeating the weird ass-probing aliens? That's weird.


This describes last the last Tuesday of the month, affectionately known here as Terriblby Tuesday.

:D

tigris said...

When you discover you just spent more than $10 to see pretty much the worst movie EVER made, can anything give you comfort?

Wow TEN WHOLE DOLLARS! I spent nothing to see "Red Planet Mars" but now the space program and SETI are permanently ruined for me. And even that had nothing on this. I committed suicide ten times in the first five minutes.

Another Kiwi said...

So it's bad movie but you have to show your Bug Eyed Hollywood cred so you lay a little lead on the liberals.
Fuck her and her bollix view of the universe which is so ingrained that she just can't relax and take the piss out of a bad film.
Miserable fuckers

vacuumslayer said...

I committed suicide ten times in the first five minutes.


TEN times? tigris is a SUPERcat!

truculentandunreliable said...

A movie named "Cowboys and Aliens" was terrible? My first thought when I heard the title was "That's either some sort of lost project or posthumous or they've managed to resurrect Truffaut!"

Bitch better keep her hands off my boyfriend, btw.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

When you discover you just spent more than $10 to see pretty much the worst movie EVER made, can anything give you comfort?

I didn’t think so ...


...until I managed to pound it into my view of the world. Isn't cognitive dissonance grand?

Also, that may be my favorite "Furs" song ever. Oddly enough, having spent long periods of time sans T.V., I'd never seen an image of Richard Butler before. I pictured him looking more like Howard Devoto with hair.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

and it sticks up out of the ground like a tower

OK, I will not even mock the misspelling of "embedded"

but apparently any high rise towers are now evidence of alien influence in liberal architects? Is that the take-away?
Because I am a liberal architect, and I dislike a fair number of alien towers.

if this makes me a conservative, I am gonna be PISSED.