Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Predicting the Future

A nut writes:
Headlines from the Year 2020

Here is what life will be like in the year 2020 if our civilization continues to go AWOL:
  • All business owners and executives now required to pass annual exam on ecology, sexual harassment, diversity, and the history of racial and gender discrimination in the workplace
  • Associated Press: Unexpectedly, unemployment surpasses 60%; experts confounded
  • All mineral, oil, and natural gas extraction outlawed in U.S. due to looming extinction of the boll weevil
  • Oliver Stone, on behalf of the Progressive movement, issues formal apology to Adolph Hitler for frequent and unwarranted comparisons with George W. Bush
  • Faculty at Harvard Dept. of Gender Studies admits responsibility for arson at Cambridge cinema showing a John Wayne film
  • National Endowment for the Arts spends $50 million on teaching pre-schoolers how to paint a canvas entirely black
  • City of London prohibits construction of new churches; Muslim groups protest “infidel trick” designed to allow existing structures to remain
[...]
Would you care to add your own headlines?
Well sure:
  • Beloved Pope Benedict XVI On Fast Track For Sainthood: Wore Shirt Made Of Hair From Good-Looking Boys
  • Andrew Breibart Reveals Long Lines At DMV
  • Intelligence Officials Acknowledge Blood From Stones Impossible But Blood Using Stones Quite Simple
Oh, and I forgot this part in what's above:
This is the fourteenth installment in a continuing series.

15 comments:

MagicBee said...

President Moose-eater closes Disneyland because Walt Disney once fucked a retard wearing a dinosaur costume.

Substance McGravitas said...

Love attention though I do, I'm kinda down on the "retard" stuff if used to describe people with actual troubles.

A personal thing.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Windstorms Blowing off Appalachian Sootplain Create Black Clouds Over Eastern Seaboard Cities- Mayors Respond by Leaving Streetlights on 24/7.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mexico builds boarder fence to keep illegal U.S. Americans out.
~

mikey said...

Headlines from 2020, eh?

Hokay.

"President announces additional troops, 'New Way Forward' in Afghanistan"

"New date set for Iraq withdrawal".

"Prison at Guantanamo Bay to be closed by 2023"

"Kristol, Kagan recommend military action against Europe"

"Congress to convene hearing on retroactive immunity proposal"

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Fonzie Statue in Milwaukee found dressed in lingerie; local Zombie arrested.

M. Bouffant said...

I like "Iron-Eyes" Van Gogh crying a tear or three there. Wasn't all that goofy art what didn't look like nuthin' what started The Decline?

He should know better. There won't be any cinemas or John Wayne movies by 2020.

Earth Devasted By Pheson Particle Wave!

M. Bouffant said...

Filed under Fiction, Humor

Copyright © 2007 Gary Wolf - All Rights Reserved

G. W. should get to 2010 before any more stabs at prophecy.

Smut Clyde said...

This is the fourteenth installment in a continuing series.
what did he predict for 2006?

fish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brando said...

Archeologists Discover Ancient Artifact Called "Newspaper."

fish said...

Goldman Sachs board selects new U.S. COO.

NYM NYM NYM said...

City of London prohibits construction of new churches

The youngest church in the City of London is the catholic St Mary Moorfields built in 1903

Substance McGravitas said...

Most amusing.

Smut Clyde said...

Do not expect G.W. to know the difference between the sprawling metropolis "London" and that wee off-centre part that is the "City of London", where few people live and the PUBS FECKIN' SHUT EARLY.