Mindreading for Dummies

David Kahane has written another completely nutty article. In this one he pretends to be a liberal fearing that his fellows will upchuck the Kool-Aid. Frinstance:

I have a nightmare that you will read Machiavelli’s The Prince and realize that we got there way ahead of you.

Get it? Various other nightmares follow:

I have a nightmare that some of you are old enough to recall a time when the law was an honorable profession, the Constitution was not so deconstructed that, essentially, all that is left of it is the Commerce Clause, and your doctor charged a fee for service and made house calls.

No one can look back on the good old days and not think warmly of fees.

I have a nightmare that you’ll realize that, far from being a right-wing nut, Lee Harvey Oswald was a self-proclaimed Marxist who defected to the Soviet Union, came home with a Russian wife, agitated on behalf of Castro’s Cuba, tried to re-defect to Russia, returned to Dallas, brought his rifle to work, and killed JFK with a classic marksman’s shot group: miss, hit, kill.

News to me, I guess. You too?

I have a nightmare that eventually you will recall that, just a few years after the events depicted in Milk, the newly liberated gay community in San Francisco was decimated by AIDS.

Non sequitur or divine retribution? Your secret guilt will inform you.

I have a nightmare that you will finally understand what the Manchurian Candidate, “mmm mmm mmm / Barack Hussein Obama,” meant by “fundamental change.”

Can someone explain this one in comments?

I have a nightmare that we liberals won’t be able to stop Andrew Breitbart or any of the other maquis now shooting at us from every tree and from behind every rock, turning our own tactics against us, mocking us and rendering us frustrated and impotent.

Lost again. Andrew Breitbart is a French resistance fighter shooting at, um, YOU dear reader?

I have a nightmare that Sarah Palin will get the Republican nomination for president in 2012.

Okay, back to reality: RUN SARAH RUN. PUHLEEEEAAZE!

Punchline I suppose:

I have nightmare that . . .

Nah. Never happen. You’re too stupid.

America: DUMBEST COUNTRY ON EARTH.

NO-CRIME-YET BLOGGING

Like Dan Riehl, I intend to do no meaningful research whatsoever into what I am talking about in this post.

Nevertheless, via Big Hollywood and everything, this wild-eyed craziness is interesting.

Seems the city of Hardin in Montana got rooked into building a big badly-designed prison for which no prison population was anticipated. With nowhere else to go and wanting revenue for a white elephant the city signs a contract with a private operator who will somehow fill the prison.

Nobody really knows much about the private operator, American Police Force. Its website is amateurish shit - "Some of our services include Kidknapping & Ransoms for ransom" -- double-dash WTF???-- - and they rode into town in black vehicles with tinted windows bearing stickers that said they were Hardin's police force. Their spokesman has a thick accent. They've mentioned running a homeless shelter and an animal shelter in addition to whatever-the-fuck they're trying to convince people they actually do.

Man, if I was a right-wing militia nut I would be climbing the walls. It looks to me as if the city has hired yet another bunch of folks to build a better monorail, but this second group is incompetent in ways that jibe perfectly with the prevailing paranoia of the neighbourhood. Giant crazy plans, secrecy, foreigners, claims of outrageous baddassery, and, uh, puppies.

Good luck citizens of Hardin. I believe your city will have a long life in the rhetoric of crazymen. Let's hope it works out safely.

Somewhat sad update:

Seems I am way behind some relatively sober Freepers in smelling a scam.

A further update:

Calif. jail entrepreneur has checkered past

BILLINGS, Mont. — Michael Hilton pitched himself to officials in Hardin, Mont. as a military veteran turned private sector entrepreneur, a California defense contractor with extensive government contracts who promised to turn the rural city's empty jail into a cash cow.

Hardin's leaders were desperate to fill the $27 million jail, which has sat empty since its 2007 completion.

So when Hilton came to town last week — wearing a military-style uniform and offering three Mercedes SUVs for use by local law enforcement — he was greeted with hugs by some grateful residents. The promise of more than 200 new jobs for a community struggling long before the recession hit had won them over.

But public documents and interviews with Hilton's associates and legal adversaries offer a different picture, that of a convicted felon with a number of aliases, a string of legal judgments against him, two bankruptcies and a decades-long reputation for deals gone bad.

Much more at the link.

What Warms Her Heart

Quoth K-Lo:

This story warms my heart:

Okay, what do you figger will warm her heart in the story she links to? Puppies being raised by a panda? A Ben and Jerry's ice-cream airlift to Ethiopia? A little girl who made the best pie at the State Fair? The Pope not having sex with a small boy?

PREPARE TO BE AMAZED:

Andy Williams, the veteran pop singer, has accused Barack Obama of "following Marxist theory" and "wanting the country to fail".

I'll make the hot chocolate, you get the marshmallows, let's cozy up by the fire and GO FUCKING NUTS!

One-Trick Phony

Mr. Edroso zings:

Former NYPD Commissioner Bernie Kerik, indicted in May by federal authorities for making false statements to the Bush White House when he was being vetted for Secretary of Homeland Security, has suffered a great setback: his defense team is prohibited from mentioning 9/11 during the trial.

[...]

The ruling effectively prohibits the testimony of Mayor Giuliani, for reasons noted by Joe Biden.

Vaccine Panic: GO!

Get ready for another onslaught:

LONDON, Sept 29 (Reuters) - A British girl who died shortly after being given GlaxoSmithKline's cervical cancer vaccine had an underlying medical condition and the dose was "most unlikely" to have caused her death, health officials said on Tuesday.

Know Who Was Smart?

HITLER.

UPDATE:

Good news everyone! The NRO says the next generation is stupid and lazy!

Learning About Islam

Speaking of Faith is an NPR show that is often irritatingly airy-fairy but with Ramadan they've been putting out quite useful shows about the experience of ordinary Muslims in America. As an anti-religionist I of course think they're all STUPID JERKZZZ!!! but I very much like listening to people who are telling stories about the way that they live and think.

The Cheapest of Nitpicks

Joseph Lindsey:

“Honky,” “cracker,” “whitey,” “spot,” “the white guy” and “my white nigga” are a few of the words and phrases used to describe me by fellow co-workers (along with a few white jokes told to my face on the set of a film) I co-starred in called “Caught Up” in 1998. I was in fact the only principal white actor on a set dominated by black actors, a black director, a black writer and a predominantly black crew. Not once did I think I was being treated in a racist manor.

Photo suggestions?

Technology

Thus far the only good use I have seen of Twitter:

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."

One for the Doktor:

"Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."

Worth It?

Christian Toto:

It’s bad enough that one of the snarkiest comedy outlets around, The Onion, can’t seem to find anything funny about President Barack Obama. But the faux newspaper hit a new low this week by insulting former President Ronald Reagan’s Alzheimer’s Disease and his economic record in one nasty twofer.

Boom. Should it be so easy?

Liberals always take the cheap way out.


As opposed to Toto, who's simply a goof, Leigh Scott appears to be genuinely creepy, creepier even than whatever it is he's creeped out by:

I recently saw the first video of the school kids singing the Barack Obama song in class. At first I thought it was the promo for the new “Children of the Corn” film or perhaps another remake of “Village of the Damned”, but alas, it is not. It is real. But I think it’s way scarier than either of those two retreads will be. This is the single spookiest thing I’ve seen since “Jeepers Creepers” in the theater. It’s a bigger freak show than that Nancy Pelosi press conference where she lied about the CIA.

But, it tells us a lot. It is another nugget of insight into the twisted logic and belief system that plagues the modern left. It should be analyzed, discussed, and studied like the Zapruder film.

Um, yeah, footage of kids singing bullshit happy tunes about the president during Black History Month deserves an invocation of Jackie crawling over the back of a speeding limo to retrieve a piece of skull to put back on Kennedy's burst head.

Constitutionality

Pissy sissies in the United States with their pathetically small constitution - HA HA! JUST LOOK AT IT! - would do well to have a look at the constitution of India's lists of various responsibilities. Lots of stuff can fit in one of those things!

Among various responsibilities:

List I—Union List [That's the central government.]

3. Delimitation of cantonment areas, local self-government in such areas,
the constitution and powers within such areas of cantonment authorities and the regulation of house accommodation (including the control of rents) in such areas.
20. Pilgrimages to places outside India.
26. Lighthouses, including lightships, beacons and other provision for the safety of shipping and aircraft.
31. Posts and telegraphs; telephones, wireless, broadcasting and other like forms of communication.
40. Lotteries organised by the Government of India or the Government of a State.
47. Insurance.
51. Establishment of standards of quality for goods to be exported out of India or transported from one State to another.
59. Cultivation, manufacture, and sale for export, of opium.
60. Sanctioning of cinematograph films for exhibition.
84. Duties of excise on tobacco and other goods manufactured or produced in India except—

(a) alcoholic liquors for human consumption;
(b) opium, Indian hemp and other narcotic drugs and narcotics, but including medicinal and toilet preparations containing alcohol or any substance included in sub-paragraph (b) of this entry.

96. Fees in respect of any of the matters in this List, but not including fees taken in any court.

List II—State List

6. Public health and sanitation; hospitals and dispensaries.
8. Intoxicating liquors, that is to say, the production, manufacture, possession, transport, purchase and sale of intoxicating liquors.
9. Relief of the disabled and unemployable.
10. Burials and burial grounds; cremations and cremation grounds.
15. Preservation, protection and improvement of stock and prevention of animal diseases; veterinary training and practice.
16. Pounds and the prevention of cattle trespass.
30. Money-lending and money-lenders; relief of agricultural indebtedness.
31. Inns and inn-keepers.
33. Theatres and dramatic performances; cinemas subject to the provisions of entry 60 of List I; sports, entertainments and amusements.
34. Betting and gambling.
44. Treasure trove.
51. Duties of excise on the following goods manufactured or produced in the State and countervailing duties at the same or lower rates on similar goods manufactured or produced elsewhere in India:—

(a) alcoholic liquors for human consumption;
(b) opium, Indian hemp and other narcotic drugs and narcotics;but not including medicinal and toilet preparations containing alcohol or any substance included in sub-paragraph (b) of this entry.

58. Taxes on animals and boats.

List III—Concurrent List [These are shared responsibilities.]

8. Actionable wrongs.
15. Vagrancy; nomadic and migratory tribes.
16. Lunacy and mental deficiency, including places for the reception or treatment of lunatics and mental deficients.
17. Prevention of cruelty to animals.
18. Adulteration of foodstuffs and other goods.
19. Drugs and poisons, subject to the provisions of entry 59 of List I with respect to opium.
27. Relief and rehabilitation of persons displaced from their original place of residence by reason of the setting up of the Dominions of India and Pakistan.
29. Prevention of the extension from one State to another of infectious or contagious diseases or pests affecting men, animals or plants.
36. Factories.
37. Boilers.
38. Electricity.
39. Newspapers, books and printing presses.
47. Fees in respect of any of the matters in this List, but not including fees
taken in any court.

Envy the Detectorist

Hoard highlight of 18-year hobby

Discovering the UK's largest haul of Anglo-Saxon treasure has been the highlight of Terry Herbert's 18-year hobby.

"People laugh at metal detectorists," said the unemployed 55-year-old, who stands to make a fortune.

TERROR!

Andrew Klavan is terrified!

It only took a few days for the arrests of would-be terrorists in New York City to fall off the front page. Well, sure, nothing exploded–and God bless the cops, the FBI and other investigators for shutting this particular gang of Murderous Islamist Nutbags down. But if the MIN’s had had their way, officials believe New York would have suffered the sort of simultaneous explosions that took the lives of nearly 200 people in Madrid back in 2004. Imagine the headlines then. Why not? It could have happened. It nearly did. Something like it may yet.

So my question is this: what’s the use of all this good will President Obama has supposedly built up for us in the Arab world? All those apologies, all that groveling before some of the worst and most ignorant tyrants on the planet. Wasn’t that supposed to turn the tide of Arab feeling in our favor?

How about the tide of Afghan feeling? Those folks, I believe, are not Arabs. You can look it up and everything.

But yes, I agree in general: being nice to Macedonians means the Swedes will steal your hubcaps.

After the recent arrests in New York, it seems to me we should all be asking: Isn’t it Obama who has incited Islamist murder by shamelessly appeasing the tyrants at its source?

Of course! I remember my outrage and disgust when, at dinner with King Abdullah, Obama pointed to the rice and said "Bring it on!"

Trust Me

I'm Victor Davis Hanson, academic, and verily I say to thee, academics are stupid liars or terrorists and they float around on clouds.

Also they are judgmental. Did I mention they were complainers?

Still More Metal

Austrian Death Machine.

Let's go
Waaa-yeaah!

How about this one?
How about this one?
Rubber baby buggy bumpers, yeaah
Rubber baby buggy bumpers...
Yeaaah!

How about this one?
How about this one?
Rubber baby buggy bumpers, yeaah

Rubber baby...
Rubber baby...
Rubber baby buggy bumpers yeah

You think I'm so predictable
I bet you didn't know I was - was going to say that
I bet you didn't see this one - see this one coming

Yeah
Let's all get crazy!

Eeeeowwwoooo

I bet you didn't see this one
I bet you didn't see this one

Lets go!

How about this one?
How about this one?
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
How about this one?
How about this one?
Rubber baby buggy bumpers, yeaah
Rubber baby buggy bumpers...

Yeaaah!

Rubber baby...
Rubber baby....
Rubber baby buggy bumpers yeah

Why don't people keep me apprised of these things? Shouldn't they be getting grant money?

Introducing the Boarded-Up Theatre Company

Stalk Rock

Trimming the Fatheads

Is Townhall Better Without Burt? Let's ask Rebecca Hagelin:

If you suspect someone in your family has a porn problem, arm yourself with truth. This column is much to short to delve into all you need to know in order to protect your family. Visit www.SalvoMag.com where you can order the "Silent Bondage" issue and equip yourself to combat pornography's stranglehold head-on.

I'll get to the "Silent Bondage" as soon as I can.

Also Douglas MacKinnon purges David Brooks:

Brooks has unabashedly become a cheerleader for Obama. Again, that is his right. What is not his right is to color the facts, nor to arbitrarily assign intelligence and station in life to others.

...because I fucking know what that intelligence and station in life add up to and HE IS WRONG!

The Third Reason Townhall is Now All Gloss No Dross is John Hawkins with yet another fucking list, ending with this:

5) Obama is no Jackie Robinson: Because he's the first black President, Barack Obama's presidency is particularly meaningful to black Americans just as Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier meant a lot for the same reasons.

However, there is a huge difference between the two men: Jackie Robinson was genuinely talented.

John Hawkins is no:

1. Irving Wallace
2. Amy Wallace
3. David Wallechinsky

Chariots with Saddles: Who Knew?

I summon the demons that live in the wind
As my Chariot drives in the Storm
With the hot blood of Battle
I wait in my saddle
I live and I'll die by the sword

Crack the Earth, Gods of Thunder
Man and beast will be torn asunder
Into the Fight I own the right
To be the King of kings

This Is Your Brain On Thugs

Brains getting tortured are probably not working at their best. That squares with my prejudices, so I am happy being nutty enough to continue thinking that torturing people is both wrong and ineffective. Others are different, as the end of the article shows:

In what is probably a futile effort to avert a flood of pro-torture comments and e-mails, let me point out that whenever science learns something about the brain, it is always possible that the generalization fails to apply to some particular brains. Maybe the brains of Abu Zubaydah, who was waterboarded 83 times, and of 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who was waterboarded 183 times, are different, and their torture elicited truthful information. Neuroscientists would very much like to see the evidence of that.

Yes, it's futile to think you can avoid those who are outraged that outrages are not visited upon others.

Quacks

I quite like that the Times of India calls fake doctors quacks as a matter of course.

Mind you, the doctors named - scare quoted even - have not been to trial. Is it a sign of a young legal system that language is not used more gingerly?

I Blame the Graphics Card

Can't see anything because of the fuckin' red bars.

Inspiration.

Gotta say I like Stranded more.

What Are They Teaching Kids These Days?

Via the ever-clicking fingers of my lovely daughter, a video about a part of the body.

I have removed the offensive portions.

Experiments

What Does This Mean?

I know what it refers to, but what does it mean?

ALERT!!!

Townhall has canned Burt Prelutsky:

Now, understand, I am not the sort of person who readily subscribes to conspiracies.* If anything, I tend to pooh-pooh them because I don’t believe two people can keep a secret, and I’m dead certain that three or more can’t. However, something about the timing couldn’t fail to grab my attention in much the same way that a mackerel lying under your pillow will certainly grab yours.

The piece that Townhall had posted on Monday of that week was an attack on our sworn enemies, which I had titled “The Straight Poop on Islam,” but which Townhall, in a fit of political correctness verging on insanity, had re-named “The Straight Talk on Islam.”

Perhaps it was sheer coincidence that the very next day, I was let go.

THE MUSLIMS DID IT.


*Ah ha ha. Ha ha hee hee hee. Oh ho hoho ho. Hehehehehe.

Watch

More Numberatin'

Visit this site for a panorama of the crowd.

Looks like about a football stadium full of people to me.

912 March: Just Ordinary Folks

For Mr. J—, the happiness before the tears:



From a different video - including press conference! - a comment that I of course thought was fucking nuts:



Now I find myself unable to tell if this is a joke, an honest comment, or the only possible way to reduce Orly's credibility.

Categorically Crazy

Spot James Hudnall's error:

In an effort to continue to broadcast his lack of relevance, Bill Maher doubled down on his hubris-queen act by challenging President Obama to “stand up for the 70 percent of Americans who aren’t crazy.”

Yes, apparently, Maher thinks 70 percent of Americans actually agree with him.

WWCAD?

A smidge more for the sake of fun:



Sure was tricky of the commies to start up an organization like that. Imagine how stupid you'd have to be to do it to your own country.

Numbers

Over at Pajamas Media where Inventing of New Ways of Counting Is Our Aim some folks thought to look at Metrorail's numbers for September 12th. Credit to Dave for this:

Metrorail’s Top 20 Weekday Ridership Days
Date Ridership Event
1 01-20-09 1,120,000 Obama Inauguration
2 01-19-09 866,681 Obama inaugural events
3 07-11-08 854,638 Baseball/Women of Faith Conference
4 06-09-04 850,636 Reagan State Funeral
5 06-25-08 846,388 Smithsonian Folklife Festival/Baseball
6 07-10-08 844,530 Baseball
7 07-08-08 835,072 Baseball/Basketball
8 07-02-08 834,956 Smithsonian Folklife Festival
9 04-03-07 831,508 Cherry Blossoms/Baseball
10 06-24-08 831,464 Baseball/Basketball
11 06-20-08 829,998 Baseball/Basketball
12 04-24-08 828,973 Baseball/Basketball
13 04-17-08 828,418 Pope Visit/Soccer
14 04-11-08 828,132 Baseball/Cherry Blossoms
15 06-27-08 825,862 Smithsonian Folklife Festival/Baseball
16 06-18-08 823,516 No Event
17 07-01-08 822,931 No Event
18 04-10-06 821,283 Immigrant Rights Rally
19 06-19-08 819,979 No Event
20 06-26-08 819,722 Smithsonian Folklife Festival

And then there's this:

September 12, 2009
Metrorail: 437,624

Also:

Metrorail’s Top 5 Saturday Ridership Days
Date Ridership Event
1 06-08-91 786,358 Desert Storm
2 10-04-97 725,909 Promise Keepers
3 04-04-09 713,148 Cherry Blossoms/baseball/basketball/soccer
4 01-20-01 601,839 G.W. Bush Inauguration
5 07-04-98 585,354 Fourth of July celebration

Metrorail’s Top 5 Sunday Ridership Days
Date Ridership Event
1 01-18-09 616,324 Obama Inauguration activities
2 07-04-99 540,945 Fourth of July celebration
3 07-04-93 505,157 Fourth of July celebration
4 04-05-09 469,751 Cherry Blossoms/hockey
5 01-17-93 440,138 Reunion America*

Perhaps there was a cat show or a monster-truck rally that day as well.

*Not even Bill Clinton's real inauguration, but a BILL CLINTON PARTY.

Fun With BugMeNot and Dan Bana

Did you know that BugMeNot has a Newsbusters login?

You too can be a generic leftist.

Dan Bana Watches Over Us

The spread of Dan Bana continues.

Hooray for Liberty!

Taxpayers no longer on the hook for some pansy boondoggle:

All Free Library of Philadelphia Branch, Regional and Central Libraries Closed Effective Close of Business October 2, 2009

All Free Library of Philadelphia Customers,

We deeply regret to inform you that without the necessary budgetary legislation by the State Legislature in Harrisburg, the City of Philadelphia will not have the funds to operate our neighborhood branch libraries, regional libraries, or the Parkway Central Library after October 2, 2009.

Tigrismus and Excellence

1. Substance McGravitas said,

   September 14, 2009 at 16:18 (kill)

   http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2009/09/912_demonstration_a_record_dc.html
   

   The truth will out. Despite mainstream media attempts to characterize turnout as in the thousands, a spokesman for the National Park Service, Dan Bana, is quoted as saying “It is a record…. We believe it is the largest event held in Washington, D.C., ever.”

2. Substance McGravitas said,

   September 14, 2009 at 16:19 (kill)

   Also: http://news.google.com/news?q=%22Dan%20Bana%22&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wn

   I believe Gavin’s been through this one before…

3. tigrismus said,

   September 14, 2009 at 16:28 (kill)

   From the AP last January:The National Park Service says it will rely on a media report that says 1.8 million people attended President Barack Obama’s inauguration.

   Park service spokesman David Barna said the agency did not conduct its own count. Instead, it will use a Washington Post account that said 1.8 million people gathered on the U.S. Capitol grounds, National Mall and parade route, he said.

   “It is a record,” Barna said. “We believe it is the largest event held in Washington, D.C., ever.”

ALSO:

1. Sirius Lunacy said,

   September 14, 2009 at 16:30 (kill)

   The truth will out update:
   http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2009/09/912_demonstration_massive_well.html

   Heheheheh

TEABAGGERS

The Muir stamp of approval on nutsuckers.

Full cartoon here for those with nothing - really, NOTHING - better to do.

Dear Windows Users: You Suck

Now that we've gotten the title over with, here's something for the Windows geek that could be a lot of fun.

I've been using Quartz Composer, and here's how complex the McCain-pissing-Palin image is:



Plug the image into the particle thingie. Plug the other image into a sprite. Make another sprite black for background. It's stupidly easy.

VVVV looks a little clunkier to me, but it's the same concept: plug this unit into that one and you have video. It also looks quite a bit more powerful than Quartz Composer, and it's likelier to have many more people adding freebies to it.

Free At Last

Congratulations to Muntazer al-Zaidi, one of the few sane people who managed to get a point across to George W. Bush.

The Guardian has a nice piece up, so we can set the fact that they're a British paper aside for a moment.

Message Discipline

WTF?

When In Doubt, Shoot

Visit Roy Edroso who observes anxious pro-lifers posit "Just-In-Case" shootings (IMO beats the Just-In-Time model by a long shot).

Note to Myself

Check this out, Mac folks.

I'll be damned: text generation included.

THE BOSS IS A JERK

Over at Andrew Breibart's Big Hollywood, Burt Prelutsky thinks liberalism - whatever that might be but you're part of it I'll bet - is a religion:

For the longest time, I’ve insisted that liberalism is the religion of choice for atheists, agnostics and run-of-the-mill secularists. After all, be they Christians, Jews, Moslems or Buddhists, the truly devout accept the tenets of their religion on faith. They can try to have logical debates with the likes of a Christopher Hitchens, but in the end it all comes down to a couple of people getting red in the face, hollering “Is so” and “Is not” at each other.

Ho ho, easy troll there. But wait, there's more! It's not just a religion, it's a CULT:

But, of late, I’ve decided that referring to liberalism as a religion for non-believers is showing it too much respect. It far more resembles a cult. Even the expression about leftists drinking the Kool-Aid refers to an actual cult, the one created by the certifiable loony, Jim Jones. Having led his flock of deranged sheep from San Francisco to Guyana, one day in 1978, he ordered more than 900 of his followers to drink Kool-Aid laced with cyanide.

Cults are terrible terrible things.

You know, like that cult Burt's boss writes for.

Revelations

Mr. Mendacious D sends along a link to a programming language called Chef. Here's a Hello World written in Chef:

Hello World Souffle.

This recipe prints the immortal words "Hello world!", in a basically brute force way. It also makes a lot of food for one person.

Ingredients.
72 g haricot beans
101 eggs
108 g lard
111 cups oil
32 zucchinis
119 ml water
114 g red salmon
100 g dijon mustard
33 potatoes

Method.
Put potatoes into the mixing bowl. Put dijon mustard into the mixing bowl. Put lard into the mixing bowl. Put red salmon into the mixing bowl. Put oil into the mixing bowl. Put water into the mixing bowl. Put zucchinis into the mixing bowl. Put oil into the mixing bowl. Put lard into the mixing bowl. Put lard into the mixing bowl. Put eggs into the mixing bowl. Put haricot beans into the mixing bowl. Liquefy contents of the mixing bowl. Pour contents of the mixing bowl into the baking dish.

Serves 1.

Now that's pretty funny. At the same time I couldn't help thinking "Isn't that a lot to do to get Hello World?"

Well.

Here's what it takes to get JanusNode to type "Lieutenant Commander Scarsdale-Coachmen the Obsolete Humpback Whale" less what fills out the variables - lists of picked-over words - and a little chunk of code it relies on to make fake words.

100 Subject(SillyNames) honorifics 10 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > { TextDemonCapitalizeFakeWord 100 | FirstNames 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > FirstNames 100 | words 100 | syllables 100 < backspace() 100 > words 100 | words 100 < backspace() 100 > syllables 100 | honorifics 10 | FirstNames 100 | FirstNames 100 < backspace() 100 > syllables 100 | syllables 100 < backspace() 100 > FirstNames 100 } < CapitalizeNext() 100 > { TextDemonCapitalizeFakeWord 100 | FirstNames 100 | words 100 | words 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > words 100 } { "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > jobs 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > Animals 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > adjectives 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > jobs 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > adjectives 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > Animals 100 | "" 100 | "" 100 } return 100
100 Subject(SillyNames) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > { TextDemonCapitalizeFakeWord 100 | words 100 | honorifics 10 | FirstNames 100 } < CapitalizeNext() 100 > { TextDemonCapitalizeFakeWord 100 | FirstNames 100 | words 100 } { "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > jobs 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > Animals 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > adjectives 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > jobs 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > adjectives 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > Animals 100 | "" 100 | "" 100 } return 100
100 Subject(SillyNames) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > { TextDemonCapitalizeFakeWord 100 | FirstNames 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > FirstNames 100 | words 100 | syllables 100 < backspace() 100 > words 100 | words 100 < backspace() 100 > syllables 100 | honorifics 10 | FirstNames 100 | FirstNames 100 < backspace() 100 > syllables 100 | syllables 100 < backspace() 100 > FirstNames 100 } < CapitalizeNext() 100 > { TextDemonCapitalizeFakeWord 100 | FirstNames 100 | words 100 | words 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > words 100 } { "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > jobs 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > Animals 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > adjectives 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > jobs 100 | "the" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > adjectives 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > Animals 100 | "" 100 | "" 100 } return 100

Medium and Message

Long long ago I mentioned liking this song as sung by Blossom Dearie.

Here is an ambitious yet inevitably horrifying short film using it.

Who?

Obscure band "The Beatles" (get it?) have their recordings unearthed.

By popular request:

Welfare

Thomas Sowell explains (circa 1980) that he'd never do real work if he could help it, therefore nobody else will either, and that he must be regarded as a failure.

By Their Froot Loops Ye Shall Know Them

Thomas Sowell:

The most important thing about what anyone says are not the words themselves but the credibility of the person who says them.

Let me be scrupulously fair here and note that a proportion of these results represents crazy foaming-at-the-mouth Hitler invocation by commenters at Townhall and not Thomas Sowell. So about half and half.

Credulity

My daughter told someone today that Labour Day is a celebration of the Twelve Labours of Hercules.

Said someone had to check with me to see if it was true.

Clean my stables, libs!

Free Silvio Berlusconi!

Communists take Italy!

Silvio Berlusconi defended his decision to sue newspapers over their reporting of alleged scandals in his private life, claiming yesterday that 90 per cent of the press in Italy was controlled by a “Communist and Catholic-Communist minority”.

Also:

He claimed that, unlike some of his predecessors: “I do not use my power for personal advantage”. The Constitutional Court is to rule this autumn on whether a law passed by Mr Berlusconi giving himself immunity from prosecution is legally valid.

Giant Rat in Volcano Hideout

Rats.

Victory!

Only 10 of 13 women flogged for wearing trousers!

KHARTOUM, Sudan — A Sudanese judge convicted a woman journalist on Monday for violating the public indecency law by wearing trousers outdoors and fined her $200, but did not impose a feared flogging penalty.

Lubna Hussein was among 13 women arrested July 3 in a raid by the public order police in Khartoum. Ten of the women were fined and flogged two days later. But Hussein and two others decided to go to trial.

Read the article. Lubna Hussein is a stronger person than I.

UPDATE:

Off to jail.

KIWI UPDATE:

Out again. I wonder if she wanted her colleagues to cough up the dough on her behalf.

Curse You George Soros!

Andrew Breitbart has a stupid column in the Washington Times about Van Jones and how Katie Couric should shape up and investigate every Obama appointee. Heck, she or her staffers should investigate something at some point: I'm for that too. But look at this little bit:

Instead, talk-radio host Glenn Beck and Jim Hoft of Gateway Pundit, as well as Breitbart.tv editors Scott Baker and Liz Stephans, led the charge forcing the mainstream media's hand while the usually reliable George Soros-funded "netroots" media defense mechanism couldn't fend off the growing body of charges.

That Soros jerk was asleep at the switch again instead of stifling all True Conservative messages.

Just Playing

Accidentally discovered someone's soul:



Uh oh. If I was fooling around with blotter acid I might want to pay attention to the prophecy in Glenn Beck's eyes.



Keane style:

Decadence

In further news via Boing Boing, this:

How much is a box of pencils worth? Fifty pence? £3.99 if the pencils have rubbers on the ends? Well, if they're part of a Damien Hirst art installation, the value is £500,000. That is what 17-year-old graffiti artist Cartrain discovered when he pilfered some pencils from Hirst's sculpture Pharmacy. And that wasn't all – he was arrested, released on bail, and is waiting to find out if he will be formally charged with causing damage to an iconic artwork worth £10m.

Y'know, I have some appreciation for the games Hirst plays in making his art, but fuck him. The theft had style:

He then created a "wanted"-style poster that read: "For the safe return of Damien Hirst's pencils I would like my artworks back that DACS and Hirst took off me in November. It's not a large demand... Hirst has until the end of this month to resolve this or on 31 July the pencils will be sharpened. He has been warned."

There's more context in the article about some feuding involving appropriation, but that only makes Hirst look worse.

Or, erm, the Tate. Rereading I don't think I see thing one about Hirst taking any action at all except putting pencils back when they're recovered. Fuck him anyway and the Tate!

Also royalties are owed the designers of the pencils.

Snakecharming

Via Boing Boing.

The Unreal Roxanne

Via cognitive dissident, this correction:

Correction: It has come to the attention of the Daily News that a number of statements in this article written for the Daily News by a freelance reporter are, or may be, false. Cornell University has told us that Shante did not receive any degree from it under either her birth or stage name. We have confirmed that prior to the article, at least four publications on Cornell's own website reported that Shante had earned a Ph.D. from the university. Those references have now been removed. And in response to an inquiry today, Marymount College stated that Shante attended there for less than one semester.

Numerous e-mail and telephone inquiries by the freelance reporter to Marymount during the preparation of the article to confirm Shante's account were not responded to. Finally, there have been recent media reports that there never was an education clause in Shante's recording contract. When the reporter contacted Warner Brothers Records about the contract before the article, its only response was that it was having difficulty finding someone within the company who could "talk eloquently" about it.

Vermin

Beware, my friends,
The common Vermin
Seeking underthings
To squirm in.

(Ahh, memories.)

Beaten to the Punch

This seems like a nice event for a good cause:

On Tuesday, September 8, the first annual Ride 2 Recovery eBay Charity Auction will begin and run for 10 days. The highlight of the auction will be a dinner experience with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

[...]

The money raised from this effort will go to support the participation of wounded heroes in the R2R program and events, purchase bikes, helmets, and other technical equipment required for the wounded heroes.

Punchback.

Ostriches in the Krasnoyarsk Zoo

Found here.

Old.

Baffled Burt Prelutsky:

Boneheads would have you believe my opposition to Obama is based on racism. I, on the other hand, would insist that when a presidential candidate announces that once his energy plan is in place, our energy costs will soar; that he will bury you if you have the temerity to own a coal company; and that he believes, as he told Joe the Plumber, that it is government’s job to re-distribute wealth, what does race have to do with it? I hated all that stuff back when it was being promoted by such white con artists as Karl Marx, Josef Stalin and Saul Alinsky.

Few of my fellow communists can forget Marx's first triumphant book tour through 1950s America, surely the promotional event Burt is referring to here.

Furthermore They Are Staffed By Morans!

Good point!

Also a good point:

Rebel Without Drawers

Scooter Schaefer on his ability to relate, dude:

It is easy for me, now 25, to imagine what a twenty-something forty years ago must have been feeling. Concern over a war raging abroad, dire economic conditions at home, and the role of government in a young person’s life always lingering.

The U.S. was undergoing a societal, political, and cultural transformation during which the baby boomers, the young generation of the day, were at ground zero. Unhappy with the "establishment" and "the man" to whom they held responsible for their woes, they started a movement.

With so many parallels to choose from in the problems facing our generation, we too should hold to account the powers that be. The disaffected youth of today need to open their eyes to see the "establishment" and "the man" that looms over them.

An immense government and vast bureaucracy with unprecedented power, the likes of which this country has never seen. A powerful elite in a distant capital making decisions that infringe on our liberties and freedoms with a "we know best" attitude.

From his bio at the Patrick Henry Institute:

Gabriel “Scooter” Schaefer is the most recent addition to the staff at the Patrick Henry Center. As a recent graduate of George Mason University, Scooter was an outspoken advocate of conservative principles and issues affecting his campus. After a post-graduate back-packing trip around Europe, Scooter returned to the United States with a profound respect and admiration for his country, coupled with a determination to pursue conservative advocacy and liberty. Shortly thereafter Scooter found an internship position with an outspoken conservative member of Congress, Representative Tom McClintock of California. (CA-O4) With Capitol Hill experience under his belt Scooter returned to his passion of campus outreach and advocacy as the Assistant Director of the Caucus for Campus Freedom at the Patrick Henry Center.

Bless you, TownHall, for your mad web skillz:

Health Care (Mental Variety)

The ongoing hammering of Megan McArdle by John Holbo attracts a very funny libertarian called Albert Jensen in comments.

Things That Required My Attention Before My Daughter Fell Asleep Last Night

1. A hyena
2. A three-eyed ghost
3. A case of "piggy cold"

You know, I can envision a future of conversations like this:

I Am Become Newt, The Destroyer of Words

Laura Hollis:

The Lefties are at it again. Having completely destroyed that fine word, “liberal,” along with the enlightened 18th century sensibilities that went with it, they have now moved on like locusts through the lexicon, and want to be called “progressives.”

Also I worship Obama, so there's that.

More:

The policies they advance, the behavior they display in support of them, and their inevitable consequences are taking this country backward, not forward, as these same policies have every time they have reared their ugly heads throughout human history. If liberals want a new moniker, they should be called regressives.

Quite right, ma'am! The problem the true leftist faces is not whether to regress, but what Golden Age to regress to: the eras of racial harmony and equality of the sexes, of peace and happiness, of freedom of expression, freedom from hunger or indeed poverty...why the whole thing sets me to dreaming of the day that Thomas Jefferson kissed Nat Turner full on the lips and proclaimed each Sunday to be Free Money Day, with ice-cream and subsequent dental check-ups.

Still more:

Most of what liberals espouse has not only not brought progress, it is sending us hurtling back into Neanderthal territory (with apologies to Neanderthals).

The Wages of Sin

A ghoul from the senate called Ted
Liked to make little fetuses dead
So he took out his pen
Wrote a law up and then
Had a long career and died a very popular man.

Neigh Means No

Man accused of harassing horse
By Paula Horton, Herald staff writer

A 26-year-old Kennewick man was arrested after repeatedly harassing a neighbor's horse, causing it to twice break through an electrical and barbed-wire fence in Finley, authorities said.

In one incident, Brandon R. Hankel, was reportedly spotted inside the corral chasing after the horse, by the horse's owner, said Benton County sheriff's Capt. Steve Keane on Monday.

Deputies were first called to the home at 215004 E. Erickson Road about 8 p.m. Thursday, then responded to a similar call there at 4 a.m. Friday.

In the first incident, the horse's owner said she saw a bald man in a black T-shirt and blue shorts on the property by her horse corral scaring her horse enough to break through the fence, Keane said.

Around 3:30 a.m. Friday, she was awakened by her son after hearing the horse going crazy again. When the owner looked out her bedroom window, she said she saw the same bald-headed man inside the corral, Keane said.

Hankel reportedly was chasing after the horse and apparently didn't have pants on.

Deputies were able to identify Hankel, who lives next door, as a suspect and arrest him.

He was booked into the Benton County jail on suspicion of second-degree trespassing.