Monday, April 27, 2009


Richard Olivastro is scaring me!
Pirates Closer to Our Shores
All Americans breathed a sign of relief when news broke of the U.S. Navy Seals rescue of the Maersk Alabama captain from terrorist pirates off the Somalia coast.
Whoa, okay. Calming down. That rescue was something else.
Unfortunately, there are other pirates - much closer to our shores – who are insidiously more dangerous.
AAAAHHHH! Scared again!
Richard Phillips, captain of the Maersk Alabama, had volunteered himself to free one of his crewmen who had been taken hostage by the pirates. The standoff that followed went on for five days as the pirates demanded $2 million dollars ransom to free the captain and the American-registered container ship.
It was so suspenseful that I'm repeeing my pants!
President Obama handled that situation well by not handling it directly. He authorized and left the pirate situation in the hands of the U.S. Navy, who brilliantly managed and resolved the hostage situation off Africa.
Sigh of relief. Whew.
But closer to home, the real-life “Pirates of the Caribbean” are more difficult for Mr. Obama. That’s because Mr. Obama is more directly involved, and he has not gotten off to a good start.
One reason, of course, is that these “pirates” are not fictional Hollywood movie characters. Rather, they are real and, as most Americans have figured out, they are highly-experienced, unsavory characters. As we have seen over the years, each of them has been idolized by a number of Hollywood actors whose personal political character is shallow at best.

Caribbean Pirates Hugo Chavez and the brothers Castro have already hijacked the Obama ship of state [...]



J— said...


Oh, but is it? Look at these pirate attacks in the Caribbean in 2008 and 2009, which correspond exactly with Obama's presidential campaign and his presidency. The long knives are out, literally.

Another Kiwi said...

Let us not forget, also, that downloading of pirate songs is very popular and it's done onto iPods and Obama X hussien has an iPod!!!!

Righteous Bubba said...

Black Arrbama.

Herr Doktor Bimler said...

The rhetorical attack on Obama would be more effective if it accused his associates of dressing up in cartoon-animal costumes.


Another Kiwi said...

'Metty furs on the starboard bow, Cap'n!'
'Well, split me infinitives, give em the cold hard verbs, lads.ARRR'

Capcha confirms that the largest growth demographic for books is in Widult fiction

Mendacious D said...

Captcha also confirms that "hashail" is a fine alternate career choice for pirates.

More importantly, can anyone vouch for John McCain's whereabouts? I hear he was born on the sea...

J Neo Marvin said...

If you are a shitty writer in America, you will never go hungry.

Righteous Bubba said...

I can get food from this?

Rusty Shackleford said...

Q: What's a metaphor?

A: About 300 pounds

herr doktor bimler said...

Q. Where does a 300-pound metaphor sleep?
A. It can't; the colourless green ideas are keeping it awake.

Righteous Bubba said...

Q: Why did the metaphor cross the road?

A: Ohhhhhhh.

J Neo Marvin said...

I'm not saying it will be good food.

herr doktor bimler said...

Caribbean Pirates Hugo Chavez and the brothers Castro have already hijacked the Obama ship of state

In my day, you know, pirates stuck to piracy and hijackers stuck to hijacking and everyone was good at the job. You could look up a pirate in the Yellow Pages with the comforting expectation of being properly pirated -- you didn't have to worry about some untrained cowboy hijacker turning up at the door instead.
It's all gone downhill since then. I blame Margaret Thatcher.

Righteous Bubba said...

The Castro Pirates are a family business and I put more trust in those.