Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sex: BAD

Jeannie DeAngelis:
Who better to expound on the institution of marriage than a promiscuous, never-been-married Hollywood liberal out promoting a movie about an oversexed teacher “saving up cash for a boob job?”
I dunno Jeannie? WHO? Newt Gingrich?* The Pope? YOU?
[Cameron] Diaz’s thoughts on traditional marriage were a perfect promotional segue for her new movie “Bad Teacher.” After demeaning a God-ordained institution, wanton schoolmarm Diaz set her sights on glorifying her role as a bawdy middle school teacher who probably makes child predator/stellar educators Mary Kay Letourneau and Debra LaFave both look like Teacher of the Year.

“Lying seductively across a desk in a thigh-high miniskirt and red stilettos in a clutter-filled classroom,” Cameron graced the pages of the rude men’s magazine [Maxim]. Referring to the movie “Bad Teacher,” the publication declares: “It’s not every day that one of the world’s biggest movie stars offers to fulfill your schoolboy fantasies. But then Cameron Diaz is not your average movie star… Miss Diaz, we’ve been bad, bad boys!”
Thank you Jeannie DeAngelis, I am now convinced that I should spend no more time on Cameron Diaz than, um, the budget and the bandwidth allows for. Oh, and marriage is, um, I forget. Sexy teacherish or something?

*Not stolen wholesale from Thundra in comments I swear!

15 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

"Wanton schoolmarm Diaz"? Someone needs to explain to Jeannie that a character in a film and the actress who plays that character are actually different people.

a promiscuous, never-been-married Hollywood liberal

"Intruding frequently into the author's fantasy life" does not constitute evidence of promiscuity. In fact, Ms. Diaz is one of the few people who has legally proved herself not to be promiscuous, by winning 'substantial damages' against a newspaper that said she was.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I dunno Jeannie? WHO? Franklin Graham? The Pope? YOU?

NEWT!
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Ooh, you beat me. I was just editing that.

tigris said...

she’s the one who bragged about her promiscuity

Does she not realize that the quote she presents as proof in no way supports her statement? Diaz is not bragging about having sex, she's making a hypothetical statement about what makes one a homosexual.

Substance McGravitas said...

Does she not realize

The all-titillation article in the service of family values would argue against the proper functioning of her realization modules.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

would argue against the proper functioning of her realization modules.

NOT MY FAULT!!

sheesh.

Kathleen said...

"wanton schoolmarm" is totally the name of my new band

Another Kiwi said...

"Won Ton Schoolmarm" for me

Substance McGravitas said...

I can see where this is going you know.

Smut Clyde said...

the proper functioning of her realization modules.

With sufficiently good projection, you do not need a mirror.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Diaz is not bragging about having sex, she's making a hypothetical statement about what makes one a homosexual.

That's even worse, because it obfuscates the real homosexual agenda... her statement is a Trojan Horse, its colon filled with sweaty, manly Greeks with rippling muscles and long, hard spears...

Whale Chowder said...

Imma go for "One Ton Stool Farm" for my band name.

Yup.

tigris said...

her statement is a Trojan Horse, its colon filled with sweaty, manly Greeks with rippling muscles and long, hard spears...

Wow, lesbianism sounds pretty different from what I expected.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

re: Post title

U R DOIN IT RONG.

Another Luke said...

Nobody let this guy know what Bristol Palin's been up to!