Saturday, May 7, 2011

Odin is a Four-Letter Word

From a review of Thor by some Big Hollywood dope:
The crash rendered him without his magical hammer named Mjolnir (what IS it with all the convoluted names, too? They’re hard to understand, which only adds to the emotional coldness of the film)
I do not know: what is that about? WHY DID THEY CHOOSE THOSE FUNNY NAMES FOR THINGS?

In other Big Hollywood news, Kurt Loder thinks a gig is a gig I guess.

30 comments:

Another Kiwi said...

What sort of 'Merican is Thor to have a funny name for his hammer?

Smut Clyde said...

I believe you will find that Óðinn in Old Norse has five letters.
Also Anglo-Saxon and Old High German.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Also Anglo-Saxon and Old High German.

What's wrong with American like Jesus spoke, commie???
~

Substance McGravitas said...

I believe you will find that Óðinn in Old Norse has five letters.

I believe you will not find that mentioned ANYWHERE in the source comic book.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Mjollnir is pretty sweet because it returns when you throw it and almost nothing is lightning resistant, but I still prefer a blessed +7 Grayswandir.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

come on, Kurt Loder worked for MTV.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

it will NEVER stop being funny how these turdwipes get so butthurt over comic books and such like.

But real-life torture? No Problem!

I believe I shall counsel Young Zombie to go into the mental health profession, because CLEARLY there is a large swath of America in dire need of it.

mikey said...

...and Old High German.

Well, yeah, but c'mon. I knew that dood. Used to toss him a buck now and then when I could. He'd sit outside that low-rider auto parts store on Tully drinking a forty and smoking weed, muttering German gibberish to himself as he moved slowly around the building to stay out of the sun.

Maybe it's just some kind of weird prejudice, but it really seems to me that the Asian folks age much more gracefully...

Substance McGravitas said...

come on, Kurt Loder worked for MTV.

I think the first time I saw him on MTV they were still playing music videos a lot, so it made a sort of sense I guess...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I think the first time I saw him on MTV they were still playing music videos a lot, so it made a sort of sense I guess...
May 8, 2011 9:24 AM


I stopped watching MTV when they stopped playing music videos. That "reality" show made me wanna take hostages.

/old guy

mikey said...

The only thing I ever "watched" on MTV was Beavis & Butthead.

And I read somewhere they're going to make a comeback!

Sign me up!

Fittingly, W/V suggest bilepro

vacuumslayer said...

I'm kinda surprised there wasn't more emphasis on how manly Thor was or wasn't. Usually, when these sorts of movies get reviewed there, the critics seem really preoccupied how every hero has somehow been feminized or castrated or something.

And I really like his bio picture!

Mandos said...

I saw it. It's clearly a franchise movie. But: I liked it. As comic book movies go, it was very well done, and most importantly, did not take itself very seriously, and it had lots of little detailed touches.

They even lampshade this dude's complaint about Mjollnir. Did he actually, like, watch the movie?

Another Kiwi said...

I don't think that's pertinent, Mandos. he had an opinion, OK?

Smut Clyde said...

Do they show how Thor's magic hammer gets bigger when he brings it out from inside his tunic?
I can do that.

Smut Clyde said...

the critics seem really preoccupied how every hero has somehow been feminized or castrated or something.

Don't forget the Thrym episode:
The gods dressed Þór in a bridal veil and a becoming dress. To the outfit, they added broaches, and they hung a bunch of keys from his waist... Þór's protests were ignored as the gods crowned their efforts by placing a head-dress on Þór's head.

Sadly, the "I-was-dressed-like-that-in-a-plan-to-win-back-my-magic-hammer" explanation does not always convince. Or so I hear from a friend.

vacuumslayer said...

Sadly, the "I-was-dressed-like-that-in-a-plan-to-win-back-my-magic-hammer" explanation does not always convince. Or so I hear from a friend.


That's a shame. I bet you, er, I mean, your friend, look(s) very fetching in a bridal veil.

Malaclypse said...

Best Thor story ever: http://www.reallifeforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3706

Did this make it into the movie? Because that would be way cool.

Kathleen said...

what IS it with all the convoluted names, too?

classic. I enjoyed reading that line more than the entire 2 hours of THOR.

mikey said...

Thor was bored. You might think being a Norse god is fun, but really, when you think about it, nothing is really a challenge. So he goes to some of his pals in Assgaard, see, and he tells them of his plight. They are unanimous in their prescription - Female Companionship.

So Thor goes off to get laid, but it occurs to him once again that all of the goddesses in Assgaard are pretty boring, so in a flash of, well, let's CALL it insight, he goes to earth. There he finds a beautiful young girl and in short order seduces her.

They go at it in godly fashion, for seventeen hours of pounding, sweating humping, thumping and jumping. Thor leaves her a golden diaphragm and returns to Assgaard, where he seeks out his pals to tell them that wonder of wonders, he is happy once again, his ennui vanished.

His friends are aghast! Thor!, they cried, you can't have sex with a mortal! You MUST, they told him, return immediately and apologize.

Sadly, Thor realizes that they are right, and he returns to earth the next day and finds the lovely young girl. "I'm so sorry..." he begins.

"Sorry???" she shrieks at him. "Sorry? Who the HELL do you think you are?"

Thor is taken aback. "I...I'm THOR" he tells her.

Her eyes widen in outrage. "You're Thor? Hell, dude, I can't even PITH"

vacuumslayer said...

Ouch. Thor? That one did hurt a bit.

Substance McGravitas said...

It really is an honour to host these threads.

Mandos said...

Actually, the more I (over)think about it, the cleverer I think the (mostly otherwise mindless) THOR was as a movie. And I begin to understand why wingers might not actually like it.

It didn't force itself to pretend it was any better than it was, and so managed a kind of honesty.

[Beginning-of-movie SPOILERS]

It begins with an attempt by the Jotuns to get their racial mojo back from Asgard, which stole it centuries ago allegedly to prevent the Jotuns from exterminating humanitiy. The attempt is feeble with no chance of success, but they tried it anyway.

In response, Odin advises restraint, but his son Thor is all hot to punish the Jotuns for their intrusion based on a paranoid fantasy of what the weakened and impoverished Jotuns can actually do without their racial mojo.

So Thor disobeys Odin and goes to the Jotun planet with his five buddies to conduct a punitive raid on the Jotuns. The Jotun world is dingy, broken, and impoverished---no racial mojo. The Jotuns themselves all have the glint of humiliated anger in their eyes. It is, for the most part, a total one-sided slaughterhouse for the Jotuns considering the ratios involved.

Odin arrives to stop the carnage. That's when he strips Thor of his godhood and his hammer. Thor cannot comprehend why Odin would punish him for not being a coward like he thinks Odin is.

The rest of the movie involves the re-education of Thor, partly, of course, through gratuitous opportunities to ripple his abs and make eyes at Natalie Portman; moral lessons abound.

Substance McGravitas said...

It sounds GREAT.

4 out of 5 steals.

Mandos said...

Oh, and, there don't appear to be any Jotun females. I suspect they can't appear in public without permission from Jotun males, at least not without burqas. There is a Jotun baby in the story though, so there must be females somewhere.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

(what IS it with all the convoluted names, too? They’re hard to understand, which only adds to the emotional coldness of the film)

Well, emotional coldness is preferable to jötunmodi. What a dub-mass.

Don't forget the Thrym episode:

How could I?

There is a Jotun baby in the story though, so there must be females somewhere.

The hot ones go for those good-looking Vanir guys.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I may have to see this movie because of all the right-wing whining, but I've read more Old Norse than Marvel Comics.

Hvats með Kirby? Hvats með Lee?

buttwipe said...

Marvel did their own parody ya know.

Not Brand Echh

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Not_Brand_Echh

Plus, this will explain how low sodium hunchback got so hunched.

nedbeaumontjr said...

It's a good thing that our current, streamlined language has no use for those funny convoluted names, otherwise we'd end up with something ridiculous like days named Thor and Odin and Freya.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I imagine the reviewer calls his hammer Mr. Happy.