Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Nuts

Telepathic Ed has a request:
I toured the South Carolina Statehouse a few months before the Confederate Battle Flag which Flew Over It Since 1962 was Taken Down in July, 2000. You can See Holes in the Sides of the Statehouse from Union Cannon Fire, It was Small but Pretty Neat. I was Looking All Over in the Various Shops around There, and It's Close to the University of South Carolina, for a T-Shirt with the Confederate Battle Flag on It. I had a Great-Great Grandfather, a Polk from Polk Country Tennessee, who was a Rebel and Was in a Prisoner-of-War Camp (Gramps fought for the South, his Brother fought for the North). My Family has Emotional Equity involved in This Flag and I Thought that I Could Wear the Battle Flag T-Shirt maybe 3 Times a Year as a Historical Reference. I Couldn't Find It Anywhere and I Really Did Look. The Manager of One Store Said We Used to Sell a Lot of Them but Today They'd Tear It Off You. Nobody's Going to Tear it Off Me. Previously I had Looked All Over in Other Likely Locations and Hadn't Found One. Now, I Want You People to Send Me One, Over the Past Year Tens of Thousands of You, the Biggest Names in the Country Amongst You, Have Been Reading My Blog and I Still Have No Official Followers, Your Cowardice and Ingratitude Cuts Into Me, That I Have to Associate With People Such as Yourselves. You Can At Least Perform This Trifle.
I really wonder about that guy and what exactly he's doing, yet I can't bring myself to say "Hey Ed, you might want to be a little less crazy there" or "Ed, I enjoy some of the stuff you write but for possibly creepy reasons" or "Ed your pinky is so fucking muscular it just can't stay off the shift key" or something.

22 comments:

J— said...

My Followers are legion, but they're all unofficial. None of them want to take the required Loyalty Oath to change their status.

How did you find this guy?

Substance McGravitas said...

I'm not sure how I found him. Probably just clicked "Next Blog" on the Blogger toolbar. I kept that around for a reason.

M. Bouffant said...

I've found many amusing web logs by teen-aged girls from southeast Asia via that button.

But never anything like very special Ed.

Another Kiwi said...

It is fascinating. I like the way it starts with the historical stuff and Ed's wanting to wear the bigot flag and then whammo!
You Owe Me, you Ingrates!!
Truly, Ed is special.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

According to the great Gazoogle-Blogger, I have two followers.

But I'm pretty sure at least one of them hates Freedom™.
~

mikey said...

Well, goddammit, if I had a Confed flag tee shirt, I'd send it to the shithouse rat.

Hell, babe, some of the best days I have are group therapy with some people who went around the bend so long ago the weeds grew over the bend and you can't find it anymore...

tigris said...

Now, I admit I'm not telepathic(though I do sometimes DREAM THE FUTURE), but I kind of doubt he's got "tens of thousands" of followers.

Substance McGravitas said...

I have a dream I'm at a desk shuffling paper around and it always comes true.

tigris said...

The ones that came true have been people having babies or dying. Never the sexy ones, dammit. Nor the fugitive from justice ones. YET.

Substance McGravitas said...

I've had some death dreams that came true.

Probably queers the deal a bit if you really really wanted that person dead and all...

herr doktor bimler said...

I've found many amusing web logs by teen-aged girls from southeast Asia via that button.

I tried that excuse but the Frau Doktorin was having NONE OF IT.

I've had some death dreams that came true.
So basically this is like "Jacob's Ladder", but instead of imagining that you still have a life, you're imagining that you have a blog?

ckc (not kc) said...

...if ALL CAPS is SHOUTING, this is like Having A Long Involved Conversation With Yourself At The Back Of The Bus.

...and I'm impressed that the Union artillery were able to achieve such small neatness.

Another Kiwi said...

You Don't Think That The Holes Could Have Been Put In After The War??

J Neo Marvin said...

I have a dream I'm at a desk shuffling paper around and it always comes true.

You too?

herr doktor bimler said...

You Can At Least Perform This Trifle.

Dear Telepathic Ed,
If you cannot tell the difference between interpretive dance and sponge-and-jelly desserts, then I must think carefully about your dinner invitation.

Rusty Shackleford said...

The guy couldn't find a Confederate flag t-shirt in fucking SOUTH CAROLINA? No way he was trying.

Substance McGravitas said...

I had a Great-Great Grandfather, a Polk from Polk Country Tennessee, who was a Rebel and Was in a Prisoner-of-War Camp (Gramps fought for the South, his Brother fought for the North). My Family has Emotional Equity involved in This Flag

I proudly wear my "I'LL FUCK ANYTHING" T-Shirt because grandpa was quite the cocksman.

Rusty Shackleblart said...

Overextension of emotional equity loans is a major factor in the global emotional breakdown.

Another Kiwi said...

READERS BEWARE, there are false Emotional Equity firms on the interwebs who will take your salty tears for use as an aphrodisiac, so I've been told. You've seen them on the teevee crying at the drop of a hat. Not Glen Beck, who is the Real Deal.

herr doktor bimler said...

My Family has Emotional Equity involved in This Flag

I have been known to wear a Cameron-of-Erracht kilt, for very similar reasons.
Photographs are available.

c said...

My Family has Emotional Equity involved in This Flag

...I was going to say something about stains, but decided that it would be tacky.

mikey said...

If the stains are still tacky, I'd recommend latex gloves...

fricconn latex gloves