Monday, December 14, 2009

Forgot About the Alliterate Button

Alliteration is a hit and miss affair because not all of the brain-food files have every letter represented, but it makes some crazy Cool Coachish poetry now and then.
Greetings sissies! May your relationship with your parents make you spew kooky vital fluids, you scurvy rancid zombies!

What's up commies!! May your failure to consider alternative metaphors bring zits to you, you pathetically mangy voice-followings!

Hi commies. May an enemy make you spew ill-begotten depressing stink, you useless twits!

What's up ass-raping sissies! You ass-raping accursed ass- asses, I hope that your accountants will assassinate your hips!

Greetings insufferable communists. May suicide dominate sensual pleasure, you horrifically psychotic queen parrotfish-followers!

What's up incompetent fags!! May your rodent make you ooze malodorous sweat, you self-pitying turkeys!

What's up bitch fags! May your employer's experience make you spew boorish brain tissue, you greasy unschooled goofballs!

Howdy unnatural DemocRATs. You are the worst ugly unschooled basket cases, you love-maker's universes!

What's up homos. You are the ultimate example of problematic warts, you warts!

Greetings sissies!! Failing to accept reality is all you can hope for, you fucking failures!

Hey bitch hippies!! You are the ultimate example of blue-eyed billfish's bigeyes, you bald boneheads!

Hi dishonest sissies!!! Existential angst is the best you can hope for, you stupid abominations!

Hey neurotic sissies!!! You blabbering psychotic disease-sack of fleshes, I hope that your rodents will tax your minds!

What's up communists! May an accountant's angel make you drip vital organs, you accursed asses!

Hey commies!!! May your snotty-nosed child's lovers make your private parts ooze quivering vital fluids, you cum-guzzling bastards!

Hello socialists! May loving others hurt you, you loathsome loathsome chunk of loosejaw's lips!

Howdy flaming Obamabots! You frightening fucking fool-fakes, I hope that your gods will assassinate your few friendses!

Hi rotten sissies!!! May deathly illness assassinate you, you pathetically blabbering nutsucking sack of zebrafish's zigzags!

Hey dishonest hippies! You myopic maniacal sad excuse for a human-insects, I hope that your rodents will render insane your belief systems!

What's happening Obamabots! May a sexual practice make your lips spew x-rated horrid jizz, you inebriated grief-inducing nuts!

Greetings gibbering DemocRATs!!! May guilt infect you, you grubby grungy girl-lipses!

17 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

Still missing a certain je ne sais quoi. (The vicious hatred festering w/in those people, perhaps?)

Of course, who knows what effect you're looking for?

Try DemonRATS, w/ an "n." More authentic.

Also try pointing your cannon in the other direction: "Hey, glibbies!!"

J— said...

Is there a way to work in a "you're just like so-and-so" or "that's just like so-and-so" chunk or something like it, where the so-and-so would be drawn from the litany of socialist/communist/Nazi demons that haunt the wingnut mind? Certain names might provoke reactions from certain people depending on their interests or commitments.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

also, misspellings, grammar errors, general factual fail....

fish said...

It is like standing at the base of the castle with a Trojan Rabbit.

mikey said...

And from a production standpoint, a methodology from creating repetitive insults, a la "You ass-raping accursed ass- asses" might be desirable, for while some certainly qualify for the moniker ass-asses, they also might be better described in less ass-y terms to achieve that zen balance of janus node insults...

Substance McGravitas said...

Is there a way to work in a "you're just like so-and-so" or "that's just like so-and-so" chunk or something like it, where the so-and-so would be drawn from the litany of socialist/communist/Nazi demons that haunt the wingnut mind?

Yeah, absolutely, but right now that demands some rejiggering. As the architecture of the thing gets more complex you wanna break it up into chunks unlike the single lines of nonsense now, and then you want those chunks to interact. There are a couple of ways to do that, but depending on which way the files load the variables can fire too often.

My model is really Coach Urban Meyer: nonsense lead-in, some irritating babble in the middle, and a fuck-you sign-off. The CUM model is a peak of glossolalia, ignorance, and offensiveness. JanusNode can whomp CUM on the glossolalia and offensiveness, but it won't handle current events as well.

Substance McGravitas said...

Or as poorly.

fish said...

JanusNode can whomp CUM on the glossolalia

I've seen this movie.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

it always hurts to get hit on the glossolalia...

J— said...

Word Press just ated God's Fire.

Substance McGravitas said...

I did one last night that worked out okay. Probably got some spammy keywords in there.

J— said...

Probably got some spammy keywords in there.

Yeah, that's what I figure too. Just a test to see what someone's reaction would be.

Substance McGravitas said...

Yeah, that's what I figure too. Just a test to see what someone's reaction would be.

You don't expect an out-of-the-ordinary reaction?

J— said...

Well, it was aimed at someone in particular, and I was first interested to see if there would be any reaction at all. But the spam hold messed with the flow.

Substance McGravitas said...

With all the silly fun, the good thing about the JanusNode's name generator was that it came up with things that were plain and plausible. The troll module might do the same with a little love.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

loving troll nodules is illegal in 42 states and Canada. And while it might not be immoral in the strictest sense, it's icky.

Another Kiwi said...

Hey ZRM, you minorities are pretty keen on turning on a new minority!!Haterz. Trolls need lurve too, usually of the bovine ilk, I will grant you, but it's lurve.