Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Proceeding

Working on a "ding dong dilly" routine too.
What's happening communists! You inebriated bastard ass-bastards, I hope that your lizards will bring curses upon your genitalses! You'll get your gay marriage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of The Heartland!!

Hello socialists!!! May being in another person's shoes make your hope ooze gorgeous bone marrow, you smelly drunken idiots! You'll get your health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

Greetings primitive sissies. A simplistic metaphor is more than you deserve, you insufferable scoundrels! How's Barack Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your free day care yet?

Howdy commies! May your lover's belief system make your closest companion ooze drowsy vital organs, you problematic deviants! You'll get your Afghanistan pullout when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!!

What's happening loathsome hippies! Your over-consumption is the best you can hope for, you vulgar bastards! You'll get your equal rights when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of True Patriots!

What's up sissies!! Failure is all you can hope for, you dishonest pinheads! You'll get your mortage cramdown when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Real Americans.

What's happening socialists!!! You decrepit problematic bonehead-dolts, why don't you go wallow in your basic needs. How's Barack Hussein Obama working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?

What's up bitch DemocRATs!!! May doing a good deed make you spew dead vital organs, you lobotomized unacceptable illnesses! How's Barry Soetoro working for you now? Got your Iraq pullout yet?

Howdy socialists!! You batty bastard alien-dipsticks, I hope that your employers will rip up your unknowns! You'll get your gay marriage when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!

Hello cocksucking Obamabots. Selfishness in others is the best you can hope for, you boorish pirates! You'll get your health care when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of Tea Party Americans!!!
The code:
100 subject(Intro) < loadTextDNAfile("0Insults") 100 > < chooseTextDNA(Introduction) 100 >
That gets 0Insults to run, the code there being:
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(sucker1,"sucker,eater,muncher,lover,excretor,face,nose,lips,follower,pitying,loving,following") 100 > < assign(Container1,"sack,bag,chunk,glob") 100 > < assign(Thing1,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing1,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing1,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing2,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing2,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing2,Animals) 20 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { bad 100 | good 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 } InsultVerbs 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 | good 100 } ", you" 100 { "frighteningly" 50 | "pathetically" 50 | "hopelessly" 50 | "irredeemably" 50 | "insanely" 50 | "horrifically" 50 | adverbs 50 } InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 { InsultNouns 100 | s_nouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > animals 100 | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > p_verbsnob 100 "ing" 100 animals 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 animals 100 "'s" 100 s_nouns 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 < get(Thing1) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing2) 100 > | < get(Thing1) 100 > < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Thing2) 100 > } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(sucker1,"sucker,eater,muncher,lover,excretor,face,nose,lips,follower,pitying,loving,following") 100 > < assign(Container1,"sack,bag,chunk,glob") 100 > < assign(Thing1,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing1,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing1,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing2,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing2,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing2,creatures) 20 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { bad 100 | good 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 } InsultVerbs 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 | good 100 } ", you" 100 { "frighteningly" 50 | "pathetically" 50 | "hopelessly" 50 | "irredeemably" 50 | "insanely" 50 | "horrifically" 50 | adverbs 50 } InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 { InsultNouns 100 | s_nouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Sucker1) 100 > | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > animals 100 | animals 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > p_verbsnob 100 "ing" 100 animals 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 animals 100 "'s" 100 s_nouns 100 | < get(Container1) 100 > "of" 100 < get(Thing1) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing2) 100 > | < get(Thing1) 100 > < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > < get(Thing2) 100 > } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(Thing1,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing1,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing1,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing2,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing2,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing2,Animals) 20 > < assign(Thing3,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing3,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing3,Animals) 50 > < assign(Thing4,s_nouns) 100 > < assign(Thing4,RJBodyParts) 50 > < assign(Thing4,Animals) 20 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "You are" 100 { "nothing more than" 100 | "the worst" 100 | "the ultimate example of" 100 } { attributes 100 | InsultAdjectives 100 } { InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 | < get(Thing1) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing2) 100 > } "s" 100 ", you" 100 { InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 | < get(Thing3) 100 > "'s" 100 < get(Thing4) 100 > } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } < CapitalizeNext() 100 > bad 100 { "is the best you can hope for, you" 100 | "is all you can hope for, you" 100 | "is too good for you, you" 100 | "is more than you deserve, you" 100 } InsultAdjectives 100 InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(Output1,"pee,poo,excretions,sweat,dirt,urine,shit,snot,piss,cum,jizz,stink,pus,smegma") 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { good 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 } "make" 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 } { "ooze" 100 | "drip" 100 | "spew" 100 } { InsultAdjectives 20 | Adjectives 20 } { < get(Output1) 100 > | "fresh" 100 "blood" 100 | "vital fluids" 100 | "vital organs" 100 | "pain" 100 | "brain tissue" 100 | "bone marrow" 100 | InsultAdjectives 30 < get(Output1) 100 > | Animals 100 "'s" 100 < get(Output1) 100 > } ", you" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < assign(Output1,"pee,poo,excretions,sweat,dirt,urine,shit,snot,piss,cum,jizz,stink,pus,smegma") 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "May" 100 { "a" 100 attributes 20 people 100 | good 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 | "a" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 | "your" 100 InsultActors 100 "'s" 100 InsultActors 100 "s" 100 } "make" 100 { "your" 100 InsultObjects 100 | "you" 100 } { "ooze" 100 | "drip" 100 | "spew" 100 } { InsultAdjectives 20 | Adjectives 20 } { < get(Output1) 100 > | "fresh" 100 "blood" 100 | "vital fluids" 100 | "vital organs" 100 | "pain" 100 | "brain tissue" 100 | "bone marrow" 100 | InsultAdjectives 30 < get(Output1) 100 > | Animals 100 "'s" 100 < get(Output1) 100 > } ", you" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 50 InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "You" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "," 100 "why don't you" 20 "go" 100 InsultVerbs 100 "your" 100 { InsultObjects 100 | RJBodyParts 100 } "s" 100 { ". " 100 | "! " 100 | "!! " 100 | "!!! " 100 } < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Introduction) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > salutations 100 InsultAdjectives 50 libs 100 "s" 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } "You" 100 InsultAdjectives 100 InsultAdjectives 25 InsultNouns 100 < backspace() 100 > "-" 100 < backspace() 100 > InsultNouns 100 "s" 100 "," 100 "I hope that your" 100 InsultActors 100 "s" 100 "will" 100 InsultVerbs 100 "your" 100 { InsultObjects 100 | RJBodyParts 100 } "s" 100 "! " 100 < chooseTextDNA(Issues) 100 >
***
100 subject(Issues) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > "How's" 100 libPeople 100 "working for you now? Got your" 100 libIssues 100 "yet?" 100 return 100 return 100
***
100 subject(Issues) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > "You'll get your" 100 libIssues 100 "when you pry it out of the cold dead hands of" 100 patriots 100 { "." 100 | "!" 100 | "!!" 100 | "!!!" 100 } return 100 return 100
Anything that begins with "100 subject" is a single line, and almost all of this is just stolen from another module. Those with experience can see where variables fall; "patriots" for instance is the name of a text file that has a short list of "Real Americans" type stuff.

JanusNode is still out there and available.

13 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mortgage cramdown.

It's what's for dinner.
~

tigris said...

Ooooh, getting pretty good! I do have to admit some part of me kept hoping for a "got your cold, dead hands yet?" HEARTLAND!

J— said...

Good stuff in here. Will bookmark it liberally.

J— said...

For some reason, the free day care line really cracks me up.

Rusty Shackleford said...

I don't understand this, but it's awesome

Substance McGravitas said...

Well Rusty, I'm calling you out as an inebriated bastard ass-bastard.

Rusty Shackleford said...

How did you know?

Smut Clyde said...

I couldn't see any passwords.

mikey said...

Sadly, it turns out that my bone marrow is somewhat less than gorgeous, leaving me wallowing in my basic needs...

Substance McGravitas said...

How did you know?

The latest technology of course.

Smut Clyde said...

A simplistic metaphor is more than you deserve

I suppose an elaborate synecdoche is out of the question, then.

Substance McGravitas said...

Note for later:

"You've just been boned with a" X "of" X

Substance McGravitas said...

Although boned could be a variable too; just thought it was funny.