Monday, March 29, 2010

Something About Celebrities = News

Your liberal media fighting for your interests:
As envelopes fat and thin fill the mailboxes of hopeful college seniors around the country, it's important to remember that acceptance to a certain school does not guarantee wild wealth, international stardom, knighthood or all of the above. With some colleges accepting less than ten percent of their applicants, there are BOUND to be brilliant minds in the reject pool -- here's proof.
Then follows a twelve-frame photo essay in which we learn that Steven Spielberg didn't get into USC for film, Katie Couric didn't get into Smith, and ten other famous people DID NOT GET INTO HARVARD. Unlike you and I and most of the rest of humanity, all of those depicted avoided moonshine, Oxycontin and sex in a trailer park with the stupid cousin THUS NOT PROVING AT ALL the thesis that "acceptance to a certain school does not guarantee wild wealth" and so forth.

11 comments:

mikey said...

I don't think my cousin was actually stupid.

Waitaminute. Is the implication that she was stupid for banging me?

'Cause that kinda stings, dood...

Substance McGravitas said...

If it helps, we're all stupid for not going to Harvard. Except for those exceptions who somehow managed to scrape up a jillion dollars.

The typical intelligence test for us, then, is how we respond to a tube of glue.

J— said...

Poor Couric had to suffer the ignominy of attending that dreadful institution UVa. She can never say she went to the same school as Nancy Reagan.

mikey said...

Ahh. The famous "glue test".

I'm pretty sure I passed it.

I used a tube of glue to seduce my cousin...

fish said...

Cause that kinda stings, dood...

That is why you should never refuse the penicillin shot.

tigris said...

all of those depicted avoided moonshine, Oxycontin and sex in a trailer park with the stupid cousin

TRIGGERS AIIEEEEEE!

M. Bouffant said...

This reporter, on the other hand, did get into USC, & look at me now!

Closest to cousin-screwin' I've gotten is I owe one $125.00, though she said to think of it as a gift (as I was in even worse shape then). That doesn't really count, does it?

WV: runsub

You've been warned, GET OUT NOW!!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Meh.

Harvahd blowz.
~

mikey said...

Um, actually, the ladies at Chico State seem to have perfected that activity.

To whatever extent anecdotes can become data...

Substance McGravitas said...

I am the proud owner of a Chico State shirt.

Smut Clyde said...

To whatever extent anecdotes can become data...

It is hard work collecting data but hey, SCIENCE.