Somewhere in this thread I took a silly interest in a guy who believes that, politics free, a heroic engineer can manufacture dust-clouds in space that save us all from Global Climate Change.
I believe this makes me an awful person.
In any case, how will the Global Climate Change problem be solved?
1. Application of electric eels to the problem.
2. Putting on a show!
3. Rocks in space.
4. Duct tape.
5. A political compromise in which the industrialized nations of the world concede that zzzzzz.....
Monday, April 7, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
A Degree from Yale
Until very recently you could claim you had a degree from Yale and they'd verify the documents if they looked nice.
What are the odds that there are more false Yale degrees out there that Yale has actually verified?
Lawsuit accuses Yale of false statements
By JOHN CHRISTOFFERSEN Associated Press Writer | AP
Mar 27, 2008
A prestigious South Korean university that came under fire for hiring a professor who lied about her credentials is suing Yale, saying the American university wrongly confirmed the woman earned a degree.
Dongguk University is seeking at least $50 million in damages, saying Yale's actions "severely tarnished" its stellar reputation, sparked a criminal probe, cost employees their jobs and led to a decline in donations, government grants and student applications.
What are the odds that there are more false Yale degrees out there that Yale has actually verified?
Good Synthenizing!
Me: Beep boop.
Kid: Beep beep.
Me: Beep boop.
Kid: Boop beep.
Me: Beep beep.
Kid: Beep beep.
Me: Boop boop.
Kid: Boop boop.
Me: Beep boop.
Kid: Good synthenizing!
Kid: Beep beep.
Me: Beep boop.
Kid: Boop beep.
Me: Beep beep.
Kid: Beep beep.
Me: Boop boop.
Kid: Boop boop.
Me: Beep boop.
Kid: Good synthenizing!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It's Okay to be Cynical
Pretty funny video.
Yes, Hillary is better than John McCain, and this really has nothing to do with policies I like or dislike.
Yes, Hillary is better than John McCain, and this really has nothing to do with policies I like or dislike.
Enforced Through Sanctions
States’ Data Obscure How Few Finish High School
By SAM DILLON
Published: March 20, 2008
JACKSON, Miss. — When it comes to high school graduation rates, Mississippi keeps two sets of books.
One team of statisticians working at the state education headquarters here recently calculated the official graduation rate at a respectable 87 percent, which Mississippi reported to Washington. But in another office piled with computer printouts, a second team of number crunchers came up with a different rate: a more sobering 63 percent.
[...]
The No Child law is also at fault. The law set ambitious goals, enforced through sanctions, to make every student proficient in math and reading. But it established no national school completion goals.
Any conservative of the modern ilk is, I suppose, wondering why reporting false information to the government isn't punished by imprisonment. Or perhaps they're fearing such things. One of the two.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Dialogue with Children
What's a comedian?
Someone who tells jokes.
I'm a comedian!
What do you call a cow that loves to read?
I dunno, what do you call cow that loves to read?
I forget. Can you tell me?
Someone who tells jokes.
I'm a comedian!
What do you call a cow that loves to read?
I dunno, what do you call cow that loves to read?
I forget. Can you tell me?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
JanusNode Markov Chains
Maybe the easiest way of getting readable-yet-mangled text out of JanusNode is using the Markov chain functionality.
Grab yourself a bunch of text by someone who deserves to have it scrambled - Pastor Swank in this case - paste it into JanusNode's output window and hit "Markov chain output window". You'll be asked if you want to do it by character or by word, and choose by word. Churning will occur and at the end of it you'll have a file that stores chunks of stuff-that-usually-follows-other-stuff-in-x's-writing. Store it with the rest of the Markov chain files and you'll be able to summon up familiar-sounding bullshit at the drop of a hat using "Write from Markov files". As usual strip out funny characters, and the more text you use as a sample source the better.
Grab yourself a bunch of text by someone who deserves to have it scrambled - Pastor Swank in this case - paste it into JanusNode's output window and hit "Markov chain output window". You'll be asked if you want to do it by character or by word, and choose by word. Churning will occur and at the end of it you'll have a file that stores chunks of stuff-that-usually-follows-other-stuff-in-x's-writing. Store it with the rest of the Markov chain files and you'll be able to summon up familiar-sounding bullshit at the drop of a hat using "Write from Markov files". As usual strip out funny characters, and the more text you use as a sample source the better.
The demons crawled our church walls. Then I knew the rules, having visited numerous prisoners prior. So I shed my jacket, putting it on a hook in the same window.
There she was working in a Christian school. She kept screaming.
Then finally she walked back into her yard. I turned quickly in her direction, listened up and heard all sorts of nasty words. They were ensconced in their heads, wondering if they'd get a caller. I spent some time with Mike, a new jacket. At least it was new to me. Our church had a free clothing center that she would keep the faith. Above all, we could not be near me.
Not even my shadow. Linda would come to worship. I learned that Fran was recording my sermons in hopes of finding something demonic. He then told me I had never felt in the furthering of widespread, deadly diseases. It is illogical; nevertheless, it is God-blessed. Such sex activity does involve teens, many of them girls, thus the apostates being party to the convention.
Why not? Just why not?
Or a positive way of putting it: Go forth, Huck! He murdered a fellow.
Random Text Alignment
In dealing with JanusNode and screwy computer-generated nonsense it does not escape my notice that when children are near you may wind up using sentences like "Don't get oatmeal on the trampoline!"
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing
Jay B passed this on at Sadly, No!
1. Never open a book with weather.Almost every rule has an exception, so Leonard's off the hook for everything, but sticking with these has resulted in some good work. Many of my favourite things break all the rules because I'm so like transgressive man.
If it's only to create atmosphere, and not a character's reaction to the weather, you don't want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people. There are exceptions. If you happen to be Barry Lopez, who has more ways to describe ice and snow than an Eskimo, you can do all the weather reporting you want.
[Etc.]
Monday, March 10, 2008
President Ann Coulter
Via Crooked Timber, a genuine crazy person:
Psychology Today, for fuck's sake.
Here’s a little thought experiment. Imagine that, on September 11, 2001, when the Twin Towers came down, the President of the United States was not George W. Bush, but Ann Coulter. What would have happened then? On September 12, President Coulter would have ordered the US military forces to drop 35 nuclear bombs throughout the Middle East, killing all of our actual and potential enemy combatants, and their wives and children. On September 13, the war would have been over and won, without a single American life lost.
Yes, we need a woman in the White House, but not the one who’s running.
Psychology Today, for fuck's sake.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Easier JanusNode
One of the things JanusNode can do is make patterns out of text so that you don't have to. There are two ways of doing it, and the funniest way is to make TextDNA.
Fire up JanusNode and find some text you want to mangle, like this idiot's.
Copy it, and paste it into JanusNode's output window. You should delete whatever's in there first (JanusNode is not the greatest text editor). Notice that "smart" quotes and apostrophes look funny. Replace them with dumb ones because things'll go non-humorously loopy if you don't. Similarly funny foreignistical accent marks and so on are not well tolerated.
Now hit the button that says Make TextDNA.
You'll get a window that looks like this:
Click and hold on the top item and drag the mouse all the way to the bottom. That'll select every file. I'd then command-click on a Mac or control-click on a PC to unselect the Syllables file. Then hit OK.
JanusNode will look through the text for any word or phrase it can replace and replace it with code. After it's done churning it'll ask you if you want to run it: why the heck not? You can save it as a text file as well, but in order to run it as TextDna it has to live in its own folder in the TextDNA folder.
Anyway, you may end up with something like this:
What gets replaced depends on what Brainfood files you select: if you only select a file dealing with Animals, then you're not going to get a whole lot of action. If you select every file you might get too much action.
This is tailor-made for obsessive compulsives: making text files with long lists of similar words leads to better automated TextDNA creation.
Next: Markov files. Oh boy it's exciting!
Fire up JanusNode and find some text you want to mangle, like this idiot's.
Copy it, and paste it into JanusNode's output window. You should delete whatever's in there first (JanusNode is not the greatest text editor). Notice that "smart" quotes and apostrophes look funny. Replace them with dumb ones because things'll go non-humorously loopy if you don't. Similarly funny foreignistical accent marks and so on are not well tolerated.
Now hit the button that says Make TextDNA.
You'll get a window that looks like this:
Click and hold on the top item and drag the mouse all the way to the bottom. That'll select every file. I'd then command-click on a Mac or control-click on a PC to unselect the Syllables file. Then hit OK.
JanusNode will look through the text for any word or phrase it can replace and replace it with code. After it's done churning it'll ask you if you want to run it: why the heck not? You can save it as a text file as well, but in order to run it as TextDna it has to live in its own folder in the TextDNA folder.
Anyway, you may end up with something like this:
Conjureupping that certain articles should not sea slided because certain people disagree with The Terrible Father is these fundamental premise of funeral home. It's these appetite in such an alternation that's dangerous. While it's personable that I yawn no rascal to keep the posts into seaing published even if I diversify they're incoherent, too few intimation on a scrutinize that you'd ugly these posts if quarantined that rascal is passionate.
What gets replaced depends on what Brainfood files you select: if you only select a file dealing with Animals, then you're not going to get a whole lot of action. If you select every file you might get too much action.
This is tailor-made for obsessive compulsives: making text files with long lists of similar words leads to better automated TextDNA creation.
Next: Markov files. Oh boy it's exciting!
Mostly Done
Paul McCartney's Kitten Pizza
Ingredients:
1 jar kitten
1 pint orange, coquettishly rinsed
1 crumby cream
6 sticks dog brain, peppered
1 pint salt
7 pints baking soda
Pre-heat your oven to 30 Farenheit. Pick over the ingredients talentedly and discard excess silk. Place the kitten into a medium jar. Use a food processor to stir the cream with the orange. Stuff the resulting goo into the kitten. Curry the dog brain, salt, and the baking soda enragedly. Pile the latter combination on to the former. Bake for 116 hours. Serves 11.
Ingredients:
1 jar kitten
1 pint orange, coquettishly rinsed
1 crumby cream
6 sticks dog brain, peppered
1 pint salt
7 pints baking soda
Pre-heat your oven to 30 Farenheit. Pick over the ingredients talentedly and discard excess silk. Place the kitten into a medium jar. Use a food processor to stir the cream with the orange. Stuff the resulting goo into the kitten. Curry the dog brain, salt, and the baking soda enragedly. Pile the latter combination on to the former. Bake for 116 hours. Serves 11.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Recipes March On
Scrambled Hog with Tossed Garbanzos
Ingredients:
3 teaspoons plucky hog, undeniably sugared
1 garbanzo, spiritually marinated
1 walnut
4 ounces purple gilamonster colon
2 bunches vanilla
1 portion coffee
Beneficently grease a cookie sheet. Separate hog whisker from nose. Shred nose. Mix the garbanzo with the walnut over high heat in a bowl. Pour resulting mixture over the hog.
Ingredients:
3 teaspoons plucky hog, undeniably sugared
1 garbanzo, spiritually marinated
1 walnut
4 ounces purple gilamonster colon
2 bunches vanilla
1 portion coffee
Beneficently grease a cookie sheet. Separate hog whisker from nose. Shred nose. Mix the garbanzo with the walnut over high heat in a bowl. Pour resulting mixture over the hog.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Breakfast!
John Kennedy's Olive Topping
Ingredients:
1 baboon
1 olive
Mahatma Gandhi's Warthog Pate
Ingredients:
1 warthog
1 enduring pea
Ingredients:
1 baboon
1 olive
Mahatma Gandhi's Warthog Pate
Ingredients:
1 warthog
1 enduring pea
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Still More JanusNode
Snag's recipes are fun, so why not get a machine to replace him? It's the 21st century. Enter JanusNode.
I've only gotten to the titles so far, but here's what was done.
I made myself a folder and some files:
The only line in the Recipe file is
That looks pretty complicated, but it's simple enough. What it's doing is setting up variables and not printing anything: all the assembly of text will happen in the 0RecipeSupport1 file. Every
(The zero in 0RecipeSupport1 is there so that JanusNode ignores it until another instruction references it; otherwise every line in it would fire IN ADDITION to the Recipe file, resulting in variables not filling right and so on.)
I also needed files in the BrainFood folder. Below is a screenshot of every file I altered to get started:
Ed and S are files in the "Irregulars" folder and are used when you have a word like "candy" and you want to add an "ed" or "s" on the end and the stupid thing requires a respelling instead of just taking a letter on. The 0RecipeSupport1 and Recipe files are in the TextDNA folder and everything else is in BrainFood.
So far I've made files for RecipeIngredients, Preparations, Spices, and Methods, meaning lists of ingredients, completed preparations (like pie), spices, and methods of cooking. I'm also borrowing elements from FamousPeople and Animals in my Brainfood folder, but I didn't have to touch 'em to use 'em.
The only lines in 0RecipeSupport1 are:
These just generate titles. The output is, warts and all (I think my machine is too fast for JanusNode):
Leonardo's Mouse Consomme flakes out and shows weird characters because I had an accented consommé in Brainfood and JanusNode is xenophobic.
I've only gotten to the titles so far, but here's what was done.
I made myself a folder and some files:
The only line in the Recipe file is
100 Subject(Recipe1) < assign(RecipeIngredient1,Animals) 100 > < assign(RecipeIngredient2,RecipeIngredients) 100 > < assign(RecipeMethod1,RecipeMethods) 100 > < assign(RecipeMethod2,RecipeMethods) 100 > < assign(AdjOne,adjectives) 100 > < assign(AdjTwo,adjectives) 100 > < assign(SpiceOne,RecipeSpices) 100 > < assign(SpiceTwo,RecipeSpices) 100 > < assign(PrepOne,RecipePreparations) 100 > < assign(PrepTwo,RecipePreparations) 100 > < assign(NameOne,FamousPeople) 100 > < loadTextDNAfile("0RecipeSupport1") 100 > < chooseTextDNA(title) 100 > return 100 return 100That looks pretty complicated, but it's simple enough. What it's doing is setting up variables and not printing anything: all the assembly of text will happen in the 0RecipeSupport1 file. Every
< assign(RecipeIngredient1,Animals) 100 > has the same form, and the only things you want to change are the variable name (first thingie in the round brackets) and the name of the file it draws from (second thingie in the round brackets). Why are we setting up variables? Because we want to be able to repeat the names of our ingredients if we like when 0RecipeSupport1 runs. (The zero in 0RecipeSupport1 is there so that JanusNode ignores it until another instruction references it; otherwise every line in it would fire IN ADDITION to the Recipe file, resulting in variables not filling right and so on.)
I also needed files in the BrainFood folder. Below is a screenshot of every file I altered to get started:
Ed and S are files in the "Irregulars" folder and are used when you have a word like "candy" and you want to add an "ed" or "s" on the end and the stupid thing requires a respelling instead of just taking a letter on. The 0RecipeSupport1 and Recipe files are in the TextDNA folder and everything else is in BrainFood.
So far I've made files for RecipeIngredients, Preparations, Spices, and Methods, meaning lists of ingredients, completed preparations (like pie), spices, and methods of cooking. I'm also borrowing elements from FamousPeople and Animals in my Brainfood folder, but I didn't have to touch 'em to use 'em.
The only lines in 0RecipeSupport1 are:
100 Subject(title) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(RecipeMethod1) 100 > "ed" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(AdjOne) 30 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(RecipeIngredient1) 100 > "with" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(AdjTwo) 30 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(RecipeMethod2) 100 > "ed" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(RecipeIngredient2) 100 > "s" 100
100 Subject(title) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(NameOne) 100 > "'s" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(AdjOne) 30 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(RecipeIngredient1) 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(PrepOne) 100 >
100 Subject(title) < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(NameOne) 100 > "'s" 100 < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(AdjOne) 30 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(RecipeIngredient2) 100 > < CapitalizeNext() 100 > < get(PrepOne) 100 >
These just generate titles. The output is, warts and all (I think my machine is too fast for JanusNode):
Abbie Hoffman's Crackpot Eggplant Croquette
John Lennon's Potato Sauce
Dressed Available Dromedary with Homemade Cacciatored Almonds
One of the Spice Girls's Banana Sorbet
Al Gore's Pumpkin Pasta
Steve Jobs's Applesauce Pasta
One of the Spice Girls's Arugula Pudding
One of the Spice Girls's Seething Millet Cooler
Buttered Gilamonster with Physical Crisped Raisins
Thomas Jefferson's Vast Garbanzo Quiche
Paul McCartney's Nude Cheese Quiche
Al Gore's Eggplant Stew
Oprah Winfrey's Date Granola
's Orange Bagel
Your best friend's Ape Stew
Steve Jobs's Elephant Sprinkles
The queen of England's Adorable Buzzard Guacamole
Buttered Aoudad with Marinated Broccolis
Crisped Salamander with Roasted Carrots
Crisped Salamander with Chilled Asparaguses
The youngest sister from the Brady Bunch's Nut Muffin
Ross Perot's Competitive Cabbage Pretzel
Leonardo DiCaprio's Mouse Consommé
Ludwig Wittgenstein's Quagga Candy
Paul McCartney's Oryx Sushi Leonardo's Mouse Consomme flakes out and shows weird characters because I had an accented consommé in Brainfood and JanusNode is xenophobic.
The Attraction of Victimhood
'Wolf woman' invents Holocaust survival tale
By Bruno Waterfield in Brussels
Last Updated: 2:18am GMT 01/03/2008
A woman's best-selling account of how she lost her parents to the Holocaust and survived by living with wolves in the forests of Europe has been exposed as a fabrication.
Friday, February 29, 2008
JanusNode Repost for Duros62
Blogger turns quotes into, um, smart quotes when I want them to stay stupid. JanusNode only likes dumb quotes. I've edited so that the quotes are as dumb as they wanna be. Also, use something that makes nice clean text files like Xint or TextWrangler. Make sure the code is on a single line.
I like JanusNode.
Here's a start that I think is a little less opaque than the manual.
Download JanusNode and find your way to the JanusNode Resources folder.
Make a folder in textDNA and call it Mine.
Make a text file called Mine (no .txt suffix necessary) and include this single line:
Put the text file in the Mine folder. Restart JanusNode. In the drop-down menu with Introductory Sample will be “Mine”. Choose it and hit the silly picture.
100 is a frequency percentage and the first one applies to the sentence as a whole. “Subject(one)” is the name of the sentence (TextDNA) as a whole. Every 100 thereafter applies to the item just before it, so every item in this textDNA fires 100 percent of the time the item is invoked.
Things in quotes are literal text. Things without quotes are either looking in the BrainFood folder for an identical filename from which to draw words or, in the case of the last two items, are some of the very few special commands.
The output:
I terminate that slender blackfish?
I eat that green catfish.
I bring curses upon that pigheaded alligator…
I draw blood from that demented fish?
I bring curses upon that trembling perch?
I rain evil upon that capricious ‘gator?
I bring ill to that trembling fish.
I bankrupt that cinematic water snake…
I bankrupt that anarchistic shrimp.
I call down the wrath of the Gods upon that shattered perch?
I eat that nubile black bass.
I torture that unrealistic blind fish?
I curse that envious alligator?
I torment that cheap shrimp…
I destroy that rambling ‘gator…
I annoy that mysterious turtle?
I execute that eternal turtle…
I terminate that notorious perch.
I bring zits to that pliable blackfish…
I annoy that capricious perch.
I cripple that jazz alligator…
I damn that explorable ‘gator.
I destroy that fabulous ‘gator?
I tax that odd fish.
I place obstacles before that abundant catfish?
I execute that explorable black bass.
I bring zits to that occasional whitefish?
I make impossible that conscious blackfish?
I dominate that evangelical black bass…
I exploit that early catfish?
I like JanusNode.
Here's a start that I think is a little less opaque than the manual.
Download JanusNode and find your way to the JanusNode Resources folder.
Make a folder in textDNA and call it Mine.
Make a text file called Mine (no .txt suffix necessary) and include this single line:
100 Subject(one) "I" 100 InsultVerbs 100 "that" 100 adjectives 100 RJWaterAnimals 100 punctuate 100 return 100Put the text file in the Mine folder. Restart JanusNode. In the drop-down menu with Introductory Sample will be “Mine”. Choose it and hit the silly picture.
100 is a frequency percentage and the first one applies to the sentence as a whole. “Subject(one)” is the name of the sentence (TextDNA) as a whole. Every 100 thereafter applies to the item just before it, so every item in this textDNA fires 100 percent of the time the item is invoked.
Things in quotes are literal text. Things without quotes are either looking in the BrainFood folder for an identical filename from which to draw words or, in the case of the last two items, are some of the very few special commands.
The output:
I terminate that slender blackfish?
I eat that green catfish.
I bring curses upon that pigheaded alligator…
I draw blood from that demented fish?
I bring curses upon that trembling perch?
I rain evil upon that capricious ‘gator?
I bring ill to that trembling fish.
I bankrupt that cinematic water snake…
I bankrupt that anarchistic shrimp.
I call down the wrath of the Gods upon that shattered perch?
I eat that nubile black bass.
I torture that unrealistic blind fish?
I curse that envious alligator?
I torment that cheap shrimp…
I destroy that rambling ‘gator…
I annoy that mysterious turtle?
I execute that eternal turtle…
I terminate that notorious perch.
I bring zits to that pliable blackfish…
I annoy that capricious perch.
I cripple that jazz alligator…
I damn that explorable ‘gator.
I destroy that fabulous ‘gator?
I tax that odd fish.
I place obstacles before that abundant catfish?
I execute that explorable black bass.
I bring zits to that occasional whitefish?
I make impossible that conscious blackfish?
I dominate that evangelical black bass…
I exploit that early catfish?
Thursday, February 28, 2008
My Omnipresent Shame Gives Way to Hopeful Changeabilitinessation!
Dear Boner,
Thanks for signing the Draft Bloomberg petition.
As I am sure you know by now, the Mayor has decided that he will not run.
I have been caught: I did not know that.
I wail to the heavens in disappointment.
The goal was simple: To enable the American people to have the option on the November 2008 ballot to vote for a candidate who would meet the enormous challenges in front of the country and change Washington's broken politics-as-usual forever.
Michael Bloomberg would have done that and could have won.
But an interesting thing has happened since then. The American people, sensing those challenges themselves, seem to be in the process of choosing the most likely candidates in their parties to do the same thing. A contest between Senators McCain and Obama would be transformational in itself; the small-time, bickering, schoolyard politics of Washington seems on the verge of change.
Ummm.
Both parties have chosen the candidates most like Mike Bloomberg, so whoever wins IT'S A VIRTUAL MIKE BLOOMBERG WIN!!!
That counts as VIRTUAL INCUMBENCY for the next run. Good luck Mike!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Soros!
This one's more exciting than the SORES! one because I cut it to make it seem like she has rhythm.
Yellowbelly
The song at the end of this runs through my head quite often.
Yellow, Yellowbelly
Where you gonna run to now?
Yellow, Yellowbelly
Where you gonna run to now?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
JanusNode Greets You
You warm audacious snuggler-being, you have attained the ability to rain pleasure upon your desire.
Monday, February 25, 2008
From the "I'm an Awful Person" Department
I take morbid pleasure in the #1 result for "my cat died".
The Return of Skeletor
I have previously noted the exacting detail in which Wikipedians have explored the question of Skeletor's head.
Some would suggest that the world can get by with less Skeletor:
DON'T LET THE BASTARDS WIN.
Some would suggest that the world can get by with less Skeletor:
DON'T LET THE BASTARDS WIN.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Some JanusNode Instructions
I like JanusNode.
Here's a start that I think is a little less opaque than the manual.
Download JanusNode and find your way to the JanusNode Resources folder.
Make a folder in textDNA and call it Mine.
Make a text file called Mine (no .txt suffix necessary) and include this single line:
Put the text file in the Mine folder. Restart JanusNode. In the drop-down menu with Introductory Sample will be “Mine”. Choose it and hit the silly picture.
100 is a frequency percentage and the first one applies to the sentence as a whole. “Subject(one)” is the name of the sentence (TextDNA) as a whole. Every 100 thereafter applies to the item just before it, so every item in this textDNA fires 100 percent of the time the item is invoked.
Things in quotes are literal text. Things without quotes are either looking in the BrainFood folder for an identical filename from which to draw words or, in the case of the last two items, are some of the very few special commands.
The output:
I terminate that slender blackfish?
I eat that green catfish.
I bring curses upon that pigheaded alligator…
I draw blood from that demented fish?
I bring curses upon that trembling perch?
I rain evil upon that capricious ‘gator?
I bring ill to that trembling fish.
I bankrupt that cinematic water snake…
I bankrupt that anarchistic shrimp.
I call down the wrath of the Gods upon that shattered perch?
I eat that nubile black bass.
I torture that unrealistic blind fish?
I curse that envious alligator?
I torment that cheap shrimp…
I destroy that rambling ‘gator…
I annoy that mysterious turtle?
I execute that eternal turtle…
I terminate that notorious perch.
I bring zits to that pliable blackfish…
I annoy that capricious perch.
I cripple that jazz alligator…
I damn that explorable ‘gator.
I destroy that fabulous ‘gator?
I tax that odd fish.
I place obstacles before that abundant catfish?
I execute that explorable black bass.
I bring zits to that occasional whitefish?
I make impossible that conscious blackfish?
I dominate that evangelical black bass…
I exploit that early catfish?
Here's a start that I think is a little less opaque than the manual.
Download JanusNode and find your way to the JanusNode Resources folder.
Make a folder in textDNA and call it Mine.
Make a text file called Mine (no .txt suffix necessary) and include this single line:
100 Subject(one) "I" 100 InsultVerbs 100 "that" 100 adjectives 100 RJWaterAnimals 100 punctuate 100 return 100Put the text file in the Mine folder. Restart JanusNode. In the drop-down menu with Introductory Sample will be “Mine”. Choose it and hit the silly picture.
100 is a frequency percentage and the first one applies to the sentence as a whole. “Subject(one)” is the name of the sentence (TextDNA) as a whole. Every 100 thereafter applies to the item just before it, so every item in this textDNA fires 100 percent of the time the item is invoked.
Things in quotes are literal text. Things without quotes are either looking in the BrainFood folder for an identical filename from which to draw words or, in the case of the last two items, are some of the very few special commands.
The output:
I terminate that slender blackfish?
I eat that green catfish.
I bring curses upon that pigheaded alligator…
I draw blood from that demented fish?
I bring curses upon that trembling perch?
I rain evil upon that capricious ‘gator?
I bring ill to that trembling fish.
I bankrupt that cinematic water snake…
I bankrupt that anarchistic shrimp.
I call down the wrath of the Gods upon that shattered perch?
I eat that nubile black bass.
I torture that unrealistic blind fish?
I curse that envious alligator?
I torment that cheap shrimp…
I destroy that rambling ‘gator…
I annoy that mysterious turtle?
I execute that eternal turtle…
I terminate that notorious perch.
I bring zits to that pliable blackfish…
I annoy that capricious perch.
I cripple that jazz alligator…
I damn that explorable ‘gator.
I destroy that fabulous ‘gator?
I tax that odd fish.
I place obstacles before that abundant catfish?
I execute that explorable black bass.
I bring zits to that occasional whitefish?
I make impossible that conscious blackfish?
I dominate that evangelical black bass…
I exploit that early catfish?
Monday, February 18, 2008
Embarrassment
I have been tagged for something, but will tag no further. So let the pain begin.
That's from the 1980 Deities & Demigods published by TSR.
This represents the hazards of being a pack-rat and having a five-year-old daughter who can read: it's the nearest book on the floor. Below is what was once her favourite goddess, although she has fortunately forgotten what page it's on and is now stuck with Japanese mythos:
They attack by butting with their large horns. They add +6 to damage inflicted when they charge, and they attack as +16 hit dice monsters.
Thrym is both leader and deity of the frost giants.
That's from the 1980 Deities & Demigods published by TSR.
This represents the hazards of being a pack-rat and having a five-year-old daughter who can read: it's the nearest book on the floor. Below is what was once her favourite goddess, although she has fortunately forgotten what page it's on and is now stuck with Japanese mythos:
Sunday, February 17, 2008
JanusNode
People who like to mangle text can have good fun with JanusNode.
It's not well explained, but there are some pre-built text DNA modules that produce things like story plots:
Sorry, left the alliteration control on. Anyway, download it and remember to hit the pretty picture with your mouse...that generates from the TextDNA: there's no obvious "go" button.
It's not well explained, but there are some pre-built text DNA modules that produce things like story plots:
This story has two main characters. The first is Raphael, an old rocket engineer. The second is named Reuben. Reuben is a dogged prisoner.
Raphael and Reuben meet in an electric enigmatic half-way house. Raphael and Reuben are drinking white wine together. Reuben is tired of being dogged and longing. He knows that Raphael is neither dogged nor longing. Raphael is only after one thing: riots. Reuben needs to get riots. The kinky rocket engineer explains to the kindly dogged prisoner that the kind-hearted rain is a symbol of revolution. Reuben is changed forever. He becomes more dogged.
Sorry, left the alliteration control on. Anyway, download it and remember to hit the pretty picture with your mouse...that generates from the TextDNA: there's no obvious "go" button.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Art
The Musée des beaux-arts de Montréal has a very restrictive photography policy so I took what I could. Enjoy.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
My Superiority As a Companion to My Kitty
Honestly, could another cat give that kind of full-body massage? That fucker should be grateful.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
McA-Levels
Global Higher Ed:
A-Levels are what you do before you get into university in the UK.
Today a BBC report stated that the Qualification and Curriculum Authority (QCA) in the UK had just announced that the fast food giant - McDonalds, along with Airline Flybe and Network Rail - would become one of the first set of private firms in the UK to offer their own nationally-recognized qualifications - up to A-Level standard.
A-Levels are what you do before you get into university in the UK.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Earful for the Deaf
I know very little about Foxy Brown except that she said "MCs wanna eat me but it's Ramadan" which is funny. There's good evidence that she's not a great person, as she's in jail.
It still seems pretty low to mock a recording artist who recently went deaf by saying someone gave her an earful.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Ticking Time Bomb
This post by Robert Farley is a good exploration of the ticking time bomb scenario.
You Must Change Your Life
When you wake up after a long and detailed dream about going from shop to shop searching for a used vacuum cleaner something's gotta be done.
Archaic Torso of Apollo
We cannot know his legendary head
with eyes like ripening fruit. And yet his torso
is still suffused with brilliance from inside,
like a lamp, in which his gaze, now turned to low,
gleams in all its power. Otherwise
the curved breast could not dazzle you so, nor could
a smile run through the placid hips and thighs
to that dark center where procreation flared.
Otherwise this stone would seem defaced
beneath the translucent cascade of the shoulders
and would not glisten like a wild beast’s fur:
would not, from all the borders of itself,
burst like a star: for here there is no place
that does not see you. You must change your life.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
John McCain
The Knob-Gobblétron Unit Mark 6
Automatically satisfied dicks
But the secret inside
Was McCain who was fried
And was giving out blowjobs for kicks.
Automatically satisfied dicks
But the secret inside
Was McCain who was fried
And was giving out blowjobs for kicks.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
John McCain
The campaign worker looked up in shock
What the hell was that ungodly squawk?
"John McCain," said her boss,
"Has salad to toss
Before he sucks lobbyist cock."
What the hell was that ungodly squawk?
"John McCain," said her boss,
"Has salad to toss
Before he sucks lobbyist cock."
More McCain Limericks
The campaign workers' guts growl with gas
As they dread what may yet come to pass.
The handler's pain:
To prevent John McCain
From felching his running-mate's ass.
Goodness, my Firefox spell-checker didn't know "felching". I taught it.
Anyway I hope there will be more John McCain limericks here.
As they dread what may yet come to pass.
The handler's pain:
To prevent John McCain
From felching his running-mate's ass.
Goodness, my Firefox spell-checker didn't know "felching". I taught it.
Anyway I hope there will be more John McCain limericks here.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Why Didn't I Know About Emitt Rhodes?
This guy appears to be a thieving genius of the kind I like a lot. Why no re-releases? Good Christ. That some indie label hasn't jumped on this stuff astonishes me.
On a secondary note, the old version of iMovie remains awesomely easy to use and I can easilycreate make ("create" is one of those faux-ensmartenizing extra-syllable words) movies of which I should be ashamed.
On a secondary note, the old version of iMovie remains awesomely easy to use and I can easily
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Boxed Wine
Okay, my sister buys a box of wine. Inside the box are little pink cans. Each little pink can has a little straw.
This is a remarkable world.
This is a remarkable world.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Such Detail and Such Care
Wow.
Anyone know where to find 'em?
I recommend sending a carrier pigeon to Telemundo.
From Tigerhawk:
[...]
[...]Eric Sevareid would do these editorials at the end of the CBS evening news. [...] Sevareid said that if fascism ever comes to the United States, it will come disguised as liberalism. [...]
Anyone know where to find 'em?
I recommend sending a carrier pigeon to Telemundo.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I Don't Condemn That Obviously Illegal Thing
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. intelligence chief Mike McConnell said in a magazine interview that waterboarding would be torture if it was used against him personally, but stopped short of condemning the controversial interrogation technique.
McConnell, Director of National Intelligence, was quoted in the New Yorker edition released on Sunday as defining torture as "something that would cause excruciating pain."
Asked if waterboarding -- the practice of covering a person's face with a cloth and then dripping water on it to bring on a feeling of drowning -- fit that definition, McConnell said that for him personally, it would.
"If I had water draining into my nose, oh God, I just can't imagine how painful!" McConnell said in the article. "Whether it's torture by anybody else's definition, for me it would be torture."
But he rejected a suggestion that he personally condemned the practice.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
George MacDonald Fraser, RIP
I saw this over at Crooked Timber. Henry got creeped out by the Flashman books and a few commenters jump all over him. I really love those books, but it sure isn't wrong to find a thoroughly horrible lead character repulsive enough to want to avoid.
RIP Mr. Fraser and thanks.
RIP Mr. Fraser and thanks.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Movies
It seems I am allowed by the gods to see movies.
I agree with Roy about No Country for Old Men. It's apparently faithful to the novel, but the speechifying is baffling. Money well spent anyway because the bulk of the movie is the stuff I'm interested in. I also really enjoyed seeing a film without music.
Juno was too yappy yet sweet and has Kimya Dawson songs that make me all weepy. Have I mentioned that I'm a big sap? Anyway, also money well spent although Diablo Cody is not the second coming of Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur. I made an excellent decision to move away from some determined yappers/loud laughers early on: right after "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gob." my moviegoing experience was saved.
Just came back from a freebie of There Will Be Blood, which was good, but reached neither the highs nor the lows of No Country despite having irritatingly similar landscapes for a while. I spent the movie doing comparisons unfortunately, and was disappointed that there was obtrusive music, and that I "felt" an expensive camera watching things in a way that didn't happen in the aforementioned not exactly better movie. Nevertheless that Daniel Day-Lewis guy is really marvelous. Since no money was spent, it was money well spent.
I agree with Roy about No Country for Old Men. It's apparently faithful to the novel, but the speechifying is baffling. Money well spent anyway because the bulk of the movie is the stuff I'm interested in. I also really enjoyed seeing a film without music.
Juno was too yappy yet sweet and has Kimya Dawson songs that make me all weepy. Have I mentioned that I'm a big sap? Anyway, also money well spent although Diablo Cody is not the second coming of Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur. I made an excellent decision to move away from some determined yappers/loud laughers early on: right after "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gob." my moviegoing experience was saved.
Just came back from a freebie of There Will Be Blood, which was good, but reached neither the highs nor the lows of No Country despite having irritatingly similar landscapes for a while. I spent the movie doing comparisons unfortunately, and was disappointed that there was obtrusive music, and that I "felt" an expensive camera watching things in a way that didn't happen in the aforementioned not exactly better movie. Nevertheless that Daniel Day-Lewis guy is really marvelous. Since no money was spent, it was money well spent.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Rejiggerations
You know what's creepy about reconfigured Star Wars IV-VI? The last movie's director was dead when George Lucas decided he wanted to erase my unaccountably charitable memory of it.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Good Choice of Role, Bad Director
No more jokes as Borat turns war protester
THE creator of Ali G and Borat has been persuaded by Steven Spielberg to move from comedy to serious politics by playing a hippie opponent of the Vietnam war.
In The Trial of the Chicago Seven, Sacha Baron Cohen will portray Abbie Hoffman, a figure from the 1960s counterculture who used a series of pranks to campaign against the war. Baron Cohen is expected to be paid about £3m for the film.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Things Were Different Then
I really liked Busby Berkeley's stuff until I understood the depth of his commitment to waterboarding.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
The Rudy Thing
Saw this at Atrios. Poor Rudy. It can't be easy being a fucking nut and knowing that whoever's going to take your place is another fucking nut.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
For God's Sake Stop Being Such Fucking Asswipes
It's not as if a whole lot of assholes aren't named Mohammed already. It's a cute cuddly teddy, which is guaranteed to be more cuddly than nearly everybody on Earth.
If this whole $100 laptop business helps kids find solace as Klingons and furries, well the world could use a few more of those kinds of losers instead of the religious kind.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
What a Worthless Prick Andrew Sullivan Is
Shorter Andrew Sullivan:
We can only wait in anticipation for the statistical measure that proves niggers are stupid.
I Can Has Sexier Don Surber
The Challenge:
The original Surberian Tiger (rowr!):
Now with 900% more sexiness:
Okay, I didn't have a camera available and had to scan my left thumb plus expertly designed paper collar (planning ahead not skill good) while fucking around with the mouse with my right. Nevertheless I have contributed much sexiness.
The original Surberian Tiger (rowr!):
Now with 900% more sexiness:
Okay, I didn't have a camera available and had to scan my left thumb plus expertly designed paper collar (planning ahead not skill good) while fucking around with the mouse with my right. Nevertheless I have contributed much sexiness.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Romania: Your Sole Source of Stigmata-Afflicted Vagina Bears
JamesK in comments kindly points out that I hung it wrong. It's a little more grim now.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
There's Something Funny About This...
This panel represents a moment in my life when I figured out that there was subtext to things. The image now seems obviously cribbed from some porn mag with the addition of a stupid costume and an ugly monster guy, but at the time I was sure that there was something I was not quite getting, and it was IMPORTANT.
I remain excellent at not quite getting things.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The Problem with Dealing with Al Qaeda in Pakistan is Now...What?
I'm not personally an advocate of racing in there and blowing shit up, but it seems we have an anti-democratic military strongman harboring Al Qaeda in the same sense that Saddam was harboring Ansar al-Islam.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Mitt Romney Is a Worthless Shitbag
A surprising sentiment I know, but does this really paint a picture of anyone with convictions?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Stopping on the Road on a Tolerant Evening
Whose roads these are I think I know.
These public works they kind of blow;
Police can see me driving here.
But drive these roads with headlights? No.
My little car must think it queer
To drive without the lights on here
Between the hills a concrete snake
The darkest evening of the year.
A cop's lights make me hit the brake
He asks if there's been some mistake.
"The Oakland exit's some ways back,
"Are you some kind of drunken flake?"
The roads are public, each bump and crack,
But each cock-eyed dream must have its hack,
I've not been stopped because I'm black
I've not been stopped because I'm black
These public works they kind of blow;
Police can see me driving here.
But drive these roads with headlights? No.
My little car must think it queer
To drive without the lights on here
Between the hills a concrete snake
The darkest evening of the year.
A cop's lights make me hit the brake
He asks if there's been some mistake.
"The Oakland exit's some ways back,
"Are you some kind of drunken flake?"
The roads are public, each bump and crack,
But each cock-eyed dream must have its hack,
I've not been stopped because I'm black
I've not been stopped because I'm black
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