The Wind Beneath Its Wings

Competing blogs may despoil the natural beauty and diversity of their lands in frippery-driven cherub-capturing expeditions, but here at Substance Laboratories™ more initially-environmentally-friendly solutions are at hand.

Using leftover pieces of Hitler, J. Vernon McGee, a Louisiana pancake batfish, Kathryn Jean Lopez, and three different kinds of potato chips we build the body of our subject in suitably chubby style. The potato chips work wonders here. Using patented Substance Laboratories™ Spiral Object Generation Technology™ we add a pair of wings and a discreetly hidden power generation unit and VOILA! We have available for shipping a directionally programmable* flying baby device — often meeting emissions standards demanded by certain countries — we call the Cherubstance™.

*A simple interface allows you to point it in the direction of your choice and in seconds it will usually be go in that direction.

Also...

The problem with getting a mime into a snow-ЗОРБ is that the snow has to get back to exactly the right place. Oh well.



Yet somehow this works fine:

Oh Dear

That ЗОРБ's done trapped a mime.

The Bassoon, Fired Up

Too Much Render Time Wasted...

So I had to post it. And a terribly low-res version at that.

Steveston

Killers

As noted here and elsewhere, the ЗОРБ menace must end.

A thrill-seeker died when the giant inflatable Zorb ball he was riding in with a pal plunged over a cliff.

Married dad-of-two Denis Burakov, 27, broke his neck and spine after the sphere veered off course and began rolling down a mountain.

There's more of this to come.

The Orbs Advance

Are they some form of gastropod?

Today's True Facts

Now there's a headline:



Nevertheless the important news at World Nut Daily is THIS:

Frightened residents in western Sweden reported seeing a bright, blue light racing across the night sky on Tuesday before an orange-coloured orb smashed into the ground in a mysterious phenomenon that has yet to be explained.

You'll figure it out when the Christmas presents don't arrive.

Bro's Notes

Philosophy Bro:

Look, so, nothing matters, right? Shit's fucking weird. We all want to know how the universe ultimately works or who's running the show or whatever, and it turns out - TRICK. FUCKING. QUESTION. No one's running the show, and the world is unreasonable. Ever had some shit happen to you that made you go, "Why the fuck did that happen? There's no reason for that." Turns out, you were right. So our attempts to impose reason on the world will fail. Death and taxes, my friend. Death and motherfucking taxes.

So what do we do? What's the point? Should we just end it if nothing matters? No, says Camus, thats the pussy way out. Instead, we should embrace the fact that nothing makes sense. Don Juan, the fuckaholic that started it all, he embraced the absurd. Life has no meaning, so he. fucked. everything. He didn't try to impose meaning or find meaning or make his own meaning - that shit is useless, and Camus says there's no hope for that, so cut it the fuck out.

FORGOT THE ILLUSTRATION UPDATE:

Testing Patients

Oh sure, running juice through a squid is fine if you're some kid in a lab coat dicking around, but the grown-up scientists know and remember that the Goal of Science is to run electricity through people. To this end we at Substance Labs™ have procured a tiny slice of Ann Althouse and let the experiment run its course.



Okay, the eye got stuck and the orb filter was obviously on the blink but I think what we have here is a genuine Science Smackdown. You may send grant money via registered mail only.

Shaming Myself

I should really play more with texture and background.

Mind you there's something to be said for cheapness.

The Utility of Hippies

Vancouver is one of those lucky places in which the people who initially mapped out the city - elites for Christ's sake - did a bunch of good stuff by setting some land aside for, um, the future of civilization or something. Stanley Park is a great example. Except for kicking out those natives who already lived there of course. WHOOPS.

Another example of native-kicking-out-and-setting-land-aside is this, the UBC Endowment Lands. Both properties are now the most valuable land there could possibly be in the city, and yet nobody's sold it all to developers from Hong Kong.

Look:



The end of the little penis sticking up is Stanley Park, a short walk from anything downtown, and the end of the big penis sticking out to the left including that awful greenish infection it has is pretty much all university land.

On the university's land there is a research farm set up by people who sing songs and write poems and also have advanced degrees. The Lovely Daughter is lucky enough to have one of these hippies as her teacher, so her class heads out to do some farming every second Thursday. FOR NO PAY.

[COMMENCE THUNDERBLOGGING]











Above I was being a little idealistic about our fabulously wise use of land. Here go some trees just outside the farm's parking lot:



But even that stuff has the hippie tinge.

ALSO:

Sons of England

When last we visited the International Metaphysical University it concerned crazy person Rupert Matthews, a faculty member of IMU who was in line to succeed mildly less crazy Conservative Roger Helmer as member of the European parliament for the East Midlands. On this front Helmer speaks:

In October, I announced my intention to resign from the European parliament on Dec 31st. I was asked by our Delegation Leader Martin Callanan to postpone that date to Jan 20th to cover some key votes in Strasbourg in January, which I agreed to do. However I have not yet signed the Parliament’s formal deed of resignation.

I made it clear at the time that a key reason for my decision was my disillusionment with a wide range of Conservative policies – a view which has been strongly reinforced by David Cameron’s vocal backing for further fiscal integration in the EU.

I announced my resignation in the confident expectation (shared by just about everyone) that I would be replaced by the Next-in-Line on the 2009 Conservative East Midlands list, Rupert Matthews. Since the introduction of the regional list system of voting, there have been nine mid-term vacancies for UK MEPs, and on every occasion the seat has gone to the next available name on the list.

It has now emerged, however, that the Party has reservations over the succession. After the 2010 General Election, a large number of very good people, including Rupert, were taken off the Westminster candidate list. Because he is not currently on that list, the Party has referred his case to the Candidates’ Committee, which will require him to undergo a Candidate Panel.

AHA! The Tories have been tipped off that they may be embarrassed by a loon that is not the right kind of loon. What does Roger think?

I have made it clear that I will not sign the formal resignation papers until the position is clarified and Rupert is confirmed. I was happy to resign in favour of the Next-in-Line in the normal way, but I am not prepared to stand aside for some A-List Cameron protégée from St. John’s Wood.

However the Party says it will not call the panel and make the decision until I do resign. So we have a Mexican stand-off.

I think that both I and Rupert (and our respective families) are entitled to some certainty and resolution on the issue. Accordingly I have indicated to the Party Chairman that if the situation is not resolved within a few weeks, I shall withdraw my offer to resign. I am quite prepared, if necessary, to stay in place for the remaining 2½ years of my mandate, until 2014.

Like a True Conservative™, he will not brook reasonless change and will piss in the party's punchbowl until mollified.

Where was I?

Oh yes. The preceding was all super-fascinating of course, but neither here nor there compared to the important news. LOOK!

Many in the metaphysical world have talked about the mysterious Planet X showing up in 2012. This supposition was first introduced by Zecharia Sitchin in the 1970′s and has stuck around as a sort of folk lore ever since. Yet many people are now posting photographs and video indicating that we are having “two suns” showing up in the sky, one of which is purported to be Planet X.

The following two photos were both taken here in the Mid-Ohio Valley; one right her in Parkersburg, WV and one near Columbus, OH. I would be interested in hearing everyone’s comments.

What do you think? Two suns? Is it Planet X? What is your explanation?

I believe the enlightened traveller of the bloggy neighbourhood knows what is coming next.

Notice the beams of light shining down from the sun and yet there appears to be a second object in the sky that also looks like it could be a sun off to the right. Hmm. Is it the moon? Seems like an odd time and placement for the moon but if anyone knows for sure I’d like to hear.

You can see the second “sun” off to the left. Now this could simply be a glare of some sort except that it showed up in a second photo taken shortly thereafter. (Below).

Still there! lol. So let me know you’re thoughts. It certainly makes for interesting and thought-provoking conversation whatever you believe. Also, if you have pictures that show something similar we’d like to see it. :) Send it to info@intermetu.com.

THAT, my friends, is a fucking orb-perception FAIL. University my arse. Two suns would mean the UK would be sunny and everyone knows it is a drab fucking nightmare plus fights in pubs. Also I look out the window now and I see it is night-time, and if there were two suns it stands to reason that it would be TWICE AS NIGHT-TIME. Where's your second sun NOW, genius? Thundra, get on the intertrons and let these idiots know what the orbs are all about. You too Mr. Collins.

I Have Been Waiting For This

J—:

"Sign my petition!"

To make this an Olympic sport. It's right in so, so many ways.

Site Hosting Experiments

Well.

Time for a holiday experimental chapeau.



Coolant leak on aisle 12!



Apparently Google Sites will host an animated gif...



Which fish insists should be crying:



Hmm, I suppose I should see if Andrew Klavan has said anything dumb recently to justify a four-wheeled skullfuck - but "Cars 2 hentai" is climbing the House of Substance search terms so is jutification necessary? NO. So consider this a totally free boner bonus:

You like movies about gladiators…?

Actually, I do. Is that so wrong??? In fact, Starz’s over-the-top gladiator series, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, was capable of reducing me to an emotional 12-year-old every week. I would stare at each new gore-and-nudity-laden episode in a sort of mindless rapture, thinking, “Look… breasts… sword fights… also breasts…”

Hoping for a similar experience of ecstatic regression, I tried out the recent remake of Conan the Barbarian a few days ago. And let me add that I’m a big fan of Robert Howard’s original Conan short stories, which really are excellent entertainment. And let me also add that there was no shortage of beautiful naked women and good sword fights here as well. But the movie’s a dud. Conan the Disappointment. Not terrible or anything, just sort of flat and ho-hum.

What’s the difference between Spartacus and Conan? It’s the story, brother!

No, it's not an excuse if he meant it to be funny.

UPDATE!!!!

Okay sure, but there is important lab work going on: