Saturday, June 30, 2007

Friday, June 29, 2007

The Last Tree

L'Arbre du Ténéré, known in English as the Tree of Ténéré, was a solitary acacia, of either Acacia raddiana or Acacia tortilus, that was once considered the most isolated tree on Earth — the only one within more than 400 km. It was a landmark on caravan routes through the Ténéré region of the Sahara in northeast Niger — so well known that it is the only tree to be shown on a map at a scale of 1:4,000,000. It was located at approximately 17°45′00″N 10°04′00″E / 17.75, 10.066667.

This tree was struck not once but twice by vehicles and has been moved elsewhere, replaced with a metal sculpture. Follow the link to see pictures of the terrain and marvel that you and yours are allowed near machinery.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Daughter: [farting noises]

Me: When are you going to stop farting?

Daughter: In April.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Pegged! Tagged!

Oh lord.

Eight facts about me:

1. I'd really rather talk about anything but me

2. Other people would really rather talk about anything but me.

3. Self-loathing is an art, but self-loving is a pastime.

4. I don't want no scrubs.

5. I convinced a very smart girl that grapefruit left on the tree became explosive if over-ripe and that's why people hired illegal aliens to do the work.

6. I can play the theme from Star Wars on any instrument.

7. I have thrown many things from tall buildings.

8. My dad took me back-stage to see Tommy Hunter when I was little and I cried.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Mitt Romney, Dog Torturer

God I love election season.

That last comment is a beaut.

The Radiant Future

I use Foxlingo for translation purposes. It's awesome.

Many language choices.

Loads of translation engines for the popular languages.

Less choice and chancier results on, say, Turkish for instance.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Jesus, What a Tricky Fucker

For this is the only gospel we've ever seen that shows Jesus laughing at his disciples—because they have distorted his message and gotten it so wrong.

The oops that lasted 2000 years.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Proof That There Will Be No Apocalypse

Look, if it didn't happen then it won't happen now. Tough luck Ann Althouse.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Via Altercation

Quote of the Day: George W. Bush, at the Mardi Gras theme BBQ on the South Lawn with Congress. President Bush speaking to the black musicians of New Orleans jazz band Kermit Ruffins and the Barbeque Swingers:

THE PRESIDENT: Kermit Ruffins and the Barbeque Swingers, right out of New Orleans, Louisiana. (Applause.)

MR. RUFFINS: Thank you. Thanks for having us. We're glad to be here.

THE PRESIDENT: Proud you're here. Thanks for coming. You all enjoy yourself. Make sure you pick up all the trash after it's over. (Laughter.)


Does Survival Research Labs have one of these yet?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Two Guys Talking Earnestly About Consciousness

Daniel Dennett and Robert Wright. Wright seems to me to be defeated in the battle of analogies.

No need to actually watch the video; listening's fine and they're not especially attractive anyway.

The Current Plan

Tattoo "vagina" to my hand so I can say "HA! YOU TOUCHED MY VAGINA!" whenever I shake hands.

There's a second and more personal reason which shall remain secret.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Latest CD For the Car

Fancy people have things that play mp3s for 'em, but I have to be content with ONLY 25 NEW SONGS TO LISTEN TO. What is this, the stone age?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

All Hail Sky Cat

My cat leapt from my balcony to a nearby tree and then to another balcony two floors below.

Next time I'm sending him with a note asking for a cup of sugar.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Four More Ears!

Might Makes Righteous

When I was poor I went to the local skid-row church after drinking at the local dive because you could get free hot-dogs and pop while they harangued you about the usual bullshit. There I saw the female member of The Power Team (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and she did her bits, which were HILARIOUS.

Anyway, the best part was the summary of her act in which she told a story about Jesus from the Christian apocrypha, which riled the locals who started yelling "NO HE DIDN'T!" She yelled back "YES HE DID!" and won the argument, as people who break ice-blocks with their foreheads often do.

Smash Head on Desk

Old Shit Life or New Shit Life?

What an odd thing to go to a party with a former bandmate and run into old acquaintances, all of them working shit jobs while I lucked into my good one.

They were all, however, much more interesting than I am. I do miss the struggling Bohemian lifestyle, but having a child precludes destroying my earning potential with the whim to be, oh, an acrobat or rock star.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Verse to Curse

Haiku of Townhall.


Kathleen Parker

Men’s health? Women’s health?
It’s a zero-sum game, peeps!
So … weiner-take-all!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Ogden Knish

Q-Tips are part of the human condition
An aid in pursuing de-earwaxing missions.
When you think one's used up it's still got one side more
But they're disgusting yucky when spotted alone on the floor.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Matt Furey: Universal Scourge

I dunno who this guy is, but a two-year-old thread involving him evidently upsets him people.

Internet thrills are cheap.

The Japanese Can Always Cheer Me Up