Sunday, December 12, 2010

Leaky Art Syndrome

Here is some art I hate:



Someone's stolen a second mildly battered VW bug from it; good for them. The humidity and rainfall are such that the display cases are getting moist and gross. Truly the kind of problem unique to Vancouver.

If I win the lottery I pledge to buy a VW bug and smash it into the thing, bringing it down once and for all in a far more poetic way than it deserves.

25 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

It would have been better if he had used real Bugs.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

The humidity and rainfall are such that the display cases are getting moist and gross

heh. Artists don't know about environmental controls.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I support S_McG in his desire to smash, and encourage video posting of same.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

It'd be LOTS better if he'd used real bugs. As it is we'll have to be satisfied with bugs moving in.

mikey said...

Oh yeah. Fill the tires with expasion foam. Take out the fuel tank and run off a couple pints in a self-sealing bladder. Throw in a crude transaxle, disable the syncromesh and lock it in second gear. Load it up with sandbags for weight (inertia is your friend) and put some kind of battering ram up front (maybe a pencil-pointed peeler core with a small shaped charge and an impact detonator.

I'd be delighted to consult on this project pro bono...

Substance McGravitas said...

That's exactly the kind of expertise I need. The problem is acceleration though: for a straight-on hit I have six thin lanes and some sidewalk on both sides. You can get a bunch of acceleration up coming from the North, but the turn into it is not likely to produce pleasing symmetry.

Substance McGravitas said...

Note also the importance of capital-N NORTH.

mikey said...

Good Talk.

I think if you're insistent on using a VW Bug in the assault, speed is over-rated. That's why we'd strip the syncro and lock it in a low ratio. Anything over 40 KPH ought to be fine, with the weight and torque we're generating at, what, 6000 RPM?

We probably ought to consider welding up a half-assed cage and some kind of six point harness, unless your goal extends beyond the statement to the acquisition of 72 virgins...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

if the framework is aluminum, it won't take much inertia to bend it all kattywampus. And the plexi will break up pretty easy.

I think you overestimate the robustness of the installation, McG. It probably has little in the way of foundations, also. Wouldn't be surprised if it was simply bolted into a slab; moderate speed would be sufficient to snap the bolts.

Unlike mikey, however, my professional expertise comes at a price. Gotta make a living here.

Another Kiwi said...

Remember to use the FBI for your explosives purchases. Tell them Ahmed sent you

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Mythbusters once used thermite to cut a car in half. Perhaps that might be an exciting, flamboyant alternative?

Just spitballing here.

Substance McGravitas said...

Well this is the place but the art's not up in the shot. Is that really enough space?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Actually, I think an end-on strike might be more destructive if you use explosive charges. The momentum will take the explosion horizontally through the structure. You could even set a timed series of charges.

Remember, we're talking about plexi and aluminum.

Substance McGravitas said...

Well, we're also looking at aesthetics here and for shit art involving damaged pretend Volkswagens to be taken out by a real Volkswagen would be kind of sweet.

But a launch of a Volkswagen from some nearby area making a precise hit on the installation would also echo the composition method a little.

mikey said...

For dramatics, it would be hard to beat a heavily weighted unmanned VW positioned a few hundred meters up-range and launched via JATO bottle.

I wouldn't advocate extensive use of explosives (the permitting process is ugly and without it somebody's gonna end up separated from their important bits), but a shaped charge created from 2½" black iron pipe, six ounces of black powder, one ounce of fine aluminum mesh and an impact detonator built from Primacord should provide the requisite artistic dramatics, weaken the structure and enhance penetration.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Permitting?

Another Kiwi said...

Mikey is a responsible terrorist

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

considering the amount of information out there for the airplane-bombing thing, they might as well have pulled a permit.

Like permitting demolition of a non-existent garage, i suspect Bureaucracy would have swallowed the paperwork with no notice, as long as the permit fees cleared.

Of course, Canuckia might work different.

tigris said...

It would have been better if he had used real Bugs.

Bunnies would've gotten even messier by this time.

fish said...

but a shaped charge created from 2½" black iron pipe, six ounces of black powder, one ounce of fine aluminum mesh and an impact detonator built from Primacord should provide the requisite artistic dramatics, weaken the structure and enhance penetration.

We are still talking about destroying the art, right?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

now that I look at it again, I ask you to reconsider; what if it is a much more subtle art piece than you suspect?

Perhaps it was intended as a Beetle-vending machine, a comment on our consumerist and disposable culture? It seems like at least a couple of people have treated it as such.

Smut Clyde said...

But a launch of a Volkswagen from some nearby area making a precise hit on the installation would also echo the composition method a little.

Trebuchets.
Best Remake of The Love Bug EVAH.

Mendacious D said...

Knowing something about the geography, a trebuchet could lob a bug from nearby Queen Elizabeth Park (THE SYMBOLISM!). Possibly from the Conservatory.

Alternately, railguns. As a bonus, you would get a bunch of mini-bug ammo out of the deal. Very environmentally responsible.

Substance McGravitas said...

Well, you'd probably have to test the thing on an equidistant target, like the Oakridge Mall.

Mendacious D said...

I was under the impression this had happened quite some time ago...