Monday, May 23, 2011

We Girls Should Know Less

OMG K-Lo is upset about sex again!
The girls Salon dismissed, sisters Sydney and Tess Volanski — a soon-to-be high-school sophomore and freshman, respectively — left the Girl Scouts after eight years* because the organization’s current values — signaled by its ties to Planned Parenthood — clash with their own. And, yes, they set up a website about the Girl Scouts that is a little hat tip to their favorite singer: Its name, “Speak Now,” is the title of one of Swift’s songs.


Sydney tells me: “Many Girl Scouts are good, wholesome girls. The problem lies within the national organization’s leadership and its lack of adherence to its promise of neutrality.” She adds that girls often need and “should get help, but Planned Parenthood and abortion — what GSUSA is directing them to — are not help. Abortion has serious risks for women, including breast cancer, infertility, post-traumatic stress disorder, and suicide. Does this sound like help?”
Pregnancy: risk free and helpful in itself! Mind you, a more careful blogger would mention that Planned Parenthood provides a range of services that blah blah blah REPUBLICAN SMASH.

K-Lo doesn't much get into the fact that the girls are spouting horseshit. A look at the site the girls SET UP ALL BY THEMSELVES is suspiciously...well wait a minute, let me pick on K-Lo instead of a couple of kids and whoever wrote all that guff on their site.
The beginning of the rude awakening for Sydney and Tess was a graphic pamphlet produced by the International Planned Parenthood Federation, Healthy, Happy and Hot, which was reportedly distributed at the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts meeting last year.
Dear K-Lo: you are an adult and as such should be setting an example to children instead of being a big poopy-faced** liar using the word "reportedly" to get away with repeating a falsehood NOTED IN THE FUCKING SALON ARTICLE YOU LINKED TO. And quoting yourself as the "reportedly" link is, uh, unwise because you are a goddamned dimwit. Also Jackhammer Jesus gets good reviews.

*Things were so much better when I was six years old.

**Yes? No?


One vote is plenty for me as I am a liberal who IGNORES ELECTION RESULTS ANYWAY! HA HA!

But no complaints please, I am still serving you, the common blog reader: ordinarily you would have to pay big money to see K-Lo shitfaced.


Dr.KennethNoisewater said...

That Jackhammer Jesus review woke me up a bit. (I am tired and under the weather.)


I'm really looking forward to your entry on when K-Lo is not upset about sex. It's gonna be SO GOOD!!

Substance McGravitas said...

In our researches for K-Lo's sex toys we spied this complaint from a webcammy naked person that her Christian viewers only complain about Jackhammer Jesus AFTER they get off.

Smut Clyde said...

I'm really looking forward to your entry

VS is over-sharing.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wait until K-Lo get a load of the Abortion merit badge.

Dr.KennethNoisewater said...

VS is over-sharing.

In my defense, I was helpless against the lure of slightly larger Canadian penises.

But I'd say if anyone's oversharing here, it's Trixie. (Although you I'm sure you gentlemen think she's sharing about the right amount.)

Wait until K-Lo get a load of the Abortion merit badge.

THAT is funny.

Hamish Mack said...

Oooh K-Lo money shot:
You go, girls! And, as in a Taylor Swift song or two, the guys might just follow — and appreciate it more than you know.
The Stepford Wives line forms here!!!

Dr.KennethNoisewater said...

Don't stand in front of Callista--she'll eat you!

ckc (not kc) said...

The problem lies within the national organization’s leadership and its lack of adherence to its promise of neutrality.

...yes, the little old lady does seem to want to cross the road - we are unable to advise as to your course of action (please sign this waiver)

Susan of Texas said...

K-Lo: The Last American Virgin

fish said...

Right in her third eye.

mikey said...

Hey, thanks for the lead!

I sent Trixie an email. Looks to me like Jackhammer Jesus could use a general cleaning, tune-up and lubrication, and maybe some sound dampening.

I could put Jesus on the bench, tear him down, remount the motor on some rubber O rings, glue in some vibration enhancement struts and some batting insulation and seal the whole thing up.

Thirty five bucks, two weeks turnaround and trust me, you'll be very happy with your overhauled Jackhammer Jesus...

TruculentandUnreliable said...

Oooh K-Lo money shot:

Shorter (okay, not really--it this case, "shorter" refers to "subtext painfully revealed"):

"My internalized oppression and self-hatred are so strong that I cling to the fiction of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy as if it would one day sex me up in a manner sanctioned by the the Pope and provide me with dozens of children to raise in the Church to become upright Christian soldiers who also never get laid."

M. Bouffant said...

Trixie notes (right side):

[twitter to go here as soon as I can make it stop looking like a stretched-out anus]

I'll go ahead & assume no one around these parts knows how to make it stop.