Thursday, November 18, 2010

Consulting the Irkle

S.E. Cupp on what irks liberals:
And then it hit me. The reason Palin has become such a lightening rod*, a kingmaker and a punching bag, a celebrity and a power player, is simple. It's because she's so gosh darn happy.

For her fans, like the ones I had the pleasure of meeting in Chicago, she's refreshingly upbeat and resilient, the bubbly friend from childhood who was always great at cheering you up and cheerleading you on.

But for her detractors, nothing raises the ire of cynical liberals more than a happy-go-lucky, totally unburdened, freethinking and self-assured conservative woman who has everything she wants and then some.** And without anyone's help.
Below, no help at all:

Liberalism, after all, needs to imagine an unhappy populace. Passing sweeping entitlement programs and convincing voters that big government is the answer only works if people are frustrated with their stations in life.

Thus Palin is a real threat to front-office operations.
Her happiness REFUTES YOUR STATION IN LIFE.
If Palin's critics really want her to go away, they don't have to worry about her politics, her faith or her folksy rhetoric. They need to worry about her boundless happiness which, like her favorite hunting weapon, is poised to be a warm gun for anyone who dares cross her path.
Also her happiness will kill you. Inspired yet?

*Some sort of engorging rod joke here.
**HA HA HA.

12 comments:

Another Kiwi said...

Oh God, she's a Telly Tubby

tigris said...

Wouldn't an engorging rod be getting heavier instead of lightening?

Substance McGravitas said...

You would think so. Also happier.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

For her fans, like the ones I had the pleasure of meeting in Chicago, she's refreshingly upbeat and resilient, the bubbly friend from childhood who was always great at cheering you up and cheerleading you on.

All the while grabbing your wallet.

Liberalism, after all, needs to imagine an unhappy populace.

Conservatism, after all, needs to make an unhappy populace.

You know what would really piss off this liberal? I would really, really be pissed off if SE Cupp performed fellatio on me multiple times... that would really refute my station in life, or something.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

* I'll have to check with thenthelightningwill.
~

Smut Clyde said...

If Palin's critics really want her to go away, they [...] need to worry about her boundless happiness

Palin's critics need to make her unhappy. I have the impression that canceling her credit card would have the desired effect.

which, like her favorite hunting weapon, is poised to be a warm gun for anyone who dares cross her path.
I am disappointed to learn that Palin's favourite hunting weapon is not a tungsten-steel knife that she carries strapped to her thigh in a black leather scabbard.
There could be a veiled threat here that Palin will shoot anyone who annoys her, which is newsworthy if true, but the passage is such a nebulous mess of run-together cliches that it's hard to be sure.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I am disappointed to learn that Palin's favourite hunting weapon is not a tungsten-steel knife that she carries strapped to her thigh in a black leather scabbard.

Palin has totally feminized lethal weaponry, I tells ya!

mikey said...

She sat primly, hands folded in her lap, spectacles perched on the bridge of her nose, her hair wrapped up in a bun and pierced with a wooden stick.

"Are we ready to begin the interview?" she asked, with a little more confidence than I might have expected.

"Yes", I said simply as I turned around and tossed a loaded M9 9mm issue service pistol into her lap.

"Break it down!" I shouted.

"I... what?" she responded, picking it up awkwardly from the barrel.

"BREAK IT DOWN!" I demanded.

"I...I don't know how..." she said, tearing up and looking at the floor. "I don't REALLY do guns" she said, almost guiltily, recognizing the admission was something greater than just about guns.

"OK, well, safe it and hand it back" I said perfunctorily.

She didn't drop the mag or clear the chamber. She handed the gun back awkwardly, gripping it from behind the hammer, holding it out at arms length. "Here, take it. I don't really like these things. They make me uncomfortable. Kind of like those people who came to the rallies with guns during the campaign. Oh! You're not going to TELL anyone about this, are you?" she asked, suddenly aware of the contradiction she had exposed.

"Nah - nobody reads my shit but some folks in Canada and New Zealand, a Zombie in Wisconsin and a hippie financier and his pals in the midwest. Go run for President - maybe you'll make us both famous"...

Substance McGravitas said...

I can only assume the position you interviewed her for.

Dan Coyle said...

The first time I saw Cupp was on Real Time With Bill Maher, grunting obnoxiously every time Maher told a joke, as if the other panelists would forget she was there if she didn't make a noise.

Smut Clyde said...

I can only assume the position you interviewed her for.

You really don't want to assume that position.

M. Bouffant said...

You mis-spelt refudiate.