Yes, my friends, I here announce the long-awaited discovery of the cronoton.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Home-Spun Science
Here at Substance Labs it's our mission to help mankind advance through discovery of the fundamental stuff that makes up our universe. To this end we have magnetically captured grannies in a vast machine where we fire them at each other. Getting them to meet at exactly the right point at the right speed before they fade out sees them break up (along with a minor release of energy: were we not putting these grannies to good use they would no doubt be napping) into smaller particles. Have a peek into the collision chamber:
Yes, my friends, I here announce the long-awaited discovery of the cronoton.
Yes, my friends, I here announce the long-awaited discovery of the cronoton.
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21 comments:
I can't help but notice you're exclusively experimenting with Large Grannies in your collider. But as we saw earlier in our field trip to the Arizona desert, there are also Small Grannies in the wild. I submit that we do NOT know the energies of Small Grannies, as they are no as well researched as Large Grannies. It's quite possible that if you also build a Small Granny Collider you will have a better chance of observing the hierarchy of Elemental Granny Particles that make up the Granny Model....
...what's the strangeness of your Grannies?
Large Grannies
Large Grannies mean we have to build bigger machines and thus can ask for more grant money.
Much as we like to trumpet our service to humanity and our ethical standards, the way of the world ensures that it's not all good-hearted altruism in the granny-splitting game.
I have wondered for years what flavor my granny is. This is another way to determine it.
I have heard your granny is charming.
I am confused, as most of the Grannies being split I've encountered on the Internet are un-clothed.
If I am a good boy (fat chance), is there a possibility that a Grannie-themed video game will be available by Christmas?
A Granny slowly awakens on the floor of the shower in her room in an old folks home it's owners have oddly chosen to name The Hive. Confused, she wanders out to the bedroom, where she finds a red housecoat and black slippers, and a picture of her and some man she doesn't recognize.
Just then, a pale, disheveled man in a white lab coat comes in. "Alice", he says. "Time for your medication."
Granny Alice backs slowly away. "Who are you?" she asks fearfully.
"Again?" he says. "Like I told you an hour ago. I'm Nurse Carlos. I'm going to have Doctor come by to see you this afternoon."
Fade to Black.
Ominous rumbling sound. Text on screen.
And you thought Alzheimer's was scary!
RESIDENT GRANNIES: Dementia in Raccoon City
Back in the day, we Yorkshiremen had to do our scientifickin' with spirographs and Etch A Sketch's.
In the middle of the road.
~
Fond though I was of my grannie, "Truth" and "Beauty" are two words which I would not associate with her.
Also, M. Bouffant is banned.
I had to go back up and re-read Bouffant's ban-worthy contribution. When I originally read it, I thought it said "spilt" Grannies, and I thought it was a clever, if somewhat obtuse riff on "no crying over spilt Grannies"....
Grannies with jet-packs.
Please make it so.
If you understand what Bouffant was talking about you're banned.
Also: jet pack grannies might be a lot of fun. Where do they fly?
Sadly my representation of blended grannies is a 6MB gif, but I assure you it is amusing in its subtlety.
I cannot approve of grannies inna blender.
Yeah. YEAH!
Grannies in Jet Packs with Frickin LASERS on their heads!
Only then will we be truly safe...
I cannot approve of grannies inna blender.
Another solution to the flavor question.
WV: zombris
a zombie bris. Doesn't require a mohel, just a quick tug.
Memo te self: Do not ask fish for a tip.
Can you do this with grannies?
It is for my collage assignment on Lattice Granny Gauge Theory.
Yes, if you supply me with a better computer.
related
Topless woman, 61, attacks police in Portland with large meat cleaver
Ok. That's funny and all. But here's the thing. That has essentially happened to me TWICE. In neither case was the woman older than 40, and in one case it was, to be honest, a HUGE butcher knife instead of a cleaver, and now that I think about it, in the first instance the woman was completely nude, but still technically topless.
The first time was in a hotel lobby in Sacramento (that was the nude woman with the cleaver). The second time was in an ancient elevator in an old apartment building in Cow Hollow. While I was utterly terrified trying to reason with a pathologically furious topless woman with a butcher knife in a slowly creaking elevator with no less than THREE other people in it at the time, I have never lost sight of the fact that, unlike that first time in the lobby, nobody was wounded. One takes pride where one can find it...
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