Friday, October 8, 2010

Field Studies

Dear National Geographic:

I never thought this would happen to me, but while on wildlife research studies in Arizona behind a bingo hall I came across a dead granny. After I cleaned up and retreated behind the dumpster I was witness to an event that should shake the foundations of granthropology:

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Yes, I had discovered the first documented case of GRANNIBALISM.

Yours from the pre-trial centre,

S. McGravitas

16 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

well, at least you're not wasting your transit time.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The tragedy of GrannAss Munchen's syndrome.

It can never be cured.
~

mikey said...

Jan Brewer has already called a press conference to announce the new scourge of illegal mexigrant grannies committing unspeakable atrocities in the desert. Those beheadings were nothing, I tellya, NOTHING!!!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Grannies munching Butt.

Smut Clyde said...

I suppose you think "grannibalism" is funny, sir.

Substance McGravitas said...

You know, once you start animating people biting asses the art just flows.

WV: elites! Which is me.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Maybe you can get a grant to study granthopophagy.

tigris said...

You should contact a bacteriologist as that is clearly a Gram stain.

Substance McGravitas said...

Let me examine it with this handy Crone-O-Meter. Wait, let me wipe it clean.

Smut Clyde said...

Can you buy them with food-stamps?

J— said...

Marvin Harris says grannies eat grannies due to a protein deficiency, that's all. Just like the Aztecs. Give them protein shakes and their behavior will eventually change.

Substance McGravitas said...

The granny that came along was awfully small. Perhaps it was a young granny.

mikey said...

She's probably just suffering from a particular kind of mal de caribou we call "Granny Starvation" around these parts...

Substance McGravitas said...

Granny as carrion-eater isn't a problem I guess...it's predation you have to be alert to.

Smut Clyde said...

that is clearly a Gram stain.

If you go around killing dragons, of course your sword is going to get dirty.

mikey said...

It was forged by Wayland the Smith and originally belonged to his father, Sigmund, who received it in the hall of the Volsung after pulling it out of the tree Barnstokk into which Odin had stuck it—no-one else could pull it out. The sword was destroyed and reforged at least once. After it was reforged, it could cleave an anvil in twain.

Freakin Viking Wingnuts, sitting around sucking down Mead and Ale and telling increasingly outrageous stories about their weapons. Today it's a six inch Titanium-Plutonium Alloy .357 that weighs 9 ounces unloaded and can easily handle a steady diet of the hottest loads you can build. It nestles in one custom hand-tooled spanish leather boot. In the other is a 12 inch Beryllium switchblade. You can throw it through an engine block.

No, dood, you totally CAN!!!