Sunday, November 15, 2009

Glenn Reynolds, The Future Is NOW!

Fundamental change:
A man whose bowel was damaged in a motorcycle crash has been given a bionic bottom.

34 comments:

mikey said...

Look, I like appropriate approaches to alliteration as much as the next fellow, but really, "Bionic Bottom"? Is that really the best you can do?

I, myself, prefer "Reliable Replacement Rectum"...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Were rivets used to attach the rear end?
~

tigris said...

Does it make the bionic "ch-ch-ch-ch" sounds when he poops? Because that would be AWESOME. I also find myself wondering what kind of distance he can get nowadays.

I, myself, prefer "Reliable Replacement Rectum"...

That is much, much better. Can you squeeze "robot" in there somewhere, maybe?

Substance McGravitas said...

Does it make the bionic "ch-ch-ch-ch" sounds when he poops?

The poops are bigger, longer, faster.

J— said...

The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter

A sphincter wrapped in a quadriceps inside an anus.

These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.

Can you get that as an iPhone app?

herr doktor bimler said...

Even now, people like J-- are stalking the poor dude and pointing various remotes at him in the hope of hitting the right frequency.

This has been standard surgery for years but SLOW NEWS DAY.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

You people are twisted.

You'd make good zombies.

Another Kiwi said...

Not as twisted as the new sphincter muscle, of course

ckc (not kc) said...

The poops are bigger, longer, faster.

...better watch it - those Olympic merchandising watchdogs are ever vigilant

tigris said...

those Olympic merchandising watchdogs are ever vigilant

That totally gives me an idea for how to update the Olympic rings...

herr doktor bimler said...

tigris is banned.

herr doktor bimler said...

Can you squeeze "robot" in there somewhere, maybe?
Words one does not want to hear from the doctor in the course of the prostate exam.

ckc (not kc) said...

...along with "That's peculiar!"

mikey said...

And "...Just...a...LITTLE...Farther"

herr doktor bimler said...

"Nurse, you can stop looking for that missing spatula!"

ckc (not kc) said...

..."have I told you about my skin condition?"

J— said...

This has been standard surgery for years

Let me try my garage door opener then.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"Did you find the missing miners yet, doc?"

mikey said...

My money's on that cheesy AppleTV remote...

ckc (not kc) said...

..."You know, there's a funny thing about the prostate..."

Another Kiwi said...

In other butt news

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

"Bad Butt Injection"

Were these your search terms for that article, A.K.?
~

herr doktor bimler said...

That would be the buttoxin.

J— said...

Well, it probably wasn't Mazola corn oil, because that stuff can kill you.

tigris said...

Those buttox injections are awful; you still have the smile, but your cheeks can't move so no one can read your true emotion and it ends up just looking like a rectus.

Another Kiwi said...

Thunder, I was on Lickingtheriver.com and the story just came up.
How does Oily Tatz fit into this, metaphorically speaking, of course

mikey said...

It is my understanding that Bigfoot had buttox injections, which apparently is proof that he's Sasquatch or something...

ckc (not kc) said...

...looking like a rectus...

rictus..rectum...Two Orifices in One!!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I watched the Wizard of Oz last night.

In the scene where they rescue the Tin Man, at one point Dorothy asks him "where would you like the oil?"

I snickered.

M. Bouffant said...

Mazola (& Wesson) oil: Lubricants, not injectable!!

How many times must I tell you kids this?

mikey said...

So what do you recommend for those pesky nights when there's not enough money for the brown?

White wine? Or Red?

Substance McGravitas said...

Boy, the poop thread filled up fast.

Got the runsos.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I see my attempt to have the "link to this post" show up has failed.

Even with the brand new pc and operating system!

That's it. Good bye, cruel world!
~

Substance McGravitas said...

And so soon after the fall of GeoCities.

Such sad symbolism.