Wednesday, July 22, 2009

You're Welcome

22 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Hanx, d00d.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Dammit!


Some of us are kinda proud of our sins, yanno. Lots of effort put into some of them.

Now they just all get wiped out....

Fortunately, it is pretty damn easy to find another sect that has enough goofy-ass rules that you can rack up some new ones pretty fast.

J— said...

I thought a proper indulgence came with a fee.

In any event, I think this document is a Zairean fake. The date looks funny.

Substance McGravitas said...

You can settle some of those theological questions on your own.

Another Kiwi said...

Hey, hey! It says "through it's Monastery"
So I get absolution from some monks through The Great Subby!?!
Sounds a bit dodgey and it's not like it's signed by a celebrity or nuthin'
I would refrain from a sin orgy based on being able to wipe the slate clean by coming here, just for now, me hearties.

J— said...

So can you marry people and shit? Nothing says gravitas like presiding over a wedding.

Substance McGravitas said...

They're probably fine in California. A friend of mine had fun presiding over a marriage. She did a great job too. I believe her ordination cost $24 at the time; ULC seems to charge $12 for something that might suffice.

Another Kiwi said...

One can officiate at Funerals as well, which might come in handy at certain times in ones career

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

The First National Church Of The Undead does weddings for ANYBODY. Seriously

We will also consecrate your car.

And curses. Curses are no problem.

just email for a rate card.

J— said...

In the County of San Francisco anyone 18 or over can be empowered to officiate one wedding in one 24-hour period so long as the ceremony is secular. And you pay the fee, of course.

mikey said...

When my sister got married in 2001 that's exactly what they did. A very good friend of ours got the 24 hour certificate and presided over the wedding in the guise of a Fijian prince. He wrote the intro and then they said their vows. It was SO cool...

In poland they keep calling me persvlki

fish said...

I am a bit relieved that the sins I did pre-conception are absolved. There was that one party in the fallopian tube...

Substance McGravitas said...

That's an original sin.

fish said...

I don't think it was very original, but I really enjoyed it.

herr doktor bimler said...

I used to get spam e-mails claiming that the sender was related to some dead Borgia pope who was unable to access all the spiritual treasure he had saved up in heaven through his good works. But if I would just buy a few indulgences and get him out of Limbo, I'd get my share.

I don't think it worked.

herr doktor bimler said...

"Wednesday the 22nd 2009f July 2009".

Is this one of those days that disappeared during the calendar reform?

Substance McGravitas said...

I think the repetition of dates represents some sort of span of time, which was why I was extra super-smart to stick "forever" in there. HA! Take that, omnipotent being(s)!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

funny, I don't FEEL cleansed.

Another Kiwi said...

funny, I don't FEEL cleansed. The undead should stop presuming that they know how things feel they don't.
It is just this sort of patronizing attitude, together with wanting to eat branes, that makes them unpopular at parties.

Kathleen said...

excellent!

M. Bouffant said...

Looks like that last bit o' fine print has an out:

"... Punishment for Sin In This World."

Sin in this world or punishment in this world? Fooking lawyers.

Word Verif advises me to shampoo: "Prell," it says.

Substance McGravitas said...

Well, if it was a contract you'd have to argue that any technical out allowed for in that portion is rendered absurd by the rest of the document and the point of it, which is a grant of absolution from birth until now.

I forgive you.