Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Who the hell is AWR Hawkins?
AWR Hawkins is a military historian who holds a Ph.D. from Texas Tech University. His articles on battlefields and men of war have appeared in Vietnam Magazine, the Civil War Times, the CAF Dispatch, and other military periodicals. Politically conservative, he also writes columns that appear on HUMANEVENTS.COM,,, and in The Liberty News.

Hawkins’ southern drawl is frequently heard discussing his take on current events on radio shows like America’s Morning News, the G. Gordon Liddy Show, the Ken Pittman Show, and the Inga Barks Show, among others. He is a Visiting Fellow at the Russell Kirk Center for Cultural Renewal, where his current research project is focused on the worldview of John Adams: a true conservative and the 2nd President of the United States of America.
Okay then, we can appreciate the man and his accomplishments, if gaining a whiff of big stinky asshole. Now that we know him, I think we can say with fairness that THIS IS THE MAN most qualified to write about matters concerning Lady Gaga:
When Stefani Germanotta, a.k.a. Lady Gaga, made news on July 16 by equating Jesus with a bisexual dancer in a performance in Cleveland, Ohio, she only reinforced the belief that there’s nothing she won’t do to sell a disc or a concert ticket. Moreover, she also proved that she is an example of that sick and degenerate type of human who is willing to trample the sacred in order to gain but a smidgen more fame from the secular.
OH DEAR GOD SHE EQUATED JESUS WITH A BISEXUAL DANCER! Let's follow the link and see what happened:
She flirted with religious controversy, too, declaring that a bisexual dancer of hers was like Jesus, because "Jesus loves everybody."
Gee, maybe a rabbi joke came after that. But anyway, sick and degenerate stand-up comics across the world take note! You are sick and deg- oh, said that already. Okay, are sickness and degeneracy interesting? NO. Look at AWR Hawkins's's's headline:
Lady Gaga Bores Us With Her ‘Bad Romance’ With Sacrilege
Therefore we can safely say that Hawkins didn't bother to write the following about Lady Gaga (who nobody is interested in and did not perform a concert because nobody showed up):
Gaga’s emphasis on bisexuality isn’t all that surprising for anyone who has watched her videos.
But the listening public had long ago accepted this about her and simply chalked her up as one who was cut from a different cloth. Yet it now appears that her sexual fetishes were but gateway drugs to bigger things: like sheer rudeness and sacrilege.
Here it is clear that Hawkins does not hold a Ph.D. from Venn Diagram University as the sets of sexual fetishes and drugs and rudeness and sacrilege may overlap. In the creamy centre of those four circles? SEFEGADRUSACS! After a brief reprise of some other old guy complaining about Lady Gaga for giving the finger (IN KINDLY OLD NEW YORK!!!) here's the more-or-less finale:
Perhaps one more thing ought to be said about Gaga’s attack on Christianity in Cleveland (as well as in Toronto where she purposely perverted a prayer to Christ while covering herself in fake blood) and that is that she obviously doesn’t understand the very religion she mocks. For example, when she equated Jesus with a bisexual dancer she justified doing so by intimating that just as bisexuals love everybody – they love men, women, and blends of the two – so too “Jesus loves everybody.” I hate to rain on her parade, but Jesus actually talked more about judgment than about grace; more about hell than about heaven. The Bible actually presents God as a deity who loves some people, but hates others.
I'm sorry Dr. Hawkins, the evidence has been examined and Dr. Slayer has reached a conclusion with more support.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Having referenced Faster Pussycat, Slayer has won the debate.

mikey said...

Ok, but how can you have a Phd from a real university that doesn't come from a cracker jack box and NOT understand that when you don't actually believe in a particular mythology, it's not sacrilege? I mean, does this dood understand why he's NOT pissed off at somebody who makes fun of Thor ("YOU'RE Thor? I can't even PITH!) or, heaven forbid, makes a cartoon of Allah? I mean, is this shit really that hard to get your mind around?

Also, it says he writes about battlefields and men of war, but it's a little unclear on whether he's actually smelled either. Because I can even kind of forgive a war monger who's experience is limited to the movies, just as I can a professional warrior who had been there and is willing, even eager to return. But if you've been, and it was horrible and freaked you out and you would cut off one of your legs with a Schick Saf-T-Razor and the fireplace tools before you'd let them make you do that shit again, and yet you like to talk about how cool it all is, how exciting the sound of the guns and the bond of brothers in arms, you're a fuckhead and we should fight...

J— said...

That's the kind of hermeneutics we've come to expect from the Texas Tech program.

It's Lubbock on everything.

Brando said...

AWR Hawkins on the true meaning of "Poker Face" vs. Lady Gaga on the military strategy behind Pickett's Charge. Who ya got?

tigris said...

more about hell than about heaven.

You know, that's just bullshit. Almost every passage this guy would take as a reference to Hell ALSO REFERENCES HEAVEN in the same damn passage. Plus there are tons of references to the "Kingdom of God," the "Kingdom of Heaven" etc with no corresponding reference to Hell, so Bible FAIL. Also it's clear she's referring to Jesus's notorious non-judgmentalness toward the "sinners" of the day, so while he's right Jesus judged, it was folks like Hawkins who were the target.

Another Kiwi said...

Listening to AWR about Homos or Gaga about Little Round Top?
It's a toughy

Substance McGravitas said...

Tigris forgets "But Jesus said, Suffer little children in the pits of hell until your guts boil out of your belly."

tigris said...

Jesus: pro-choice, anti-child. JUST LIKE ALL LIBERALS!

M. Bouffant said...

Catholic outrage. Bla bla bla.

AWR: What does it stand for? Is he running out of full stops already?

Substance McGravitas said...

AWR: What does it stand for?

There's an N missing.

J— said...

First name is Adolph. I don't know about the RW.

Mendacious D said...

"Right Wing?"

Mendacious D said...

Wait, now I'm reading backwards.

WV: songs. I suppose it does.

Smut Clyde said...

I hate to rain on her parade

Yeah sure. We know a water-sports enthusiast when we see one.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

she only reinforced the belief that there’s nothing she won’t do to sell a disc or a concert ticket.

in other words, she's a self-motivated entrepreneur and capitalist who believes in aggressive marketing in the Free Market System.

Kind of like BP, but with less ecosystem devastation.

Smut Clyde said...

she purposely perverted a prayer

Anglosaxon alliterative verse lost one of its leading lights when Hawkins turned his talents instead to military history and theology.

tigris said...

Military history and theology both need more kennings.

mikey said...

A purposely perverted prayer is plentifully pilloried in the penitentiary of potential pusillanimity for the pernicious purposes of planetary participation in pudding parties....

Smut Clyde said...

equating Jesus with a bisexual dancer in a performance in Cleveland, Ohio

Lady Gaga's comparison was impressively specific. Not just any old bisexual dancer, evidently.