Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Your Animal Rights

This has some Tales from the Crypt potential:
BUDA, Texas -- The state constitution doesn't say, in so many words, that Carl Mitz has the absolute right to pry open a horse's mouth, grab hold of the tongue, and commence sawing away at the back molars with a power tool.

But Mr. Mitz and his attorneys are pretty sure that's implied.


Simba B said...

Heh, I saw this in the actual print copy of the WSJ and commented on it. It's ok, it's my father's copy. He's doing stock trading again, which is something he stopped 10 years ago. He needs to get back his retirement money somehow.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

But Mr. Mitz and his attorneys are pretty sure that's implied.

Damn, that concept could alter Zombie Law FOREVER.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The Horse Grinderer - coming soon to an Octoplex near you.

fish said...

I am pretty sure this is much more disturbing:

the institute is fighting on behalf of eyebrow threaders (who use cotton thread to remove unwanted facial hair)

Must I really go to the vet to have my unibrow corrected?

(apparently unibrow is spelled correctly according to Safari)

mikey said...

How ELSE would you spell it?


Chocolate beer for crazy people?

fish said...

In Canadia it is unibroue, or unibrew if you are Danish (or like danishes).

mugadhor is what I would do
if it was filled with unibrew

guitarist manqué said...

I only speak a little Canadian but I know what 'unibroue' means;

really bad beer

That is all.

Smut Clyde said...

Your Honour, the plaintiff's assertion that he has a constitutional right to look the horse in the mouth clearly has no foundation in this case, where the equine in question was given to its owner.

healthy horse breath smells like fresh-mowed grass. A diseased mouth smells like dead mice.

Friends have asked me -- in tones of some anxiety -- to ask you whether human breath should be interpreted in the same way.

In Texas, about a dozen floaters have quit in the face of cease-and-desist orders; others have gone underground.

This is the veterinary remake of Alan Nourse's The Bladerunner.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Drink less, drink better !


Drink more, be a boor!

Substance McGravitas said...

Maudite has an awfully cool flying canoe.

fish said...

I prefer my beer to taste like beer, not canoes. But to each his own and all that. I guess flying canoes are at least less likely to have a buildup of algae. Whether that is good or bad is an issue of personal taste.

Hamish Mack said...

I prefer my beer to taste like beer Liberal Elitist!

Smut Clyde said...

I guess flying canoes are at least less likely to have a buildup of algae.

Gets damn cold when you're up there hurtling through the clouds. You can't have your kayak and heat it.

mikey said...

Yeah, so anyway, I was having a problem with my fork. The business end wouldn't stay aligned, making it very hard to eat. Then that idiot Bob broke the cork off trying to open the Pinot, and everybody just kind of sat there, thinking "ah hell, how are we gonna get the cork out of that nice bottle?"

Right then it occured to me that, fucked up as this fork is, it would work very well to retrieve the cork. Dinner was saved, Bob was chastised and we all learned an important lesson:

A glitch in tines saves wine...