Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Art of Trolling

Overheard in the TSA-related line-up:

Teen Male: ...Wheel of Fortune.
Female: Oh my god. Did you hear that? He said WuHEEL of Fortune. That is so stupid.
TM: What? "Wheel of Fortune."
F: He did it again and he's doing it just to be stupid. That's not how you say it.
TM: How do you say it?
F: WEEEEL of Fortune. WEEEEL!
TM: "Wheel of Fortune."
F: He did it again! Learn English. Oh my god this is so dumb.
TM: What?
F: The H is SILENT. You don't pronounce it. You don't go WUHEEL.
TM: Who says?
F: Have you taken an English class?
Older Male: She's right, the H is silent.
TM: Why is it silent?
Older Male: Because English is a combination of many different languages.
F: What do you learn? Don't you take any grammar?
TM: I take English classes but they don't teach grammar.
OM: She's right. You don't pronounce the H. You don't say it.
F: This is so stupid. You should learn to speak. WEEEEEL of Fortune.
OM: You should probably look it up on the computer. Nobody pronounces the H. That's not good English.
TM: That's not what a computer is for. You use a computer for entertainment.
OM: No, you use a computer for-
F: A computer is a TOOL. You can learn things with it. Look up grammar.
TM: No. I'm not going to look up grammar.
OM: You can learn English better. You know, if you learn English better, you can write papers in good English.
TM: ...
F: You're pronouncing it wrong. Nobody pronounces it like that. God.
OM: You know, I was in a meeting the other day, with the board of directors of three hospitals. And I- you know what they told me? One of them told me that...I spoke English better than...I spoke so well, better than anyone they'd heard.
F: Why did they say that?
OM: I was using some words you don't normally use. "Plethora." I used "plethora".
F: That's a good word.
OM: And "encumbrance". They didn't hear that one a lot.
F: That's a good word too.
TM: ...
TM: Hey, the other day I was watching this YouTube video and...you know Star Trek? The guy on Star Trek who plays the robot Data. Brent Spiner. Do you think he's gay?
F: Oh my god. Why would you say he's gay?
TM: Well he was being interviewed and he said "totally fabulous". And he sounded like he might be gay.
F: You are being so stupid. You're not gay just because you say "totally fabulous".
TM: But do you know if he's gay? It really seemed like he might be.
OM: I don't know if he's gay. What's a gay person supposed to behave like?
TM: Like Brent Spiner.

Vancouver Airport, Gate 76.

ALSO:

The natural wonders of Colorado in glorious shakycam.

22 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

I love overhearing funny conversations, people-watching.

BTW, I am getting a pedicure as I write this. The massage chair--which clearly was not made in the US--says "body falls down" as I hit the recline button.

mikey said...

OM is the stupid one. I am an older male, and I learned at least ten years ago to avoid talking to teenagers or even people in their 20s.

They will make you lose all faith and go home and drink drano.

Don't take the risk...

vacuumslayer said...

Awww, no. There are some good ones out there. I think.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wheel of Fortune!

It's also a slot machine with a very loud and insane jingle. I remember as I was boarding my flight out of Vegas there was someone nearby, playing two W.O.F. machines at once.

(And yes, he was getting on the same flight...one of the last on board.)
~

ckc (not kc) said...

The other day I found I had a plethora of encumbrances, but then they fell off.

Substance McGravitas said...

Punchline added. I am not the greatest transcriber and as we took off I remembered the oh-so-natural ending.

Substance McGravitas said...

They will make you lose all faith and go home and drink drano.

Gee, I kinda think the Older Male SHOULD go home and drink Drano. The kid was running circles around him. I may say WuHeel forever after.

Substance McGravitas said...

And let the record show that I don't know how old Female was because I was cracking up and I didn't want to turn around. At the Brent Spiner bit I went off to meet my friendly customs officer and I was very giggly which may or may not be good for border-crossing.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

What's teh best way to sneak into To-Ron-To?

ckc (not kc) said...

..fly into the Toronto Island Airport - stand on the shore waiting for the bridge and/or tunnel

Substance McGravitas said...

How sneaky do you wanna be? If you have a few cartons of smokes, ask around.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I think the Memphis airport had a sizable sparrow population inside, too.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

For reasons I cannot divulge, it is best if my movements are surreptitious.

Substance McGravitas said...

Canadian border guards are often in the habit of just waving people through, especially at high-traffic crossings. The little crossings can often have power-mad idiots who just want something to do - not that they don't exist elsewhere - so they search you. In other words, don't be the only car around.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Imma be pissed if I paid for a passport and just get waved through.

ARE THEY NOT AWARE THAT AMERICANS ARE DANGEROUS? DO THEY NOT KNOW EVERYTHING CHANGED ON 9/11?

M. Krebs said...

I remember my second grade teacher trying to make us say "wheat" rather than "weet." I'm glad she did, actually, because it made us -- well, me anyway -- realize that pronunciation is subtle. Yes, I am old.

Substance McGravitas said...

The conversation was moronic in many directions; one universal English standard from Delhi to Dublin is not gonna hold, but it was fun to hear people be so sure about it.

M. Bouffant said...

Why I stay inside, alone, as much as humanly possible.

A small brown bird, at full speed & about four inches off the floor whipped in front of me inside Union Station today. Thought it was the world's fastest rat (Or mouse. Speedy?) for a sec.

Is this an omen, like a black cat crossing one's trail?

Mandos said...

My experience of border crossings has been the exact opposite. The Canadian ones are pickier---wanting to prove that Canada IS TOO secure---and it's always better to go through a small crossing.

BTW everyone knows that the correct pronunciation is huh-weel.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

one universal English standard from Delhi to Dublin is not gonna hold, but it was fun to hear people be so sure about it.

what are you talking aboot?

Substance McGravitas said...

My experience of border crossings has been the exact opposite. The Canadian ones are pickier---wanting to prove that Canada IS TOO secure---and it's always better to go through a small crossing.

In Vancouver it's all about people going in various directions shopping; it makes sense if I get stopped (though it's rare) because hey, maybe I am buying more than my allotment of liquor. Americans should be a little more welcome than Canadians.

My 70-year-old aunt and uncle had their motor home thoroughly searched by a Canadian customs nitwit at a border-crossing in Saskatchewan. It's all whimsy I guess.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Whimsical cavity searches.