Where in the Fuck is McGravitas?

Where in the fuck is McGravitas?




Three FUCK YOUs, one crazy person playing the saxophone, many drunken ladies, a puddle of vomit, a guy pissing in the street. Yes, it is Philadelphia.

Perhaps I should sleep now.

The Art of Trolling

Overheard in the TSA-related line-up:

Teen Male: ...Wheel of Fortune.
Female: Oh my god. Did you hear that? He said WuHEEL of Fortune. That is so stupid.
TM: What? "Wheel of Fortune."
F: He did it again and he's doing it just to be stupid. That's not how you say it.
TM: How do you say it?
F: WEEEEL of Fortune. WEEEEL!
TM: "Wheel of Fortune."
F: He did it again! Learn English. Oh my god this is so dumb.
TM: What?
F: The H is SILENT. You don't pronounce it. You don't go WUHEEL.
TM: Who says?
F: Have you taken an English class?
Older Male: She's right, the H is silent.
TM: Why is it silent?
Older Male: Because English is a combination of many different languages.
F: What do you learn? Don't you take any grammar?
TM: I take English classes but they don't teach grammar.
OM: She's right. You don't pronounce the H. You don't say it.
F: This is so stupid. You should learn to speak. WEEEEEL of Fortune.
OM: You should probably look it up on the computer. Nobody pronounces the H. That's not good English.
TM: That's not what a computer is for. You use a computer for entertainment.
OM: No, you use a computer for-
F: A computer is a TOOL. You can learn things with it. Look up grammar.
TM: No. I'm not going to look up grammar.
OM: You can learn English better. You know, if you learn English better, you can write papers in good English.
TM: ...
F: You're pronouncing it wrong. Nobody pronounces it like that. God.
OM: You know, I was in a meeting the other day, with the board of directors of three hospitals. And I- you know what they told me? One of them told me that...I spoke English better than...I spoke so well, better than anyone they'd heard.
F: Why did they say that?
OM: I was using some words you don't normally use. "Plethora." I used "plethora".
F: That's a good word.
OM: And "encumbrance". They didn't hear that one a lot.
F: That's a good word too.
TM: ...
TM: Hey, the other day I was watching this YouTube video and...you know Star Trek? The guy on Star Trek who plays the robot Data. Brent Spiner. Do you think he's gay?
F: Oh my god. Why would you say he's gay?
TM: Well he was being interviewed and he said "totally fabulous". And he sounded like he might be gay.
F: You are being so stupid. You're not gay just because you say "totally fabulous".
TM: But do you know if he's gay? It really seemed like he might be.
OM: I don't know if he's gay. What's a gay person supposed to behave like?
TM: Like Brent Spiner.



ALSO:

The natural wonders of Colorado in glorious shakycam.

Carry On, Carry On

Over at Boing Boing, a video:



Are you less of a person if you don't make it through the whole thing?

Yes.

Breaking the Internet

The link goes here to the UK site of the Digby empire. And so:



Meanwhile back in the .com world:



I believe that's Digby's fault for not adjusting to Google's plans.

On the Other Hand, I'm Wealthy

Lookit:



Take that, Tajikistani peasants! If I could afford to fly there and rub it in your faces I WOULD.

FUCK YOU.

Boy it sure was terrific that Canada weathered the global financial crisis so well. I mean, look at this wonderful payoff!

Changes to the age of eligibility for Old Age Security will start in April 2023, rising gradually to age 67 from 65 by Feb. 1, 2029, affecting those born after April 1, 1958.

There was no need, of course, but Tories will be Tories.

The Simplest Answer

Hi Armstrong Williams! You seem confused!

I have often asked myself why do so many wealthy people support liberal causes? This is the flip-side of the usual election-year frustration of the liberals with the working classes’ clinging to their guns and religion. In this presidential election year, as in 2008, the Democratic Party, who claim with less and less credibility to be the champions of the poor, have far more money to spend than the Republican Party, who are said to be the party of the greedy upper classes; how could this be?

Well let me tell you Armstrong—

The simple answer is this: wealthy liberals blatantly use social liberalism and big government regulation to protect their relative position in society. Big government regulation and taxation thwarts the economic mobility of those trying to move up, allowing the elites to remain elite, while still seeming pious for all their apparent efforts to help the little people.

I see you have your own answer and it's bullshit. Rather than deal with the broader themes and psychology and kookoo-bananas ideology, let us deal with something more practical and timely:









Those guys are losers. Ideology and loyalty and greed only go so far.

Cane Toads

If you've ever wanted to see a child hug a giant disgusting toad she's named "Dairy Queen" now's your chance.



There is also an excellent example of an Outraged Biologist for those who enjoy such things.

The Unhappy Meal

He looks somewhat unhappy there.

Santorum rolls his eyes. He worries that party leaders have coalesced behind Romney because he has more money, not because he has a better, or more conservative, agenda. “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” he says. “It’s Wizard of Oz time.” He sees the wave of GOP bigwigs moving toward Romney, but he doesn’t like it. “Republicans, generally speaking, in almost every single election, take whose turn it is,” he says. “Governor Romney has been working this for four years — I give him a lot of credit. He’s worked the establishment.”

Did somebody poop on his pancakes?

See also:

Canadian Girlfriend Update

Welcome, cross-border shoppers:

Ontario’s Court of Appeal agrees that sex workers should be permitted to work in safer locations and pay others to help protect them, but not that they should be able to communicate with their clients in public places.

It struck down two laws Monday, calling them unconstitutional, but upheld the ban on solicitation, saying that prostitutes should not be able to communicate with their clients in public places.

I would imagine that Canadian boyfriends are available too. I could use the money, but please pay first, service not guaranteed.



Some ass at the National Post:

Father Raymond J. de Souza: If prostitution is a tragedy, why make it easier?

Yeah, why make it easier? If more women were chopped up as pigmeat for the crime of prostitution that'd be a lesson to others. But hey! He's a Catholic priest so he must be some kind of moral arbiter.

Awash in Women

K-Lo:

On the second anniversary of the signing of the president’s health-care legislation, Americans gathered in 140 cities to protest the Department of Health and Human Services mandate that requires individuals and institutions to violate their consciences and purchase plans that cover abortion, contraception, and sterilization. To stand up for religious freedom.

The D.C. rally, where I was, was awash in women:

That'll make me click!

A Job Well Done

Oh dear, a complaint:



Careful examination of the stylesheet may reveal a comeuppance for the determined font snob. Nevertheless, we can fix it by throwing money design skillz at the problem.







That last needs lower-case for euphemism purposes.



Helpful advice from Thundra:



Further editorial genius:

Have Some Sugar

A thing from the song library I hadn't listened to until a week ago:



There is so much gloss on that it's almost not a song. I worry that by posting this the boys who smoked and had "Judas Priest" written on their jean-jackets in ball-point pen are finally going to catch up with me and beat me senseless.

Hey, remember this? No?

PROHIBITED!

Via Mr. Atrios:

“Zimmerman provided a statement claiming he acted in self defense, which at the time was supported by physical evidence and testimony,” the letter, signed by Sanford City Manager Norton Bonaparte Jr., says. “By Florida Statute, law enforcement was PROHIBITED from making an arrest based on the facts and circumstances they had at the time.” (Caps are theirs.)

Officer #1: You can't arrest that guy! He hasn't done anything!
Officer #2: The hell I can't! Let's book him for...oh wait, you're right, we are prohibited from making an arrest.

Clearly the solution is to declare a tiny out-of-the-way corner in Florida a Free Speech Zone and outside that all bets are off.

An Extra Step Nobody Should Have to Take

Non USians should note this Greasemonkey script which redirects your blogger links to the .com as opposed to the localized versions.

ALSO:

Bye-bye, things in The Cloud!

Make Mine a Double

Jonah!

Santorum says Romney’s inconsistent because Romney claims to favor English as the official language but he also supports Puerto Rican statehood. Santorum, as I understand it, says he is himself open to statehood, but he’d make it conditional on Puerto Rico first accepting and teaching English as its official language.

Silly Jonah, Santorum had no position on it at all before he fucked up and now he is trying to take Santorum and make Santorumade.

Okay, anything further to add?

Now, I think Santorum’s position is entirely defensible (even if I’m not sure I agree with it).

Just for being you:

Your Agenda

John Nolte is mad at Michael J. Fox. Here is what Michael J. Fox said, bolding by Nolte:

FOX: Well, I mean, he's spoken out against science. He's spoken out against education. And anyone would say that education is the pursuit of science. So obviously it will be -- it will not be good. But on one hand, I'm kind of hoping he gets the nomination because he will be very vocal on these issues and will set up a stark contrast that people will really see.

Again, I don't want to suppress ideas I don't agree with. I want to -- I want them, all things being equal, again, it was a vote -- things are equal. Those ideas can be met and dealt with. And so if he -- if he tries -- I mean, certainly if he was elected, it would be -- stem cell research would be shut down and all kinds of other things would be shut down, all kinds of scientific research.

So what's the problem?

Is anyone opposed to stem cell research? Contrary to factually-challenged Hollywoodists, both Bush and Santorum are for it. What some of us oppose (including Bush and Santorum), is embryonic stem cell research, which requires the destruction of a human embryo -- which is, you know, a little something we call "human life."

Good one, Nolte, catching Michael J. Fox saying something you understand but can split a hair on, and bless Rick Santorum for his principled stand that allows him to take money from companies that do embryonic stem cell research. It's a matter of no-conscience!

Those bolded things: Santorum has spoken out against science. Santorum has spoken out against education. The stem-cell research Fox is talking about would be shut down. Fortunately nobody will ever have to find out exactly what these cuts would do for science.

If you have to lie to further your agenda, maybe it's time to re-examine your agenda?

Indeed.

Messaging Failures

Silly maniacs, this is not how you do it:



Here, let me show you the way:



Darn it, maybe running a crazy right-wing website is harder than I thought.

Time Killer

Boy, transferring files with the Apple Migration Assistant over wireless takes for-fucking-ever. So let's see if this video will last:



When I am prevented from completely wasting my time I partially waste it tapping a mouse to get the beats per minute for mp3s with a script from Blacktree. And then I waste my time seeing if I can stick any of them together. Here are some counted songs:

Blogger and Redirects

I am annoyed, so I posted this in Blogger's feedback area:

Yesterday I went to visit one of my favourite blogs and found I couldn't comment. I figured out the issue pretty quickly: I was being redirected to a .ca site and his comments are provided via a third-party outfit that wasn't dealing with the change well. I got where I wanted to go fairly quickly, so in a way, problem solved for me, but not for bunches of others who aren't as quick with the technology. I still want to complain though.

I don't know a single user that asked for these changes, they do not help anyone I know, and it ties into how crappy Google's search is getting (I have a research job and search's localization has really buggered up international searches). Moaning about free stuff is pretty ungrateful, and I've gotten many dollars of use value out of this free stuff, so many thanks to all at Blogger and Google for the value provided. I am nevertheless starting to feel pretty icky about the strategy of dividing the internet into a variety of little internets for control purposes. It's why I don't do Facebook or Google Plus. I'm a lazy sort, so I probably won't do anything about it for a bit, but I guess I should shop around for a nice free .com service that wants to show itself to the world rather than section its functionality and content and relevance off by country.

I enjoyed this article a lot: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/jw_on_tech/archive/2012/03/13/why-i-left-google.aspx

1) Blog Address: http://houseofsubstance.blogspot.com
2) Browser(s) (ex: Firefox 4, Internet Explorer 8, Chrome):Firefox
3) Geographical Location (ex: San Francisco / USA): Vancouver Canada
4) Are you using the new Blogger interface? no
5) Description of the problem: nobody asked if I wanted to see all blogs via .ca

The "Why I Left Google" bit is via Brendan, the blog that got fucked up for me is Roy Edroso's. Any blogspot link can be fixed by attaching /ncr to the end of the link, but why the fuck should you have to?

Someone has posted that the changes were made for legal reasons. My answer is no they weren't, certainly not in Canada's case. Nobody demanded it.

Geography

Andrew Stuttaford quotes the always-reliable Washington Times:

If the pope called for the destruction of all the mosques in Europe, the uproar would be cataclysmic. Pundits would lambaste the church, the White House would rush out a statement of deep concern, and rioters in the Middle East would kill each other in their grief. But when the most influential leader in the Muslim world issues a fatwa to destroy Christian churches, the silence is deafening.

On March 12, Sheik Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah, the grand mufti of Saudi Arabia, declared that it is “necessary to destroy all the churches of the region.” The ruling came in response to a query from a Kuwaiti delegation over proposed legislation to prevent construction of churches in the emirate. The mufti based his decision on a story that on his deathbed, Muhammad declared, “There are not to be two religions in the [Arabian] Peninsula.” This passage has long been used to justify intolerance in the kingdom. Churches have always been banned in Saudi Arabia, and until recently Jews were not even allowed in the country. Those wishing to worship in the manner of their choosing must do so hidden away in private, and even then the morality police have been known to show up unexpectedly and halt proceedings.

Obviously Sheik Abdul Aziz bin Abdullah and the Saudi government are worthless assholes, but the idea of having no infidels on the Arabian peninsula is not really a new thing, having its most recent and most notorious expresson as a part of Al Qaeda's general platform. Stuttaford adds:

It is something of an exaggeration to describe the grand mufti as the “most influential leader in the Muslim world” (and the writer seems to backtrack on that claim a little later), but his views certainly carry a great deal of weight, and, doubtless, Egypt’s Saudi-inspired Salafists will be amongst those paying attention.

That’s yet more bad news for the Copts.

Now obviously the Copts have had a bad time of it, and maybe this will in fact increase the antipathy that has already been expressed in murder and church burnings. BUT FUNDAMENTALISTS AND LITERALISTS OF OTHER STRIPES KNOW THE ARABIAN PENINSULA IS OVER THERE






☞ AND EGYPT IS OVER THERE






☜.

Driven By Blowjobs

Jackie Gingrich Cushman has been out stumping for her dad. This week she has written a remarkable column about the importance of family that I might as well reproduce in full.

It's interesting what drives people toward their goals. For some, it is fame, fortune or celebrity. For others, it's personal achievement, parents pushing or peer pressure that has been internalized. Some seem to have no drive at all -- there is no fire in their belly, no reason to work hard and reach goals. While it's good to be driven to make progress, it's also important that what drives you does not consume you, or those around you.

This past week, my husband Jimmy was driven by love of blowjobs to reach his goal of snowboarding down the mountain. Told that it would take three blowjobs before he would be able to go down the mountain with us, Jimmy, always up for a challenge, accomplished it in one day so that we could ski down together at the end of the day.

Last week was spring break for our children. After campaigning through the first weekend of the break and Super Tuesday (celebrating a win in Georgia), we packed up and left for a few days of skiing.

Last year was our first family ski vacation. Having only skied one other time, 20 years before, and not very well, I was terribly apprehensive about going last year. The trip was relatively successful, however. I skied greens primarily (the easiest slopes) and one blue (the next level), probably by accident. I enjoyed the fresh air and, most importantly, got a whole bunch of free jewelry.

Last year's trip reminded me of several important life lessons. Learning includes instruction, frustration, falling, persistence, patience, practice, improvement and providence. It's not easy to learn, and it requires real work and being pretty enough. Throughout the process, it also helps to understand the role providence plays. As much as we humans (speaking for myself) would like to control the process and outcome, the reality is that not everything is under our control, and we have to let go and leave it to whichever God lets you have the most blowjobs.

It is a hard lesson that I have to keep learning.

As hard as skiing is, snowboarding appears to be much harder. Instead of two skis, you strap a board to your shoes and ski/surf down the mountain using your legs, core and balance. Most snowboarders are young and hip. They fly down the mountain weaving in and out of the skiers. The average age appears to be half my current age so I think my husband will leave me.

After committing to learn, Jimmy decided it would be best to risk life and limb the final day of our vacation. He made it through the morning blowjob with a snowboard coach whose two favorite words were dude and awesome (according to Jimmy, he was an awesome coach). While Jimmy took a blowjob, our children and I skied on a neighboring mountain. Connecting via phone right before lunch, we decided to meet up for lunch midway. We would have to traverse a few trails to get there, and he would have to come down a steep blue trail to reach the location.

Not surprisingly, he lied about it.

After lunch we travelled up the mountain again to come down together. Jimmy and the children went on the blues, while I travelled down the greens, intersecting them on occasion. They made it down. Jimmy assured me at the end that his thighs were on fire and likely to melt the snow from the mountain. He lied about that too.

He accomplished what he set out to do -- snowboard down the mountain on the first day with his family and get blowjobs. As for me, I accomplished my goal of skiing with friends and family and not getting hurt (not much of a goal, but it was mine and for now I am keeping quiet about the cancer).

At the end of our last day, right before the lifts closed for the day, our son asked me if I would go for one more run. Exhausted, and knees hurting, I said, "Dad will take you up for one last run." I hoped I was right. Of course he was full of shit.

What a joy to see our family together. A goal accomplished, driven by the right fuel -- blowjobs.