How Will the Academy Survive the Loss of a Small Subset of Cretins?

Andrew Klavan:

So let me make sure I have this straight. They make movies belittling our troops while they’re in harm’s way; they despise the manners and morals of most Americans; their patriotism is dependent on the results of the last election. And now they get together to give each other prizes and we’re supposed to care because… why?

You are not supposed to care. Nobody invites the nosepicker to the party.

Just Desserts

Dessert battles abound here:

Kid: Wait wait! You forgot dessert!
Me: There's no dessert after breakfast.
Kid: You promised!
Me: When did I promise that?
Kid: You forgot to promise!

Dystopia

Disappointed Chris Muir:

In the liberal future hot babes are not allowed to wear hot clothes.

Independence and Strength

308813062 (1 day ago) Show Hide
People are ridiculously stupid. They rate poorly the comments of those who are for Tom, and those who are against him get good rates! FU! Rate my comment however u want, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!

UPDATE:

I just got this stupid account and it's already downloaded the contents of my brain:



A FURTHER AND MORE IMPORTANT UPDATE:

308813062 has a prior comment in Russian. Let us use the Interhorn of Plenty to sort it all out:

I AGREE COMPLETELY.

Curse You Rusty Shackleford

Tigrismus Enhanced:



FYI here's the construction for anyone with access to a Mac:

Go to userscripts.org and get something that'll download video off YouTube. Download whatever you're interested in.

I could not bear to watch the whole Crowder video, or indeed the first minute of it. To get the stills I used Quicktime (you'll need to register it somehow, har har) and exported the video to an image sequence. Choosing stills that look like they might represent certain sounds is then pretty easy. Naming the stills after the sounds keeps 'em organized; I harvested at least a couple of each sound I expected Stapp to mutter. Avoided looking up the lyrics.

iMovie 3.03 lets you drop stills on a timeline, and you can squish or stretch the duration of still A by sliding still B after it to the right or left. Drop stills as appropriate. Slipping bits of audio in is trivial. The sandwich required one frame of sophistimacated Photoshoppery which you can see at the 30 second mark.

So: really not too much work at all. Which explains why I am so so very productive.

A First

Used at LGM:

"I hear the streets are paved with pork."

Republicans: behind the curve.

Mike Long, Corrupted By Hollywood

First:

Update: Still No Late Night Obama Humor
by Tim Slagle

In the short span between my last review and today, we’ve seen the President sign a stimulus package so full of pork that Obama’s father would have been forbidden to touch it, along with a

Yeah yeah, Mr. Boring. Who gives a shit?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 5:16 am in Media Criticism, Political Humor | Comments (74)

I see. Moving on...

Eat Yer Peas, Drink Yer Milk
by Mike Long

Surely many gay Americans have seen Gus Van Sant’s Milk through tears of joy because it marks a long-hoped-for arrival. For the first time in mainstream entertainment (at least, this is the picture that got all the fanfare), the history of the gay rights movement is presented as an elemental and welcome part of the story of the U.S., and not as a sidebar or novel supplement to the Great Historical Narrative.

Gays deserve equal rights. As a human being, that’s the only position I can possibly hold. However, you can be in complete solidarity with the cause of gay rights and not care much for Milk.

Hey, Reasonable Person! How'd that go?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 5:19 am in Reviews | Comments (0)

Huh. Well I can't believe that the normally lively and jumping Big Hollywood would suddenly get an intertube crammed by some kind of technical...oh here we go:

10,000 Violent Women and One Screenwriter, Part V
by Robert J. Avrech

Note: Links to previous chapters are found at the end of this post.

EXT. PRISON - DAY
The Screenwriter, alternately known to the inmates as Mr. Hollywood, Mr. Screenplay Writer and Mr. Clueless, sits with Eden, an attractive prisoner who is

So what, you're a perv. Anybody care?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 6:25 am in Entertainment | Comments (16)

Well, back to normal I guess.

Haw.

Context.

FAIL

"I said, 'Good morning, welcome to the Crystal Cathedral.' " She asked the man, "Where are you from?" He replied, "Oh, from around here." He handed Spicer a folded note written in Magic marker. Tucked into the middle of the note was his driver's license and what appeared to be a business card. As he was walking down the aisle, she began reading the note, which referred to a truck in the parking lot and a gun.

"The next minute, there was a pop," Spicer said. "I thought he was praying. I didn't realize he had shot himself."

Yvette Manson, a volunteer usher, said she was talking to the tourists when she heard a shot that she likened to a firecracker. "I had just been telling them about the suicide prevention ministry we have."

I Am Awful

Wrestler's chihuahua
Rests in the last sleeper hold
Wake at Taco Bell

Gamecock On!

Witness:

That time passed over twenty years ago, with the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause.

There’s a…hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea,

There’s a hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea,

There’s a hole, there’s a hole,

There’s a hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea.

Addendum

Silly atheist gets a poetical come-uppance here.

I wrote a naïve additional verse:

The atheist’s pain is sent by God
Who torments them with glee
And yet as flesh gets poked with prod
The luckless in the theist squad
Say “Where’s the gain for me?”

What follows that in the thread, thanks to Rich Puchalsky, are a variety of pointers to explanations that yes, an atheist in torment is a boon to theists. Yes indeed. No doubt about it.

The Wail of Disappointment

Mike Long:

Horror pictures have become an assembly-line operation. They rarely feature an original story and differ from each other only in the order in which they deploy the standard scary-movie tricks such as Loud Noise During Quiet Passage, Surprise Face In Mirror, Evil Child With Horrifying Prediction, and Creepy Image On Common Item.

There are young, will-work-for-cheap writers and directors out there who could have given Friday the 13th a surprising and engaging new direction.

Yes, they could totally have done that. Instead, THE REMAKE OF FRIDAY THE 13TH IS UNIMPRESSIVE.

UPDATE:

Dialogue with Children

At fast-food dispensary:

Child: Let's do it backwards.
Me: What?
C: We eat the dessert first.
M: No.
C: But backwards is my favourite opposite!

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

M: Are you chewing gum?
C: Yeah.
M: Where did you sneak it?
C: A pack in my room. I am a sneaker and my dad is an old tennis shoe.

A Promising Start

From A Story without Heroes: The Cautionary Tale of Malt Liquor:

At Gluek Brewing in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Alvin Gluek had a similar idea in 1942. The grandson of the brewery's founder, Alvin was happiest in the laboratory, tinkering. And one day, he found a way to brew a beer that would use less malt but have more of a kick. He named his malt liquor Sparkling Stite by Gluek [...]

Okay, not so promising.

Alternate names:

Gluek's Glitter
Alvinhol
Maltese Fullcan
Guts Beer
Torrid Water

This Seems Obvious...

...but Creed sucks.

Thanks t4toby.

Information YOU Can USE

Gentlemen, SHIELD THE EYES OF YOUR CHILDREN, for these are

Strange facts about the father of evolution

YES THEY ARE! For it seems that

Darwin was squeaky clean, but not everything about him was normal
By Robin Lloyd
updated 1:19 p.m. PT, Wed., Feb. 11, 2009

Did I not warn you? Don your protective gear AS WE LEARN THESE STRANGE FACTS WHICH ARE EDITED FOR BREVITY!

Stinky feet [...]
Tough dad [...]
Seasick [...]
Missing the boat — Darwin almost missed the boat (OK, the ship) that took him to the Galapagos Islands [...]
Iffy on marriage [...]
Foot-dragger — Darwin delayed the publication of On the Origin of Species for more than two decades [...]
Almost scooped — In the late 1850s, it became clear to Darwin that British naturalist Alfred Russel Wallace also had come up with a similar theory of evolution [...]
Ho-hum reaction — The publication of Darwin's and Wallace's work was a non-event at first. [...]
Family losses — Darwin and his wife had 10 children, but three of them died at young ages [...]
Christian, then agnostic [...]
Sickly life — Darwin was incapacitated by various illnesses of unknown origin for much of his adult life [...]

I have said that Robin Lloyd refused to tell me what final horror made her scream out so insanely-a horror which, I feel sadly sure, is mainly responsible for her present breakdown. We had snatches of shouted conversation above the wind’s piping and the engine’s buzzing as we reached the safe side of the range and swooped slowly down toward the camp, but that had mostly to do with the pledges of secrecy we had made as we prepared to leave the nightmare city. Certain things, we had agreed, were not for people to know and discuss lightly-and I would not speak of them now but for the need of heading off that Gregg Easterbrook Expedition, and others, at any cost. It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests.

THIS POST TOOK MERE MOMENTS TO UPDATE:
Immediately after composing this I noticed that the author obligingly seeks out Gregg Easterbrook for some fucking reason.

Random Thoughts by Thomas Sowell

Lookit:

One of the most important skills for political success is the ability to make confident assertions of absurdities or lies.

Um...

I hate to hear about "partnerships" between government and business, or between government and other organizations. When there is a partnership between an ant and an elephant, who do you suppose makes the decisions?

This metaphor also works wonders with personal relationships.

There are too many people, especially among the intelligentsia, who will never appreciate the things that have made this country great until after those things have been destroyed -- with their help. Then, of course, it will be too late.

I confess: my Ph.D. project involves filling the Grand Canyon.

Do you want to have to jump through bureaucratic hoops when you are sick? If not, why would you be in favor of government-run medical care?

TO AVOID PAPERWORK. You'll have to trust me on this one.

Democrats could sell refrigerators to Eskimos before Republicans could sell them blankets.

Poor Eskimos: no blankets!

I know that there are still voices of sanity around because I have counted them-- on one hand.

[Crickets.]

Our economic problems worry me much less than our political solutions, which have a far worse track record.

That's because none of those political solutions have Made This Country Great. [See above, you forgetful thing you.]

The great sense of urgency of the Obama administration to get legislation to authorize slow-moving spending projects may seem inconsistent. But the urgency is real, even if the reasons given are not. The worse case scenario for the administration would be to have the economy begin to recover on its own before this massive spending bill is passed, reducing their chances of creating the kind of politically directed economy they want.

Yes, it would be terrible if things were going well come the next election.

I realized how far behind the times I am when I saw a TV commercial for some weight-loss product, showing Marie Osmond "before" and "after." I thought she looked great "before."

Ladies and gentlemen, the genius of Thomas Sowell.

Via Mr. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist

Somewhat old, but NOT TO ME SO THERE.

This year, 2009 marks the 43rd anniversary of the Royal Guardsmen's release of the hit record Snoopy vs. The Red Baron. This is a milestone not to be taken lightly.

[...]

No band returning from that long ago has the original members or any new recorded material out there for the Fans. Maybe they have run their course. The Royal Guardsmen have a great idea for celebrating the anniversary. Our course is clear and we think you're going to like this one. Snoopy vs. Osama is now for sale at www.shop.theroyalguardsmen.com

Happy 43rd Anniversary!

Source as usual.

The National Review on Brazil

Does irony have to be physically painful?

# 22: The Best Conservative Movies of the Last 25 Years [S.T. Karnick]

Brazil (1985): Vividly depicting the miserable results of elitist utopian schemes, Terry Gilliam’s Brazil portrays a darkly comic dystopia of malfunctioning high-tech equipment and the dreary living conditions common to all totalitarian regimes. Everything in the society is built to serve government plans rather than people. The film is visually arresting and inventive, with especially evocative use of shots that put the audience in a subservient position, just like the people in the film. Terrorist bombings, national-security scares, universal police surveillance, bureaucratic arrogance, a callous elite, perversion of science, and government use of torture evoke the worst aspects of the modern megastate.

— S. T. Karnick blogs at stkarnick.com.

UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan late to the party. Go figure.

Based on a True Story

Tumblerina, Tumblerina tiny drunken thing
Tumblerina dance, Tumblerina sing
Tumblerina what’s the difference if you’re very small?
When your glass is full of booze you’re nine feet tall

Though you’re no bigger than my thumb
Than my thumb, than my thumb
Sweet Tumblerina have some rum
Now now now, ah ah ah, come come come

Tumblerina, Tumblerina hooch besotten gal
Tumblerina laugh, everybody's pal
Tumblerina what’s the difference if you have one more?
If you plan on walking now you'll hit the floor

Though you’re no bigger than my toe
Than my toe, than my toe
Sweet Tumblerina keep that glow
And you’ll throw and you’ll throw and you’ll throw...up!

Tumblerina, Tumblerina puking on her dress
Tumblerina pee, Tumblerina mess
Tumblerina what’s the difference ambulance or hearse?
When you go out drinking you're a fucking curse.

The Rudiments of Perfume-Bottle French

Six-year old: [Unintelligible] is a kind of beer.
Me: What?
SYO: [Unintelligible] is a kind of beer.
Me: Huh?
SYO: LAAAAAZZZHHHAY is a kind of beer!
Me: Oh. You mean "lager".


Also go see the beginning of Snag and Jennifer's menagerie. They're up to C.

Boners

The Not-Really-the-President has gone too far!

CHANGING OF THE GUARD
Obama's Justice pick supports porn 'rights'
Ogden's clientele, legal arguments, raise alarms
Posted: February 03, 2009
8:58 pm Eastern
By Bob Unruh
© 2009 WorldNetDaily

President Obama has expressed his belief the U.S. Constitution should be interpreted through the lens of current events, and now he's apparently preparing to install as a senior official at the U.S. Justice Department a lawyer who goes one step further, advocating for constitutional protections for abortionists, pornographers and protesters.

Is there a scarier opening paragraph than one which threatens you with rights?

Distance Politics

Following is a bit from something I found after reading this and trying to figure out what the deal was. Follow the link for more.

I called Richard to tell him that he had won the Republican nomination. There was a long pause. He said that he was flattered, but in order to avoid injective "personalities" into the campaign, he would stay in Hawaii. I agreed to form a campaign committee to do the dirty work for him. I thought of the best talent to utilize for a man who--after all--is to take care of the dirt problem in the state, and called on Jon Gallant, a geneticist at the University of Washington, Gene Johnston, and old newspaper writer and commentator on KRAB, and herb Hannum, the only mystical architect I've ever met or heard of. Between the four of us, we fabricated a campaign.

We had seven weeks in which to get our candidate's name in front of the public. Since we weren't about to spend the $100,000 necessary to win public office, we decided on press releases--some whiff of freshness, as compared to all the gunk sent out by other uh . . . REAL candidates.

Our first press release went as follows:

Richard A.C. Greene, Republican candidate for Land Commissioner, fired his opening salvo in what promises to be a ferocious campaign, demanding that the state of Idaho annex a large part of Eastern Washington, especially Spokane.

"The so-called Inland Empire is a trackless waste contributing nothing to the Evergreen State but rattlesnakes and nitwits," Greene thundered from his headquarters in Honolulu. "I'd offer that sandpile to Idaho and if they didn't accept it, I'd invade. It's high time Washington had a foreign policy anyway."

Greene, who knocked off four opponents in the G.O.P. primary with the ingenious strategy of leaving the country, levels no criticism at Democrat incumbent Bert Cole, who has no noticeable foreign policy. "Cole is simply too good a man for this job," opined Greene. "I'd like to see him move on to something more challenging."

The author is apparently Lorenzo Milam who appears to do lots of interesting things all over the place, not least here.

Gruel: Too Nutritious?

I get an undeserved shout-out here, which is nice, but the virtue in the post is the fun to be had at Dinesh D'Souza's expense when he argues that government services should be shitty to allow rich folks to purchase advantages that the poor can't have. Seriously.

I Worry About Dry Heat Saunas

This is about as terrific a piece of law as you could ask for:

None of the amounts appropriated or otherwise made available under this act may be used for any casino or other gambling establishment, aquarium, zoo, golf course, swimming pool, stadium, community park, museum, theater, arts center, or highway beautification project, including renovation, remodeling, construction, salaries, furniture, zero-gravity chairs, big-screen televisions, beautification, rotating pastel lights, and dry heat saunas.

More of Why Jonah Goldberg is a Worthless Asshole

I think we all remember Goldberg's scaremongering.

Here's a video I never wanted to see:



Main story here.

It's unlikely the ad hoc militia dumbasses in the video pay much attention to Goldberg, so there's that, but hey, you never know, and it's not like he wouldn't have wanted to pass along his message to these folks...

I Need a New Name

I'm tired of this one. A long time ago there was a Rename Retardo thread at Sadly, No! and I contributed these:

Mr. October
Awlay Rofessorpay
Homo Irockita
Habeas Dorkus
William Redquist
AJP Gaylord
Axis of Weevils
Substance McGravitas
Serious O’Thoughtful
Major General Respectable Van Yesiagree
History’s Greatest Munster
A Boy Named Francine
Cookies for Everyone!
I Like Pie!
Harcourt Brace
Chuck U. Farley
Iron Fistula
Red and Expert
The Man from Nantucket
Nostrildamus
John Q. Pubic
The Sound and the Furry
Corinthian Leatherneck
The Great White “HELP!”
Land of 1000 Dunces
The Puffington Host

I haven't even touched the JanusNode yet...but I kind of like Serious O'Thoughtful.

It's a Harsh Realm Dude

Some stupid asshole at Big Hollywood writes:

What really bugs me is, I’m not that political. I have political opinions, yes. But my politics can’t be fit into any one category. My politics is that I hate politics. Both parties have screwed up this country in some way. So I’m an independent. Always have been. I’m basically a libertarian, but I don’t agree with everything libertarians believe. I’m conservative in some areas, liberal in others. Basically, I’m my own man. Why should I bow down to anyone’s agenda if I don’t agree with everything? Why should anyone? No side is 100% right. We’re all human and that means none of us have all the answers. Yet some people today will attack you if you dare to say anything not on that invisible list of stupid ideas they call leftism. Dare to disagree and you’re likely to be called all kind of nasty things. Maybe even ostracized in some fashion.

I have here in my hand an invisible list of two hundred and five precepts that were known to Karl Marx as being crucial to the Democratic Party and which are still working and shaping the ridicule of people who are meaner than you. And according to these precepts you are a big crybaby.

Things Are Going So Well That We'll All Be Rich

Michael Barone on his party's future:

But my examination of the exit poll results and county-by-county election returns has led me to conclude tentatively that [Republicans] going upscale is the right move. As David Frum has pointed out, we're going to have more well-educated and millennial-generation voters in the future and fewer less-educated and Baby Boomers (among whom McCain ran even).

So, Republicans are banking on the fact that education works, therefore they should aim at the elite instead of yokels?

One Step Behind

Pam on the Pajamas Media debacle:

Can you imagine if I were given 20% of what was invested in PJM? I am one person. No assistants, no interns, no editors, nuthin. I would have had bands of free men roving the world reporting into Atlas central. TV, video, newsletters, action alerts, campaign headquarters -- serious ass whuppin.

Yes I can imagine, Pam, yes I can:


Also, let me ruin this song:

EAT SHIT AND LIVE. SOON TO BE REPUBLISHED AT BIG HOLLYWOOD!

I could be witty and do a shorter and all, but no, verbatim Douglas MacKinnon:

Different people like different films for different reasons. All should be respected. To the utter amazement and disdain of these reviewers, Paul Blart: Mall Cop has become a certified hit. Get over it. More than that, climb down from the Ivory tower from time to time and actually speak to those in line to see the movies of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and Rob Schneider. If you do, you will find that you are speaking to a representation of the vast majority of the people in our nation.

The article is entitled "Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Please Arrest the Elitist Reviewers".

TPM More Traitory After Obama Win

They could have left the puppies bit out. Why so bitter lieberals? The world is yours!

Townhall Deserves Praise

Honestly.

During the campaign, President Obama said he would stop federal raids of medical marijuana clubs in states (like California) that had passed medical marijuana laws. Yet federal agents raided medical marijuana dispensaries, including the Patient to Patient Collective in South Lake Tahoe, two days after his inauguration. The Tahoe Daily Tribune reported that agents seized between 5 and 10 pounds of marijuana.

The Marijuana Policy Project, which wants to legalize marijuana, accused the Drug Enforcement Administration of "defying" Obama's position on medical marijuana and "called on the president to immediately replace Bush administration holdovers at DEA.

"During the presidential campaign," the press release continued, "Obama repeatedly promised not to waste federal resources interfering in states with laws protecting medical-marijuana patients from arrest, and he told Southern Oregon's Mail Tribune editorial board on March 28, 2008, 'I'm not going to be using Justice Department resources to try to circumvent state laws on this issue.'"

So will Obama keep his word by directing federal drug agents to concentrate on going after drug kingpins instead of sick people?

The crazy thing is I would not put it past Obama to do the right thing. How weird does it feel to give a president credit?

The Best "Fuck You" Ever Recorded

Right at the start of Hamburger Martyr by Killdozer.



And you call this cup of shit coffee? Well I'd rather drink from the dick of a goat.

Let Me Put Aside My Bias, Insanity, and Extremism for a Minute

Bernard Goldberg sez:

The second part of the question is, “Who am I trying to persuade?” I’m going to be perfectly honest with you. I reach out to liberals in my books. They criticize not liberals but they criticize liberal biases or liberal insanity or liberals going too far, or whatever. I would love for liberals to also read this book, in addition to conservatives, and say, “Hey, he’s making a good point.”

(Joke stolen from Dreamweasel, subject of various songs.)

Disquieting

Mesmerizing

I'm trying to figure out what the worst part in this. (Easy answer: the part when the music starts.) Manowar was once absolutely hilarious but this is so devoid of worth that it's acquired hypnotic power in its pursuit of cliché. It makes me think of David Lynch. Or Bob Hope. Or Neil Hamburger. Something like that.

CRUCIAL UPDATE:

Forgive me for not noticing earlier but Manowar's fans are Immortals, and thus cannot die for metal even if they really really pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top want to. Sorry.

Michael Crook Update!!!

A terrifying update here. That such horror could manifest itself in our day and age...

Amusing Myself

Susan of Texas gets all the good troll action.

Greetings From Crazy Nutty Cuckooland

David Horowitz on Obama's election:

Second, in order to do this as conservatives -- as conservatives who have been through the culture wars -- we need to get past the mixed feelings we will inevitably have as the nation marks its progress in moving away from the racial divisions and divisiveness of the past. These feelings come not from resistance to the change, but from the knowledge that this celebration should have taken place decades ago and that its delay was not least because our opponents saw political advantage in playing the race card against us and making us its slandered targets.

Cancer Pooh

That I have wanted to take a picture of this mall vending-machine item for about a year and a half and haven't despite having a camera with me nearly all the time says something. Though not as much as Cancer Pooh.

This Deserves Publicity

Michael Crook is going on a hunger strike:

I am willing to die over this, because a country with a colored president simply isn’t worth living in.

Hold him to it.

The Good Life

Imagine that for 18 months you're at work. Your advice is so helpful that for every four million dollars down the drain or propped up by somebody else cleaning up your mismanagement you make about $225.

Over that span you make about $22 million dollars.

You are Robert Rubin and you live the good life.

(I take responsibility for misleading guesstimathifications.)

Hip Hip Hussein

That is all.

The Mighty Amber Pawlik Cooks Again

Via JanusNode and a template here:

Zookeeper Lorretta Elena's Kind Flagtail Ball

All you do is get flagtail and put soy sauce and basil on top of it before balling it. That - putting those seasonings on top - is the secret. Bake the meat, then put it on top of some mole bowel. Put cannibalistic cream (at all grocery stores, make sure to get this cannibalistic cream too) over top of it. Put it in the microwave for 210 seconds. You can add to it whatever you want. Some people put a layer of fluffy mimolette cheese on it and just eat it like that. I chop up liver, plastic curd cheeses and vegetable and put them on top, as well as salamander colon. WARNING: You will never be able to order flagtail at a restaurant or bar ever again, as they simply won't measure up to the ones you can make at home.

After William Topaz McGonagall

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky kitchen light,
While the Plumber did laugh, and angry did bray,
Knees down on the linoleum that day,
Oh! ill-fated sight on the linoleum that day,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That some nice suspenders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported to hide his buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the higher our pants, God knows,
The less chance our ass to expose.

Drawn from here and here after the pie graph below was mocked here and a Vogon poetry threat was unleashed here. It's funny how the human brain works and it's also funny how my brain works. Who knew that there could be a more cringe-worthy use of "buttresses" outside McGonagall?

Cleanliness

Nasty unscientific polling nevertheless produces nice clean graphics:

Мисс ЗГМУ 2007!!!

Thanks to Google Translate for the half-assed job. But you know, some universities do things differently.

I am advised by the kind and wonderful M. Bouffant that clicking on the links below may be a security risk. There isn't anything of special value there so don't click if you're worried. Who knew that medical university websites could be unhealthy?

Miss University

Annual beauty contest

Давным ago in the city of Corinth, at the festival, posvyaschennom bohyne beauty and plodorodyya Demeter, hundreds of girls krasyveyshyh ancient Greece predstaly before jury, sostoyavshym of почтенных horozhan. Sculptors, певцы, ораторы, философы and воины otsenyvaly young beauty nymf dostoyneyshey and awarded the title «Nosytelnytsa gold». So held the first beauty contest in the world.

Today, we invite you to try their forces in a beauty contest «Miss ZHMU-2007».

«Miss ZHMU-2007» - this is your chance to become famous, to get acquainted with interesting people!
If you are young, beautiful and sure of themselves - derzayte!

Do not miss the chance to change your life!

Note also that "If you have no photos, you can negotiate with our photographer - Sergei Efymenko" who is a reasonable man I am sure.

Integration

john c. halasz 01.15.09 at 1:15 am

[...] At any rate, whatever sort of reactionary political frenzy Israel is in now, ( a sign of the decay of its position, to my mind, however “successfully” they manage to impose their regional domination), the obvious effect of such a ban on Arab-based parties is good old-fashioned gerrymandering/voter suppression, as Arab voters are little likely to vote for any of the remaining parties, as expressing their interests and perspectives, (assuming Hadash already is at the limit of its appeal/vote share), but rather will abstain from and boycott the vote. Just as with increasingly misconceived resorts to violent force, suppression of any expression of opposing perspectives is a sign of waning legitimacy and a corresponding exhaustion of any ability for flexible responses. Perhaps Israel is at long last becoming integrated into the Middle East!

War on Gaza Videos

Go here and watch videos. There's a lot of footage of daily life as it currently is in Gaza. Free of narration from what I've seen so far, though there are interviews (again I haven't seen 'em all but everything I saw was in Arabic).

Quality Control

Funtime in Texas:

A&M to base bonuses on student input
The Associated Press

COLLEGE STATION — The chancellor of the Texas A&M University System wants to give bonuses worth up to $10,000 to some instructors, but so far, many aren't interested.

"I've never had so much trouble giving away a million dollars," Chancellor Mike McKinney said, laughing.

The voluntary pilot program being done at Texas A&M University along with the campuses in Prairie View and Kingsville will award bonuses from $2,500 to $10,000 to instructors based on end-of-the-semester critiques by students. The first awards go out in February, the Bryan-College Station Eagle reported in its online editions on Sunday.

[...]

I suggest someone try the Chicken Suit Stratagem: every student is going to remember the teacher who was fun enough to wear a chicken suit to teach, and consequently Professor Chicken Suit will be rewarded.

Among other alternatives, why not remove the middle-man and have a tip jar right up there in the front of the class?

Update

I may have posted about this before, but it's along the same line:

2 Fake Law Diplomas and a $37M Haul
31 October 2008By Svetlana Osadchuk / Staff Writer

A Samara professor earned an eye-popping $37 million teaching law at seven schools over the course of three years.

The problem is that he landed the teaching jobs with fake diplomas that he bought for about $2,000 after seeing an advertisement near a Moscow metro, investigators said.

Okay, he's made $37 million as a law professor, but THE PROBLEM is that he's a fake.

Update Also

Lifting a bright comment from elsewhere:

If there are any "liberal" profs in Aggieland, they better not anger the College Republicans, or it will cost them ten grand!

Posted by: Bob Oso | January 13, 2009 4:05 PM

Dakhla

Final Egypt post I promise.

Here's a whole bunch of sand. That's probably Dakhla off in the distance...palms and greenery, and big cliffs behind. Each oasis is in a valley...they're leftover prehistoric riverbeds, and they're close to the existing water table, so things grow there. I think I was out here having a secluded breakfast, hiding my date bread and drinks from the Ramadan types.

That rock is about the size of a bowling ball. It's been weathered into a very strange piece of what looks like rusted plumbing. A lot of what it's sitting on will be smashed pottery left over from various civilizations that marched through.

Your standard relatively modern grave yard, set against more of nearly nothing at all.

More strange flat desert wasteland. The plateau on the left is full of tombs from the Roman era, a five-level condo of corpses, most of which have been removed by archeologists.

Dead guys in the aforementioned tombs. I'm sure there are dead gals in there as well. They've just been sitting out there for a couple of thousand years...

An older Islamic graveyard. When you get married or a boy gets circumcised, you head up to the white tomb and go inside, burn some incense, then smudge mud on the walls or leave a celebratory flag. A little holdover of ancestor-worship and the Egyptian relationship with the dead. Seems blasphemous to me.

The little town of El Qasr. The centre of it is multi-storied mud rather cunningly designed, although you'd never know it from this photo. Thrill to the ancient olive press! At sunset the palms host vast flocks of white birds that seem like water birds trapped inland. Once the sun falls, BATS.

Wow I Feel So Fresh Today

Dumbest Column of the New Year

Here is a very stupid person:

One Pissed-Off Dude
by Gary Graham

I’m an American. This has always been my favorite label, but of late even that has seemed to mean less and less. Being called an American used to carry with it a certain pride and esprit de corps that now apparently is dated and passe. How else can one explain the rash of America-haters in our midst who only claim pride in America if a Leftist resides in the White House, and can only back a war effort if the decision to go to war was that of a Democrat.

Okay okay, my attention span is that of a three-year old so I'm not gonna go too far here, but...

You see, I’m one pissed-off dude.

WHOA! I am stunned that some asshole who uses "America-haters" with a straight face is not a calm and collected gentleman but a pissed-off dude!

I’m told I’ll hurt my career if I continually spout off about Liberalism — which I see as a growing cancer in our society. Worldwide, I’ve seen Liberalism metastasize into virulent incarnations of Socialism, and, left unchecked, even into its malignant cousin, Communism. Only the arrogant or the somnambulist would think such a thing could never happen here. [...] The fact that the thievery is done at the behest of a ‘civilized’ government does not sanitize the crime.

“At least the highwayman has the decency to wear a mask.” – Author unknown.

Okay, liberals are communists and socialists and thieves and also cancer...

I don’t want to get along with the Left. I want to take them down. I want to expose their idiocy for what it is and reveal it as a harmful, dangerous succession of lies and deceptions.

Okay, we're dangerous idiots who lie and deceive...

I’m pissed off that everyone seems okay on having to press one for English.

We force businesses to make money by dealing with their customers...

I’m pissed that my sweet well-wishing friends and acquaintances now say “Happy Holidays” instead of Merry Christmas.

We succeeded in destroying Christmas - YAY!

Can we all stop taking ourselves so damn seriously for half a minute? Hey – life ain’t a popularity contest. So grow a pair. Speak your mind and if someone can’t handle it, request that they take a hike.

Ooo, an opening: fuck you, moron.

It irks me that Democrats are always looking to raise my taxes. I’m patriotic if I take it up the bum and don’t squeal. [...] I regard people who advocate [raising taxes] in the same vein as I would the burglar I confront in the dead of night – an enemy.

So liberals raise taxes and make you have gay sex and we're your enemies...

I’m pissed that I study the political issues of the day, educate myself, stay informed daily by a multitude of news sources from all slants…and yet, come election day, my informed vote is cancelled by some numbskull who votes for the nicest smile

Liberals only vote for the guy they'd have a beer with...

I’m pissed off by how soft many in our nation have become. How whimpy the tone, how spineless the resolve. What happened to that brutally real notion that people should be held responsible for his or her actions? Nowadays, it always seems to be someone else’s fault, whatever it is. Got a life of poverty, it’s rich folks doing it to you.

Got a life of whininess? It's liberals doing it to you.

Who can identify virtue, when there is no shame?

INDEED.

And speaking of shame…have you on the Left no shame when it comes to calling evil EVIL? What’s in a name — a terrorist by any other name is a ‘Jihadist’. A freedom fighter. A rebel. But when are we going to admit that there is an evil movement out there dedicated to our destruction.

Y'know, only a little further on he complains about people calling George W. Bush evil... but here's the punchline:

Lastly…can we finally be done with all the hatred?

Muted trombone honk.

(Thank you I think to Principal Blackman.)

Balance the Statue of Liberty!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without responsibility liberty cannot continue. Please help us find liberties’ mate.

[...]

Problem:

We have a tremendous symbolic imbalance in our country. Our national icon, the Statue of Liberty, stands alone. But liberty exercised in the absence of a sense of responsibility can be very destructive.

[...]

Liberty falls short because it doesn’t tell us what we should do. It only tells us what we can do. Responsibility tells us what we should do.

The statue of responsibility will go a long ways towards reestablishing this balance between can and should. Think of how deeply and often the Statue of Liberty is used to move us. It is impressed in the national ethical fiber.

Design:

What should the Statue of Responsibility look like?

Here's a start:


Via M. Bouffant.

UNIVERSITATEA BIOTERRA

Site's down, wonder why?

Holiday Love

Comments required:

I notice that I have received zero comments on any of my 46 previous Blogs, how could that be as I know that they're widely read?

Joyous Tidings

Santa Claus is in the red:
It'll take some time to get ahead.
All the elves have bid adieu
So Santa just brings reindeer stew.

___________


The tree’s knocked flat,
The bulbs are smashed.
Up on the roof
Some thing has crashed.

The stocking’s full
Of fleshy bits,
And gore and goo
are where dad sits.

Gone’s the plate of
Blood and brain:
Zombie Santa’s
Come again.

The Beam

Pope puts stress on 'gay threat'

Pope Benedict XVI has said that saving humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforest from destruction.

I believe that groups of men who avoid sexual contact with women should therefore face the utmost scrutiny.

__

UPDATE!!!

Pope issues Christmas plea for end to child abuse

The Crazy Dumbass Who Rules the World and His Sycophants

I shit you not:

MR. DeMUTH: Another book that you famously read was Eliot Cohen's "Supreme Command." And he later went to work for you.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, he did.

MR. DeMUTH: Do you think he got it right in that book?

THE PRESIDENT: I can't even remember the book. (Laughter.) I remember reading it, but give me a synopsis. (Laughter.)

MR. DeMUTH: That --

THE PRESIDENT: You can't remember it either. (Laughter.)

MR. DeMUTH: No. (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT: Just teasing. Did he work for you at AEI? Is that why you're --

MR. DeMUTH: He was on our Council of Academic Advisers.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, okay. I did read it.

MR. DeMUTH: The essential point is that in history, in wartime, Presidents do well not leaving the war to the military, but being the supreme commander themselves.

Joke for Six-Year-Old

Q. What's green and salty and brings presents.

A. St. Pickleus.

Commence laughter.

RSS and Filtering

I'd like my RSS feed to look nice and simple like this, existing within Firefox, displaying the full feed, yet with filters.

The Obvious Line

‘Day the Earth Stood Still’: Klaatu barada stinko

Killing Time

I am bored. Stealing an idea via Snag. I own - or have owned - all of the following.

1. Title track: Any song that is also the title of the album from whence it came, such as “Piano Man” from the album Piano Man.



2. I Command You A song title which is a command in the grammatical sense, such as “Don’t Stop” or “Please Please Me.”



3. Human Anatomy 101 A song about a part of the body, whether it’s the eyes, the heart, or the toe. Any part of the body at all.



4. Song about waiting Self-explanatory, surely.



5. Novelty song:



6. Great song on a shit album Again, that’s obvious enough. A song you like from an album you don’t.



7. Song from 2008 Yes, it’s time for you people to get current again. Any song that was released this year.



8. Song about school:



9. This & That A song with a title using the conjunction “and” . . .



10. Dedication: dedicate a song on your mix to someone!



Dedicated to my lovely six-year-old daughter who likes angry music in Spanish.

11. Favorite song from the year you graduated high school.



12. Song you are most surprised to discover in your CD/MP3 collection. Alternate category name: “That’s not mine, officer.”

I have no musical guilty pleasures. Should someone else want to be embarrassed on my behalf, here:


13. Kick-ass cover The old favorite.



14. Song with your name in the title You can use your middle name if you can’t find anything for your first name.

Let's pretend my name is Vincent.


15. Smoking song—a song about smoking, what else?



16. Song about magic



17. Next song Heidi should learn on the guitar (a.k.a. While Stennie’s guitar gently weeps)?



18. Introductory song: Song you would like to have played by Paul Schaeffer and the CBS Orchestra if you were a guest on Letterman.



19. Amnesia: a song about forgetting



20. Amnesty song As always, a song that you would have liked to use in this (or any other) mix, but couldn’t seem to find room for.

Sadism is Funny

Things to Read When Your Life Seems Unfulfilling

Michael M. Bates:

[...] A small highlight of youth — at least my youth — was staying up late enough to see test patterns right before TV stations shut down. Often, an announcer would mellifluously advise viewers that the channel was about to conclude its broadcast day. Sometimes viewers were assured that the station subscribed to the standards of the National Association of Broadcasters.

The National Anthem was usually played, occasionally accompanied by film of jets streaking across the sky. Other times, pictures of the Founding Fathers or other significant American figures or monuments were presented. The test pattern would then be displayed for a while, followed by a squealing sound, and finally several hours of static before the station's next broadcast day began.

The good part is you didn't have to stay up most of the night to catch a test pattern. [...]

More at the link for those who are, um, interested.

Things I Wonder

What's the homeopathic opinion on space-station astronauts recycling their pee?

Prince Caspian Sucks

A current ad campaign suggests that the second Narnia thingamajig is a giggly romp through a forest of short jokes.

It is actually a near-mirthless drag featuring dull military campaigns and a large dose of genocide, the latter understandable given the charmless forest inhabitants.

Drag and Drop Post

A AIR AM AROUND BADGER BRICK CAT CLAM CUZ DED DOOD DRAG DRINKED DUST EATED FORGOT FUNNY GET GOO HA I IF IT ITS JOKE KIN MAH MAKE MUSTASH NO NOO NOW ON OOPS POO POOP POOPS POST SMART TEH TELL U WONT WURDZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ



UPDATE!!!

PELICAN

Luxor

Here are some kids doing what kids do best: burning stuff in the street. They were out front of my hotel in Luxor all the time (The Happyland Hotel sign is visible down the street a little) looking for stuff to burn and achieving quite a bit of success. Here they've found some plastic pipe, which both burns AND MELTS. Tough to beat. Nobody really minded because most buildings are made of hideous non-burning mud-brick, and kids tend to do what they like anyway. Four-year-olds go shopping and so on. The banners across the buildings are for Ramadan. There's a cheapo plastic lamp up there too, sort of a christmas-light equivalent. Many of those beep out awful tunes: anti-Israeli marching anthems, and, strangely enough, christmas carols.

The view from the bar at The Venus Hotel, which has some issues involving ants, roaches, bedbugs, and other insects. I figure it was a plague sent from the Lord, that being the area for it. The Venus Hotel was on the market street. Canny sellers would move their carts into the middle of the street to obstruct traffic and extort their way to profits. The little van down there goes from town to town. Cheap transport if you know how to negotiate.

This is easily the most impressive piece of technology on display in the streets of Egypt. Pour some goop into the hopper and it streams out of a series of little holes onto a rotating grill, then it gets scoured off by a blade. The result tastes like shredded wheat.

Coming over another hill to Deir El Medina, the ruins of a Christian monastery that surround an Egyptian temple. This is in the area near the Valley of the Kings, another good area for hiking that nobody takes advantage of. Up the mountain to the right is the aforementioned Valley. Sissies take donkeys, and I don't even want to discuss the rubes in the buses.

Hatshepsut's mortuary temple. A wide-angle lens makes this way smaller than it looks...the scale is insane, and a lot of it is carved right out of the mountainside. Also near the Valley of the Kings; just a hop over that mountain there.

Down there is the Valley of the Kings.

Down there to the left is the Valley of the Artisans. That white path is concrete stairs, a fairly punishing climb. Farmland in the distance.

Karnak is a huge temple that was once at the end of a three km road of sphinxes that connected it to the temple in Luxor. The scale is ridiculous. Those high pillars just visible at the vanishing point of the photo originally held up piers for a second floor.

The lotus was the symbol of Egypt; the stem is the Nile, the flower is the Delta. They're washed out in this photo, but the tops of these lotus pillars are painted red and blue.

More bits and pieces of Karnak.

Karnak doesn't end.

Luxor Temple. The locals were so bored with the ruins in the sand that they built a mosque on top of 'em. Now the mosque's too important to be moved. Christians and Moslems both spent a lot of time vandalizing the most amazing things.