Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Worry About Dry Heat Saunas

This is about as terrific a piece of law as you could ask for:
None of the amounts appropriated or otherwise made available under this act may be used for any casino or other gambling establishment, aquarium, zoo, golf course, swimming pool, stadium, community park, museum, theater, arts center, or highway beautification project, including renovation, remodeling, construction, salaries, furniture, zero-gravity chairs, big-screen televisions, beautification, rotating pastel lights, and dry heat saunas.


Mendacious D said...

Clearly the steam sauna lobby is more powerful than we thought.

Righteous Bubba said...

I do not like steamroom.

Another Kiwi said...

WTF is a zero gravity chair? Does one sort of hover over the work desk in a bubble of spherical space/time, thus immune to the poison of gravity.
You Americans have everything.

herr doktor bimler said...

No zero-gravity chairs or rotating pastel lights... sounds like the senator is opposed to investing any stimulus money in a re-make of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

J— said...

Here's another Coburn amendment for the stimulus bill:

"No funds in the Act may go to a public or private institution of high education that has an endowment of more than $15 billion and/or spends more than $100,000 on lobbying annually."

Harvard, Yale, and Stanford meet the first standard (endowment). I don't think any of the public schools do, unless you take something like the Texas system as a whole. I assume more institutions would meet the second standard.

Coburn doesn't like icebreakers either, or at least new ones for the Coast Guard.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I remember watching 2001 in a movie theater, long ago.

Who could imagine that real 2001 would unfold the way it did?

Teams of terrorists armed with box cutters cut down two office towers.

And an incompetent corporate administration lies the nation into one cataclysm after the next.

I think if you melded Planet of the Apes and 2001: A Space Odyssey, with a heaping helping of Captain Kirk from Star Trek rendered into General Ursus via a cut rate Leni Riefenstahl, we can finally understand the last 8 years.

Except for David Broder.

J Neo Marvin said...

The best scene in 2001 was the sign showing the instructions for the zero gravity toilet.

Righteous Bubba said...

I liked the part where the computer played chess. HA! UNBELIEVABLE!

Rusty Shackleford said...

I liked the part with the monkeys. Although to this day I can't figure out why Kubrick chose not to have them wear clothes. WAY funnier.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Does the law also restrict Happy endings?

I liked the part with the monkeys. Although to this day I can't figure out why Kubrick chose not to have them wear clothes. WAY funnier.

..and ride bikes, Rusty. Nothing funnier than a chimp in a cowboy outfit riding a bike.

Righteous Bubba said...

Why didn't the space-baby zap the Earth with laser eyes?

Another Kiwi said...

The chimps are having a tea party. One empties a bowl of custard on anothers head. This chimp runs shrieking over to the monolith and smacks into it.
The chimp gets up, shakes his head.
Chimp!: You call this a fucking crème brûlée. You Fucking morons, get out of my kitchen"

tigris said...

Hey, rotating pastel zero-gravity dry-heat televisions are still OK! Presidents' Day is saved!

Righteous Bubba said...

Oh boy! I'm installing one in my honky-tonk, vomitorium or elephant-milking establishment right now!

herr doktor bimler said...

a chimp in a cowboy outfit riding a bike.
The bicycles were unavailable, on account of all being ridden by fish that day.