Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Mighty Amber Pawlik Cooks Again

Via JanusNode and a template here:
Zookeeper Lorretta Elena's Kind Flagtail Ball

All you do is get flagtail and put soy sauce and basil on top of it before balling it. That - putting those seasonings on top - is the secret. Bake the meat, then put it on top of some mole bowel. Put cannibalistic cream (at all grocery stores, make sure to get this cannibalistic cream too) over top of it. Put it in the microwave for 210 seconds. You can add to it whatever you want. Some people put a layer of fluffy mimolette cheese on it and just eat it like that. I chop up liver, plastic curd cheeses and vegetable and put them on top, as well as salamander colon. WARNING: You will never be able to order flagtail at a restaurant or bar ever again, as they simply won't measure up to the ones you can make at home.


Mr. Wonderful said...

D00d, you've changed my life. I'd never heard of Amber Pawlik, but one link led to another and I read, with literally gaping mouth, her essay on "Money."

And her ambition is to be published? As what, a fourth-grade prodigy?

Plus, let it be said that if she continues to cook and eat the kinds of things she feeds self and boyfriend, she will make K-Lo look like J-Lo in about five years. You heard it here first.

Righteous Bubba said...

Amber was a regular target at Sadly, No! for quite a while, the most memorable thing for me being the recipes as an illustration of the bleak bleak soul she has. Health-wise you're right on the money as the recipes were replaced with this sad essay after a bit. All food advice appears to be gone now.

Since I've been slacking off on the JanusNode I thought adding some zip to the recipe module should start with her. Her writing style has this dotty neighbour quality that contrasts well with the normal order-giving style in the recipes I started with.

tigris said...

You used too many actual ingredients rather than just packets of ready-made mixes and bags of frozen, pre-cooked "food", but boy howdy did you get her tone.

Righteous Bubba said...

Given the way the recipe structure already works it requires a lot of time and thought to add lists of shitty ingredients that work properly in a sentence: ingredients are best handled in separate files and finding decent lists of crap products to add is a pain in the butt whereas finding lists of vegetables or cheeses is easy. Some destroy the flow of the recipe if they're in an obviously clunky container as opposed to "2 cans Crescent Rolls" although it can get funnier as well. Maybe I'll hit the Google and see what I can do.

On the other hand, nothing prevents me from synthesizing stupidly-named fake products...hmm. Dr. Phlobo's Miracle Snout Mix?