Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Tropical Verse

There once was a cock-boring eel,
Who squirmed his way into some heel
Who’d a date set that night
And to the cock-eel’s delight,
Cunt was its very next meal.

HIGH-QUALITY ILLUMUSTRATION UPDATE:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

TRAGIC VERISIMILITUDE UPDATE:

Here is a completely true verse about DKW's family:

Your dad's greatest role is as cock-abuse keener,
To this end he sticks a weird fish in his wiener.
The fish come right out of your mom's little flower,
And the fee to go fishing is ten bucks an hour.

FURTHER SPANKING UPDATE:

The sailors all take their turns banging your dad,
But when ship sets sail they feel secretly glad,
Because dad (and his son!) have no feel for the rhythm,
So fee-be-damned they take your mom on board with 'em.

OGDEN GNASHING UPDATE:

Your dad's wonky rhythm makes truck drivers swear
They chain his ass up so his hole stays right there.
He'll do while your mom works her way through the queue,
But if he tried to rhyme he'd just fuck that up also.

HOLIDAYS ARE APPROACHING UPDATE:

In early December your dad takes the member
Of Santa while asking for toys
But when Christmas arrives he pouts and he cries
Because Nick fucks your mom with the boys.

34 comments:

fish said...

This is triggering on so many levels.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

At least there are no squirrels or spiders.
~

daveX99 said...

Arts & Culture.

That's what keeps me coming back.

vacuumslayer said...

Triggering?

J— said...

Triggerfish

Toothpick fish, I think. AKA candiru.

Speaking of triggerfish, big challenge to write limerick with humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

Substance McGravitas said...

There's a song...

J— said...

Ha, and what a song it is! Wikipedia tells me it was not released as a single. I wonder why.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

It sucks to have bugs in your pooh,
But that's nothing when compared to
Having a bleed-ah
In UR uretha
From a barbed eel-ish candiru.

OR MOAR CLASSICALLY

Your dad is so incredibly sick,
He loves to stuffs eels in his dick,
But those candiru
Then do your momma too
And she charges them ten bucks a trick.

Substance McGravitas said...

Cheap slurs right after such a sensitive illustration of the poem above?

Your dad's greatest role is as cock-abuse keener
To this end he sticks a weird fish in his wiener
The fish come right out of your mom's little flower
And the fee to go fishing is ten bucks an hour.

Another Kiwi said...

The illustrations certainly add a dense narrative to the poems.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Cheap slurs? Well I did reference your mom.

Your dad tends teh fish infected men
By giving him his bum again and again
And now he has candiru fish in his ass,
But compared to your whorish mom, he's all class.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Argh. Giving them his bum, ah nevermind. Teh imporatnt take away here is that YOUR MOM'S A WHORE!

Substance McGravitas said...

The sailors all take their turns banging your dad
But when ship sets sail they all feel secretly glad
Because dad (and his son!) have no feel for the rhythm
So fee-be-damned they take your mom on board with 'em.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Your obsession with meters
Is as bad as your dad's obsession with peters.
So what if I can't count,
Your mom always charges me teh right amount.

Substance McGravitas said...

Your dad's wonky rhythm makes truck drivers swear
They chain his ass up so his hole stays right there
He'll do while your mom works her way through the queue
But if he tried to rhyme he'd just fuck that up also.

Substance McGravitas said...

God damn it, I confess to a metrical fail at October 19, 2011 1:00 PM. YES, MY MOM IS THE WHORE.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

It's called syncopation if'n you don't mind, but I understand that you gots no swing.

Sailors, truckers, the usual suspects again
Are having their way with your father's rear end
But your mom, she's unconcerned with occupation
So long as you pay up before teh fellation.

Anonymous said...

So I'm splittin' a side at these verses see,
With parents not what they're cracked up to be,
'Ceptin' of course
As catchers and whores,
Da-dee-dum Da-dee-dum Mom-meeeeee!

Mendacious D said...

There once was a man from Limerick.
Actually, he hates limericks.
Never mind.

Smut Clyde said...

There was a young man
From Haiku. No wait. Is there
A place called 'Haiku'?

fish said...

It was not just a case of spiorchete
That caused the burning he felt in his pete
a fish crawled up in
his diagnosis was grim
now caviar's the result when he beats

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

The toothpick fish swims
First up teh stream of urine
Then in UR dad's bum.

Substance McGravitas said...

A place called 'Haiku'?
Yes. Please consult the fucking
Wikipedia.

Substance McGravitas said...

Smells of lube and poo
Your dad's ass opens again
Yet your mom's the whore

Anonymous said...

Dad was lubed?
Mom licked the santorum
Made cocks slide well

Another Kiwi said...

The place called haiku
did not smell of lube or poo
your mom and you do

Smut Clyde said...

Thanks to ITTDGY comments elsewhere, I am now singing AK's comment to the tune of 'Iron Man'.

Smut Clyde said...

Fish has a thing about spirochaetes.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Your father's anus
Opens like a seedy bar,
Your mom charges cover.

Substance McGravitas said...

In early December your dad takes the member
Of Santa while asking for toys
But when Christmas arrives he pouts and he cries
Because Nick fucks your mom with the boys.

fish said...

Fish has a thing about spirochaetes.

We have reached an uncomfortable understanding.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

War on Christmas already? But teh cosplay holiday hasn't passed yet!

"Trick or treat?" asks your dad while gussied up as a tart.
I stare at the ceiling
Whilst an awkward feeling
Is tugging at my heart.
Not long ago that transvestite man made me forget about my cares
But I paid for some time
Of depradations sublime
With your mom who's waiting upstairs.

Smut Clyde said...

Pene pene burning pain
Covered with a purple stain
Was it really kinda dumb
to put it inside D-K's mum?

Substance McGravitas said...

William Bloke, wasn't it?