Let the Teabagging Begin!

What the heck, drag and drop:

The Two Categories

Nutpicking a Rand fan:

There are three categories that humans fit into. A human is either a slave, man, or parasite. The slave completes work without any benefit for himself. He works to help all others before himself, he erases himself as an individual. The parasite forces others to become slaves for him. He sacrifices others onto himself for his own benefit. He is the worst of humanity. Unlike the slave who offers up his happiness to the world voluntarily, the parasite takes other's happiness away without any remorse. The true man walks the line between slave and parasite. He neither gives himself to others freely nor takes others onto himself. He has an ego, which advocates rational selfishness, and he works to benefit himself, neither at the expense of others or himself.

There is bonus fun to be had in his grappling with Adam Smith. More recent efforts are less satisfying. What, is he 13?

Fingernails+Chalkboard=Fun

The whole of a post at The Corner:

Pahk It In, Already [Mark Krikorian]

The president has been the rightful target of much mockery for his "Pahkistahn" pronounciation (a pronunciation defended again just yesterday by Tunku Varadarajan), but I heard something positively hilarious on NPR this week. (Yes, I'm an NPR type of guy — but I love Rush!) There was a report on our South Asian imbroglio and the reporter repeatedly used — in the very same sentence — the Obama-ite pronunciation of Pakistan but the normal American pronunciation of Afghanistan. (And I just noticed the president himself does the same thing.) Look, if you're going to say "Pahkistahn," you need to also say "Ahf-ghan-i-stahn," with a voiced uvular fricative for the "gh," kind of like a French "r". And you should also say "Soorya" for Syria, and "Italia" for Italy, and "Suomi" for Finland, and "Hayastan" for Armenia, etc., etc. Anything else is both ignorant and affected, like Moliere's middle-class gentleman bragging about having spoken in prose his whole life.

05/12 05:53 PMShare

With, I'm sure, a non-presidential purpose in mind, once upon a time the late lamented Anton LaVey wrote an article about hambuger preparation. Yep, he loved them hambugers. Nothin' like a good hambuger.

I'm gonna break out "Pahkistahn" depending on the company.

All the Shakespearos

Richard Posner:

The end of the Cold War, the collapse of the Soviet Union, the surge of prosperity worldwide that marked the global triumph of capitalism, the essentially conservative policies, especially in economics, of the Clinton administration, and finally the election and early years of the Bush Administration, marked the apogee of the conservative movement. But there were signs that it had not only already peaked, but was beginning to decline. Leading conservative intellectual figures grew old and died (Friedman, Hayek, Jeanne Kirkpatrick, Buckley, etc.) and others as they aged became silent or less active (such as Robert Bork, Irving Kristol, and Gertrude Himmelfarb), and their successors lacked equivalent public prominence, as conservatism grew strident and populist.

In short, now that Darwin is dead nobody believes in evolution.

Lord, Let Us Hope Dick Cheney Has Influence

Cheney backs Limbaugh over Powell on GOP future
By MICHAEL J. SNIFFEN – 36 minutes ago

WASHINGTON (AP) — Dick Cheney made clear Sunday he'd rather follow firebrand broadcaster Rush Limbaugh than former Joint Chiefs chairman Colin Powell into political battle over the future of the Republican Party.

Why Are Zombies Popular?

Socialism.

More Q

Q is for quokka
And for a fine soup you will
Boil up this cuddly
Australian marsupial

ALSO:

Quokka shocka
Cocka Jacques
Kicka sacka do

Quokka socka
Crap out Jacques
Brick attacka, too

Drum bum,
Gag and hang,
Wring wang ooo!

Quokka shocka
Cocka Jacques
Kicka sacka do

The Candy Scene from Gravity's Rainbow

I force people to read this - or read it to them - to convince them to go further with Gravity's Rainbow. I mean, eventually there's poop and stuff! No poop in this scene though. Sickos.

"Now I remember you - the one with the graft at the Ministry of Supply!" but he knows, from last time, that no gallantry can help him now. After that visit he wrote home to Nalline : "The English are kind of weird when it comes to the way things taste, Mom. They aren't like us. It might be the climate. They go for things we would never dream of. Sometimes it is enough to turn your stomach, boy. The other day I had one of these things they call 'wine jellies'. That's their idea of candy, Mom! Figure out a way to feed some to that Hitler 'n' I betcha the war'd be over tomorrow!". Now once again he finds himself checking out these ruddy gelatin objects, nodding, he hopes amiably, at Mrs. Quoad. They have the names of different wines written on them in bas-relief.

"Just a touch of menthol too," Mrs. Quoad popping one into her mouth. "Delicious."

Slothrop finally chooses one that says Lafitte Rothschild and stuffs it on into his kisser. "Oh yeah. Yeah. Mmm. It's great."

Rhyme Crime

Q is for Quayle
Who misspelled potato
It's hard to believe
He'd been a senato

(Replacement Q)

Old Bird Has Old Pinions

It may come as a shock to some, but Burt Prelutsky still has opinions:

According to my wife, I have a tendency to state my opinion as fact. She suggests that I begin my sentences by saying “It’s only my opinion, but…” and go on from there. It’s my opinion, however, that people already understand that it’s my opinion and that they share it if they’re smart, or don’t, if they’re not.

Oh Burt, she doesn't mean you should literally do that, she means "Shut up and stop embarrassing me while we're in the prescription line-up." It's a hint. Take it.

In any case, in the spirit of compromise, let us pretend that each of the following paragraphs begins “It’s only my opinion, but…”

A deft set-up, surely taking the place of "My mind wanders." There follows wandering:

When Gloria Steinem [...] finally got married

Here I have truncated a joke you may have seen on a late night talk show nine years ago.

these Somali punks

Yes, yes, those punks. Moving on, Burt encounters the wonders of the internets:

About a month ago, I looked up George Soros at Wikipedia and read about his helping the Nazis confiscate the property of his fellow Hungarian Jews when he was a teenager. At the same time and place, I read that in response to a Steve Croft question on “60 Minutes,” Soros claimed that he had never regretted doing it or felt any shame or remorse afterwards because, as he explained, if he hadn’t done it, someone else would have. The other day, I re-visited the site and the entire episode had vanished. There still remained the mention of his having been convicted by a French court of insider trading. I am now wondering if billionaire Soros will make certain that it, too, disappears.

Burt can find the reasoning here if he likes. What I wonder about, apart from the lack of charity to a 13-year-old Jew who hid in plain sight from Nazis doing something odious, is if "billionaire Soros" is throwing money at Wikipedia editors HOW DO I GET PAID?

As much as I disapprove of Obama’s policies, what I truly find distasteful is the way he travels around the world apologizing for America, even to the likes of Hugo Chavez and the Castros. He bows to King Abdullah, cozies up to Ahmadinejad and tells the French — the French! — that America is arrogant.

Right! He should be apologizing to them for being leftist Muslim terrorist-loving anti-American Obama!

When, by the way, do we stop apologizing for slavery?

In your case never, just because.

And lest we forget, it was the Arabs and their fellow blacks who rounded them up for the slave traders in the first place. Which makes it sadly ironic that so many American blacks, including Muhammad Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, assumed Arabic names.

Note. Following on though, I agree that that first name change 45 years ago remains chilling to the bone, and the second name change 38 years ago still makes me check my deadbolt when I wake up at night screaming.

Finally, one of the only places, aside from Communist nations, the Middle East and Thailand, where slavery still endures is in Africa!

Kudos to Burt, I suppose, for not noticing that massage parlours exist.

Finally, it occurs to me that perhaps I’ve been wrong in opposing same-sex marriages.

Of course this sentence is the start of some other cranky rambling, but I am inclined to give Burt a pat on the head in this case, as what follows is not quite as horribly insulting as past go-rounds. Baby steps, ya big baby.

The Academy Is Peril

Steve K is worried about the academy:

Thomas Jefferson wrote in 1816, “If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, it expects what never was and never will be.”

As anyone who has been to college or a university knows, leftwing ideas and perspectives dominate every part of the campus.

Pi is now 3.13, Pluto is not politically correct enought to be a planet, yadda yadda yadda. Here's the funny part:

This is a big part of why Obama and the political left are pushing that everyone go to college, and even have government (taxpayers) pay for it. The more impressionable young minds that are systematically indoctrinated, the more liberal Democrat voters there will be. In essence, this is no different than a re-education camp, but we pay for it in more ways than one.

So much for my dreams of fancy and new re-education camps with the latest torture equipment.

National Service Forever

Eritrea is now one of the leading sources of refugees. Here's one reason why:

The law states that all Eritrean citizens, men and women between the ages of 18 and 50, have the obligation to perform national service. In normal circumstances, national service is supposed to last 18 months (article 8). This consists of six months military training and 12 months deployment either on military duties or some other national development project. However, article 13 (2) states that even after completing the compulsory 18 months, national service can be extended until 50 years of age “under mobilization or emergency situation directives given by the government.”

During the first four rounds of the national service, those who were called up were demobilized after 18 months, but after war broke out with Ethiopia in 1998, everything changed. Former fighters were called up again, reservists who had been demobilized were conscripted, and all national service recruits were retained under emergency directives.

Gaze Upon the Face of Beauty

Chris Muir is in love with Sarah Palin.

Let's take a closer look at just how much in love he is.

Here is her beautiful Spock-browed cross-and-cockeyed face, settled almost centrally on her neck. Perhaps her glasses were damaged in a snowmobile accident:



The lovely orangutan arm of love can cuddle with the strength of ten men, while the club-like "hand" attachment crushes ice lickety-split:



Chris knows some brokeback mountin' ain't bad after all! Palin's protruding rib suggests that she is working hard to keep herself trim, but she could obviously thumb a ride if she needed to:



He loves her from her head to her head-sized foot:

Joke

Daughter: Who is the stinkiest god?
Me: I dunno, who?
D: Odur.

Products

Nurse Rangeland's St. Andre Cheese Salsa
Lieutenant General Commander Flounders's Feral Chigger Borscht
Lord Safeguard's Wild Ox Wonton
Violations-Noninterleaved's Useful Salmon Borscht
Teodora Consulting's Fresh Mozzarella Filling
Cattlemen Mouzekviprtuh's Basslet Pudding
Beefer Ciklalmef's Lizardfish Burger
Danitawec Humbleness-Mirroring's Provolone Steak
Ensign Marandayapl Franco's Oarfish Spaghetti
Leola's Chocolate Compote
Transmit's Emperor Smoothie
Uncle Righteous's Enchanting Rainbowfish Cobbler
Fink Alisia's Good Conger Eel Sprinkles
Vice Chancellor Coowozagvoogoo's Cheddar Primavera
Great-Uncle Jegpamela Arduously's Loggerhead Turtle Tea
Guru Dukepo's Orthodox Bandfish Dip
Decoupled Fleta's Tricky Anteater Paella
Jerald Daugherty's Admirable Giant Squid Coffee
Bessie's Peach Toast
Grandpa Miybiv Nellie's Feta Borscht
Sprinkling raqu Despicable's Pigheaded Weatherfish Mush

Gotta get some corporate names in there. Here we go:

Altria Group, Inc.'s Avocado Mix
Detaches-Plumped's Poppyseed Vinaigrette
Cle's Onion Miso
Weldon Beriberi's Extroverted Greenling Macaroni
Lieutenant Colonel Joodivyise's Funny Fishing Cat Brownie
ING Group N.V. Goat's Milk Vinaigrette
General Motors Corp. Lovebird Pate
Professor State Senator Fuwafub's Trembling Lark Pizza
Deutsche Bahn AG's Noncommittal Sind Danio Vinaigrette
Staff Sergeant Sanderling-Leyden's Sarcastic Fringehead Croquette
Zoy Primarily's Electric Ray Dolma
Commodore Dede's Witches' Mummy Granola
Karan Karren's Merluccid Hake Ketchup
Cindy Norene's Rockhopper Penguin Topping
Suez's Ratty Rockweed Gunnel Cocoa
Reverend Deepensklem Remy-Worldwide's Nosy Ox Patty
Baroness Linda-Sanctimonious's Charismatic Lost River Sucker Smoothie
Intensifiers Piw's Brynza Cheese Terrine
Uncle Molested's Peter's Elephantnose Fish Pilaf
A. P. Moller - Maersk Freshwater Flyingfish Syrup
Sunoco's Chimaera Coffee

Dear iTunes Developers

This is not sorting by release date.

Why We Invade

Charles Krauthammer on torture:

Did it work? The current evidence is fairly compelling. George Tenet said that the "enhanced interrogation" program alone yielded more information than everything gotten from "the FBI, the Central Intelligence Agency and the National Security Agency put together."

Indeed, that is why the wisdom of invading Iraq is unquestioned.

Bring On the Trials

As an addendum to this post, those who were prosecuted for crimes at Abu Ghraib were prosecuted with the full knowledge of the government of the day.

Pretty obvious the powers that be knew what they were embarking on was sick, wrong, and worthy of prosecution. Bring on the trials. If that includes Democrats, boo hoo, cry me a river.

Shorter Burt Prelutsky

Is Christmas here yet? Yes? No? Anyone?

UPDATE!

A telling Google search. Is Osama Burt dead?

The bright side:


UPDATE THE SECOND!

Look:



Value compared:

Triumph of the Surbers

I enjoy the Thumb Wrestling Federation.

Sick

Dennis Prager thinks the Left should answer a bunch of questions about torture.

I think Dennis Prager should let me know why I shouldn't steal his stuff to pay my bills.

PIRATES!

Richard Olivastro is scaring me!

Pirates Closer to Our Shores

Help!

All Americans breathed a sign of relief when news broke of the U.S. Navy Seals rescue of the Maersk Alabama captain from terrorist pirates off the Somalia coast.

Whoa, okay. Calming down. That rescue was something else.

Unfortunately, there are other pirates - much closer to our shores – who are insidiously more dangerous.

AAAAHHHH! Scared again!

Richard Phillips, captain of the Maersk Alabama, had volunteered himself to free one of his crewmen who had been taken hostage by the pirates. The standoff that followed went on for five days as the pirates demanded $2 million dollars ransom to free the captain and the American-registered container ship.

It was so suspenseful that I'm repeeing my pants!

President Obama handled that situation well by not handling it directly. He authorized and left the pirate situation in the hands of the U.S. Navy, who brilliantly managed and resolved the hostage situation off Africa.

Sigh of relief. Whew.

But closer to home, the real-life “Pirates of the Caribbean” are more difficult for Mr. Obama. That’s because Mr. Obama is more directly involved, and he has not gotten off to a good start.

What? IS OBAMA A PIRATE HIMSELF?

One reason, of course, is that these “pirates” are not fictional Hollywood movie characters. Rather, they are real and, as most Americans have figured out, they are highly-experienced, unsavory characters. As we have seen over the years, each of them has been idolized by a number of Hollywood actors whose personal political character is shallow at best.

Caribbean Pirates Hugo Chavez and the brothers Castro have already hijacked the Obama ship of state [...]

Oh. I see. IT IS A METAPHOR.

Asshole.

Why Did These Guys Get Jail Time?

Something to consider in the ongoing Republican cheerleading for torture:

Not to diminish the crime here - although it's obvious to anybody that shitty environments yield shitty behaviour in all but the best of us - but why do the following individuals get the shaft and nobody else?

Should they be pardoned? Or should the people who instituted the environment and the behaviour be sharing cells with some of 'em? I haven't really seen much mention of the folks who are ALREADY IN PRISON over these policies and it would be useful for journalists to ask the torture apologists and the pardoners what the following people are an example of. Justice? Injustice? Getting caught too soon?

Text ripped off from Wikipedia:

Courts-martial, nonjudicial, and administrative punishment

Twelve soldiers have been convicted of various charges relating to the incidents, all including dereliction of duty—most receiving relatively minor sentences. Two soldiers have either been cleared of charges or have not been charged. No one has been convicted for murders of detainees.

• Colonel Thomas Pappas was relieved of his command on May 13, 2005 after receiving nonjudicial punishment on May 9, 2005 for two instances of dereliction, including that of allowing dogs to be present during interrogations. He was fined $8000 under the provisions of Article 15 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (nonjudicial punishment). He also received a General Officer Memorandum of Reprimand (GOMOR) which effectively ends his military career.
• Lieutenant Colonel Steven L. Jordan became the highest ranking Army officer to have charges brought against him in connection with the Abu Ghraib abuse on April 29, 2006.^[46] Prior to his trial, eight of twelve charges against him were dismissed, two of the most serious after Major General George Fay admitted that he did not read Jordan his rights before interviewing him in reference to the abuses that had taken place. On August 28, 2007, Jordan was acquitted of all charges related to prisoner mistreatment and received a reprimand for disobeying an order not to discuss a 2004 investigation into the allegations.^[47]
• Specialist Charles Graner was found guilty on January 14, 2005 of conspiracy to maltreat detainees, failing to protect detainees from abuse, cruelty, and maltreatment, as well as charges of assault, indecency, adultery, and obstruction of justice. On January 15, 2005, he was sentenced to ten years in federal prison.^[48]
• Corporal Joshua Lee Betts, of the 321st Military Intelligence Battalion, Detachment 9, pled innocent on October 20, 2004 to conspiracy, dereliction of duty, maltreatment of detainees, assault, and numerous violations of Geneva Convention, and human rights violation. Cpl. Joshua Lee Betts was later cleared of all charges.
• Staff Sergeant Ivan Frederick pled guilty on October 20, 2004 to conspiracy, dereliction of duty, maltreatment of detainees, assault and committing an indecent act in exchange for other charges being dropped. His abuses included making three prisoners masturbate. He also punched one prisoner so hard in the chest that he needed resuscitation. He was sentenced to eight years in prison, forfeiture of pay, a dishonorable discharge and a reduction in rank to private.^[49]
• Sergeant Javal Davis pled guilty February 4, 2005 to dereliction of duty, making false official statements and battery. He was sentenced to six months in prison, a reduction in rank to private, and a bad conduct discharge.
• Specialist Jeremy Sivits was sentenced on May 19, 2004 by a special court-martial to the maximum one-year sentence, in addition to being discharged for bad conduct and demoted, upon his plea of guilty.^[50]
• Specialist Armin Cruz of the 325th Military Intelligence Battalion was sentenced on September 11, 2004 to eight months confinement, reduction in rank to private and a bad conduct discharge in exchange for his testimony against other soldiers.^[51]
• Specialist Sabrina Harman was sentenced on May 17, 2005 to six months in prison and a bad conduct discharge after being convicted on six of the seven counts. She had faced a maximum sentence of 5 years.^[52]
• Specialist Megan Ambuhl was convicted on October 30, 2004, of dereliction of duty and sentenced to reduction in rank to private and loss of a half-month’s pay.^[53]
• Private First Class Lynndie England was convicted on September 26, 2005, of one count of conspiracy, four counts of maltreating detainees and one count of committing an indecent act. She was acquitted on a second conspiracy count. England had faced a maximum sentence of ten years. She was sentenced on September 27, 2005, to three years confinement, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, reduction to Private (E-1) and received a dishonorable discharge.^[49]
• Sergeant Santos Cardona was convicted of dereliction of duty and aggravated assault, the equivalent of a felony in the U.S. civilian justice system. He served 90 days of hard labor at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina. He was transferred to a new unit and was promoted to Sergeant. He is currently assigned to the 23rd MP Company that is presently staged in Kuwait as of November 2006. He has arrived in Kuwait with his unit and has been selected to train Iraqi police.^[54]
• Specialist Roman Krol pled guilty on February 1, 2005 to conspiracy and maltreatment of detainees at Abu Ghraib. He was sentenced to ten months confinement, reduction in rank to private, and a bad conduct discharge.^[55]
• Specialist Israel Rivera, who was present during abuse on October 25, is under investigation but has not been charged and has testified against other soldiers.
• Sergeant Michael Smith was found guilty on March 21, 2006 of two counts of prisoner maltreatment, one count of simple assault, one count of conspiracy to maltreat, one count of dereliction of duty and a final charge of an indecent act, and sentenced to 179 days in prison, a fine of $2,250, a demotion to private, and a bad conduct discharge.

Propaganda is Bad

John T. Simpson believes that propaganda is bad.

He writes for Big Hollywood.

Read a Newspaper Lately?

Rob Enderle:

Apple may be a genius when it comes to branding its products, but when it comes to public relations, the company is in a dead heat with Google for the crown of worst company in the world.

I dunno, it seems to me that there are companies with a worse rep, given, oh, the GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS and all.

Nevertheless how can one disagree that free speech itself is under assault when Apple won't host a baby-shaking app for your iPhone?

Do Monkeys Tweet?

Education Pays

Context.

Six-Year Old: Who's a truck's favourite rapper?
Me: I dunno.
SYO: MF Vroom.

Thunder Must Blog

Geocities to close after 15 years of aesthetic "awesomeness"

Joke About Comedy Writer, Anemia, Irony

Burt attends a Tea Party:

The 3,000 people who showed up at the Van Nuys Civic Center

FAIL

Baby, You're Gonna Be My Queen

A king always knows what he means.

Eating Leather and Tobacco

Cognitive Dissonance

The Scarlet Letter [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

is one of the books every high-school student should have read before graduation. (Full list here.)

04/23 01:20 PM

As if Miss Catholic Family Values upstairs is not enough, looka Rich Galen:

From the King James Bible, Romans 2:19

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay," saith the Lord.

What follows is an article about how Obama might be mean to torturers. The advice is to heed the Bible and not be so judgemental dude! Mellow out!

Read

Can Psychiatrists Really "Cure" Homosexuality?
Masters and Johnson claimed to convert gays to heterosexuality in a 1979 book. But did they?
By Thomas Maier

They Are Punch Drunk With Sinister Goals

Brian Jennings appears to be some kind of goofball.

Because I am a conservative, I am obviously a racist. Because I am a conservative, I am a homophobe. Because I am a conservative, I am Islamaphobic. Because I am a conservative, I am hateful. And, Homeland Security says I’m a right wing extremist. B.S. If conservatives were endangered by global warming, the left would abandon their hysteria about it. The last few weeks have been incredible in terms of the left exerting their new found power. They are punch drunk with sinister goals.

I love that last sentence so much I titled a blog post after it!

What follows is blather about nice, truth-telling conservative media under assault from, er, people who call them names. Lookit:

Much of the media, as Rush Limbaugh says, has become “butt boys” with the administration. The fact of the matter is, there is no journalism in America. There is only conservative talk radio and Fox News to oppose the administration. They, in turn, call us ”tea-baggers.” I didn’t know that was something conservatives spent much time contemplating.

FAGS CALLED US DIRTY NAMES! Let us celebrate the non-hateful non-homophobic character of that paragraph, because it really could have gotten ugly.

Also, particular Conservative Media Personalities have a legitimate and meticulously spelled out argument against Media Matters:

According to many of these conservative media personalities, Media Matters takes comments out of context to further their cause of accusing conservatives of being hateful.

Imagine some silly bugger whose cause is to accuse conservatives of being hateful, but can't quite get there without TAKING CONTEXT AWAY FROM COMMENTS! Such a man might be roaming Pakistan searching for enriched uranium for his context-removal reactor. Also, FAGS:

At a Tea Party rally, I saw some hope and optimism that Americans who have traditional core values are still hopeful. Despite negative press by the mainstream “butt boys”, they are still optimistic that they can have an impact on the future of our great country.

Y'see? Nobody who sees hope that Americans are hopeful could be hateful or homophobic. Only "butt boys" would say so.

The Perils of RSS

LATE-BREAKING UPDATE!

Brent Bozell, Super Detective

Brent Bozell on the job:

After he told Cyrus to make a sex tape and get a heroin addiction, Foxx celebrated: "We back! We back! It's another episode of smell my finger." Slang dictionaries say that last insult "carries an erotic implication."

A Masterful Troll Performance

I stipulate You in Magic Ponyland. The ponies have access to cream buns, the only food available. Without these cream buns, you will die. You have tried other methods, but the only way to get the cream buns is to fuck the ponies.

NOW ADMIT YOU WILL FUCK THE MAGIC PONIES FOR CREAM BUNS!

Octopie

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating an octopie;
He gave it a tweak,
And pulled out a beak,
And said "Really I just want to die."

Goodbye Mr. Ballard

It Is Clear

Watched this today:

George Stephanopoulos: So what is the responsible way? That's my question. What is the Republican plan to deal with carbon emissions, which every major scientific organization has said is contributing to climate change?

House Minority Leader John Boehner, Master of the Pretend Budget: George, the idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical. Every time we exhale, we exhale carbon dioxide. Every cow in the world, you know, when they do what they do, you've got more carbon dioxide. And so I think it's clear...

Okay, carcinogens, climate change, carbon-dioxide, methane, yadda yadda yadda. What's clear to me is that John Boehner compared his breath to cow farts, and this, Americans, is the kind of honesty and clarity you can expect from Republicans.

Video:

Bum!

Excerpted Maggie Gallagher:

Gay-marriage advocates are using their seats of power to punish and shut down debate.

Speaking for the other side from his own seat of power, Robert Tilton:

Guess What? Burt Prelutsky's Mind Wanders!

Burt Prelutsky column. Subject? Let's count!

1. "Recently, I was called cranky"
2. Carl Bernstein is portrayed in movies and that sucks but Che Guevara in movies is worse.
3. Christopher Hitchens will repent when he dies.
4. Women are greedy.
5. Women are terrible women.
6. The greedy terrible women are probably liberals, who hate women.
7. Liberals are hypocrites.
8. Liberals destroyed Cliff Robertson.
9. The UN sucks.
10. Obama's a socialist and everyone knows that's bad except for dummies.
11. Taxes something something.
12. You should be outraged about Obama being near Muslims.

There once was a writer called Burt
Did I tell you all that my feet hurt?
I don't like Charo that much
Some great painters were Dutch
Ladies should really wear skirts.

Democracy Sucks

There's more dumb at the link than this excerpt, but here's Jonah being stupid again:

Most libertarians — and all conservatives — aren't anarchists. They believe in some minimal form of government to ensure what the reader calls democratic government. I would have no problem whatsoever paying 25% of my income to ensure democratic government, if that is what it cost. The problem is that democratic government doesn't cost anywhere close to that. It is deeply misleading or dishonest for liberals to argue that we need high taxation to pay for the security of our democratic liberty while that taxation goes to paying for things that have nothing to do with those liberties and, in many cases, goes to pay for things that are inimical to liberty.

Hmm, I dunno the "liberals" who are arguing only about the cost of the security of our democratic liberty to starve in the street if we get sick or old or just unemployed, but yes, democracy turns out to be a bummer in which some people get their way and others don't. An important practical demonstration of this is called an "election". Strangely, some of these "elections" produce leaders who call themselves "conservatives" and spend like drunken sailors in Drunken Sailor Enticement Land (which I presume would be full of stores full of cute blue-and-white outfits, mops, and nifty whistles), increasing the size and scope and debt of government, and giving themselves the power to do whatever the hell they like with you if they dislike the content of your email. Pictured below is an example of this titan of conservatism Jonah is dreaming of:


Also:

Taxes are tyrannical simply because they are not voluntary.

True for the Wal-Mart greeter who I am sure is upset that the government demands taxes when his kids are being helicoptered to private school, but not true for people rich enough to move. Bye!

Edumacating the Youngster

I suggested this:



But the little one wanted Eric B and Rakim:

Embedding disabled by request, the pricks!!!

But after that, the singalong got her:

Teabaggery

Oolong marchers brought by bus
Fearless men hitch up their truss
Men who mean some things they say
The brave men of Teabag Day

Home-made buttons upon their chest
Men who wheeze and take a rest
One hundred men teabag today
One hundred came on Teabag Day

Trained to live off noodles canned
Trained to march, to marching bands
Weighty men, the scales must say
Earn Nutty Wings on Teabag Day

Tomato sauce upon their chest
Men upon a noble quest
Men who gladly join the fray
Men who yearn for Teabag Day

Back at home a young wife waits
On Teabag Day, a bitter fate
Her man has tried another way
Leaving her on Teabag Day

“Put Nutty Wings on my son’s chest
Have him foul America’s nest
Make him a man of whom they’ll say
‘I want him!’ for Teabag Day”

Hat tip for the idea but surprisingly I ran with the juvenile angle rather than the political one.

Y'know, maybe some context is good:



And the Shame of Seger:

I Laugh At Your Poopy Pants

John Derbyshire lets us know that conservative=ninny.

Litmus Test [John Derbyshire]

One of the downsides of being on the political Right is all those tedious arguments about who is or is not a true conservative. I generally fall asleep in between the fourth and fifth mentions of Ayn Rand, but a lot of Righties seem to get pleasure from that sort of thing.

Seems to me it's quite easy to come up with a litmus test. For example: If you are outraged and disgusted by that DHS report, then you are a conservative. If not, not.

04/15 02:07 PM

Along similar lines and via Mr. Atrios and Media Matters we have Marc Ambinder writing:

If -- and we'll have to see the numbers at the end of the day -- 100,000 Americans show up to protest their taxes, the onus to dismiss them as a nascent political force shifts to the Democrats.

Well, if I was to suggest that .03% of the populace was moderately nutty I'd expect almost everybody would look at me and say "That's it?" after which we'd laugh and hoist a - wait, what's this?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Barack Obama promised Americans his administration would reform the "monstrous" U.S. tax system as millions faced the dreaded annual deadline on Wednesday for filing income tax returns.

Obama used Tax Day, a national ritual of public frustration due to the confusing tax code, to underscore his drive to cut taxes for many Americans while increasing spending to jolt the United States out of its worst recession in decades.

Oh dear. Looks like some positively Clintonian issue theft. Teabaggers, consider yourselves teabagged.

Evil

John Hawkins of list-happy Right Wing News has a list of things that are evil.

Some seem familiar.

3) Passing on information that you know is a lie about a political opponent.



5) Putting an earmark in a bill in order to enrich your friends, family, or yourself.



20) Trying to rig an election, win a seat in the courts that you lost at the ballot box, or trying to insure phony votes are counted.



23) Living off the charity of others or the government dole AND feeling no shame over it.

*

*Funny because it's true!

Ice Moose

There are strange things found in Washington towns
By the men who fish for moose;
The forest trails have their secret tales
That would make your bowels turn loose;
In Newman's Lake the fishers partake
Of the bounty of net and harpoon
But the greatest catch was a frosty batch
Of ice-moose caught under the moon

Eyes Crossing With Awesome

Go read this now. It is funny.

What to say about it?

Self-described Black American Conservative Lloyd Marcus was feted last Friday night before the Santa Barbara Tea Party by famed songwriter Tom Snow at Snow’s fabulous Montecito mansion overlooking the valley and Pacific Ocean beyond.

Ooo! Rootsy!

Pajamas Media TV has discovered him and brought him on board to be the face of PJTV’s American Tea Party project.

Let us spit-take. And embed once more as this, my friends, is promising:

During an hour-long interview on my radio program The Andrea Shea King Show, Lloyd and his wife Mary [...]

I confess this throws me somewhat.

“Oh! And I have to tell you!” he excitedly interrupts himself. “This is a perfect example of the American spirit because the day before the Tea Party, the organizers were told that they could not have a singer! And their venue got scared and backed out. They had already flown me in from Florida."

More grass rootery!

After the rally, emcee and national talk radio host Tammy Bruce passed along a message to Lloyd that Mike Leahy of Top Conservatives on Twitter, or TCOT, wanted to talk to him. Leahy is the publisher and editor of the TCOTreport.com, and has taken the lead in organizing most of the Tea Parties to date. He recently joined Pajamas Media TV where he hosts a regular online Tea Party update newscast.

Et cetera.

Teabaggery

Thanks to Duros62 commenting at Sadly, No!

TV Or Not TV?

Via Rising Hegemon:

B-U-R-P

B is for the Bullshit heaved at me

A recent poll found that 80% of so-called independents favor Democrats over Republicans when it comes to national security. That, in a nutshell, tells us all we need to know about most people who identify themselves as independents or moderates. For if there is any one issue on which sane people would give Republicans the edge, it would be national security.

U is for the Useless one I see

That brings us to the United States, a country that under Obama is rapidly becoming a place that would be unrecognizable to the freedom-loving architects who framed our Constitution and pledged their very lives and fortunes to creating a nation of, by and for the people. It was a nation dedicated to the rights of the individual and based on Judeo-Christian principles, and not one that views Castro’s Cuba through red-colored glasses.

R is Really Really wrong like Mikheil Saakashvili

For instance, in Afghanistan, the farmers recently called for a meeting with U.S. Marines in order to alert them to the fact that they will be in their fields at night harvesting opium poppies. They wanted to make sure that the Marines didn’t take them for members of the Taliban and shoot them by mistake. Like the farmers, I also don’t want our Marines to shoot them by mistake.

P is funnier than T because it's Punnier

As I have always contended, anyone who doesn’t regard himself as a conservative or at least a Republican is nearly always a liberal in sheep’s clothing who simply doesn’t wish to be pigeonholed. I have an acquaintance who kept insisting for years that he was an independent. When I finally pinned him to the wall and demanded he name the last Republican he had voted for, he admitted it was Richard Nixon in 1972! Which makes him just about as independent as Howard Dean or James Carville.

The History of the Earth

Words! Huh Yeah! What Are They Good Ferds? Absolutely Nothing! Uh-Huh!

Jonah Goldberg:

President Obama had a grand time in Europe. He wowed the press, met the queen, gave some wonderful news conferences and got virtually none of the major policy concessions he wanted. But he did do a lot of talking, for what that's worth.

And for Obama, that's worth a lot. During the campaign, then-Sen. Obama made it clear that he thought words meant a great deal. "Don't tell me words don't matter," Obama proclaimed. " 'I have a dream' -- just words? 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal' -- just words? 'We have nothing to fear but fear itself' -- just words? Just speeches?"

Give the man points for consistency. He has put rhetorical innovation on an equal footing with policy innovation.

Following which are two examples of clunky language that omit the all-important word "terror". Because, you know, how could using the word "terror" a lot be misleading and form a crucial part of the propaganda effort to start a war of choice? It'd be like messing around with a word like "fascism" and who's stupid enough to do that?

Even-Handedness

Brent Bozell does not like Seth MacFarlane.

How strong is his condemnation? Let count the number of times he condemns the network airing Seth MacFarlane's work by courageously spelling out their initials:

Now it's ABC's "Nightline" paying homage to "Family Guy," and in the process telling us a lot more about "Nightline" than about this stupid show.

One.

But to ABC, this was a heartwarming story of a Connecticut boy who grew rich by never maturing past the seventh grade.

Two.

The reporter for this segment, titled "Seriously Funny," was ABC's Bill Weir, last seen goofily hailing Barack Obama's inauguration as a day when "even the seagulls must have been awed."

Three.

This is where ABC tossed aside any semblance of fairness in favor of a one-sided puff piece.

Four.

Apparently, there is a line, at least when you're interviewed by ABC News: Don't insult the Kennedys.

Five.

As for anything else, in ABC's eyes, it's "comedic genius."

Six.

Instead, ABC allowed MacFarlane to make an unrebutted argument that the censors are arbitrary and ridiculous.

Seven.

Just like Coke, ABC is defining MacFarlane's deviancy down, welcoming his radioactive TV waste into the "mainstream."

Eight.

Oops, silly me, Seth MacFarlane's work airs on Fox. Let's count these surely equally angry condemnations once more:

Fox's "Comedic Genius"

One.

Our cosmopolitan elites have embraced the smutty Fox cartoon "Family Guy."

Two.

MacFarlane reportedly signed a $100-million contract with Fox and is now working on a third cesspool of a cartoon series.

Three.

Hey! A Quarter In Your Ear! No wait, that's shrapnel.

Okay Americans, we've just ruined the global economy and committed a variety of war crimes for no good reason.

Look over there!

The Ongoing Influence of Samuel Beckett

Possibly the greatest blog post ever is a click away.

Image the Fruitfulness. Go On, Image It.

Wake up, Maggie I think I got something to say to you:

Same-sex marriage is quite different from bans on interracial marriage in one powerful respect: It asks religious Americans to surrender a core belief -- no, not Leviticus (disapproval of gay sexual acts), but Genesis -- the idea that God himself made man male and female and commanded men and women to come together in a special way to image the fruitfulness of God.

You're aware that Genesis is the bullshittiest part of the Bible, right?

Mark Steyn: Crazy or Stupid?

Why split the crazy stupid baby?

And, if you mandate small cars and child-seat regulations, don't be surprised if the size of the American family starts heading south, too.

I'm miming a box! The box is getting smaller - and I am getting even shorter! Look at me mime!

Having More Than One

SUPER-IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!

There Are Spokesmen and There Are Spokesmen

From forked tongue in comments at The Poor Man Institute:



Thanks to Bimler, something better:

Wowsers

Chesley Sullenberger vs. Bernard Madoff: who has accomplished the greater good?

The answer.

Via Pharyngula.

Ted Nugent Stealing George Will's Titles

Old Rock and Roller Determined to Bore

Wait, that's not it. It's

Ted Nugent: Of Crockett and de Tocqueville

Among other such gems we find:

While travelling around America in the 1830s, French statesman Alex de Tocqueville observed, “The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.”

Really, JanusNode can do better than this.

Proof Positive That the Kid Is Mine

Me: EWWWW! What is that dripping out of your mouth?
Kid: Hatchling goop.

Rejection

In other words, the Vatican is rubber - no wait a minute...

Resolved: Newsweek is a Leftist Magazine

Note the decline of Newsweek:

It’s hard to argue Newsweek hasn’t fully embraced the ideological left.

Clearly. Proof follows in the form of someone talking with an actress about a protein bar.

Note to Bimler: Homo sibi destruens sighting.

The Thor/Manowar Connection

Black clouds on the horizon
Great thunder and burning rain
Her chariot pounding,
I heard the heavens scream her name

I watched as she shouted
To the giants that died that day
She held up her hammer high
And called to Odin for a sign

Gorin the mighty, Gorin the brave
Crush the infidels in your way
By your hammer let none be saved
Live to die on that final day
Gods, Monsters and Men
We'll die together in the end

Goddess of thunder, god of rain
Earth shaker who feels no pain
The powerhead of the Universe
Now send your never ending curse

Swing your hammer to crack the sky
Lift your cape so that you might fly
Back to Odin and the Gods on High
And leave this mortal world

Pride and History

Let's do some selective editing:



Slab II is a pretty cool name.

Who Is John Galt?

A G20 protest photo gallery from The Guardian.

Better view of the Galt sign:



It's the new John 3:16.

I Miss Prez

I had this issue.

Someone requests Thor video:

Teh Academic World Penetrated

A recent e-mail: