Pride and History

Let's do some selective editing:



Slab II is a pretty cool name.

Who Is John Galt?

A G20 protest photo gallery from The Guardian.

Better view of the Galt sign:



It's the new John 3:16.

I Miss Prez

I had this issue.

Someone requests Thor video:

Teh Academic World Penetrated

A recent e-mail:

Laugh Attack

Funnywoman Julia Gorin:

Ever notice how as the threat of global terrorism reaches a crescendo, so apparently does the threat of global climate change?

No.

Suffer:



Suffer more:



The audio is charmingly out of sync on that last one. I'm thinking of snagging the video, fixing it, and reposting it to YouTube because the participants should never ever live it down.

Michael Steele Revealed

Problems

Seeing the president on TV a lot is just like seeing Paris Hilton on TV a lot. How can Obama avoid blowing Rick Salomon?

Also Democrats are much like roaches, but worse. Articles such as these prove conclusively that the white male is the Jew of Liberal Fascism.

The Persian Version

Jack Bauer Meets Barack Obama
by Diana West

The following takes place in an unseen episode of "24."

Um, no shit.

A mind-boggling assault of stupid follows, largely about Iran. It's worth reading. A bit near the end is terrific:

The President: "Thank you all. That was great. I've been wanting to do that for a long time. Now, when is the Islamic Republic of Iran's actual Independence Day -- or whatever they call it? Maybe we can send them a cake, or pie, or something."

How utterly damning.

Christ! The Horror!

President McCain I mean.

Send This Man Money

Thai 'Spider-Man' to the rescue

An unusual disguise has helped a Bangkok fireman rescue an eight-year-old boy who had climbed on to a third-floor window ledge, Thai police say.

Veronica DiPooppoo

A crazy fucking weirdo named Veronica DiPippo writes:

The story of Og and Bog would have no place in hypothetical history were it not for the fact that, apparently, Og went on to father Homo sapiens (“knowing human”) while Bog went on to father an entire subspecies known as Homo sibi destruens (“man destroying himself”). Though they appear physically identical and share a majority of cognitive abilities, Homo sibi destruens (“HSD”) is decidedly different from Homo sapiens in one critical area: they are unable to absorb the lessons of history.

Standouts of this subspecies can easily be spotted governing countries, running the 111th Congress, starring in films, chairing U.N. committees, controlling the White House and keeping the flames of socialism and communism flickering the world over.

Crazy shrooming visions aside, the lesson I see is IT'S ALL ABOUT RACE, PAL.

Found in the Six-Year Old's Bed

Ha Ha!

It's funny because the torturer already has the guy immobilized on a board and we all know that's torture anyway!

Satisfaction

Look, let's be serious: few things give me more satisfaction than slurping on a Chubby. What could make that Chubby better? Tell me that Chubby's an Orange Swish Chubby and my throat is yours forever.

Off Adventuring

Gone for a week or so.

Consider, if you will, ADULT Wii GAMES.

Science Says Europe Sucks

A precis of Charles Murray's 2009 Irving Kristol Lecture at the American Enterprise Institute's Annual Dinner:

America's current leaders seem to be leading us down the path to European-style social democracy. But although it makes for pleasant lives

Oh?

the European model stifles human flourishing and erodes the civic and cultural institutions and habits that make for a vibrant, sustainable, and satisfying way of life.

Oh.

Moreover, critics of the European model are about to get a boost from scientific discoveries in neuroscience and genetics that human nature is not malleable, which will undercut the foundations of social democracy.

Indeed: the Charles Murrays of the world should not be treated as equals because they are dense.

The answer: American exceptionalism, in which individuals freely unite to construct a civic culture.

The answer is WE'RE AWESOME!

Not convinced? Let us leave the dry and flavourless summary and hear, from the man himself, PROOF THAT EUROPE SUCKS:

Last April I had occasion to speak in Zurich, where I made some of these same points. After the speech, a few of the twenty-something members of the audience approached and said plainly that the phrase "a life well-lived" did not have meaning for them. They were having a great time with their current sex partner and new BMW and the vacation home in Majorca, and saw no voids in their lives that needed filling.

Popularity

Look:

Republicans say President Obama is spreading himself too thinly on popular initiatives, while Americans suffer under the burden of a collapsing economy.

Bring forth the unpopular initiatives:

1. Doughnut tax.
2. Ear-splitting Tuesdays.
3. Newspaper taxis made of real ham.
4. The French Are Better Than Us Day.
5. Mandatory attendance at the George W. Bush "Why I Was A Good President" Lectures

Too Bad

Iraqi who threw shoes at Bush jailed for 3 years

By HAMZA HENDAWI – 3 hours ago

BAGHDAD (AP) — A court convicted an Iraqi journalist of assault Thursday for hurling his shoes at George W. Bush and sentenced him to three years in prison, prompting an outburst from his family and calls for his release from Iraqis who consider him an icon for a nation decimated by war.

[...]

What Would Make You Think of Zimbabwe?

Absolute Power is Absolutely Boring

If Burt Prelutsky was boss he would:

1. Censor movies
2. Do something about baseball
3. Fire an unspecified amount of politicians
4. Make sure some other people he doesn't like are somehow humiliated
5. Try George Soros for Nazi collaboration
6. Make people shut up about the Fairness Doctrine to thwart all those powerful Democrats he just fired

Most of this doesn't sound too bad I guess, and the fact that there currently isn't a pressing need for the government to do anything about anything - I checked! - means I'd be willing to give Burt a spin.

I look forward to his thrilling speeches.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

America's Favorite Humorist:

Erma Bombeck?
Mark Twain?
David Sedaris?
Will Rogers?
Patrick McManus?
Garrison Keillor?
Bill Cosby?
There we go.

Nostalgia

Roll Play

Praise be to the weird/strange RSS feed for it gives us an advice column you will never encounter again:

Dear Lauren: My husband and I are in our early 40’s and have been married fifteen years. We have jobs, two kids, and just like every other couple these days, have a mound of bills to pay. I consider us a normal, American family. In the last few months, my husband and I have been, “experimenting”, in the bedroom. Instead of just regular sex, we’ve been watching porn, roll playing, and playing some games.

Okay okay, she asks if she's weird, and in the answer:

Who’s to say that Barack and Michelle Obama don’t roll play, that Nora Roberts and her husband don’t watch porn, or that your next door neighbors don’t play wild sex games after they tuck their kids in at night?

Roll play: it's what's for dinner.

I tried to post a comment but the BAKED-GOOD FUCKERS BLOCKED ME FOR INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE!!!

A Comedy Milestone

This is less funny than Julia Gorin.

Tokyo Rose LaHood: You Want The Change
by Tim Slagle

Hello Republicans, This is your old friend Tokyo Rose LaHood. I want to take this moment to say hi to all my fellow Republicans whom I love so dearly.

Don’t you feel silly in your little foxholes, fighting for a cause you cannot win? Europeans are laughing at us. We were the nation that put a man on the moon, and yet we think health care has to be paid for. You are making us the laughing stock of the world.

And so forth. I gather the funny part is that, uh, forget it.

Opportunity Knocks

UC Berkeley leaders warn of cuts
By Matt Krupnick
Bay Area News Group
Posted: 03/10/2009 04:48:19 PM PDT

UC Berkeley leaders warned today of drastic cuts to campus operations, including layoffs and other staffing reductions.

When you're facing a $70 million shortfall maybe letting Mr. Torture go gets easier.

A Real Man Speaks

Glenn Beck thinks it's obvious Obama's a socialist:

Continuing and expanding socialist policies doesn't make you a capitalist.

He closes with a call to action:

Who Barack Obama really is should now be pretty obvious. But maybe that's the wrong question to ask. Maybe what you should be asking is, who are you? What do you believe in? And, most importantly, what kind of America do you want to live in?

Take THAT Thomas Sowell.

The threat that faces us:

Identity Issues

Thanks for clearing that up, YouTube. Hyuk.

UPDATE!

Rod's a Dick

Rod Dreher's a hideous person of course, but DJW says something that needed saying. Dreher's imaginary small-town paradise is hell for young homosexuals and he wants it that way.

More Old Video

Just making sure I remember to keep Debbie in mind.



Oh, and Confederate Yankee:

Your Redemption Within Reach

Burt Prelutsky has decided that since liberals lost the election they need to shape up. To this end he has constructed a comprehensive 12 Step Program.

First, though, they have to acknowledge that Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, John Murtha, Dick Durbin, Charles Rangel, Harry Reid and Charles Schumer, are not moderates, but, rather, leftists with a Socialist agenda.

Okay, there's Step One. Because it is First. Right?

WRONG.

Furthermore, they must recognize that the New York Times, the Washington Post, the L.A. Times, CNN, the three major networks, the news magazines and the New Yorker, are not objective in their reporting of political events, and neither are Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann and Bill Maher, in their commentary.

This last is surely Step One, you would say to yourself if you were not a hippie anarchist. Yet this fantasy you who pays close attention to Burt Prelutsky is somehow also wrong.

Step #1: It is high time that every American be guaranteed the right to speak freely. It is not reserved solely for left-wing college students who wish to take advantage of the first amendment to shout down conservatives. At the same time, they must not construe the conservative’s right to dismiss them as arrogant idiots as censorship.

Faked out! Not Step One but Step #1 because you need to see that little number sign to warn you that A Digit Approacheth, Stupid! In any case free speech is NOT ABOUT SPEAKING FREELY. No construing neither.

Step #2: Affirmative action argues that African Americans and Latinos are intellectually inferior and are unable to compete academically unless other students are handicapped because of their race.

At this Second or Fourth Step you might well wonder "Are these really steps? Actual twelve-step programs give direction and aren't just a list of things that the program head is cranky about." Someone is construing and should shut up and watch this drive.

Step #3: Liberals always claim to be in favor of higher taxes, agreeing with Bill Clinton that the government invariably spends money more wisely than those who actually earn it.

Ha ha! Burt's got my number! My number three or five. Mind you, Mr. Breitbart is blowing money on Big Hollywood whereas the government could be funding exciting new research and pornography.

Step #4: Even the most secular of liberals seems to believe that Jimmy Carter is a saint.

This cult must be eradicated. Without a strong belief in St. Carter no liberal could enact COMMUNISM.

Step #5: Stop insisting that all wars are bad.

Attention liberals: all wars are now stinky. Moving on.

Step #6: Repeat after me, “Separation of church and state” exists nowhere in the Constitution.

Well, here we have another actual instruction you may follow. Our Step Count is therefore 6 or 8 or 4 or maybe 5, depending. Burt knows enough to KEEP LIBERALS GUESSING.

Step #7: Stop using the word “big” as a pejorative.

YES! STOP THAT LIBERALS!

On the other hand, big government, which so many liberals simply adore, represents a usurpation of the allegedly inalienable rights of individuals.

ONLY CONSERVATIVES MAY USE "BIG" PEJORATIVELY!

Free speech: complex issue or SHUT UP?

Step #8: Acknowledge that the United Nations is, in the main, an aggregation of venal diplomats who live high off the hog in New York City while representing the most corrupt and vicious regimes in the history of the world.

The Maltese may be lying low, but soon the rivers will RUN BROWN WITH MALTEDS!

Step #9: Do not keep insisting that at a time when nearly all the large scale evil in the world is being perpetrated by Muslims that racial profiling is anything but a sensible approach to airport security.

Please ignore the pale Yalies.

Step #10: Stop trying to pretend that illegal aliens are the same as legal immigrants just so you can claim the moral high ground and accuse those of us who are opposed to open borders of being racists.

Who wants the moral high ground anyway? NICE PEOPLE?

Step #11: Once and for all, stop forgiving murderers.

Everyone enjoys a nice smoke after forgiving a murderer, but some of you people are up to two packs a day.

Step #12: Stop bashing the U.S. military and the Boy Scouts.

Free speech: SHUT UP or SHUT UP?

The only reason you have the ability to shoot your mouth off is because men and women braver and better than you sacrificed life and limb for your right to do so.

Anyone who mentions the ACLU will BE GIVEN AN ADDITIONAL STEP.

Step #13: Let us all agree that while being a woman, a black, a Jew, a Catholic, a Mormon or even a gay, for that matter, should in no way preclude anyone from being elected president of the United States, none of those things constitutes a very good reason to vote for someone.

Way to go, smartass. He had to go to EVEN A GAY.

Gary Graham Still Auditioning for Renew America

In addition to other silliness, the predoubtable Mr. Graham writes:

The President, as evidenced by the recent election, is a master salesman. The Salesman-in-Chief. Unfortunately for Mr. Obama, Wall Street is not buying. They are having a tough time wrapping their collective heads around the concept that the way to juice the economy is to plunge the nation into a staggering multi-trillion dollar debt.

Everyone knows that the solons of Wall Street are very careful with money which is why everything is perfect.

The Greatness of Me

Larry Kudlow uses an entire column to reprint mail from an Important Person telling Larry Kudlow how great it would be if Larry Kudlow continued doing exactly what Larry Kudlow is doing because Larry Kudlow is awesome.

Saturday Morning Watchmen

Curiosity and Discovery

While trying to track a package I stumbled across the UPC Database. Look:

This free service is run as a hobby of mine.

Okay then. Thanks! Seems to lean somewhat to the Bert side of the Bert-Ernie Fun Continuum, so [loses train of thought] Okay, let's enter BUTT. Ha ha! [Whoa, ENTER BUTT!]

Switch Black Euro Push Butt
Skunkweed Chunky Butt Funky CD
Sensafirm Beginner Butt Plug
3M IDC communication Connectors UY BUTT CONN JELLY
IDC UR-R BUTT CONNECTORS
Boudreaux's Butt Paste
JM CASE READY BUTT/SHANK LSWA
SH BUTT-SHANK PORTION HAM
LOREAL COULUER EXPERTE BUTT
G/N Butt Mini Rice Cake
Beavis And Butt-Head: Butt-o-ween
BGM4 4 BUTT GAUGE MARKER
PIK-A-NUT 20-24 Gauge Waterproff solder filled Butt
ORTHO WEDGE CUSHION/WAGAN TECH
JAMES HAM BUTT PORT
Kick Butt Kombo
Cat Butt Gum - Peppermint
Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996) 10th Anniversary Edition
Beavis And Butt-Head Do America (CHECKPOINT)
Beavis & Butt-Head Do America

Most satisfying.

Readers of Comics Should Not Be Mocked

Truly there is no reason at all to laugh at the fanboys.



Have I read every X-Men-related comic there ever was? I do not know but I am trying. (Well, not entirely true, there were some non-continuity Rob Liefeld things that I just skipped an
[Certain pixels in this post were eaten by the cat. My apologies.]

Nationalize Atlas Shrugged!

It's the rational thing to do.

Lookit this creepy thing:



That is part one of SEVENTEEN videos dramatizing the Galt speech. It's a long speech, so who the fuck knows how many videos are yet to be realized.

Oh what the hell, here's #17:


Views for part one? 72140 as of this writing. 361 for part 17.

Old Stuff

Seems to have vanished from Google Video, so here, suffer through it again:

Not the Headline I Would Have Chosen

Attack on Sri Lankan cricket team plunges game into chaos

Cogitational Super Powers, Activate!

Thomas Sowell asks if talk is cheap:



Well, I'm stumped.

Cheap Jokes Made Even Cheaper With Technology

Bitches Ruined Dirk Benedict!

It's true!

Of course, [Benedict's] roguish skirt-chasing characters became popular just as Hollywood was undergoing a significant cultural shift: Women were beginning to find a place in Tinseltown. “As more and more women became executives,” he says, “they loved me and they hated me. But when they got power, there was a great joy in being able to tell me what to do when I came in to audition. I think maybe they all had a guy in their past that had some of that in them, and it was revenge.”

(Baby with Candy) - Baby = Candy for Me

Crazy assholes with a bong always come up with some dumb fucking idea. And then there are crazy assholes without bongs:

Happy Birthday to You! [John J. Miller]

Today is the birthday of the late Dr. Seuss. (Have you seen Google yet?) He certainly wasn't a conservative. The Lorax is a parable of anti-capitalism and The Butter Battle Book is a peacenik's morally equivalent take on the Cold War. Even so, I've always maintained that his book I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew is deeply anti-utopian. Others have extracted a pro-life rallying cry from Horton Hears a Who: "a person's a person no matter how small." And a few have detected anti-socialist themes in Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose.

There is a smidge more available at the link. Masochists only.

I'm "Scared"

Consider below: "He stops exciting things from happening!" Would that it were true of the last eight years ma'am.

My Lovely Daughter

She's the one in black.

A further illustration:

Stimulus

Via Pharyngula we see that red states require more porn.

When will Obama think of the needs of the common meat-beater?

News I Can Use

I went looking for Michelle's arms but I believe they have been smuggled over the Syrian border.

Why Didn't I Expect This?

What overbroad and overblown characters need to really shine is a medium that can tone some of that down and make them human.

"...carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating eyebrows..."

So I says "Gary," I says, "the great thing about us liberal communist fascists is that we have the integrity to NEVER DROP ROTATING EYEBROWS ON SCOTT STAPP." And he says "The fact is you are wrong and human nature dictates that a rational actor will drop rotating eyebrows on Scott Stapp" and so right there and then I bet him NINE DOLLARS that no way would my comrades and comradettes ever do such a thing.

UPDATE: MR. STAPP HAS AN ENTICINGLY LARGE FOREHEAD.

PELICAN A AIR AM AROUND BADGER BRICK CAT CLAM CUZ DED DOOD DRAG DRINKED DUST EATED FORGOT FUNNY GET GOO HA I IF IT ITS JOKE KIN SHREDS MAH MAKE MUSTASH NO NOO NOW ON OOPS POO POOP POOPS POST SMART TEH TELL U WONT WURDZ RATE FOR
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

I Agree that Burt Prelutsky is Old

The staff do not allow Mr. Prelutsky to see movies:

In fact, the last time I recall a movie about a professor that any normal person would wish to spend time with was the 1948 release, “Apartment for Peggy,” and even in that one, Edmund Gwenn spent most of his time planning to commit suicide.

That's embarrassing enough, but here:

Feeling, as I do, that most professors, aside from those teaching science or math, are over-paid, under-worked, left-wing narcissists infatuated with the sound of their own voices, it makes perfect sense that it would be nearly impossible to make a movie about them that wasn’t a slapstick comedy.

And there we have it. Because I can't remember stuff, THOSE GUYS SUCK!

Sleep soundly:

How Will the Academy Survive the Loss of a Small Subset of Cretins?

Andrew Klavan:

So let me make sure I have this straight. They make movies belittling our troops while they’re in harm’s way; they despise the manners and morals of most Americans; their patriotism is dependent on the results of the last election. And now they get together to give each other prizes and we’re supposed to care because… why?

You are not supposed to care. Nobody invites the nosepicker to the party.

Just Desserts

Dessert battles abound here:

Kid: Wait wait! You forgot dessert!
Me: There's no dessert after breakfast.
Kid: You promised!
Me: When did I promise that?
Kid: You forgot to promise!

Dystopia

Disappointed Chris Muir:

In the liberal future hot babes are not allowed to wear hot clothes.

Independence and Strength

308813062 (1 day ago) Show Hide
People are ridiculously stupid. They rate poorly the comments of those who are for Tom, and those who are against him get good rates! FU! Rate my comment however u want, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!

UPDATE:

I just got this stupid account and it's already downloaded the contents of my brain:



A FURTHER AND MORE IMPORTANT UPDATE:

308813062 has a prior comment in Russian. Let us use the Interhorn of Plenty to sort it all out:

I AGREE COMPLETELY.

Curse You Rusty Shackleford

Tigrismus Enhanced:



FYI here's the construction for anyone with access to a Mac:

Go to userscripts.org and get something that'll download video off YouTube. Download whatever you're interested in.

I could not bear to watch the whole Crowder video, or indeed the first minute of it. To get the stills I used Quicktime (you'll need to register it somehow, har har) and exported the video to an image sequence. Choosing stills that look like they might represent certain sounds is then pretty easy. Naming the stills after the sounds keeps 'em organized; I harvested at least a couple of each sound I expected Stapp to mutter. Avoided looking up the lyrics.

iMovie 3.03 lets you drop stills on a timeline, and you can squish or stretch the duration of still A by sliding still B after it to the right or left. Drop stills as appropriate. Slipping bits of audio in is trivial. The sandwich required one frame of sophistimacated Photoshoppery which you can see at the 30 second mark.

So: really not too much work at all. Which explains why I am so so very productive.

A First

Used at LGM:

"I hear the streets are paved with pork."

Republicans: behind the curve.

Mike Long, Corrupted By Hollywood

First:

Update: Still No Late Night Obama Humor
by Tim Slagle

In the short span between my last review and today, we’ve seen the President sign a stimulus package so full of pork that Obama’s father would have been forbidden to touch it, along with a

Yeah yeah, Mr. Boring. Who gives a shit?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 5:16 am in Media Criticism, Political Humor | Comments (74)

I see. Moving on...

Eat Yer Peas, Drink Yer Milk
by Mike Long

Surely many gay Americans have seen Gus Van Sant’s Milk through tears of joy because it marks a long-hoped-for arrival. For the first time in mainstream entertainment (at least, this is the picture that got all the fanfare), the history of the gay rights movement is presented as an elemental and welcome part of the story of the U.S., and not as a sidebar or novel supplement to the Great Historical Narrative.

Gays deserve equal rights. As a human being, that’s the only position I can possibly hold. However, you can be in complete solidarity with the cause of gay rights and not care much for Milk.

Hey, Reasonable Person! How'd that go?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 5:19 am in Reviews | Comments (0)

Huh. Well I can't believe that the normally lively and jumping Big Hollywood would suddenly get an intertube crammed by some kind of technical...oh here we go:

10,000 Violent Women and One Screenwriter, Part V
by Robert J. Avrech

Note: Links to previous chapters are found at the end of this post.

EXT. PRISON - DAY
The Screenwriter, alternately known to the inmates as Mr. Hollywood, Mr. Screenplay Writer and Mr. Clueless, sits with Eden, an attractive prisoner who is

So what, you're a perv. Anybody care?

Posted Feb 19th 2009 at 6:25 am in Entertainment | Comments (16)

Well, back to normal I guess.

Haw.

Context.

FAIL

"I said, 'Good morning, welcome to the Crystal Cathedral.' " She asked the man, "Where are you from?" He replied, "Oh, from around here." He handed Spicer a folded note written in Magic marker. Tucked into the middle of the note was his driver's license and what appeared to be a business card. As he was walking down the aisle, she began reading the note, which referred to a truck in the parking lot and a gun.

"The next minute, there was a pop," Spicer said. "I thought he was praying. I didn't realize he had shot himself."

Yvette Manson, a volunteer usher, said she was talking to the tourists when she heard a shot that she likened to a firecracker. "I had just been telling them about the suicide prevention ministry we have."

I Am Awful

Wrestler's chihuahua
Rests in the last sleeper hold
Wake at Taco Bell

Gamecock On!

Witness:

That time passed over twenty years ago, with the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause.

There’s a…hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea,

There’s a hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea,

There’s a hole, there’s a hole,

There’s a hole in the election of Barack Obama as the first black President being the result of the proof of the passing of the need, not the cause in the bottom of the sea.

Addendum

Silly atheist gets a poetical come-uppance here.

I wrote a naïve additional verse:

The atheist’s pain is sent by God
Who torments them with glee
And yet as flesh gets poked with prod
The luckless in the theist squad
Say “Where’s the gain for me?”

What follows that in the thread, thanks to Rich Puchalsky, are a variety of pointers to explanations that yes, an atheist in torment is a boon to theists. Yes indeed. No doubt about it.

The Wail of Disappointment

Mike Long:

Horror pictures have become an assembly-line operation. They rarely feature an original story and differ from each other only in the order in which they deploy the standard scary-movie tricks such as Loud Noise During Quiet Passage, Surprise Face In Mirror, Evil Child With Horrifying Prediction, and Creepy Image On Common Item.

There are young, will-work-for-cheap writers and directors out there who could have given Friday the 13th a surprising and engaging new direction.

Yes, they could totally have done that. Instead, THE REMAKE OF FRIDAY THE 13TH IS UNIMPRESSIVE.

UPDATE:

Dialogue with Children

At fast-food dispensary:

Child: Let's do it backwards.
Me: What?
C: We eat the dessert first.
M: No.
C: But backwards is my favourite opposite!

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

M: Are you chewing gum?
C: Yeah.
M: Where did you sneak it?
C: A pack in my room. I am a sneaker and my dad is an old tennis shoe.

A Promising Start

From A Story without Heroes: The Cautionary Tale of Malt Liquor:

At Gluek Brewing in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Alvin Gluek had a similar idea in 1942. The grandson of the brewery's founder, Alvin was happiest in the laboratory, tinkering. And one day, he found a way to brew a beer that would use less malt but have more of a kick. He named his malt liquor Sparkling Stite by Gluek [...]

Okay, not so promising.

Alternate names:

Gluek's Glitter
Alvinhol
Maltese Fullcan
Guts Beer
Torrid Water

This Seems Obvious...

...but Creed sucks.

Thanks t4toby.

Information YOU Can USE

Gentlemen, SHIELD THE EYES OF YOUR CHILDREN, for these are

Strange facts about the father of evolution

YES THEY ARE! For it seems that

Darwin was squeaky clean, but not everything about him was normal
By Robin Lloyd
updated 1:19 p.m. PT, Wed., Feb. 11, 2009

Did I not warn you? Don your protective gear AS WE LEARN THESE STRANGE FACTS WHICH ARE EDITED FOR BREVITY!

Stinky feet [...]
Tough dad [...]
Seasick [...]
Missing the boat — Darwin almost missed the boat (OK, the ship) that took him to the Galapagos Islands [...]
Iffy on marriage [...]
Foot-dragger — Darwin delayed the publication of On the Origin of Species for more than two decades [...]
Almost scooped — In the late 1850s, it became clear to Darwin that British naturalist Alfred Russel Wallace also had come up with a similar theory of evolution [...]
Ho-hum reaction — The publication of Darwin's and Wallace's work was a non-event at first. [...]
Family losses — Darwin and his wife had 10 children, but three of them died at young ages [...]
Christian, then agnostic [...]
Sickly life — Darwin was incapacitated by various illnesses of unknown origin for much of his adult life [...]

I have said that Robin Lloyd refused to tell me what final horror made her scream out so insanely-a horror which, I feel sadly sure, is mainly responsible for her present breakdown. We had snatches of shouted conversation above the wind’s piping and the engine’s buzzing as we reached the safe side of the range and swooped slowly down toward the camp, but that had mostly to do with the pledges of secrecy we had made as we prepared to leave the nightmare city. Certain things, we had agreed, were not for people to know and discuss lightly-and I would not speak of them now but for the need of heading off that Gregg Easterbrook Expedition, and others, at any cost. It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests.

THIS POST TOOK MERE MOMENTS TO UPDATE:
Immediately after composing this I noticed that the author obligingly seeks out Gregg Easterbrook for some fucking reason.

Random Thoughts by Thomas Sowell

Lookit:

One of the most important skills for political success is the ability to make confident assertions of absurdities or lies.

Um...

I hate to hear about "partnerships" between government and business, or between government and other organizations. When there is a partnership between an ant and an elephant, who do you suppose makes the decisions?

This metaphor also works wonders with personal relationships.

There are too many people, especially among the intelligentsia, who will never appreciate the things that have made this country great until after those things have been destroyed -- with their help. Then, of course, it will be too late.

I confess: my Ph.D. project involves filling the Grand Canyon.

Do you want to have to jump through bureaucratic hoops when you are sick? If not, why would you be in favor of government-run medical care?

TO AVOID PAPERWORK. You'll have to trust me on this one.

Democrats could sell refrigerators to Eskimos before Republicans could sell them blankets.

Poor Eskimos: no blankets!

I know that there are still voices of sanity around because I have counted them-- on one hand.

[Crickets.]

Our economic problems worry me much less than our political solutions, which have a far worse track record.

That's because none of those political solutions have Made This Country Great. [See above, you forgetful thing you.]

The great sense of urgency of the Obama administration to get legislation to authorize slow-moving spending projects may seem inconsistent. But the urgency is real, even if the reasons given are not. The worse case scenario for the administration would be to have the economy begin to recover on its own before this massive spending bill is passed, reducing their chances of creating the kind of politically directed economy they want.

Yes, it would be terrible if things were going well come the next election.

I realized how far behind the times I am when I saw a TV commercial for some weight-loss product, showing Marie Osmond "before" and "after." I thought she looked great "before."

Ladies and gentlemen, the genius of Thomas Sowell.

Via Mr. Xecklothxayyquou Gilchrist

Somewhat old, but NOT TO ME SO THERE.

This year, 2009 marks the 43rd anniversary of the Royal Guardsmen's release of the hit record Snoopy vs. The Red Baron. This is a milestone not to be taken lightly.

[...]

No band returning from that long ago has the original members or any new recorded material out there for the Fans. Maybe they have run their course. The Royal Guardsmen have a great idea for celebrating the anniversary. Our course is clear and we think you're going to like this one. Snoopy vs. Osama is now for sale at www.shop.theroyalguardsmen.com

Happy 43rd Anniversary!

Source as usual.

The National Review on Brazil

Does irony have to be physically painful?

# 22: The Best Conservative Movies of the Last 25 Years [S.T. Karnick]

Brazil (1985): Vividly depicting the miserable results of elitist utopian schemes, Terry Gilliam’s Brazil portrays a darkly comic dystopia of malfunctioning high-tech equipment and the dreary living conditions common to all totalitarian regimes. Everything in the society is built to serve government plans rather than people. The film is visually arresting and inventive, with especially evocative use of shots that put the audience in a subservient position, just like the people in the film. Terrorist bombings, national-security scares, universal police surveillance, bureaucratic arrogance, a callous elite, perversion of science, and government use of torture evoke the worst aspects of the modern megastate.

— S. T. Karnick blogs at stkarnick.com.

UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan late to the party. Go figure.

Based on a True Story

Tumblerina, Tumblerina tiny drunken thing
Tumblerina dance, Tumblerina sing
Tumblerina what’s the difference if you’re very small?
When your glass is full of booze you’re nine feet tall

Though you’re no bigger than my thumb
Than my thumb, than my thumb
Sweet Tumblerina have some rum
Now now now, ah ah ah, come come come

Tumblerina, Tumblerina hooch besotten gal
Tumblerina laugh, everybody's pal
Tumblerina what’s the difference if you have one more?
If you plan on walking now you'll hit the floor

Though you’re no bigger than my toe
Than my toe, than my toe
Sweet Tumblerina keep that glow
And you’ll throw and you’ll throw and you’ll throw...up!

Tumblerina, Tumblerina puking on her dress
Tumblerina pee, Tumblerina mess
Tumblerina what’s the difference ambulance or hearse?
When you go out drinking you're a fucking curse.

The Rudiments of Perfume-Bottle French

Six-year old: [Unintelligible] is a kind of beer.
Me: What?
SYO: [Unintelligible] is a kind of beer.
Me: Huh?
SYO: LAAAAAZZZHHHAY is a kind of beer!
Me: Oh. You mean "lager".


Also go see the beginning of Snag and Jennifer's menagerie. They're up to C.

Boners

The Not-Really-the-President has gone too far!

CHANGING OF THE GUARD
Obama's Justice pick supports porn 'rights'
Ogden's clientele, legal arguments, raise alarms
Posted: February 03, 2009
8:58 pm Eastern
By Bob Unruh
© 2009 WorldNetDaily

President Obama has expressed his belief the U.S. Constitution should be interpreted through the lens of current events, and now he's apparently preparing to install as a senior official at the U.S. Justice Department a lawyer who goes one step further, advocating for constitutional protections for abortionists, pornographers and protesters.

Is there a scarier opening paragraph than one which threatens you with rights?

Distance Politics

Following is a bit from something I found after reading this and trying to figure out what the deal was. Follow the link for more.

I called Richard to tell him that he had won the Republican nomination. There was a long pause. He said that he was flattered, but in order to avoid injective "personalities" into the campaign, he would stay in Hawaii. I agreed to form a campaign committee to do the dirty work for him. I thought of the best talent to utilize for a man who--after all--is to take care of the dirt problem in the state, and called on Jon Gallant, a geneticist at the University of Washington, Gene Johnston, and old newspaper writer and commentator on KRAB, and herb Hannum, the only mystical architect I've ever met or heard of. Between the four of us, we fabricated a campaign.

We had seven weeks in which to get our candidate's name in front of the public. Since we weren't about to spend the $100,000 necessary to win public office, we decided on press releases--some whiff of freshness, as compared to all the gunk sent out by other uh . . . REAL candidates.

Our first press release went as follows:

Richard A.C. Greene, Republican candidate for Land Commissioner, fired his opening salvo in what promises to be a ferocious campaign, demanding that the state of Idaho annex a large part of Eastern Washington, especially Spokane.

"The so-called Inland Empire is a trackless waste contributing nothing to the Evergreen State but rattlesnakes and nitwits," Greene thundered from his headquarters in Honolulu. "I'd offer that sandpile to Idaho and if they didn't accept it, I'd invade. It's high time Washington had a foreign policy anyway."

Greene, who knocked off four opponents in the G.O.P. primary with the ingenious strategy of leaving the country, levels no criticism at Democrat incumbent Bert Cole, who has no noticeable foreign policy. "Cole is simply too good a man for this job," opined Greene. "I'd like to see him move on to something more challenging."

The author is apparently Lorenzo Milam who appears to do lots of interesting things all over the place, not least here.

Gruel: Too Nutritious?

I get an undeserved shout-out here, which is nice, but the virtue in the post is the fun to be had at Dinesh D'Souza's expense when he argues that government services should be shitty to allow rich folks to purchase advantages that the poor can't have. Seriously.

I Worry About Dry Heat Saunas

This is about as terrific a piece of law as you could ask for:

None of the amounts appropriated or otherwise made available under this act may be used for any casino or other gambling establishment, aquarium, zoo, golf course, swimming pool, stadium, community park, museum, theater, arts center, or highway beautification project, including renovation, remodeling, construction, salaries, furniture, zero-gravity chairs, big-screen televisions, beautification, rotating pastel lights, and dry heat saunas.

More of Why Jonah Goldberg is a Worthless Asshole

I think we all remember Goldberg's scaremongering.

Here's a video I never wanted to see:



Main story here.

It's unlikely the ad hoc militia dumbasses in the video pay much attention to Goldberg, so there's that, but hey, you never know, and it's not like he wouldn't have wanted to pass along his message to these folks...

I Need a New Name

I'm tired of this one. A long time ago there was a Rename Retardo thread at Sadly, No! and I contributed these:

Mr. October
Awlay Rofessorpay
Homo Irockita
Habeas Dorkus
William Redquist
AJP Gaylord
Axis of Weevils
Substance McGravitas
Serious O’Thoughtful
Major General Respectable Van Yesiagree
History’s Greatest Munster
A Boy Named Francine
Cookies for Everyone!
I Like Pie!
Harcourt Brace
Chuck U. Farley
Iron Fistula
Red and Expert
The Man from Nantucket
Nostrildamus
John Q. Pubic
The Sound and the Furry
Corinthian Leatherneck
The Great White “HELP!”
Land of 1000 Dunces
The Puffington Host

I haven't even touched the JanusNode yet...but I kind of like Serious O'Thoughtful.

It's a Harsh Realm Dude

Some stupid asshole at Big Hollywood writes:

What really bugs me is, I’m not that political. I have political opinions, yes. But my politics can’t be fit into any one category. My politics is that I hate politics. Both parties have screwed up this country in some way. So I’m an independent. Always have been. I’m basically a libertarian, but I don’t agree with everything libertarians believe. I’m conservative in some areas, liberal in others. Basically, I’m my own man. Why should I bow down to anyone’s agenda if I don’t agree with everything? Why should anyone? No side is 100% right. We’re all human and that means none of us have all the answers. Yet some people today will attack you if you dare to say anything not on that invisible list of stupid ideas they call leftism. Dare to disagree and you’re likely to be called all kind of nasty things. Maybe even ostracized in some fashion.

I have here in my hand an invisible list of two hundred and five precepts that were known to Karl Marx as being crucial to the Democratic Party and which are still working and shaping the ridicule of people who are meaner than you. And according to these precepts you are a big crybaby.

Things Are Going So Well That We'll All Be Rich

Michael Barone on his party's future:

But my examination of the exit poll results and county-by-county election returns has led me to conclude tentatively that [Republicans] going upscale is the right move. As David Frum has pointed out, we're going to have more well-educated and millennial-generation voters in the future and fewer less-educated and Baby Boomers (among whom McCain ran even).

So, Republicans are banking on the fact that education works, therefore they should aim at the elite instead of yokels?

One Step Behind

Pam on the Pajamas Media debacle:

Can you imagine if I were given 20% of what was invested in PJM? I am one person. No assistants, no interns, no editors, nuthin. I would have had bands of free men roving the world reporting into Atlas central. TV, video, newsletters, action alerts, campaign headquarters -- serious ass whuppin.

Yes I can imagine, Pam, yes I can:


Also, let me ruin this song: