Saturday, August 28, 2010

Oprah is Divine!

Men are fags:
When did men in America go from being masculine steak-eating, plaid shirt wearing, Old Spice smelling, cigar smoking cowboys who like football, hunting, and Clint Eastwood movies to skinny jean wearing, satchel carrying, pierced ear metrosexuals who like chick flicks, “The View,” and Bath & Bodyworks? The American man is an endangered species due in large part to the over-feminization of society.
Clearly America's manliness index must be bolstered by an influx of no-nonsense chick-punching immigrants.

Read the whole thing. It is funny, you worthless weaklings and/or castrating viragos. Comments are entertaining too.

Noted by res.

19 comments:

Willy said...

No man leaves a seat up nowadays. Men are pussies because Juno won an Oscar.

This is especially mangoey:
"Feminists have slayed the real man by suppressing his desires for adventure, beauty, and competition, his yearning for greatness and excitement."

Yeah, nothing about women is adventurous, beautiful, or exciting. That this article was written by a woman invokes a multiplier when scoring Teh Crazee.

Substance McGravitas said...

Early on, boys’ innate masculinity is suppressed by banning competitive, rough games like dodge ball and tag on the playground, having co-ed teams, not keeping score in soccer games, and rewarding passive, demure behavior.

Boys are really missing out on bloody heads on pikes.

M. Bouffant said...

My masculine identity will require me to slap that bee-otch silly w/ my "satchel" if I ever get the opportunity.

How's the Canadian Masculinity Index doing, by the way?

Substance McGravitas said...

We got bears guarding our dope. We are masculine outlaws.

Poppy fields ARE kinda effeminate though.

tigris said...

Sister, there are still lots of smelly, arteriosclerotic couch blobs who wear flannel shirts and cowboy hats in this country. Knock yourself out.

Smut Clyde said...

Old Spice smelling

So adorning one's person with one manufacturer's fragrance is a sign of masculinity. Other fragrances -- not so good.
I am not going to read. I am going to walk not run to the nearest exit.

Also in the absence of Grammar Zombie it devolves upon me to point out that the past participle of 'slay' is 'slain'. Some dictionaries will accept "have slayed" but this is only due to MODERN DECADENCE.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

SLAYER!
~

Smut Clyde said...

Maybe men have given up on showing their masculinity because they can't be bothered shopping for just the right clothes, fussing over their diet, and generally titivating their appearance. It sounds like a lot of trouble.

I have to say that if I found myself amongst men dressed in the manner for which the author is nostalgic, I'd assume that I'd wandered into a gay bar.

tigris said...

I have to say that if I found myself amongst men dressed in the manner for which the author is nostalgic, I'd assume that I'd wandered into a gay bar.

Unless they smelled like Old Spice, in which case it would be an anosmic convention.

J— said...

not keeping score in soccer games

There's a big slip. The problem here isn't the score. Real Americas male and female do not play soccer.

ckc (not kc) said...

...not keeping score in soccer games...

Is there scoring in soccer games?

J— said...

Only when Chelsea plays.

mikey said...

Ok, I dunno about a lot of this stuff. Flannel shirts and Old Spice? Seriously? Who cares.

But we're gonna have to fight over you're whole "satchel" horseshit.

In 1994 I bought an Apple Newton Messagepad. It was part and parcel of my fascination with computers and devices that could do amazing, intelligent things, and I had to have just about anything that moved the technological bar.

But here's the problem. Pockets. Or, as Tolkein would prefer , Pocketses. You wanna carry a netbook, a book, a firearm, an edged weapon, an iPod, a camera, a phone and various other accouterments that life and interest require and you're shy about carrying a purse, you're just an idiot.

That's right. I said a purse. That's what it is, it's just a word, don't be afraid. I've been carrying SOMETHING since that spring day in '94 when I bought that Newton and couldn't figure out another way to carry it with me.

It takes a certain kind of ignorant insecurity to be so fearful that you wouldn't avail yourself of the most efficient, effective and valuable urban tool since the straight razor.

I'd rather have my shit together, thanks very much.

What an idiot...

Substance McGravitas said...

I just have a bulging jacket, if you know what I mean. But yes, I refer to it as my purse.

Smut Clyde said...

Who steals mikey's purse, steals trash, for I am trying to insult his tastes in computers.

I just have a bulging jacket
Is that like a smoking jacket?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Obviously, she never got the memo about John Wayne

Rusty Shackleford said...

That vagina in Slayer is wearing a Raiders t-shirt. A LOS ANGELES Raiders t-shirt. He might as well be wearing a little pink girly underpants tutu.

N__B said...

Who steals mikey's purse, steals trash, for I am trying to insult his tastes in computers.

The first-gen Newts were the epitome of computerness. They seemed cool beyond belief, did nothing actually useful, and caused people to point and laugh.

I miss mine. And I was insane enough to set up it using a PC running OS/2.

mikey said...

The first-gen Newts were the epitome of computerness. They seemed cool beyond belief, did nothing actually useful, and caused people to point and laugh.

You forgot "...and cost a thousand dollars".

But remember how COOL it was when you ran into someone else with one at a party and spent an hour beaming stuff back and forth?

And as for doing nothing useful, two words for you:

Grocery. List.

Hah!