*Or "I took a silly picture."
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RAGE BEFORE BEAUTY
About Me
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2009
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May
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- Not Getting It
- Time to Waste Time
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- The History of Germany
- Dick Cheney: Unassuming Defender of the Helpless
- The Boy Who Cried Puppy
- Poems I Always Hated
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- Fifteen Paragraphs, Eighteen Sentences
- Etymology
- He Must Have Done Something Disgraceful
- Troubled With Thick-Coming Fancies
- Did You See This Guy?
- ATTACKS!
- Asking For It
- Granny Evolution: Trippy
- Civilized Disagreement
- Al Gore: Genocidal Maniac
- Shorter Burt Prelutsky*
- Lectures
- Stagger Around the World
- Can't Tell the Players Without a Program of Torture
- Let the Teabagging Begin!
- The Two Categories
- Fingernails+Chalkboard=Fun
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- Why Are Zombies Popular?
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May
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Free Things
For most folks:
Edit images with The GIMP
Draw with Inkscape
Record and edit sound with Audacity
Make nonsense with JanusNode
Replace Microsoft shit
Here are around 2000 rss feeds for your reader of choice.
For Mac folks:
Edit text with Textwrangler
Everything is easier with Quicksilver
For Windows folks:
Automate everything with AutoHotkey
Use Launchy instead of navigating folders
Edit images with The GIMP
Draw with Inkscape
Record and edit sound with Audacity
Make nonsense with JanusNode
Replace Microsoft shit
Here are around 2000 rss feeds for your reader of choice.
For Mac folks:
Edit text with Textwrangler
Everything is easier with Quicksilver
For Windows folks:
Automate everything with AutoHotkey
Use Launchy instead of navigating folders
38 comments:
Is this one of those cans of Whup Arse that Ace of Spades is always yammering about? One opens it and the other person says "Oh Shit" when they recognize the fabulousness of the argument and the fact that it smells like poop.
In case there is doubt about what these actually are, they are bingo dabbers, a crucial tool in the sport of the elderly.
I must confess to failing this week's "What is it?" photo competition.
They might sell quite well at universities who have a lot of multi-choice exams. Obviously most universities teach The Black Arts these days so they have practical exams of turning people into squirming butt badgers so bingo dabbers will be needed there.
Or even not be needed
But are these cheap imports as good as the Italian-made original?
If I survive to be elderly I shall definitely go around dabbing bingos at random.
Your website would benefit vastly from more jumping Tourettes granny .gifs. That is all.
Hmm. That's doable, but might require a little leg-straightening of the grannies, which is a painful painful procedure.
Heh.
That granny could be photoshopped onto a toilet, no sweat.
But then she'd be pooping through her dress. Yucko.
Granny has to be animated and leaping. She is competing with Thers' wrathful gnomes.
She would destroy the gnomes no problem.
And then that Thers would know what's what. Poltroon.
"Oh Shit!" mikey shouted, an abrupt ejaculation (heh heh heh) of consternation and disgust.
Startled, the assembled masses (there are always masses assembled in mikeyworld, otherwise there's very little point to being mikey)cried out "What's wrong, mikey?"
In a voice equal parts resignation and jubilation, mikey replied "I got Artist's Poop in my Bingo Dabber"....
Well, you get the table to yourself.
might require a little leg-straightening of the grannies
Clearly you have never worked in a morgue. If you can't wait for the rigor mortis to relax, well, there are ways.
The bodies of the Grannies were found in shallow graves behind the single-wide trailer on the property belonging to a man identified only as "Bubba, Righteous".
A source close to the investigation has informed mikey-at-eleven that the legs of the grannies were "oddly straightened". More as we learn it...
Oh. And please advise the Captcha Overlords that I am not, nor have I ever been, a "faigan"...
mikey
Kiwi at eleven can report that the oddly straight grannies were involved in an artist shit-in-a-can deal gone wrong.
Spokesman Fred Ecal of the Bubbaville Sheriffs department said "You are long haired, hippy no-goods and should get the hell out".
This reporter took that sage advice.
Zombie Grannies come seeking revenge.
Twilight Homes of the Dead!
Jesus Christ I went and checked out The Gnomes of Thers. Give me a minute.
The leaping Grannies will inflame Burt. All heck will break loose
Very classy.
Does the prevaricating poltroon know about this?
Possibly. Triumphant comment left.
I dunno. I think I still gotta give it to the Gnomes. The Grannies are leaping in a synchronized, coordinated fashion while the Gnomes leap with a less rigid syncopation that imbues them with a certain special kind of annoying chaos that makes them difficult to even count.
Couldn't you insert some measure of leap-delay between grannies two and three? Or even make each Grannie her own .gif with a different frame rate so there was utter randomness? Huh huh, that'd be cool.
C'mon, it's not like you have anything better to do, right?
They should be jumping up and down on Burt's head.
It truly is a shame that Geocities is going.
Reminds my of the Rocky and Bullwinkle show, for some reason. Soooo much better than that sad, sad gnome. I did like his leprechaun, though.
I assure I can MAKE GRANNIES CATER TO MY WHIMS. You'll have to wait a few hours though...
Be careful of their hips, I hear those things are like glass. Also, I expect the grannies to looked suitably shamed.
I cannot knock the leprechauns. There's a high entertainment-per-pixel value there.
Sorry, Bubba. I can't pander to the Grannies because I believe their political ideology is correct. They still have to perform on the animated .gif stage of my browser, and the gnomes just brought more, well, SPICE to the leaping and jumping and hopping and carousing and hooting and...
I'm sorry, where was I. Sarah Palin animated .gif spraddle-legged yosemite sam tantrum spittle-spewing ragegasm huh?
Yeah. It's like that.
Oh baby YOU, you got what I need...
Be careful of their hips, I hear those things are like glass.
Hips? Glass? Well I happen to believe that grannies are smuggling neodymium-doped glass laser rods around the country, concealed as artificial femurs, hence the fragility.
You may scoff about my warnings now, but just try cutting back on social security and we'll see who's laughing then.
The Social Security Services render you to a burlap couch and force castor oil down your throat.
Did I say "artificial femurs"? I meant "artificial lemurs".
You sure it wasn't "superficial dreamers"?
It was unofficial feelers, wasn't it?
Jeebers Crisp, theys scary little fuckers, them Gnomes.Phegnomenally one might say, if one had severe head injuries.
I think its the motion lines that get me.
Pontificial steamers.
Captcha says that the gnomes have gortion lines.
Two-Jug screamers.
My tribe
Fart-missile schemers.
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