Saturday, July 21, 2012

Demure

The Lovely Daughter liked Brave very much. Perhaps she would enjoy a doll:
A quick Internet search indicates that Mattel’s other Merida dolls aren’t much better. Their 13-inch fashion doll version is priced at $17.95. You will notice the incredibly long eyelashes, the impeccably groomed eyebrows, the rosebud lips, the gentle expression, and the dainty body language. Also, she is wearing the dress Merida is depicted as hating in the movie, for she is obliged to wear a restrictive corset beneath it.

For a few dollars more ($20.99), Mattel also offers a “Gem Styling Merida Doll,” dressed for archery … and sparkly fashion fun.

The product description on Amazon explains that girls can “decorate Merida’s hair or outfit with sparkly gems,” and that “girls will love reenacting their favorite scenes from the movie.” (Um, sorry, Mattel – there are no gem styling scenes in the movie. Poor Merida!)

15 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

Is there a part in the movie where she Bedazzles her vagina? Because I will feel jipped if there isn't.

Substance McGravitas said...

Silly! That would not be true to the character either because Merida would have the wild and unruly fuzzy bush present on the very earliest Barbies.

vacuumslayer said...

I honest-to-gosh laughed out loud.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Did somebody say, "the wild and unruly fuzzy bush"?
~

mikey said...

Man, I can't believe how bad they're blowing it. I mean, if we've learned nothing else, we've learned that we LOVE us some tough, lethal redheads. I mean, what, if they made an Alice doll she'd come with sparkly gems to decorate her Kukri knives?

Holy crap, check it out, there IS an Alice doll!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lBqDhYM9g30/TuTDha5BaAI/AAAAAAAAtyA/VLsXXl-X9UE/s640/905_alice.jpg

vacuumslayer said...

I've done a couple of Alices.

vacuumslayer said...

Did somebody say, "the wild and unruly fuzzy bush"?

Dude. I just ate.

wiley said...

ZOMG! What's marketed to parents is weirder than what's marketed to kids. The "Are you a helicopter parent" quiz embedded in that article is baffling.

Here are some of my answers (some jokes most not):

When your baby drops a cookie on the floor, you:

Let the dog and baby vie for it. (I would intervene if it got ugly but that wasn't an option)

When your 12-year-old needs to create a science project and diorama for school, you:

Do nothing. It's his project, not yours.
 (I would be available for direction about what resources were available and a budget if necessary but limited availability wasn't an option)

When your preschoolers go to a neighborhood Easter egg hunt you:

Talk with the other parents and never notice if the kids have collected eggs or not. (not really because PRESCHOOLERS, I'd watch them and would probably enjoy it--- it's a great way to see where your kids at it in a group hunting experience)

Your toddler takes his shoes off while playing outside. You:

Vicariously glory in the feeling of grass between the toes.

When your baby starts to crawl, you:

Assay his play areas and buy some outlet covers and install them yourself and lock up the most dangerous cabinet filled with cleaning supplies.

You do your teen-aged son’s laundry

Never; he’s old enough to do that.

When your 9-year-old tells you he'd like to ride the subway alone from school to your apartment, you:

Realize he's mature and might be ready, talk to him carefully about the routes and what to do if there's a problem, give him a cell phone and some money, and let him do it. (depends on the kid, though)

Your high school sophomore moans that she has an assignment due next week. Your response is:

Nothing. It's homework. I don’t do homework; plus, kids are “digital natives” these days, so she should be able to do the work.

You plan your child’s day:

As appropriate around your own schedule.

When your son is 15 1/2 – old enough for a driver's permit. You:

have chosen a life in the city for just this eventuality – he can ride public transit and not have to get drive a car ... ever.

Bearing in mind that "Allot them an army blanket, matches, and a Swiss Army knife and tell them not to come home until they catch a rabbit" was never an option and wonder at the result:

You are a top gun chopper pilot
Congratulations!

You are a decorated helicopter parent and have every detail of your child's life in your sights; you aim to single-handedly mow down all barriers to your child's success and happiness. Just remember, the point is teaching the kids to fly.

As far as I can tell, being open to discussion with issues that your kid brings up is being a "helicopter pilot", though tell the kid "Fuck you, I'm not interested in your problems" was not an option.

It seems sometimes that some nebulous group of people benefit by telling parents that they can't win for losing.

Substance McGravitas said...

I've done a couple of Alices.

[*blinks*]

Substance McGravitas said...

It seems sometimes that some nebulous group of people benefit by telling parents that they can't win for losing.

Absolutely. There's a market you can scare into buying things.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

thunder is very hostile these days.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

mikey was so excited about the Alice doll, he couldn't even manage to make it a lonk.

Smut Clyde said...

Holy crap, check it out, there IS an Alice doll!
For some reason I thought of this Alice.

Smut Clyde said...

It seems sometimes that some nebulous group of people benefit by telling parents that they can't win for losing.

Christopher Lasch was writing books about that in the 1980s.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

OT, but after a decade or so of valiant duty, my old HP plotter is starting to make interesting noises, like it is going steampunk or something. Maybe the Fornit has gone belly-up. i may need a new large-format.

Anybody got any reccos for a 24 inch roll feed large format printer that is not too expensive? I don't do a ton of printing in house.