Is It Over?

Leftist Marriage Doesn't Work

Nancy French at the Corner:

But William and Kate hadn’t even had time to return the duplicate toaster gifts to Harrod’s, when our collective marriage-euphoria was punctured by news of the dissolution of the marriage of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver.

[..]

And it looked like it was working. It was one of Hollywood’s longest marriages, a left-right pairing (or really left-far-left pairing) for which everyone rooted.

Can there be any peace in a Richard Cohen/Matthew Yglesias marriage?

A Little Knowledge: Good or Bad?

Andrew Stiles:

Now, heartless Republicans have their sights set on the mimes and accordionists of the world:

A Republican lawmaker on Wednesday grilled the chairman of the National Endowment of the Arts over grants to San Francisco mimes and an international accordion festival.

In this case I'd have to say that it's a good thing that Stiles knows so little that he falls back on the easy mime joke.

Psst! Saw the Mime Troupe once at Children's Fairyland where they TURNED ALL THE KIDS GAY.

Coalition Politics is Hard

You are what you define yourself to be:

Nick Clegg has backed a decision by the home secretary, Theresa May, not to open Britain's borders to migrants fleeing the turmoil in Libya and North Africa.

[...]

Clegg paid tribute to the 1951 UN convention on refugees, saying it had saved millions of lives and adding that "the measure of any civilised society is how it treats the voiceless".

Apparently British vessels have been launching Tomahawk missiles at Libya. They cost over a half-million dollars per unit, which is expensive, so it is understandable that getting refugees housed and fed is beyond the UK's means in the present time of austerity.

Inspirational Writings

Get the fucking poem writ
Just sit right down and type the shit
And make it motherfucking rhyme
Lest your fat ass find it's kicking time

--

Left here for some reason.

Sex: BAD

Jeannie DeAngelis:

Who better to expound on the institution of marriage than a promiscuous, never-been-married Hollywood liberal out promoting a movie about an oversexed teacher “saving up cash for a boob job?”

I dunno Jeannie? WHO? Newt Gingrich?* The Pope? YOU?

[Cameron] Diaz’s thoughts on traditional marriage were a perfect promotional segue for her new movie “Bad Teacher.” After demeaning a God-ordained institution, wanton schoolmarm Diaz set her sights on glorifying her role as a bawdy middle school teacher who probably makes child predator/stellar educators Mary Kay Letourneau and Debra LaFave both look like Teacher of the Year.

“Lying seductively across a desk in a thigh-high miniskirt and red stilettos in a clutter-filled classroom,” Cameron graced the pages of the rude men’s magazine [Maxim]. Referring to the movie “Bad Teacher,” the publication declares: “It’s not every day that one of the world’s biggest movie stars offers to fulfill your schoolboy fantasies. But then Cameron Diaz is not your average movie star… Miss Diaz, we’ve been bad, bad boys!”

Thank you Jeannie DeAngelis, I am now convinced that I should spend no more time on Cameron Diaz than, um, the budget and the bandwidth allows for. Oh, and marriage is, um, I forget. Sexy teacherish or something?

*Not stolen wholesale from Thundra in comments I swear!

Lives of Quiet Desperation

Click if you must:

Career possibilities

• Accountant
• Events Coordinator
• Computer & Network Security Manager
• Urban Planner
• Financial Analyst
• Project Manager
• Library Technician
• Strategic Planner
• Tourism Manager

The Flash banner at the site has a cute girl smiling in the breeze. She is beyond your reach, Mr. Conventional.

Jokes

Ezra Dulls:

[...] here are some highlights of the “jokes” [Seth] Meyers almost used onstage [at the White House Correspondents' Dinner]:

• So, have you heard about those Republicans? Yeah, I hate them and I think they’re stupid.
• The funniest thing about Obama is how SO MANY people don’t get how cool and smart and physically attractive he is.
• Q: Why did the blonde get confused by an ordinary household object? A: Cuz she was a Republican. And Republicans are stupid.
• “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Republicans.” “Republicans who?” “Republicans sure are stupid and evil.”
• So, a Republican walks into a bar, and I get super upset.
• A black man, a Hispanic, and a Jew enter a bar. They all say in turn, “Voting Republican would make us traitors to our races!”
• So, what’s the deal with the Tea Party? Is it racist, or is it SUPER racist?

My apologies, his last name is spelled DULIS.

Does the following make more sense now?



Also two jokes walk into a bar. The bartender says DON'T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY.

Hail

The weather has gone funny again, which gives me an excuse to post a video with a soundtrack extracted from the never-ending bus-and-now-plane project.



Spot the guest vocal appearance! No no, not The McGravitas Attention Span, he never makes it to the studio on time.

Odin is a Four-Letter Word

From a review of Thor by some Big Hollywood dope:

The crash rendered him without his magical hammer named Mjolnir (what IS it with all the convoluted names, too? They’re hard to understand, which only adds to the emotional coldness of the film)

I do not know: what is that about? WHY DID THEY CHOOSE THOSE FUNNY NAMES FOR THINGS?

In other Big Hollywood news, Kurt Loder thinks a gig is a gig I guess.

The First Problem

John Nolte:

There are two major problems with director Peter Weir’s “The Way Back,” a film “inspired” by the incredible story of seven prisoners who escape from a Soviet gulag circa 1940 only to discover that 4500 miles of hostile terrain lies between them and freedom. The first problem is that the story feels like one big anachronism. We’re twenty-plus years past the Cold War and, in the form of Islamic terrorism, facing an entirely new and different kind of evil. The point of telling this story decades after it might have actually done some good for the millions who died in these Siberian death camps is never made clear.

Anti-Socialist Anti-Islamist Realism is a stern taskmaster.

What Might Have Been

Yesterday in non-news:

Former Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar says he was offered the chance to replace Steven Tyler as the frontman of Aerosmith but that he turned down the opportunity because it would have been a difficult transition.

Hagar tells Forbes magazine he has been approached over the years to join a string of top bands. "I was asked at one time to be in Motley Crue," he says. "I was asked at one time to be in Pantera by their managers. I was asked to be in Velvet Revolver when Scott Weiland quit."

[...]

Hagar suggests he would not have done Tyler's distinctive vocals justice, and takes a swipe at David Lee Roth, the man he replaced in Van Halen. He adds, "It was easy because Dave wasn't a great singer."

Other groups Sammy Hagar passed up:

Devo
The Travelling Wilburys
White Stripes



Come on lil' Piplups! I know you can poop on Sammy's head if you try.

The Best Places to Mother

Source.

Up Next: Weaponized Jokes

Here is a headline, the gravity of which is making my monitor tilt:

Shocker: ‘Daily Show’ Writer Wrote Obama’s Trump Attack

Hey, maybe BH was being a little jokey, but um, probably not.

Well That Was Surprising

Tory majority. We'll suffer through four or five years of penny-pinching mean-spiritedness for masses, buying fighter jets and building prisons so the elite can feel powerful. How bad can it get? I am not really sure of that.

Of course I blame the Green Party.

The Bottom Twenty

In one of those relentless updates to iTunes in which nothing good happens an at-work library file was lost (although songs were not). So for some completely stupid reason I decided the songs re-imported into the library, being relatively new adds, should all be listened to five times as most of the others were well worn. The task is almost finished, and these songs are the bottom 20 that the iTunes shuffle left until last.

So iTunes discriminates against nostalgia in general and country music in particular.

Free At Last | Antony & The Johnsons
Fratres | Arvo Pärt
Tabula Rasa | Arvo Pärt
When I'm Sixty-Four | The Beatles
On To the Show | The Beau Hunks
Under the Anheuser Busch | Billy Murray
Mental Cruelty | Buck Owens and Rose Maddox (substitute hasn't got the verve)
Le Freak | Chic
Marriage | DRI
Miller's Cave | Hank Snow
What's The Good Word Mr. Bluebird? | The Hoosier Hot Shots (no suitable link exists so here is a horrifying video)
El Pito (I'll Never Go Back To Georgia) | Joe Cuba
What's Golden | Jurassic 5
Mama Tried | Merle Haggard
Where Eagles Dare | Misfits
(You've Got) The Magic Touch | The Platters
Next To You | The Police
Poor Folks Town | Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton
Beat On The Brat | Ramones
How My Yodelling Days Began | Wilf Carter (you'll have to make do with a song about a DEAD DOG)

Voting Day

Remind T&U. The lovely daughter will be helping me vote, and she has been trained to say "Conservatives are mean" in the cutest way possible.

Free Time Sweepstakes

All sounds courtesy an alternate version of this, which I heard recently and thought would be easy to chop up and reorganize since it's pretty much a one-key bluesy jam. Turns out my attention span is not quite up to recomposing it; I found a bit I liked and stuck with it. Feel free to add DOPE RHYMES.

Photoshopportunities

A headline:

Breitbart Dominates Maher on 'Real Time'

Video at the link, if you have the strength for it. I do not.

Problem Solved!

Some follow-up:

The spate of suicides made headlines around the world. Last May, seven young Chinese workers producing Apple iPads for consumers across the globe took their own lives, prompting an investigation into working conditions at the Foxconn factory in Shenzhen, southern China.

[...]

One year on, swaths of anti-suicide netting surround the huge worker dormitories in Shenzhen.

It's all about innovation.

Maybe they could clean out that netting though.