Monday, March 4, 2013

The First Time

News of the Godly*:
Cardinals were treated like rock stars as they entered the Vatican on Monday morning, with television crews swarming around the red-capped churchmen and their handlers pushing their way through the crowds.

"A Latin American Pope is possible, everything is possible!" said Portuguese Cardinal Jose Saraiva Martins as he entered.

The core agenda item is to set the date for the conclave and set in place procedures to prepare for it, including closing the Sistine Chapel to visitors and getting the Vatican hotel cleared out and de-bugged, lest anyone try to listen in on the secret conversations of the cardinals.

But a date may not be agreed upon Monday as the dean of the College of Cardinals, Cardinal Angelo Sodano, has said the date won't be finalized until all cardinals have arrived in Rome.

The first day of discussion was again rocked by revelations of scandal, with Scottish Cardinal Keith O'Brien admitting that he had engaged in sexual misconduct not befitting a priest, archbishop or cardinal.

O'Brien last week resigned as archbishop of St. Andrews and Edinburgh and said he wouldn't participate in the conclave after four men came forward with allegations that he had acted inappropriately with them — the first time a cardinal has stayed away from a conclave because of personal scandal.
You never forget your first time.

*Phrase stolen from Harry Shearer.


mikey said...

"...not befitting a priest..."

Hokay then. That seems just a little ambiguous.

This whole "Cardinals in Rome" deal pisses me off - I've just never been a Saint Louis fan...

Smut Clyde said...

What kind of sexual misconduct is befitting a priest, archbishop or cardinal?
[/rhetorical question]

Substance McGravitas said...

The kind you don't get caught at.

OBS said...

The kind you don't get caught at.

I think they're less worried about that and more worried that the "conduct" was with other priests instead of just the usual little kids.

Getting caught raping a few kids now and then is routine at this point, but trying to get some action from another priest? No way buster, that's just a step too far.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I have a fwiend in Wome!

Anonymous said...

at some point in their lives a priest is just a little kid. some parents need to provide the tykes with a genitally accurate coloring book and a tazer. fuck dinner invitations. fuck makin momma proud.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am still kind of wondering WHICH phrase was stolen from Harry Shearer.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Oh wait. I see you added the missing asterisk. Ignore that previous.

Although I am considering working up a prog-rock concept album called "The Missing AsterisK" No you don't get royalties, because I capped that last K.

Smut Clyde said...

Fewer conclaves and more autoclaves!

fish said...

What kind of sexual misconduct is befitting a priest, archbishop or cardinal?

mortification of the flesh