Funnyman Greg Gutfeld plugs his new laff-riot book:

The Joy of Hate focuses on the hypocrisy of modern tolerance — that it thinly disguises a growing, acceptable intolerance for the things that made America super-awesome. The origin of this phony intolerance springs from one source: the desire to be cool. Everything done in life these days springs from a fear of dorkiness. I called this "dorkophobia," and every time you use it, I get three dollars. Despite the fact that it’s the uncool who make the trains run on time, it's the cool to get the cred.

Consigned to the ranks of the uncool ONCE AGAIN:

The definition of cool: mass popularity without much achievement.

Looking for cool? GO NO FURTHER:

It's how Obama got elected. Ask anyone who voted for him, "Why did you do it?" and the convoluted, wide-eyed answer will ultimately be translated into: "He's cool and that other guy wasn't." The media pushed this to the hilt; and much of the public bought it; giving stuff away is cool — especially when it's others people stuff — and perceived as philanthropic.

Following the "it's always projection" rule here creates a sad sad picture of a sad sad man...so let's let this Painter of Right fill in the details:

So what is perceived as cool, when it's really the opposite?

- Bureaucrats spawned in teacher's lounges chiseling at your income, to the cheers of a pliant media

I read about that in Vice!

- Creating dependency as a romantic lifestyle, independent of achievement
- Ridiculing women, minorities, and gays who reject the culture of dependency
- Fake work that doesn't require building, moving or doing things. In 2008, a community organizer beat a war hero who spent years in a prison camp. Apparently that's cool.
- Movements that reject American values in favor of American guilt (Occupy)
- Anti-Americanism as a needy appeasement to our international adversaries
- Hero worship of celebrities based on artificial edginess (Johnny Depp is not really a pirate)

That, friends, is comedic clarity on the order of Cal Thomas after a blood transfusion. There's more of course, but I'm tired of this and there are other things to do. So:

Why aren't conservatives cool? Why are they perceived as intolerant when it's the other side who are truly the hateful ones? It's a fair question.

It's true! They are the tolerant ones! Whether you're slaveholder or slave a conservative will LEAVE YOU ALONE.