Sunday, August 5, 2012

Vanilla

Jay Nordlinger:
“Vanilla,” they say. [Ohio Senator Rob] Portman is “vanilla.” What a bizarre putdown, in more ways than one. First, as I’ve said before, vanilla is one of the best and most beloved flavors in the world! Any yogurt-buyer knows there’s a big difference between plain and vanilla. Couple of months ago, I was in the grocery store, hurrying, and mistakenly picked up plain instead of vanilla. After the first bite, I almost curdled and died.
WAIT UNTIL THE TOFU DISASTER.
Furthermore, isn’t this charge of “vanilla” a kind of . . . hate speech, as the Left would say? Where are the language cops? You also hear, “Can’t have two white guys on the ticket.” Oh? What if someone said, “Can’t have two black guys,” or, “Can’t have two Hispanic guys”? Would that be kosher? Why can’t people simply be people, without regard to race, ethnicity, or sex?
Or boringness? I think it's in the constitution.

11 comments:

Brendan Keefe said...

Jesus Christ. The ability of these people to find a way to take offense never fails to amaze me.

Nice to know Jay Zzzzz equates "plain" with "white," though, although it admittedly is by his estimation the bad kind of white.

(Your response to that part was way better.)

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Any yogurt-buyer knows there’s a big difference between plain and vanilla.

Damn straight, the vanilla goes really poorly with cucumber, garlic and dill.

It's funny how ready they are to parade their stupidity before all the world. Also, what kind of grown man gets all emo and shit about fucking yogurt?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I've had the opposite experience. I don't want flavored yogurt with sugar in it.

Also, as an O-HI-Owe-an, I can assure you all that Rob Portman isn't just boring. He's a malicious Koch-head.
~

Smut Clyde said...

what kind of grown man gets all emo and shit about fucking yogurt?

I can't recommend it either. Terribly messy.

J Neo Marvin said...

I thought "vanilla" meant "not into S&M", which, if Portman is a typical 21st century Republican, I see no reason whatsoever to assume.

tigris said...

You also hear, "Can’t have two white guys on the ticket."

You do? I don't. And vanilla yogurt is a culture crime. They should make cilantro yogurt. Or ginger. Or cucumber. I could still only eat it as a minor condiment, but at least my gorge wouldn't rise at the very thought.

mikey said...

Y'all are freakin crazy.

Oatmeal with blueberries and vanilla yogurt is one of the better substances in the world, right up there with McGravs...

vacuumslayer said...

I read this and I get the feeling that even *he* know he phoned this one in.

Substance McGravitas said...

Soooo...you're saying he's on the phone all the goddamned time?

Smut Clyde said...

Did tigris ask for
cucumber yogurt?

Substance McGravitas said...

Waiting to click.