Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Wind Beneath Its Wings

Competing blogs may despoil the natural beauty and diversity of their lands in frippery-driven cherub-capturing expeditions, but here at Substance Laboratories™ more initially-environmentally-friendly solutions are at hand.

Using leftover pieces of Hitler, J. Vernon McGee, a Louisiana pancake batfish, Kathryn Jean Lopez, and three different kinds of potato chips we build the body of our subject in suitably chubby style. The potato chips work wonders here. Using patented Substance Laboratories™ Spiral Object Generation Technology™ we add a pair of wings and a discreetly hidden power generation unit and VOILA! We have available for shipping a directionally programmable* flying baby device — often meeting emissions standards demanded by certain countries — we call the Cherubstance™.


*A simple interface allows you to point it in the direction of your choice and in seconds it will usually be go in that direction.

5 comments:

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Whoa. Uh, I meant adding a crack pipe to the drag and drop.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I don't know those emissions will fly past California's standards.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

COUNTRIES. Is California a country? NO.

So it should be fine!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Nightmare fuel, pure nightmare fuel...

Smut Clyde said...

I am lost for words, even the normally-reliable words like "shoat" and "twinge".

Wordverf provides alternatives in the form of "ortalias above", referring to small birds in disguise.